Straight to Pattaya/Party by The Notorious BMG

Everyone has a different theory on how parties are best put together.  I think we can all agree that the best parties are usually had out of town, away from prying eyes and certainly out of your area code.

I arrived at BKK airport around 4pm on a Saturday.  My pal was waiting at the airport.  For some reason, girls seem to worship him.  Lets call him Jesus.

The plan was to head straight to Pattaya for the night and then return to BKK the next day to meet up with my other pals/girls/work colleagues.  I allowed myself 1 night of freedom.

Upon arrival, Jesus greeted me with open arms (get it?) and several bottles of Smirnoff Ice.  We were getting on it there and then!   I usually get a taxi from BKK Nana to Patts at a cost of 1200-1400.  From the airport the price outside for the public taxi was quoted as 1700.  Fook that.  We’re being ripped off – so we thought, so headed back into the airport to find a better deal.  Inside, prices of 2500+ were being quoted.  Fook that.   We then spied a well dressed little man with a Pattaya Taxi sign.  He quoted 1500 in a Camry.

What is it with Thais think we’re impressed with a Camry? They’re shite.  Anyway a deal was done with Camryman.  We walked what seemed like miles to the carpark and found a beaten up old Corolla.  ‘Hang on a minute’…  this is a pile of shit.. but not wanting the long trek back to the airport we gave in.  Inside the car, Corollaman asked for money as we exited the car park.  Raising his finger. “One”  I gave him 1000… he then waved again and said “One”.  So, I gave him the remaining 500… he then said “no.. 100 for carpark’.  Which I handed over. – Corollaman man then gave back the other notes.  After 10 minutes we arrived at another car park under a bridge in the middle of nowhere. Corollaman said we were to change cars – and get in a Camry!  Corollaman was a ‘middle-man’ and brought punters to the taxi co.  A bit inconvenient, but we was not going to let that spoil our Smirnoff’s.  And we were going to get the privilege of riding in a Camry.

The woman behind a make shift desk asked for 1800bht to Pattaya.  I said that was not the price quoted by Corollaman but she just looked at me and said 1800.  Getting pissed off, I pulled out the notes from my pocket to find 600. A 500 and a 100 bill.  The little bastard Corollaman had handed me back 100 instead of 1000.  I told the little bastard that he was ripping me off and he said ‘no you give me 100 for carpark.  I explained that if that was so, and the note I gave him was 100 first of all, then he’d not of asked for more.  It was a scam and there was fuck all I could do except knock the shit out of him and his 12 pals that were surrounding us.  With Jesus on my side, I was sure it was doable,  However, Jesus said we should just turn the other cheek.  And whilst he may be able to walk on water, there was little chance we’d be able to walk back to the airport in the heat whilst carrying my suitcase…  After telling them that’d I would write a heavily worded letter to my local MP, I handed over the money and finally got on our way to Pattaya.  We were not happy and spent the next few hours moaning about it and sulking. 2900 down and all I have to show for it is a sweaty ball sack.

Lesson learned – Always use the public taxis at the airport.

We reached Pattaya around 6pm.  I’d booked the Babylon Party Suite at the Penthouse hotel.  Huge Jacuzzi, dancing poles, Plasmas, 4 mini bars, glass shower – adjoining room.. the usual sleazy stuff you’d expect from your average Austrian private chamber.  We were there for one night and paid around 8k for the room so the plan was to make the best use of it.   So many times in the past, we’ve been out, got wasted, picked up some girls, gone drinking with them then back to the pad for a party around 4am when everyone is tired, drunk and having to get up in a few hours.  Well not Jesus and I.  The plan was to get some girls early and return to the sleaze pit for a party.

1st stop was the kitten club downstairs to cash in on our free drinks tickets that we were given to us on check in.  I now know why they’re free, as the place is horrendous and full of ladyboys.  This wasn’t why we were here so got the hell out without finishing our drinks.

