I had to go to Vegas for 4 days before i departed for BKK. I packed all my shit and had it ready to go to because I was leaving for Bangkok the same day I return from Vegas. The first 3 days in Vegas were spent mostly on business, I didn’t gamble this time as I’ve learned I’m a sore loser, maybe next time. The last night I took my mom who lives in Vegas out to dinner at Dinero’s restaurant in the Hardrock casino and drank a bottle of wine and after wards put mom in a taxi and went back in the casino looking for trouble.
It was absolutely packed with knuckle heads both girls and guys. I wasn’t up for chit chat and I just wanted to pick out a pro out and take her back to my room but the working girls weren’t so obvious at this relatively early time. I drank 4 coronas and 4 shots of Jameson. I decided to hit Club Paradise strip joint across the street. I knew going in I would end up spending shit loads of money and probably not get much in return. But since I was going to BKK tomorrow I figured I would get a kick out of the contrast. I was in there about 5-6 seconds and a stunning black girl from New Orleans (supposedly) strolled up to me, I got us both a shot of tequila, then she put her tongue in my mouth and asked me if I wanted to go the VIP. Which means alot more money than usual but alot more grab ass, etc. Its about $100 for 4-5 songs? Some BS like that. But, I did it, drank several more shots of tequila and coronas. Sucked on some titties, rubbed some pussy and got an incomplete hand-job. Probably went through $300 by now. I asked her to come back to my room when she was off and she asked for $1000 US. I laughed!!! She went on stage, I watched for a bit then left. I was wasted by now. Walked to the gas station and got some more beers and decided to walk back to the Vegas Strip. I fell over into some bushes too drunk to get up for a minute. I blacked out after this.
In the morning I woke up in my room and the second I opened my eyes it felt like a sledge hammer hit me, ears ringing, and I had to puke. I puked so violently for so long, I missed the check out, and missed my flight. I had two black eyes from chucking so hard and a scratch on my face from something. Red Wine before whiskey, tequila and beer had done me in… My knuckles were really bruised, I possibly hit something or someone last night, could of very well hit myself for all I know??? Got a bottle of water in the casino and went to the airport. When I arrive they tell me to wait on “standby” for a flight, I could barely “standby” the counter for 2 minutes I’m definitely not hanging out in the Vegas airport for an unknown amount of time. I bought a first class ticket. Went to the bathroom and puked again like major, this time I got my shirt, my shoes, my jeans. Luckily just water, Oh there gonna love me in first class today… Hour and half later, I got home, Wife took one look at me and was furious. “Were gonna see my mom tomorrow and you have 2 black eyes you asshole”. This is not the first time I’ve showed up to a girls parents house with a black eye so i didn’t let it bother me too much. I’m pretty sure each time i arrive to moms I’m hungover and usually each day I’m visiting I am as well. So yes, I’m taking wifey on this trip. Its gonna be tricky being a scumbag but I will handle it.
Leave the house for the SF airport. Wifey and I have so much crap we barely fit in the cab. I tell her to call her brother, tell him not to bring anyone to Suvarnabumi with him because there’s no room. That got translated on the other end to borrow a pick up truck! Do you see where that’s going??? The airline charged us $320 for too many bags and too heavy. Mostly all shit to give to the family. Oh man, I haven’t even left the US and the expenses are starting already…We get on the plane, I take xanax, have some wine,,, out….
Arrive at Suvarnabumi. Wife’s sisters husband is waiting at the gate. I will refer to him as ex-cop. He’s an ex immigration cop and has a cute female immigration cop with him. I’ve met the brother-in-law on a few occasions, He seems nice when he’s talking, but when he’s not it feels very anti-farang. Anyway, I wish I knew ahead of time I wasn’t gonna be searched!!! Walked through the Thai passport control line, no waiting… Then brother-in-law is kinda rushing us, and a bag is forgotten at the airport. Then he cant find his truck for over an hour, cant remember where he parked it. The porter that was pushing all the bags almost said screw this and left. At the end brother-in-law offered him a 200 baht tip and the porter said no way I want 500, Ex-cop paid it to my surprise. I pretended to not have any Thai baht on me. We finally find it and put all our shit in the back of the pick up and drive to the folks house in Chonburi, they’ve recently moved from Issan to be closer to sister and ex-cop.
On the way a monsoon starts as well as some traffic. All of our shit in the back gets soaked, All of it… I’m not in the best mood but I’m holding it in. Arrive at Moms house, the electric is out, and the water is run by electric pumps, so no running water either. For the first time the whole family is there, Mom, dad, brother, sister and there are three babies, 4 years, 2 years, & 2 months old. It was soon to be obvious that 2 more babysitters (us) have just arrived.. Oh, I’m so happy to be in Thailand!!! Can you tell I’m still hungover from Vegas!!! In my bag I have two Btls of Johnny Walker gold. I give one to ex-cop, and while I’m handing it to him I hear the sound of the second one breaking on the floor behind me. I turn around and see mom holding an upside down box of JW Gold and looking stunned.
