Soi Cowboy Bar Crawl – Part 1

Remember when you younger than 35?   When your pals ordered a round of shots and you got all excited?  “fuck yeah… shots”!!   Sadly, after you go past 35 and someone orders some shots, your attitude changes.  You start saying things like.. “who done that”?  And,  “oh no, this is going to be messy”.

Shots were my alternative to having a beer or a vodka each time we visited one of the 32 bars in the soi cowboy crawl. Having passed 35 yrs… this was going to be messy.

Roll back a few weeks.  PRP and I decided to embark on a Soi Cowboybar crawl.  We’ve never done it and we’ve never heard of anyone doing it.  Even Walter, who has been in Bangkok for 137 years had not heard of anyone doing it.  Is it possible?  Of course it fucking is.

Once it was ‘out there’ and people had expressed interest in attending, the hard part was trying to organize it.  I didn’t want to put myself on the podium and say I was the leader or anything like that – as the way I saw it, it was a group event.  However, if a leader was not needed, it did need someone to be in front.


Starting point was The old Dutch at 18:30.  I was getting worried that the even maybe a washout, so stopped by the Mango 1st of all to see if there was anyone there that was up for it.   Laitchdog, WG  +1, Mike and Bubba were there waiting. Sweet.  At the very least – there would be 6 of us!

The Players –

PRP – The man that brought me to Bangkok 7 years ago  Thanks.

Whisperingoldman – This guy is on 1st name terms with every bar owner, mamas an and girl that we know

nurseRon – What can I say…  it’s always good to have a medical person with you.

Spats – Made it to the start…  not sure where he went to?

Pete – Found us eventually…. Nice guy.  Too nice in fact. Has he ever been drunk or bad tempered? It’s hard to trust someone who doesn’t make a twat of himself!

Zufo – Man of not many words – professional drinker none the less.  I imagine him to pull legs off puppies.

Mike – The guy was always one step ahead of us – literally.

Companyman – My hero.  Always has his hands in some girls pants. Our goal was to bar crawl. His mission was to part girls with their panties.

Lachiedog – Quiet.  Was worried that he wasn’t having a good time.  Then tried to talk to him but we were both too drunk. Which must be a good thing?

Bubba – More like a Terminator. Doesn’t get drunk, slur, stumble, hair never out of place. The guy is a machine.

DocBond – Nothing I can tell you about him you don’t already know!

Paul – Long term expat… happily married in Thailand?!?!  Who’d have thought it possible?!

Rubber Duck – The guy not leading, be he was in front of them (Convoy 1978)

Those notably missing were DavetheRave, Stickman, BBB and pmmp.  Next time maybe? pmmp was out of town, so will forgive him.  Just aswell really, as some of the girls thought I was pmmp 😉

These are the players, now lets get to the venues…   They are listed in order – with roughly the times.   Things get a little sketchy the more we drank.  Anything said about the bars is purely based on that drunken night and is by no means meant to be used in conjunction with Trip Advisor.

As there were a few of us, it would not be manageable to have huge rounds. It was decided that we should ‘buddy-up’  into two’s or three’s.  It’s just easier when ordering / paying for drinks.

Everyone was asked to make notes of anything…erm… notable.  Equipped with my iPhone and my drinking buddy Bubba with his Android..  we thought we were well equipped to take notes.  What follows leads me to believe we are pretty fucking useless and taking any kind of notes.

Let the names begin…

Old Dutch  18:30 – Ribs, wings, salad…etc.. good finger food to start off.   Quick introductions with all the troops.  Drinking faster than eating, some of the guys started ordering more drinks before I could point them to the door.

Next door wasn’t open yet – so we headed to the top of the soi to work our way down.

Country Road  19:15 – Just a beer bar.  Girls were not what I would call nice.  Live music which I don’t remember, however I do have a note that says ‘music was shyte’!

Five Star 19:25  Cute girls and 80bht per drink.  Service was so-so

Deja Vu 19:37 – Wasn’t open until 19:45.  No time to wait, we had a drink outside.  Wrong drinks were served.   Valuable time wasted getting the right drinks.   W.G didn’t look flustered.   Mike headed off to do a recon.  Companyman was sniffing pants.

