The Newbie’s Itinerary

Bangkok gogo girls

Things to do in Bangkok, yesterday

I’m often asked by newbies or first-timers what the absolute must-see attractions are in Bangkok. And, inevitably, my response is “it depends what you want to do”.

Some people will have more obviously different needs than others. A typical “ooh, dreadlocks!”, “ooh, henna tattoos!”, “ooh, banana pancakes!” backpack-laden Andrea-Dworkin-a-like is unlikely to appreciate the lesbian show at Suzie Wong, just as a typical “ooh, lager!”, “ooh, a fight!”, “ooh, donner kebab, extra chilli, no salad, cheers mate!” neanderthal type is unlikely to appreciate fine dining at Vertigo, at the Banyan Tree in Sathorn (which, incidentally, is expensive but very nice).

In short, whilst Bangkok has something to offer almost everyone, it also has an equally versatile capacity to irritate.

Since I tend to avoid the Khao San Road types if I can help it, I’ll tailor these suggestions to those visitors who aren’t averse to hitting the bars – feel free to offer up a couple of things to do that don’t involve chrome poles or mattresses.

Remember, these are recommendations to a tourist who’s going to be here for a week or two, and doesn’t know his way around. He probably don’t speak Thai either, so I’m sticking to places in the farang ghettos, where the staff are more likely to speak English. In no particular order:

  1. Nana Disco, Sukhumvit Soi 4 (BTS: Nana): At first glance, it’s as if you’re in a cheesy disco back home, albeit one stuffed wall-to-wall with hot girls in skimpy clothes. And then you come to the glorious realisation that all you really need to do is say “how much?”, and any one (or more) of them is yours for the night.
  2. Rainbow 4, Nana Plaza, Sukhumvit Soi 4 (BTS: Nana): Quite simply the most impressive gogo bar in Bangkok. Not necessarily the best, and it’s worth noting that there are no shows and no nudity. That said, nowhere else has quite the same jaw-dropping number of gogo girls.
  3. The Eden Club, Sukhumvit Soi 7/1 (BTS: Nana): I suspect this is going to be a contentious one, but given that a threesome is consistently placed #1 on every list of men’s sexual fantasies, it’s only right to list the easiest place in which to experience one.
  4. Baccara, Soi Cowboy, Sukhumvit Soi 21-23 (BTS: Asoke): In my opinion (and it’s only an opinion), this is Bangkok’s finest gogo bar. Take a seat upstairs, and watch some of the cutest girls on Soi Cowboy gyrate in (and out of) school uniforms.
  5. Suzie Wong, Soi Cowboy, Sukhumvit Soi 21-23 (BTS: Asoke): Get there for the nightly show. Four or five girls. Tongues. No clothes. ‘Nuff said. Show usually starts sometime after 10.30pm, but be prepared to wait longer on some nights than others.
  6. Angelwitch, Nana Plaza, Sukhumvit Soi 4 (BTS: Nana): Whilst old-timers and expats may complain that the shows are a little tame, and that it can get a little dull after you’ve seen the same shows time and time again, I’d suggest that a first trip to Angelwitch is an entertaining must-see for newbies.
  7. Tulip Sukhumvit Rd, nr corner Soi 38 (BTS: Thong Lo): Best oil massage experience in Thailand.
  8. Lolita’s, off Sukhumvit Soi 8 (BTS: Nana): Because it’s a BJ bar. And you probably haven’t been to one of those before.
  9. Gulliver’s, Sukhumvit Soi 5 (BTS: Nana): A relatively chilled-out bar with decent food, reasonably-priced beer and a bevvy of freelancers. Whilst I’ve never had a problem with any girls from here, it’s worth mentioning that if a freelancer misbehaves, there is no bar to complain to. Worst case scenario, she relieves you of your wallet and valuables while you sleep. No comeback. Like I said, it’s never happened to me, but worth bearing in mind. That said, if you’re the type who fancies the idea of “renting a girlfriend” for your whole stay (which I also wouldn’t recommend, but hey), this isn’t a bad place to make that deal.
  10. Annie’s (or any other soapie), Sukhumvit Soi 4/elsewhere (BTS Nana/elsewhere): If you’ve got any energy left, try a soapie. They don’t have these in Basingstoke. Annie’s is conveniently placed on Sukhumvit, reasonably cheap but unspectacular, and targets Western tourists (so the staff will speak English). Other options are Darling’s, on Sukhumvit soi 12 (BTS: Nana), and for the big-hitters, Poseidon – out on Ratchada, but easily accessible by MRT (Huay Kwang station) and is (by reputation – alarmingly, I haven’t yet been myself) the best soapie massage parlour in Thailand. Expect to pay ฿1,500-2000 at Annie’s or Darling’s, and anything from ฿2,000 to ฿18,000 at Poseidon (that top price range is for Penthouse magazine models. Really).