Remember the scene in the movie Animal House when John Belushi sees the guy drop the box of whiskey and freaks out. That’s how I feel inside right now. Man that took some serious acting to hold in…Mai ben lai meh! (inside I’m growling)
Power was back in 1 & 1/2 days. Also spent these days to go back to the airport to find the missing bag. I do get it back, and the next five days were hot and uneventful for the most part. Not a single English channel available on TV. They changed it for me once and said something like “oh here’s some farangs!”, Thanks but I cant understand Dutch. I don’t think they got it. Eating, sleeping, sweating, drinking every night with little brother and ex-cop. My wife had warned me not to get drunk with ex-cop, because “he’s not very nice”. I was intrigued. I had heard plenty of stories about him getting busted with other ladies. But big sis sticks around. This sets the example for little sis which I really appreciate.
One night, me, little bro, and sisters husband are sitting at a table out front of the house on a main road. Drinking qrts of sing, and chang for hours. In the dark we see 3 girls walking by, 2 of them are pushing a motor bike. Ex-cop says “Hey here we go, there’s 3 of them!” The brother kinda smiles and I look over my shoulder to see all of the women and children in the family room behind a garage door sized window.
In seconds, ex-cop has already stopped the girls and is talking to them. They are little more than silhouettes but I get the feeling they are katoeys. I say to little brother “Those are katoeys, right?” and he shrugs??. Then ex-cops 2 year old son waddles out the door and past the table. When me and little brother get up to get him the ex-cop picks up his kid and is holding the kid and saving a katoeys # in his phone with his other hand. I look to my right and there is mom watching everything from the front door with my wife behind her shaking her head. I’m in awe!!! This dude makes me look like a fucking great husband. I suddenly feel a lot more comfortable and sit down to drink more beers, and sweat. After another hour ex-cop is pretty ripped and starts saying shit like, “So which sister do you think is hotter?” “Do you want them both?” “You can have them both!” All of this in front of little brother. I don’t like this at all. I don’t take the bait, and push off the comments.
After about 5-6 days from arrival, I go to Koh Samet with the wife. Pretty lazy, Wife was asleep by 9 and I was drinking and smoking alone nearby. It was mostly Thai people and a few distinguished gents with there young Thai honeys. Some of these girls were looking at me like I was the last papaya in Thailand. I was looking at them like, well, Like I wanna fuck you! Sorry Gents! Man, I cant wait to get back to the mainland and setup wifey with mom and dad and get to Bangkok. I have 3 friends coming from SF to meet me in a day or two. I need Chaos to begin soon or I’m gonna lose it. So we go back to Chonburi for a few days. Bangkok has started burning by now and its Eviction day. I don’t care I wanna go to fucking Bangkok, enough of this relaxing shit. I ask little brother to just drop me off at the airport and I got it from there. So he does, and wifey is pissed I’m going on the worst day possible for a trip to Bangkok, but I don’t care.
Wife goes along for the ride to the airport and wants me to at least take a limo and not a taxi today. Fucking useless, what for? But, In about 5 minutes I will be on my way alone, so i oblige. Guess what, AOT says Soi 11 is on fire we can’t take you there. Soi 11 is on fire? bullshit! I don’t believe that. Wifey believes him. I go back upstairs and grab a taxi from the drop off. First one says “soi 11 no problem”. Wife is not happy but I leave anyway. I think it was around 3-4 in the afternoon when I got to city, on the tollway you can see the huge plumes of smoke. I was pretty blown away. But I still didn’t believe soi 11 was on fire. I arrive and of course there’s no fire on soi 11. Hey waddaya know. I put my bags in the hotel and walked down to Soi 1. About 4 blocks north of the highway the wall of smoke began between Ploen chit and Chitlom. I stand around and gawk at the scene, smoke cigarettes and call people. Several platoons of soldiers have passed me going in 4 different directions. I leave to go back and there isn’t a fucking thing open for business. I Get to the hotel and eat and they tell me about the curfew at 8pm WHAT? Fuck this are you serious I cant believe my luck. So I eat and get drunk in the hotel bar, check the mango blog on my blackberry and go to sleep.
In the morning I hit a pharmacy and get the usual Kamagra, tramadol, xanax. I call Tech12, He comes to pick me up on a motor bike and we go to a friends pool on soi 31. Get drunk take some tramadol, jump off shit into the pool. Then we discuss the curfew and the boys get out there phones and start ordering in for the night. Who should I call, Who should I call? My first choice, Noy from Baccara! Her sister answers and says “she go Hong Kong 1 month”. Damn, OK. I call Jang an ex Angel Witch girl. I ask her to come stay with me, she says sure but am I absolutely sure because its getting late and I should go to my hotel right now. Well I’m not done partying yet, its fucking early (I’m in curfew denial mode) I tell her to come meet me at soi 31 and she’s there in 30 minutes.