Tilac 20:00 – no punters  – girls were ropey – but some cuties.  Drinks 70bht.  Sat outside and tried to make up lost time from the previous bar.

Sams 2000 20:10 – terrible. – this isn’t a bar, more a restaurant.  Waste of time.  Hit the shots of jeager.  160bht for 2. Ripp off.  1st and last time I’ll ever go in there.  No girls either. Moving on.

Kiss 20:15 – nice, neon everywhere.  Like a mini Tilac.  Topless, but the girls were more interested in themselves. Some cute coyotes and drinks 60bht.  Not bad at all! – Will go back.

Shebas 20:30 – naked girls multiple fat bastards.  What the hell? Companyman was taking phone numbers aswell as panties.

Sunshine – Afterskool 20:46 – Rubber Duck went to the naughty-boys corner and had 2 skanks set about him. They were not the nicest looking.  Whilst getting seen to the girls / staff did their usual trick of ordering themselves a tequila and coke.  Which is 2 separate drinks.  Then they order for the barmaid and Mamasan – all whilst you’re not paying attention.  Not a pleasant time.  Get out as fast as you can.  Scamming bitches

Fannys  – 21:15 Girls were not beauty queens but had a great attitude.  Rubber Duck was recognized by some girl and lead him away to be sexually assaulted – Doctor Bond observing and tutting the whole time.

Dollhouse 21:28– shite – outside  Girls looked bored.  Some topless, but nothing jumped out at us. Drink and out.

Shadow – 21:39 Beer bar – not gogo.  Bumped into PJ from the Old Dutch.  Served fast and correct – drinks were 75bht and the happy hour is from. 12-10pm or 11pm.. not too sure as I was drunk. Best you go there until 11pm and report back.

Midnight 21:50 – bunch of topless girls – not bad looking either.  Will return.

Shark 22:10 – Full of hotties. Some topless.  However, the flip side of this, is that it was full of dudes.  Nowhere to sit.

Baccara 22:30 – Getting rather drunk now.  Baccara (as always) was full.  Sat outside to drink and psyc our selves up for crossing the road to take on the second side….

Visually / Audiably drunk now… the 1st line of bars was behind us.  Few could argue that the ‘@Corner’ restaurant was a bar and worthy of a drink.  It wasn’t.  Besides, Mike, being one step ahead of us had already been in there and had a drink at a table.  With a menu.  And a candle.  Not for us.

A count up of where we were at revealed some of us had dropped off the Convoy.  Spats had taken his Horse drawn Carriage home at the strike of 9pm, not even leaving his glass Adidas for one of the Arab Princes to find.  The rest of us were pretty much still here.  I think.  Paul had done a runner as did Doc Bond…

Notes get more sketchy, memories more blurred and the headcount drops.

To be continued………

In the second part, I’ll  list of the remaining bars and give a little summary.   If there is room, I’ll then continue with what happened after the crawl.   If anyone wants to write up what they did AFTER the crawl,(Companyman?) then please send it to me!

Mine isn’t too interesting, but maybe a little amusing for some.

Part 2

38 thoughts on “Soi Cowboy Bar Crawl – Part 1

  1. funny I was at the Plaza with Khun pump last night, careful not to let Cowboy enter in to our evening plans! I’m sure he’ll have some explaining to do when he discovers his evil doppleganger was out with a free “get out of jail pass” on his account…Goodtimes!
    Gota say though wish someone would have thought to add to the contest a panty collection. You guys that were collecting did quite well.
    All and all I found trying to stay on course and accomplish the mission made it more like work and didn’t allow for a full appreciation of all that was on offer. But now we know it is possible! BTW me vodka red bull all night works well, after my bugging out at 1:45 to scramble and barfine my fav. at the plaza, was still able to bed her proper and awoke to a mildly unpleasant afternoon glow. But my little star always makes getting up a special time… 😉 too bad I fucked that one up but last nights early recon looked promising for her replacement?

  2. @ Lomeo: it wasn’t the same kinda fun you would normally expect at Cowboy, but rather like being in a biker misfit gang seeking havoc and chaos? If that makes any sense at all! Plus come on dude, it’s always fun hanging with the resident rock star!
    I noticed he failed to comment on how much he dropped that night!
    But don’t think it needs to be repeated much more than annually. I’m still waiting to see the tee shirt…..Hmmm?

