Rise up, my brothers. No, not right now. Read this first.
I came across a video online recently – Love Me Long Time – Sex Tourism in Thailand. I was expecting a biased, critical hatchet-job on the disgusting sex tourists who head to Thailand as often as they can manage to shag bargirls.
Set on Koh Samui rather than in Bangkok, there was actually no preaching, just a series of western males and (pig-ugly, for some reason) Thai females talking to camera, interspersed with footage from the bars.
Justin, 33, hits the nail on the head:
My mum doesn’t seem to mind the fact that I come to Thailand. She knows that I have friends here. She probably prefers to leave it at that! My female friends seem quite amused by the idea. My female ex-girlfriends think it’s absolutely appalling, and aren’t I I’m a very sad man, and that’s probably the reason they’re not with me any more in the first place. But what the hell? It’s what I think that matters, anyway.
It’s easy (and commonplace) to dismiss western men in Thailand as being sleazy whoremongers, who are only in Thailand because they couldn’t attract women in their own country, couldn’t afford prostitutes in their own country, and have to resort to cheap prostitutes in a developing country in order to have any kind of sex life. And for some guys, it’s probably true.
But surely there’s more to this picture? Of course. Perhaps there’s one male English teacher in Thailand who’s here because he just enjoys teaching English to the Thais. Say hi from me if you ever meet him.
Joking aside, this is how we’re largely painted by the West. And it’s starting to really get on my nerves. So this is a semi-serious look at exactly what has motivated thousands of men to disrupt their lives and “up sticks” to Thailand – and countries like it.
Fellow blogger Smitty recently published an article in which he mentioned Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Let’s take a look at it:
Basically, humans take care of the needs at the bottom of the pyramid first, then once those needs are securely satisfied, we try to ascend up the pyramid to higher states of fulfillment.
Smitty wrote that Bangkok is an incredibly cheap city to achieve the former, and he’s correct. I’m taking a different angle myself though.
Look at the base level of the diagram again. Breathing. Food. Water. Sex. Sleep. Homeostasis. Excretion.
Whoa. Back up a little there. Sex. A basic physiological human need. And right now, across the western world, millions of men aren’t getting any.
Let’s not beat around the bush. Some of them (us?) really are social inadequates. Too ugly, too fat, too dull or just too plain embarrassing to attract a mate. They’re here, and we’ve all met them. I don’t consider myself amongst their number though, and I’m guessing you don’t either.
There are a lot of Western guys here who are young, at least reasonably good-looking, and successful in their careers. And yes, this is where I place myself. Flame away, internerds.
This fact alone kind of eliminates the catch-all smear that we’re all desperate sexual inadequates. For my own part, whilst I certainly suffered a few barren patches during my life in the UK, I also had several short-term and long-term relationships, and certainly had my fair share of one-night stands.
I even dated a couple of models. We’re not talking Vogue here, but women who were sufficently good-looking to make money from it. I’m not boasting by any means – just establishing my credentials, as it were. The point is that not one of them ever made me feel as alive and as appreciated as I do with an Asian (usually, in my case, Thai) girl.
I’m not just talking about bargirls, either. I’ve dated “good girls” in Bangkok, but at the moment I’m not doing so – by choice.
Whilst it’s trivial to hook up with a “good girl” in Thailand, it can often take weeks or months until she’s willing to “put out”. Some guys are happy to have the “girlfriend”, but still visit the bars in order to get regular sex while they’re waiting. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that, so I don’t bother at all.
After all, this is a country in which being single really can be enjoyable, without the worry of involuntary celibacy.
Girls Don’t Like Boys, Girls Like Cars And Money
It’s what they don’t do that makes you fall in love with them. They don’t scream and shout all the time. They don’t look at you like dirt if you come in five minutes late. They don’t demand the earth, and give nothing in return. And that’s the reason why I fall in love with them.
The prevailing attitude of Western women is one of “What can you offer me?”. It’s down to we men to prove that we are worthy, whilst women seem to behave as if they have nothing to prove themselves. The balance of power is firmly within the female grasp, and they know it. And don’t they love rejecting those men they deem as unworthy?
Compliment a British girl on her looks, and you’re probably going to get a sarcastic remark, or maybe a slap. “Yeah, I know I’m hot. So what? Fuck off”. Not always, of course. But far more often that it happens in this part of the world.
Because when you compliment a Thai girl on her looks, she’s grateful. She appreciates the gesture. And if she’s single, and you can speak a little Thai (or she can speak a little English), the chances are reasonably good that you’ll at least get her phone number and a lunch date. Maybe more.
There’s a huge stigma attached to prostitution in the West. A similar stigma applies in Thailand, although some tourists don’t realise it. Thai men tend to put up a mia noi in an apartment, or to visit the soapies to get their end away. Everything happens behind closed doors. Whilst nobody will deny that it exists, it’s treated with discretion. When they see a lovelorn farang walking down Sukhumvit, holding hands with a girl who’s obviously a prostitute, they can’t believe how coarse we are.