Next stop was Hell Below (or something).  I’ve been there many times and the Mamasan remembered me as I always take around 3 or 4 girls upstairs at the same time for kisses and cuddles. – not sucks and fucks, honest. I saw my ‘regular’ girl who came over and greeted me like I was a Japanese Lottery winner with only a day to live..  I explained that Jesus and I wanted to party.  We have a party room and we want girls that want to have fun (sluts basically).  She said she knows all the girls on stage, so which ones do I like. 

Now, there are a few theories on this.. if I let her choose, will she chose her ugly mate who hasn’t made much money (ever) or her mate who they get on so well with, that she’d happily munch her rug.  Being a softy, I let her choose.   I was impressed as the girls she picked were girls that we were eying up already.  Cool.  Two girls each should be enough.

I paid the barfines and off we set.  I struck a deal with my girl.  I told her I will give them all 5k each right now.  They don’t have to ‘do’ anything.  They are just required to hang out, relax and have fun.  They can leave anytime they like with all the money.  She spoke with her pals and they all seemed to have even bigger smiles!  On the way to the Penthouse we stopped at a street vendor to buy some music CD’s.  There are some theories on choosing music for parties…..  Do you go for trendy lounge music, hip-hop, something you like?… no.  you let them choose. After all, they are the ones that will be dancing.  Several cd’s were purchased as we had a long night ahead.  The girls also suggested that we buy booze from 7/11 as it’s cheaper than the hotel bars. Ahh, they were looking after my finances! Bottle of whiskey and a bottle of vodka.  I told her to choose the booze.. whatever she wants.  They picked cheap booze and said that all of it will get them drunk, so why spend lots? Fair point.

We got back to the hotel at 8pm.  The earliest I have ever started my afterhours party.

Before Jesus could hide his Bible,  all the girls were in their underwear.  The music was on and the drinks were being poured.  I noticed that they gave us the 1st drinks.  This has all the signs of turning out well!  It was 8pm.  I told them that I was checking out at 10am, so they will need to fuck off by 8am so I can sort my shit out.

Jesus went straight to the Jacuzzi and emptied the expensive foam bubble bath and started to fill with water..   The girls came into the Jacuzzi room, giggling and checking out the monkey bars and sex swings.  With the Jacuzzi near full, they took the clothes off Jesus and I and we all piled in. There were limbs everywhere. Hands all over the place.  I was rubbing one of the girls legs when I realized it was a bit hairy… it was Jesus.!  Oops… sorry… lets never talk of this again.

Before you start thinking about Broke-Back-Jacuzzi I can honestly say that even though there was a naked man in the Jacuzzi with me (and 4 girls) that I don’t recall seeing him.  Why on earth would I be looking at him when there is boobies to be looked at?

With Jesus sporting a boner and only inches from me, he made the right decision and let one of the girls take him next door for some sexy time.  The 3 remaining girls all set upon me – massaging, tickling, groping then asked me to stand up whilst they all took turns on sucking me off.   This is what I am talking about!

There was porn on all the tv’s (5 in the room) and the girls were relaxed.  Around 10pm, after naked dancing, shagging, sucking and fucking they got hungry.  They were going to send out a pal to get some kind of smelly shit – but as I am such a nice man (and drunk) I told them to abuse the room service.  It’s not as cheap as the street, but its not expensive either.  It also saves them from putting clothes on.

20 mins later they were all stuffing their faces.  One of the girls even ordered a Farang dish because she thought I might be hungry.  Bless the sweet child.

After troff… more booze flowed. More naked dancing.  Time was taking it’s toll on me.. the long flight, the booze, the blow-jobs…  I was getting tired around 3am.  The girls put me on the bed and opened up the pack of cards that I had bought and conveniently left on the table for all to see.  It was intended that strip poker would have been played but as they threw their clothes off minutes after entering the room, I guess they could play whatever they wanted.