Just in time for the curfew, we call a Nigerian about a dog, and about 3 hours after the curfew starts he actually shows up, we were shocked. Not sure how he pulled that off. Partied for hours & hours, then took Jang to the spare room went bareback and crashed. In the morning, she bounced and I gave her 2000. I think I could have gave her 1000 but this week it was obvious everyone was losing money because of the curfew, so i contributed.
Went back to my hotel. My friends arrive from SF. They didn’t know about the curfew before they left the U.S. and I didn’t tell them. I think i was doing them a favor, really! Because they probably would have canceled the trip and that just wasn’t necessary. After all everyday of this shit seemed like it had to be the last day, right?? at least that’s what i kept getting told, by hopefuls all around me.
The next day (I think), I hear the curfew has been lifted in Pattaya and I suggest we head there, 2 of them have been to Thailand several times and 1 guy was a newbie who I will call the Irishman. An old Thai friend and Japanese American friend of mine comes to meet us. I’m actually walking over to check out the Mango and have some beers, I’m only steps away but I never make it. My boy pulls up in his car on soi 4 and says jump in. We all go to Catherine Massage. My Thai friend likes these spots much more than the gogo scene, go figure. We get there and as we are are walking in a van pulls up full of Japaneses guys while my friend says hurry up and get in before they get the good ones.
In the bowl, 4 girls on the cheaper left side, 2 on the right. The Irishman speaks up quick and gets one from the right. I grab a young one from the left. My other friends say they are gonna go down the street to another spot and will meet us back here.
Got in the room, strip down and get a blow job on the couch, then sex on the bed with a condom. Then the bathtub for a half-assed bath. Then back on the bed for a another bust. I have to say I think this chick is one of the youngest I came across in a establishment in BKK for awhile. I wont say what age I think she was, you can only guess. Sex was good but she looked as if there was a feeling of “I hate my Job” or at least “‘I’m scared of Farangs” Eh, probably just the age thing. After wards, I ask her for the toilet in English even though I already knew she couldn’t speak a lick of English, as there was no pisser in the room. She pointed down the hall at a door for another st room and it didn’t seem right to me but I walked down the hall and went in anyway. Inside there’s a girl doing the backwards cowgirl on my friend. She kinda shrieks. He smiles and waves and says a “few more minutes bro”. I laugh and walk out. I don’t know why my girl thought I needed to see my friend? wtf?. Well it was funny at least…While I’m waiting for my friends out front my girl leaves, she looks even sexier in her youngster street gear, much more authentic.
So later that day we are off to Pattaya. Two of my boys need phones so we take care of that as soon as we get there. After wards we hit walking st. We go to Airport, and its rammed with pussy. The street is just as packed as well, since no girls had really worked the block in few days the animals are hungry. So, I’m talking with a prospect and I see a young one i want. I say excuse me but I wanna talk to her. She gets up and i have another one on my lap. Young, big ass blondish Japanese/New Jersey hair-doo, tons of eye make up. I like the crazy accoutrement’s sometimes. The other girls tell me she just turned 17. I like that and she has bit of an attitude problem, for real, I actually like the attitude on Thai chicks since grabbing gogo sluts is so easy you got to fit the drama in there somewhere. I’m confident I can change that by morning.
I bar fine her and 1 of my boys bar fines another. 2 other friends leave solo. We go to Angel Witch. Some how in the short walk we lose the Irishman, after a while he calls and he’s wasted on the second floor of Angel Witch. I go up to see him and he’s got the oldest and most ragged c-section scarred chick in the place on his lap and he’s proud! and says check her out dude, pretty hot huh!! Uh,,,yeah man, you should come down stairs with me. He says “yeah yeah in a minute”. After about 20 minutes I see him leaving the gogo with her. Oh well I tried.
Hit some more gogo’s and went to Insomnia and danced and got more drunk then went to eat. Back to the hotel, I see my girls ID and wow she really is only (XX). When she comes out of the bathroom minus the ton of make up she looked so young and so different. If I would of known she was taking her face off I would have told her I wanted a discount. Sex was OK, but she had major tan lines i didn’t see earlier, I don’t really like tan lines but fuck it, its dark and I’m wasted. boom bap bap, asleep.