But at the end of the day, most sexual/romantic relationships have a financial element. And this is the point where western women get very, very angry. Let’s look at two extreme examples:
- Dave plucks Noi from a Nana Plaza gogo bar. They go to his room and have sex. Dave gives Noi some money. She leaves. If he likes her, he might get her number and call her again. Otherwise, he’ll shag someone else tomorrow.
- Darren settles down in the UK and marries Natalie. Darren works, Natalie is a housewife. They have sex regularly, although not as regularly as Darren would like. His salary goes into their joint bank account, from which Natalie finances her wardrobe, cosmetics, and an inordinate number of shoes. After some years, they divorce. Natalie receives half of Darren’s net worth. If they have kids, she gets custody of them, and may get to keep Darren’s house.
In both examples, the men are trading money for sex. The only difference, from a purely objective point of view, is the length of the contract and the amount payable. I prefer option one.
Back in England, the last three serious relationships I’ve had cost me an absolute fortune. The women have been – the ladies have been – particularly cruel during breakups. They’ve taken money off me left, right and centre, expecting me to pay for everything, and still had a scowl on their face at the end of the day. The ladies here are a lot more accommodating. And they’re a lot more honest and up-front. Now that might not be very poetical to people back in the UK, but I think most of the guys you meet out here would agree that the ladies here are a lot more decent. They treat you better.
“They never should’ve let them vote…”
You do meet (usually older) guys in this part of the world who I think go too far. The men who seem to genuinely believe that women shouldn’t have got the vote. That they belong in the kitchen by day, and the bedroom by night.
A friend tells a tale of an elderly gent he met in Cambodia, who was bitching about how much the UK has changed for the worse.
“Back in my day, there was no such thing as ‘date rape'”, he said. “Girls just got what they deserved”.
I hope we can agree that this is going too far. But in an era when Lorena Bobbitt was publicly heralded by feminists after cutting off her allegedly abusive husband’s penis with a carving knife (she served 45 days), where are the balances?
If a man were to gruesomely disfigure or remove his abusive wife’s genitals with kitchen utensils, he would (rightly) be imprisoned for a very, very long time. Men would not be holding him up as a role model.
But to challenge or rail against the gender roles in the West is to invite insults and anger. “Misogynist”. “Chauvinist”. “You just hate women”.
Leave for Thailand, and the inevitable thinly-veiled insults will follow you. “Sex tourist”. “Whoremonger”. “Can’t get laid at home”.
I have discovered that it is impossible to explain Thailand to anyone who hasn’t been here. “Why would I have sex with a girl who only wants my money?”, asked a pal in a pub in the UK as I tried to explain the Bangkok bar scene to him a while back. I didn’t answer – I just gave him an enigmatic smile, as he turned back to the fat white girl whose drinks and cigarettes he was paying for. You can’t win these arguments.
But I get the payoff every day here. I watch white women in Bangkok. At first they’re enchanted, cooing at the cute Thai kids on the streets, loving the cheap and tasty street food, and maybe even enviously admiring the beautiful Thai women.
But slowly and surely, they crumble. Because the more they see white men with Thai girls, the more angry and scared they become.
Their deal in the West is pretty peachy. Like women everywhere, they supply sex and companionship in return for what’s usually referred to as “security”, but which actually means “money”. They know what’s expected of them, and they know what they can get away with.
When they visit Thailand, and see women more beautiful than they are, supplying men with far more affection and happiness than they’d ever be willing to, they realise that they can’t compete. They’ve been outsourced.
One last pearl from Justin:
I see feminism has swung perhaps a little bit too far in the west. And because men have dared to go and try to make themselves happy, instead of being constantly barracked, there is prejudice – yeah. But all we are daring to do is get happy, and have some fun. Which seems to be okay for western women, but is a terrible thing for western men to want to do.
As of today, what are the choices for a discerning western gentleman, sick and fed up of being treated like a meal-ticket and getting very little out of the deal? If he’s unable to emigrate to (for example) Thailand, sadly the answer is “not much”.
Refusing to be treated in the way most western women treat their men is an invitation for scorn and celibacy. There will never be a shortage of horny men waiting to chat up your girlfriend. This is the way of the world.
If every man on earth grew a pair of cast-iron balls, and we rose up as one to say that we demand to be treated better, then maybe. But that’s not going to happen. The Men’s Liberation Army is not a global movement. It’s a handful, relatively speaking, of disenfranchised men who’ve searched the world for happiness, and found the women of South-East Asia.
When we try to share this relative utopia (Bangkok is NOT perfect by any means, but compared to Birmingham, Basildon or Basingstoke there’s no contest), we’re met with scorn, envy or both.
To the rest of the world: Sorry. We tried to tell you. You didn’t listen. But if you ever change your minds, come on over. The water’s lovely.