Whilst YP cries into his warm UK beer and ROLLN works on a plan to persuade Mrs Rolln that he is off to carry out charity work in BKK , I have to remind myself that maybe we’re looking at Bangers through rose tinted glasses. It was just last week when I was sitting in a grotty little bar on soi 22 being ignored by the 16 ugly staff when I entered a conversation with Snakewalk and our girlfriends.
I (drunkenly) told my girl I’d take her to England at some point. She was excited. Of course she is. Spending time with me will do that to a person. However, I found myself telling her about some differences she’ll encounter when visiting. I didn’t realize at the time that I was listing ‘bad’ things about Bangers which I don’t normally pay attention to. It was my subconscious kicking in..
I told her….
My dear, when you visit my place in the UK, you will not find a market stall with a guy selling DVD’s. What’s more, when you go into a shop and buy one, you’ll not have to ask the shop assistant if it’s a good copy or not. Which makes me wonder why it is the sellers actually stock ‘bad copies’? Is there someone out there wanting to buy crap copies? How often does someone approach the market stall, choose a DVD and get told ‘this copy 100%’, only for the buyer to say.. ‘no no no. fuck that, I want a crap copy please’. I don’t think it happens.
And my dear, when you get in a taxi in the UK, you don’t have to ask if the driver is actually driving that way anyway, so can he please take us. Nope, just get in, tell him where you want to go and hey presto, he’ll drive you there.
Also dearest, when you’re in a shop and you want to buy something, you pick up the item, take it to the cash register and hand over the money. Simple. There will be no negotiations about a discount. There will be no forms to fill in. The shop assistant wont have to phone anyone to see if they can sell the item and you won’t have to give out any personal details.
Don’t expect to sit on the back of my motorcycle ‘side-saddle’. Don’t expect to see motorcycles riding along the pavements, jumping red lights, riding down a one way street the wrong way and certainly not carrying the whole family on them.
The police will not pull us over for no reason other than being in front of them and then expect £10 for us to go about our business.
Don’t worry if you don’t have Indian men coming up to you and saying you are lucky. If you do, it is perfectly acceptable for me to punch their faces in.
If you go in a bar, expect to pay for a drink when you buy it. There is no need to leave a tip for the person that is being paid already to serve you.
Don’t feel bad about walking one the pavement (sidewalk for our Western Brothers) and not fall over some scabby old woman selling crap. In fact, we can even walk side by side along the street and not get propositioned by Ladyboys. (this was a negative for YP)
All in all, Farangland does have it’s upside. Yeah, we all know the women are fat and the prices are extortionate. It rains all the time and if you are lucky enough to be gainfully employed, the salaries are crap. But, Bangkok is not perfect either.
We all have our gripes and loves for the place, as we do our home Country. I love coming to Thailand every other month, but after 3-4 weeks, I am ready to get the hell out of there.
On Nutter has compiled many ‘things I hate’ lists… funny stuff.
There is only one reason I came to Thailand. Girls. Oh.. and to lose all my money.