54 thoughts on “The Newbie’s Itinerary

  1. Although I do not want competition when I go in November…(ha)…I must say as long as you're checking out Nana Plaza, and if you're into that kind of thing, you might as well check out the Nana Hotel carpark around midnight on….

    You'll find some very friendly girls there if that's your fancy.

  2. I would have thought Long Gun might have been on there too, since you dodged the whole of Patpong/backpacker thing, as well as not name dropping Star of Light on the Lolitas side, if you liked Lolitas and wanted a little more.

  3. Yeah, I wanted to keep it to a round 10. Long Gun, although in dire need of a refurb, would have made a list of 20 for sure.

    I don’t think newbies should go anywhere near Patpong, at least until they’ve learned how to say “Don’t f*cking touch me” in Thai. Touts suck. As do backpackers.

  4. How DO you say "don't fucking touch me" in Thai?
    Also, "I already have a croaking frog, thank you very much" and "I'll only buy you a lady drink if you swivel in my lap while you drink it" and "I wouldn't buy you a lady drink even if you were a lady" translations would be useful for your hypothetical newbie.

  5. @Pants:

    “Ya jaap chip hai!”: “Don’t f*cking touch me!”.
    “Mii leaow, khrap”: “I have one already, thanks”.
    “Ta khun nang tini, khun deum dai”: “If you sit here (gesture towards your lap), you can have a drink”.
    “Phom chorp katoey mak mak, phom ja aow khun”: I like ladyboys very much, and I want to f*ck you.

    Tones and appropriateness (if that’s a word) are an exercise left to the reader.

  6. I think you have a very useful piece in gestation here.

    I'd have added the two a.m. parade of the freaks at the NEP as perhaps my number one must-see Newbie Attraction, except of course they'll probably have done a couple of the others before they get around to it. The Greatest Show On Earth, and it's free! Or the cost of a beer from a bucket of ice.

  7. I think you have a pretty good list. You might add Beergarden on Soi 7 for something to do in the afternoon. Also the bad boy corner of After School is an amazing experience.

  8. @shykey: 9am? Hmm. Eden opens around 12.30pm, I think the soi 7 beergarden gets going early afternoon too.  Even the "rub-n-tug" massage joints don't open until 11am or so at the earliest. You might head over to Lucky, an after-hours place in Pratunam. Mostly Thai scene, but it doesn't close until late morning. Everyone in there will have been partying all night, of course. Not all girls are "for hire", but you might get, er, Lucky.

    @Pants: It's an incredible spectacle, but the typical bloke with only one week in Bangkok is going to be tucked up in bed with his "tart(s) du jour" by 2am.

    @JB: True, but newbies can be easy prey for the less honest freelance girls, as I mentioned in the piece. Should have made that clear about Nana Disco, too. I'd put the beergarden 3rd after ND and Gullivers for freelancer action on Sukhumvit. 4th if you include the Nana Hotel car park.