As they sat around the bed, the Jesus started pulling himself around as he was too tired to start another shag fest.  No matter where I looked, there was a mirror with Jesus in, waving his boner around.  I closed my eyes and found a happy place.

After an hour of rest, I had my second wind… music up loud, booze being consumed and we were good to go again.  More dancing….  The tub was filled again.  Jesus disappeared into the adjoining room with a girl and I hung at the tub with the remaining girls.  I can’t remember exactly what order I was eating the girls out in, but I do remember that they were all clean.  Mainly due to the fact that I’d gone through 2 bottles of soapy shit from the Jacuzzi ‘mini bar’ –  at great expense.

8am was coming around sharpish.  I thought the girls would have had it on their toes by now.  I wanted to be on the road to Bangkok by 10am also.  There is just something naturally wrong with telling 4 hot girls to get their clothes on and leave the bedroom… I couldn’t do it.  My plans in Bangkok had to be postponed. I  told girls  that I’ll be checking out at 12pm.   Another 4 hours of doing the voodoo that I do do so well!

11am arrived sooner than I thought….  I convinced the girls that I really did have to go soon and they all started showering (again) and getting dressed. Slowly.  I tried to muster up another boner whilst the girls were showering with me but I was done.  15 hours of partying had taken it’s toll on me.

The girls had already been paid.  They didn’t ask for anything and apologised for emptying the mini-bars, toiletry baskets and for using up all 6 condom packets, various lotions and other chargeable products that were found scattered all over the room.

I gave them a tip that would guarantee they remember me when I next walk through their door.  They all kissed me and went on their merry way.

Checking out at 11:59 was not easy.  I asked them to get me a taxi to Bangkok whilst they got housekeeping to tot up the damage.  We sat in the bar area discussing what had just happened and asked ourselves how it is we had all that fun, when usually the parties end up in screaming girls, police raids and bloody underpants.

After a huuuuuge printout, the lady on reception said ‘Ohh… you have big party, many lady’… not really many lady but I guess she had to say that to justify the 6000 of ‘extras’ that we had from the room..  I looked at the bill.. it just listed numbers.  I have no idea what it was for, and had passed caring. I handed over the money to invoicelady telling her of the heavily worded letter I would be writing to my local MP and walked off in a sulk to the taxi.

Adding it up,,,,

Barfines x 4:  4000
Girls:  20000
Booze:  2000
Hotel:  8000
Tips:  2000
Extras (hotel):  6000
Frozen Water (for the girls):  3000
Taxis:  5000 (there and back)

It was roughly 50k in all for the nights partying.

I could of done it a lot cheaper but when considering guys drop more than this at a G-Club and maybe get a number and not much booze, I think it was a fair price for the 15 hours of partying, shagging x 4, drinking, eating… all in the safety of my hotel.

I will be doing exactly the same next time.  Only I’ll get some more pals and two other rooms.  We can all swap sides at half time!

The Pattaya girls seemed to be so much more fun than the urchins of Bangkok. Maybe because I was in holiday mode?   I didn’t get to trawl many bars in Pattaya, but then I didn’t need to.  I found the girls early.  Job done.  Why put off the inevitable?

33 thoughts on “Straight to Pattaya/Party by The Notorious BMG

  1. Great read, but dude, seriously…2k to each girl and they would have been just as happy, I guarantee it…and you would have had just as good a time, and you would have another 12k in your pocket…

  2. Serious money for the girls, damn! 🙂

    Now, were the girls hot, for realz? Any fake boobies? Baby scars? I want virtual image of the girls in my mind, and not Jesus’ boner! 😀

    ps. But me being long timer, the fucking airport scam spoiled much of the story. Fuckers, should be shot to the head.