  3. I had fun.

    Actually, the socializing with different characters was what made it fun for me.

    T-Shirts…. BAD IDEA. I can just see the cops chasing some of us down the street after kicking off in Afterskool. Bust some girl in the chops and shove her smartphone up her arse. The cops yelling… ‘anyone see what they look like’? – Only to have everyone say ‘They were wearing Mango T-shirts’!

    I’ll mention the expenditure in part 2. I still feel embarrassed having to ask WhisperingG to pay for my drink at the end. 😳

    I am thinking of a BJ bar crawl next. I don’t think it’ll last that long though?


  4. @DW; dude I’m so fucked! Having been so so so very spoiled and grown used to my sweetheart, they all look like ropey hags now! I hit lollipop a few days ago and after a very long time I basically just used her to catch after I self served, eyes closed tightly imagining my little dream girl! Was out with pmmp last night at Nana and a fit from afar looking 26yrd spinner climbs off stage to join me. When I gave her a little hug and squeeze she felt one of those memory bead pillows! All squishy and floppy! I don’t know man, I think I be ruined for life…Long story short, I’ll go with you guys on a Bj crawl but I may as well just pay for one of yours cause they just don’t cut it anymore for this freak! Maybe we all get hopped up on viagra and see who goes the longest? Although chapped members can be a problem around here…

  5. @DW: BTW the T-shirt is post completion! totally agree with that thought, don’t want Mango HQ to ever be compromised by the drunken antics of any!

  6. I’ll have you know I hung on in there until after Cockatoo – mainly at the insistence of prp who wanted to go in there in numbers … after that I wandered off in an acholic/citrus/cola haze. Other thing of note … whisperingoldman and I pretended to be gay lovers in Midnite bar in a effort to stave off attention from a couple of gyrators who thought that my coming from England was the most wonderful thing they had ever heard – whispering was far too convincing for my liking

  7. only note to add…. i stayed outside at Shebas drinking since i had a girl there i was trying to replace…. and after she hunted me down with textmessages the rest of the evening and checking me out in all the rest of the bars… and ambushed me with a friend in corner bar in the end of the night… and forced me to take her home…

    and now 5 days on i still cant get rid of her 😉 …. although i was close last night when she found naked pictures of the other gf ;-)….

    so what do i have to do to be alone?? more panties??? 😉

  8. @Companyman: some guys I swear. I seem to be great at getting rid of girls I really want to keep? Perhaps inducing her to me may do the trick…


  9. @DW; Lies…I don’t know em all. When you left me at the last bar tho, I was locking lips with that mamasan …we go back a bit.

    @DocB; I thought the vodka was off in Midnight but thanks for clearing that up.
    I do recall sitting opposite the Afterskool naughty boy corner trying to shield you from seeing the disgusting scene behind me as your glasses kept fogging up.

    @Lomeo; I wasn’t sure if it would work but it was different. I enjoyed the night and the company.
    The look on some of the girls faces when 14 or 15 blokes walked in together was priceless, as was the look of despair when after one drink, we left just as they got 4 or 5 tables together for us all to sit at, Country Road comes to mind.

    @Companyman; When you told me what you were up to, I watched you in action. I couldn’t believe how quickly they gave up their g strings. Amazing talent you have. I imagine you have a “knicker room” at home with walls covered.

  10. What, No police chase’s?? Letting me down…

    Still, Sounds like fun to me. I dont usually have too great a time at Cowboy. So I wouldn’t mind at all a bar crawl/run…

    • ROLLN… there was some chasing… but that was a little later.

      WG – you kissed a Mamasan?? Eeeeeee…. yuk! KISSING????

      Companyman – I wish I had your problems.

      nR – I wish I had your problems too!

      PatPong crawl anyone?

  11. @DW; usually I would agree but she ain’t really fat or really old or really cantankerous or particularly ugly as most are. Not really your typical mamasan. I doubt my explanation will change your view tho.
    Waiting for part 2.