  9. For many newbies the order in which you try these various delights is important too.  As a newbie it slowly dawns on you that the maxim 'too good to be true' doesn't apply here.  As you appreciate that it really can be as good as it seems your confidence grows.  Publishing a list of the best places ensures the newbie doesn't have a bad experience too early on is a great idea.  What might also be useful is a recommended 'order of play' to ease yourself into the scene.  Mine so far (I am still a relative newbie) has been – massage parlour – then soapie – then bj bar and finally Eden.  I have now come back to blighty for a spell and am working out my strategy for October and November when i am there next.  I have noticed in myself the trend so far to restrict my sexual adventures to 'away fixtures' saving myself the embarrassment of judgemental glances from the hotel staff who I greet every day with a smile. 
    Anyway, I am getting off the point a bit, but would be interested in knowing in what order others immersed themselves.

  10. @doctorbond; if you're getting judgemental glances (or are afraid of them) from hotel staff, you're staying at the wrong hotel! I've never had any problem at all – just the opposite. If you're smiling and happy and upfront about it, they react positively. I guess if you act guilty, they might judge you.

    And I still think the parade of the freaks is easily do-able in a week's entertainment; short-time before and after, for example (after involving a Suk Street takeaway, which I also think is a must for any newbie.)

    PS 3B my "useful piece" comment refrred to the phrasebook I was adding to before you excised it! This is already a useful piece. (*snip*)

  11. You're quite right Pants – I do need to steel myself to not LOOK guilty – it will come to me eventually – I must have looked at least 'apprehensive' the first time I entered any of the places I have already tried but was quite confident the second time

  12. @Rod: Er, what bkk22 said. Should be a magic link/box/something under the comment form. If not, drop me an email and I'll sort it.

    @doctorbond: Good call. I deliberately didn't put them in order, because that was going to be my next question 🙂

    @Pants: Phrasebook is still visible to me at least above. What's been excised? I haven't deleted any comments on this page. Are you back on the drugs again?

  13. how do I get a union jack next to my posts? that's the second comment I've left here and both have been accompanied by the stars'n'stripes!  I'm as american as a battered mars supper.

  14. Yeah, AOL just reallocated a bunch of their USA addresses to UK customers. So some UK-based AOL users are using American-registered addresses, at least according to my database. Same thing happened with WWW the other day. There'll be an update soon, I'm told. Sorry 🙁

  15. btw – where exactly is rainbow 4 in the NEP?  I was in a rainbow joint last month & it was a good night – busy + hot chicks.  didn't realise the rainbow group had 4 bars. 

  16. All four of the Rainbow bars are very similar indeed in terms of prices, standard of girls, and abundance of Japanese customers. I recommended Rainbow 4 on the list simply because it's the biggest, and arguably most impressive.

  17. Does anyone do reviews for Bangkok hotel that are realisc.
    when is the best time to visit Thailand (My new years 06,07 trip was a train wreck from hell).

  18. @Driving: Peak tourist time is "cool season" (aka "merely hot season", as opposed to "very hot season" and "hot and wet season") – November to March or so.

    I don't review Bangkok hotels, because I never stay in them. What went wrong on your last trip?

  19. @Driving – Try http://www.hoteltravel.com/… I don't mean to advertise for them but I use them all the time when I want to stay at a hotel in BKK… I find the reviews are somewhat unbiased, their response time is quick, and their prices seem to be below 'walk-in' costs for sure. However you got to remember, goes pretty much for everything, you usually get what you pay for.

  20. I think there should be at least one entry for Patpong even though the touts are a big PITA. How about Cumalot Castle or one of the other King's Group bars? Just be careful of the cross-gender types in King's Corner.
    I also think Sheba in soi Cowboy is one of the most under-rated bars. A lot of beauties in there when I was there last time. And they do some shows that rival Susie Wong (same owner).

  21. @KMS: I picked 2 gogos from Cowboy and 2 from Nana. People will obviously wander around and see more. I don't think there's a gogo in Patpong that's really comparable to the best gogos in Nana or Cowboy.