  3. To each his own, and if you have money to burn like this, burn baby burn. Sounded like you had an amazing time, so it’s definitely worth it in those terms. Being a “big spender” can be fun in and of itself. Some girls will definitely go the extra mile, especially if they want to get the repeat business. Comparing Pattaya GoGo girls to G-Club girls though is kind of apples to oranges, but again, whatever floats your boat.

  4. Finally it sounds like you guys pulled of a great party and used the facilities that the rooms got to offer.

    A great post and I bet Jesus will be back.

    Horndog : Totally agree about the airport scamers.

  5. pmmp – I disagree. I’ve been to G-Clubs – These gogo girls didn’t have that ‘you have to pay me drink with you’ attitude. I realize I was paying G-Club money, but trust me, I’d take these over G-Club any day.

    The 4 girls ranged from 19-21. None had stretchmarks/scars. One had small tits and the others had magnificent boobies.

    The attitude these girls had was outstanding. I’ve had a fair few parties in Bangkok but none were on this scale.

    Ratchada: Whilst I tend to agree that I may of overpaid… tell me… if your boss paid you double salary and told you that you don’t have to do anything.. what would you do? Seriously, they couldn’t do enough!

    The Notorious BMG 😈

  6. @TNBMG: What part of what I said do you disagree with? I said it’s apple and oranges by comparison. Do you disagree with that? I didn’t say apples are better than oranges or vice-versa. Personally, I like melons, really big and tasty melons.

  7. Sorry pmmp – missinterpreted. 😳

    My comparisons were about the money spent. I don’t think its that bad compared to a G-Club spending and what you get for it.

    I like oranges. They’re way sluttier.

  8. I had a similar experience in a Travel Lodge on the M6 with my girlfriend.

    Similar in the way I checked out at 12pm

  9. Last time I was in Pattaya I had sex with with two ladyboys. One a hot 18 year old gogo dancer for 1,500 baht and the other a street walker for 300 baht. Both were great experiences in different ways. As pmmp said, it’s like comparing carrots and turnips.

  10. @ BMG,,, Great read, I laughed out loud a few times and it raised my blood pressure for a minute…Thanks. I’ve had a number of these nights in BKK, minus the broke back jacuzzi. I’m not sure how you managed to put the brakes on and check out? I fail there everytime. But you have managed to set a new bench mark for my next P-town trip.

    Is it still a creampie if it occurs under water??

  11. Damn, the Penthouse Hotel – sweet memories!

    … though sad to see that the Kitten Club is still ladyboy infested – a fact the management downplays verbally on various other forums (i.e they are lying).

    I still remember the Kitten Club when it was all *real* girls, instead of overrun by skanky ladyboys – that was the last time I stayed at the Penthouse Hotel.

  12. “Is it still a creampie if it occurs under water?? ”

    – I think that’s called the Jelly fish.

    Next month the plan is to get the room with an extra jacuzzi to avoid any hairy leg rubbing. Of course, with another jacuzzi, means another 2 girls.

    Better start saving.

  13. Me and a mate of mine had a look round 1 of the party suites @ The Penthouse a year or so back with a view to filling the room with alcohol, nigerian love dust and mixed gender prostitutes

    The decor is as gaudy as a pikeys wedding cake and would of been too much for my frazzled senses to bare after a heavy night doing what we intended to do. The dildo built into the bath was a nice touch. Always good to have something to grab, should you lose your footing in the shower.

    We saved ourselves the 10,000b + and ended up in some 400 baht a night shithole guesthouse on soi 7, which I crawled back to after blacking out at a ladyboys apartment and getting bummed for my efforts. Theres a moral to that story Im sure.

  14. “Gaudy as a Pikey’s Wedding cake”…YP, you just have a particular way to descibe situations etc that tickles me fancy.
    TNBMG..I learnt long time ago just pay for the public taxi at Doyawannaboomboom airport. Usually hassle free except most don’t know their way around Patts and they tend to fall asleep at the wheel if you land late at night. Just means you gotta stay awake to grab the wheel every now and then.

