Made my first every trip to Pattaya recently and thought I’d write up an interesting day.
Me and a mate had been out at a temple on the outskirts when it started raining heavily. We took cover but it showed no sign of abating so we grabbed a taxi back to town. Sitting in the back I got soaked as the rain lashed in.
Beach Rd resembled a river and the taxi was wading through water sending big streams splashing outwards. We jumped out at a side street and jumped in to local bar. When the rain died down we thought that would be it but when we got to Second rd we realised things were worse than we thought. There was no way to get back to the hotel without wading through knee deep water.
We bought some waterproof sandals from a ladyboy street vendor and plunged in. I took up the rear, my mate in front of me and his tiny “Thai girlfriend” intrepidly leading the way. I kept expecting to fall over and get drenched but we eventually, and slowly, made it back.
We kind of thought we were bumped for that evening but the floods were gone by ten and we made our way out again. Decided to dress in nothing that could be ruined though. So like true Pattaya veterans we headed in to the go go bars in flip flops and shorts.
Out of the Pattaya gogos my two favourites were Happy a Go Go for the sheer quality of the dancing. There was one particular pole artist we referred to as “Queen Whore” and if you ever go in there you’ll know who I mean. She stands out a mile as she can actually pole dance… she isn’t really much to look at it but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She really has the moves.
Another place, which must rank as one of the sleaziest places I have ever been, was called, I think Babygirl. Every night we’d get practically raped in there for the price of a ladydrink. I saw things, involving bottoms and bottles, that I’ll be glad if I never see again – but a great laugh. The girls don’t leave you alone though which can be annoying when some good football comes on.
After the go gos my mate and his bird decided to head home and I wandered off to find some trouble in the local night clubs.
It was kind of surreal to be walking in to a club dressed like a complete dick yet being allowed in by the bouncers and having birds throwing themselves at you regardless. Can’t see that happening back home.
So I hit up Lucifers and enjoyed the live band. I had a beer at the back and studiously avoided eye contact with the freelancers as I wanted to enjoy the music. I got chatting with a japanese lad who was part of a group on a near by table after a mix up with beer bottles and he expressed concern at me being alone. Ha ha.
Over the next hour so he brought three different, very embarrassed Thai girls, over to my table who I politely declined.
It’s funny I’ve had that happen to me before where you getting chatting with a guy and they are shocked that you are on your own and see it as their mission to hook you up. I think I must look like a bewildered tourist.
Then on to Insomnia. Drunk. Remember bopping away in my hideous costume on my own, surrounding by girls, downing the beers. No doubt I looked like a twat but this is Pattaya so I fitted in.
Woke up with a lady called Ning. Not the most attractive to be honest but I blame the beer. Was a funny morning in bed with her. She spoke really good English so I ribbed her on how many boyfriends she had. None, of course, being the answer.
She told me she worked in a bar and that she could spend the whole day and evening with me if I paid her barfine. I patiently explained that I don’t pay barfines. I think this maybe lost a bit in translation. what I meant was I wasn’t willing to pay any barfines for subsequent nights but I think she took it to mean I don’t pay full stop. In bangkok I’m used to the “Money for taxi” in the morning after a Spicy hook up but not sure if the same convention exists in Pattaya. Anyway ended up being a freebie.
Funniest part was when her phone kept ringing. I looked at the number and saw it was a UK one. Then the floodgates opened and she told me, or lied or exagerrated or whatever, about her sponsors in England, Ireland, Denmark and Holland. She then answered a call and put the guy on speakerphone as he professed his love for her. She said “I think you only love me 60%. The english accent responded “No, no 100%”. She told him she was in bed with another Farang and that he should send money.
Poor bastard. Apparently he was a married 48 year old guy with three kids. He’d only ever slept with her once but they had swapped numbers and he called every day.
I’ve spent half my life taking shit from UK girlfriends for not calling them enough so I don’t understand what these guys get from these pigeon English conversations with their Thai “girlfriends”. Wonder what their life is like.
Anyway that was my midly amusing night and it was funny to experience first hand the call from the sponsor.