    People are obviously free to go wherever they like! I do get a lot of emails from first-timers who are unsure where to go, and find the whole thing more than a little daunting. I did too, on my first trip. I think a vague suggested itinerary would be pretty helpful in that situation.

    Sheba's is basically the training ground for Suzie Wong girls, as far as I can make out. So the girls are usually younger, sometimes cuter, but still learning the ropes. Nowhere near as polished a performance, but yes – worth a look!

  22. Something that should be noted for massage parlors (especially those that cater to the Thai) the standard has always been that you get 90 minutes and get to come twice!  Some of the BS places that mainly cater to farangs try to get you out of there after one shot.  Annies is the only place catering mainly to farangs that told me their policy(?). Maybe because I'm generally speaking Thai to them most places don't mention this, but I've had lots of friends complain to me about this issue. Same as when I tell them what the ST price is, I never discuss it ahead of time, and then my friends get someone who whines for 2000+ baht afterwards.

  23. I have a question about the use of cameras, specifically at Lolita's and Eden.  I wouldn't mind taking a few photos or quick video while the girls providing me with their services.  Is this allowed and what the etiquette?

  24. @RRR: Mandarin's a great bar, I'd probably rate it 3rd at NEP. I wanted to include the top 2. Like Long Gun, it would definitely have made a list of 20.

    @meister, RRR: The great Morally Diminished once said of Pattaya:

    Yeah, Pattaya is a total fucking shit-hole. A napalm attack would do the whole world a lot of favours.

    100% of male Pattaya visitors are total scumbags. And everyone who dies there deserves it. And everyone who doesn't die there should.

    A friend of mine, in a UK prison (for eight more years, poor guy) tells me that Pattaya is pretty much the only thing the prisoners talk about.

    Bring on the napalm.

    I think he was being a little harsh, but not much. Either way, this was about the itinerary for a visitor to Bangkok, not Pattaya. Plenty of other sites if Pattaya's your thing…

    @Chris: Good point!

    @Shooter: I believe Eden has an explicit ban on photography – the girls got tired of letting the guys take "private" photos, then seeing them on the internet. Always ask before you take any photos in places like these. They may be cool with it, or they may refuse, or you may have to offer a tip.

    If the girl's back in your room rather than in the bar, it's usually much more likely that you'll be able to shoot some snaps – or some video. That's been the case in my experience, anyway.

  25. I'm not a convict but still have plenty of fun in pattaya lol but I see his point.
    3rd? well give me a lineup full of hotties instead of the lame shows anyday ok let's say go watch the show with a babe from mandarin

  26. Oh, lots of people like Pattaya.  I don't. No right or wrong, it's all a matter of opinion.

    Like I said in the article, these are recommendations for a newbie. Angelwitch does get boring after a few trips, but I think most people enjoy their first ever visit there. That's why I placed it above Mandarin, which can be a little hit and miss. For all their faults, you do know what you’re getting with a trip to Angelwitch or Rainbow 4.

  27. Of all the jailbirds I know they are all far too backward to have ventured out of their local area let alone another continent. 100% is certainly harsh, I'd place the figure at approximately 96%.

  28. Great list BBB but here's  a few  more for the top 20.
    Big Mango Bar for the burgers and the legendary Bangkok Virgin Drink (just ask one of the American guys) but go early because all the gorgeous girls get bar fined real quick.
    Livingstones Soi 33 for the Pool Party or Maids Night and the beautiful swimming pool ambience.
    Sapicy Disco for the late night dancing and exercise, (not Spice in Soi 11), its where all the really hot Thai girls go   and no hassle, ask any of the the Thai bargirls
    Akane for.. well go find out!
    Isaan Thawen Daeng (Namkhamkaeng)where all the off duty bar girl go to have genuine fun with their mates and normally only a few farang, but lovely warm Isaan atmosphere.
    Pattaya nah, Secrets Bar is alright but the rest is a horrible freak show.
    Newbies enjoy Bangkok, but as Buddha said, " All life is but an illusion".