  15. Ahh, yes…the Penthouse suites. WPD and I know those well. And as someone mentioned earlier…the only downside being the throngs of ladyboys around. Hard to beat that place for a sheer party atmosphere…although, it is pretty gaudy, but really…that is what you want when you want to have a Pattaya-type party.

    Here’s to round two….

  16. I’ve been seeking a pad with a hot tub in Pattaya for quite awhile and The Penthouse is usually the first place mentioned (and the first site that pops up in Google). But I can never get over the gaudy decor of the suites through. If I woke up to that place after a hard night on the town, I would think someone had spiked my drink with LSD and dumped me in Michael Jacksons bedroom. Anyone heard of more ‘classy’ hot tub apartments in Pattaya (I know – that sounds like an oxymoron).

  17. They have mirrors on the ceiling.. so I totally understand you being concerned about waking up and not liking what you see 😉

    Galaxy Suites have a Jacuzzi room – but it’s not big and you get bollocked for making too much noise. And when I say noise, I refer to pmmps ball bag slapping on some bints arse over and over……

  18. Rick Masters -Try the Galaxy Suites on Soi Diamond. For about 3,000 they do a room with a jacuzzi/hot tub kinda deal.

    Dont take much notice of the pictures on the website, as the room and ensuite are smaller than a mouses cock in the cold, and the tub took a fucking age to fill up. Saying that, we went pretty loud, and made a fuck load of noise and the staff were fairly accomodating

  19. I wouldn’t wish hearing the sound of Pmmp’s ballbag slapping against the ass of the cheapest Sukhumvit street meat on my worse enemy. It’s right up there with waterboarding torture. On a side note, I now have an interest in doing a Pattaya run this week. Maybe I will checkout Galaxy Suites hot tub. I also heard alot of the Creampie Thiai pornstars are recruited from the downstairs club ‘Heavens Above’. Actually I know this for a fact. Sorry about being cryptic about it, just trust me on this.

  20. good write up Notorious…

    i usually got nana to pattaya is usually a kilo all in… of course once the guy ran out of gas and no gas stations are open surrounding pattaya at 2 in the morning… so i guess like yp i got what i paid for…

  21. Am I the only person who thinks the Creampie Thais guyis a right cunt? His bellend looked comically short, like someone had smashed him on the top of his helmet with a wooden mallet. Oh, and had the dorkiest fucking voice going. ‘oooohhhh, you are soo-ai maaaak’. Wanker. Im glad he got arrested and possibly shagged up his shithole in Bang Kwang prison

  22. @ Rick,,, I know this too. Although, I caught up with 3 of the chicks from creampiethais. Not one was at Heavens though.

    @ YP,,, Someone doing all that creampie’n deserves your rath dont they…

  23. I sense a lot of jealousy from YP for the Creampie Guy — personally, the guy has my respect (Creampie Guy, not YP/Mama’s Boy).

    @Rick – yeah, I heard the same (in fact, ditto with accuracy in the information), which is why I just added 4 days of Patters to my next trip. The hunt for CreampieGals is *ON*!

  24. Whenever I travel from the airport to Patts I prebook a ‘taxi’ from Patts for 1200 baht and they wait for me inside the terminal with my name on a paper. Usually a private car in reasonable condition and a stop half way for refreshments.

  25. I say you only live once, so F**K it do it now so when it;s all said and done you have no regrets. Awesome read

  26. Good gonzo read, BMG. Particularly liked the taxicab shenanigans…why listen to good advice and better judgement when you can get a good story instead 🙂 I’ve been there, brother, unscheduled stops in shady neighborhoods…..

    YP – the lesson surely is Kendal Mint Cake – it maintains blood-sugar levels and avoids blackouts. I’m never out in p-town without it.

  27. @Hunch, read somewhere Kendal Mint Cake was used on the first, and second, Mt Everest climb, no blackouts recorded and sugar levels were fine.

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