In the morning her attitude is back. I’m not sure why. I pay her 2000 and don’t ask for her number and she leaves. I go back to sleep. Then get a call, another friend is at the BKK airport a week early because i forgot when he was coming, its another rookie, I will refer to him as the Croat. Where can we meet him? I tell him to taxi to Pattaya and call me back. I go knock on the Irishman’s door. He opens the door looking mad paranoid, i see girls shoes on the floor, he says he’s busy and to come back. I go to my other boys room and he’s smoking the “go fast” alone. Where did this come from? He tells me the Irishman got it after he sent Angel Witch girl on her way, he went and got another Tg from the street and they went on a run at 9am. Wow OK, pretty gnarly for a newbie but I can dig it. I partake in the smoke as well and then the Irishman comes to the room and tells us he left his ATM card in a machine yesterday. We all kind of look at each other annoyed, he says “yeah I’m as happy as you are about this.”
He’s too messed up to go handle losing his card. One of the other boys, I will refer to him as the Mexican go the bank with his girl from airport gogo and they tell him they will open the machine in 3 days and see if its in there. I guess were staying in Pattaya for 3 days. I doubt he’s getting his card back though. Then the Croat who called me from the airport calls again and says he’s in Pattaya and has a phone and a motorbike and a room already and is on his way to meet us. I was impressed. This dudes got it together. I walk across the street to meet him, I run into my attorney, Since I’m high as hell I act like i don’t see him even though its obvious he notices me. Oh well. When Croat arrives he sees that were all high as hell and is a little freaked out. I tell him wait till tonight to get freaked out cause its just getting started now.
That night we went back to airport club for about 5 minutes, I see the girl from last night and I ask her what her problem is, she kinda looks irritated and her friend says “not her, this her twin.” Yeah right bullshit.. I sit down and the Mexican says I was trying to tell you last night there was two of them but you wouldn’t listen to me. Wow, did I fuck that up? apparently I did! Whatever, lets go back to Angel Witch there’s one there i was eyeing up last night and thinking about all afternoon when I was high, I want her. I go back and get her, Her name is Nooky, tinted curly hair down to her waist, fake eye lashes and all that stuff, and big fake titties, sexy as hell and some kind of sedated looking expression on her face. The Croat that arrived today is freaking out with all the pussy on stage. He gets 1000baht in 20’s and throws them on stage, it creates a pussy riot, fucking hilarious.
We leave and go to Whats up gogo. I get a seat by the shower and I’m sticking baht all over these wet soapy bitches. The girls in the shower are making out with me and nooky. The 2 newbies are sitting with me and there in shock again. One has to go outside to catch his breath. We stay awhile. Then everyone gets girls and we go to Lucifer’s. Get more shitfaced, danced a lot. Go Back to the hotel. Nooky was a wild one. After a while of fucking with a condom I take it off, she says no, i say yes! and go anyway. She starts crying. Oh man,,, this sucks… We talk for a bit and she tells me that she’s never been with a man, Thai or farang without a condom and she is very freaked out. I do my best to smooth this out and go back to the bareback sex. She ends up getting even sweater on me after we “make-up”.
In the morning I remember how Nooky cried when I insisted on no condom and I realize that’s what turned the girl from last night into a bitch. I think to myself how many girls have I pissed off with that and was too drunk to notice, the thought makes me a bit uncomfortable. Me and nooky go eat, I make plans to go get her from Angel Witch again. Didn’t do shit all day, went back to walking st early. The Mexican stays in the hotel cause he’s too smoked out and claims snipers are trying to get him from adjacent hi-rise hotels. Uh, OK buddy, take this xanax and relax. I went by Boesche gogo to look for the tattooed big titty chick from my last report. It was early and it was dead. Nooky calls says to meet her in one hour at Angel Witch.
We got some beers on the block and then went to Bacarra. On stage I notice the girl I was looking for from Boesche dancing at Bacarra. I call her over, and she’s impressed I can remember her from 3 months ago. She asks me about wifey from issan. Wow, she remembers me too. Needless to say I don’t show up to get nooky, and I bar fine bacarra girl. I cant really remember what we did but ended up at marine disco. I’m so fucked up from tramadols and booze I drop not 1 but 2 drinks. Yep, shit faced. I take her and leave. After a long sweaty walk and some kamagra and a shower i have no problem fucking the hell out of her bareback 2 times and then crashing.
In the morning, I tell her there is a good chance she might see me at Marine disco in about 2 weeks with another girl, the girl is my wife and you don’t know me, ya dig. She says no problem and for some reason I trust her. That night I take a day off pussy and go hang out at some old friends tattoo shop and get drunk and my boys get tats till 4 am. Earlier in the day my friend that was paranoid left for BKK on his own. The next morning I go back to BKK with my other buddy and we leave the 2 newbies in Pattaya. When we arrive in BKK the curfew gets extended. For real? Thailand come on, what the hell are you doing!!!
[Editor’s Note: Name of places and people may have been changed to protect their identities, and it would be purely coincidental if a person with the same name was employed by a place mentioned. Now carry on.]