  29. I understand and agree with the Patpong rationale, but for anyone who wanders over there, I believe there are a few decent places to visit.  I would highlight Electric Blue, Safari and Star of Light (though SoL might be a bit hard for a newbie… it's even too much for some hardened veterans!)

  30. @BBB: For my first trip, I travel alone and failed to get any hotel reseravtions. typical room rate I paid was 4500 baht to 5500 baht. plus the lost luggage returning to work in iraq

  31. doctorbond

    First time in Bangkok I stayed at Majestic suits and as soon as I was in the room asked the bell boy where I could get a massage and he said her in room in 10 minutes.
    Had that massage and FS on the bed then shower and round to Annies for a soapy.

    Later in the Living room (Clinton Plaza) meet a guy from my home town who took me to cowboy who introduced  me to Jungle Jims and a bj in the bar and BF one of the girls, not the BJ girl.

    Second day

    haircut manicure, pedicure, ear clean, foot massage and an oily upstairs.

    It took me till day 4 to get to Eden

    Mind you I have been a monger for many years tho noy all in Thailand

  32. I heard that last night they had at least 40 naked honeys on the floor at Long Gun, with some real keepers. It is a tacky place though, new seating and paint would be a great improvement.

  33. @Driving in Iraq – I always use Asiarooms.com to book a hotel room in BKK. If that fails, you could ask for a sun lounger outside on the secondfloor of the Big Mango?

  34. theman: I stand corrected. My friend just got back from Long Gun and confirmed your 40-girl count. He also said the lineup was pretty good and the joint was jumping. The Long Gun Mamasan said they just got a bunch of new girls in.

  35. >can you briefly explain how the freelancers work? how much are they how long etc etc

    You can pick up a FL just about anywhere e.g. Biergarten, Gullivers, in the street, especially Sukhumvit and late by Nana Hotel.

    Fee may vary in range 1000-1500 bahts in BKK. (1000 or even less in Pattaya).

    Agree with the girl how long she will stay, “Three hours from now. OK?” Otherwise she may want to be off as soon as you cum first time.

    Long Time (overnight), expect 1500 in BKK (1000 in Pattaya).

    Safety:

    1. Security in your hotel may take the girl’s ID card and only give it back on checking you are OK. This is good as you have no way otherwise of tracking her down; if she is a bar girl you know where she works, if you can remember. Give security man a tip.

    2. Lock all your money, phone, camera etc in room safe.

    3. Shower with the girl and make sure she washes well. Some may smear breasts with knock-out drugs.

    4. Never leave your beer or other drink out of sight. So she cannot drop anything in.

    Finally, you pay after, never before (or she’ll be off fast!)

  36. Thanks for that, much appreciated.

    Just quickly was that a typo, so its 1500 baht (Bangkok) for long time did you mean to type 3000?

    Also with long time is that generally untill the next morning? What if you barfine a Go Go girl at say 7pm instead of 1am will they charge loads more for long time?

    Sorry to ask so many questions I’ve tried finding posts that cover these subjects.

    Cheers
    Leigh

    P.S thanks for the knock out drug on tits tip, I would never have thought of that, cheeky fuckers!

  37. @Templeton1:

    It shouldnt be too difficult at all. Others here will probably know better, but I’d say the easiest option is the go-go bars in Bangkok Nana and Soi Cowboy. If girls come and sit with you and your gf, theres a good chance they’re already up for it. Things should happen naturally but you can just spell it out and they’ll say yes or no. In Bangkok and Pattaya, some P4P girls will even prefer the 3-way. Its more common for this to happen with a single man and two go-go dancers but you’ll get what you want with your gf as well.

    Let your gf take the lead and things will happen even quicker. Thai girls love farang women.

    Also, the beer bars – if bar-girls can see you with your gf and still approach, you’re pretty much on. Pattaya beer-bars (there’s 100s) would probably be easier than BKK to get a 3-way. I’ve seen a few couples leave with a bar-girl while sipping a beer in Pattaya. Enjoy, you lucky git!!

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