  12. Just poor management on my part, I pissed her off and unfortunately for me she’s a bit of a super star in her little world and surely won’t miss any of my attention or contributions to her college fund! Sucks when you pick a top performer, your usually not the only one who’s so appreciative of her skill set! I’m actually pretty bummed, invested well over a month consecutively during this past year with her and it took a lot of hunting to find that one and I just don’t see an easy replacement in this limited time frame…Add insult to injury was at Mercury a few nights back and found a number of great looking prospects, but that place is kinda fucked up! Some girls can go LT but have to be back by 3am, others only ST and onsite! Mama collects all the proceeds up front and is pretty conditional for my taste. All and all not sure I’m willing to play their brand even though love the line up! So I go home in about 4 days bummed! ;(

    • nR – Damn. You’re girl was (is) as hottie. More over, she was becoming familiar with your surroundings / friends, which also adds to them relaxing and having more fun.

      4 days? Well, that could be a good thing. You only have time to have unattached fun – and no time to form a relationship!

      Get yourself to Eden…… 😉

  13. @nR good advice from DW. Whenever I’m struggling with women’s issues I always head to Pattaya, which seems to clear my mind. I think it’s the sea air that does it.

  14. for those of you that had the pleasure to meet her you very well know how badly I feel right now! Easy on the eyes, great attitude, and she genuinely liked me! The kinda girl that will go gogo bar hopping with you and your mates and 2 tequila shots later is up on stage giving the current venues talent a clinic on how to be Saunook! I liken this to be the same as if you had a bone stock 1970 426 hemi GTX that you pampered better than your self and then on a dumb ass whim end up wrapping around a tree! Lesson learned?

  15. @nR

    I feel your pain Ron as she is a dream girl. However, my advice would be to move on sharpish given your limited time left. I am now back home in the office trying to piece together my 3 nights there and wishing I was in your shoes with all of the unlimited options that BKK has to offer.

    Fill yer boots mate….it’s never too late to meet some new friends.

  16. @ JTL: I’m doing it, intact Im sitting here now at 7ish am with a like looking little lass and you know the term “when the shoe fits”…you may wonder why I’m on this fucking lap top and not her? As I said before, she’ll be a tough act to replace and so far I’m still looking! There’s a reason some girls are so popular and others are always hugging the pole?
    Wish me better hunting tonight, got 3 more to try and fill those adorable little boots!

  17. BTW just a follow up from my encounter at Mercury. I tried ROLLNS approach to smooge up the Mama in efforts to get what I want. I bought her a few drinks, took my girl bar hopping since she was fairly new to the plaza scene ( per Mama’s request) even had the girl back to the bar safe and sound before closing ( Mama originally claimed the girl stayed with her and had to be back by 3am) before shoving off I made my point very clear that if I return to take her again it would be for all night since I’m not a ST kinda guy. I enjoy hanging and get to know my victims and multiple attacks are the norm. For my fun you just can’t accomplish everything in the course of one and out. Any way I show up last night, greet Mama and let her know I’m here to claim my prize for all night. Fortunately I didn’t order or even sit down, I told Mama I was meeting friends soon and maybe we would return. Well this is the kinda shit that really pisses me off! I endure 20+ hr. plane rides, deal with all the not so cool stuff about being the LOS, spend a shit load of cash on Hotel(s), drinking, eating and sponsoring numerous college funds just to be told “NO”! WTF? Mama made the same quote as last night with the 3am return time. I calmly smiled and refused, reminding her of our prior arrangement and stood my ground. Then she hits me with “Oh she have baby, have to take care”???? I’m no expert but the girl I was with last night showed absolutely no signs or symptoms of any pregnancy, EVER! It was at that point I politely decline again and made my escape. Mama chased me down touting another girl that could suit my needs. At first I refused her but quickly reconsidered since I’ve found on way too many occasions, my initial rash response usually doesn’t serve me well. So as Mama is dragging me back in side, pointing out another girl thats completely not my spec, I tell her once more I picked the lady I wanted, if she can go where good, if she can’t (or doesn’t want to?) then I’m done here. She held to her story and I was down those stairs in seconds!
    Don’t know if this the norm now or what but before the remodel Mercury used to be a nasty little hole that specialized in the youthful crews, no kids, and a shape and size to fit most all tastes and did business the conventional way! Now it would seem not?

  18. I like the Mercury, mostly because the DJ has a few of my cd’s in his booth, and the table that is about an inch shorter than the rest that I knocked out of the ground during a drunken Foo Fighters/Queens of the Stoneage appreciation bout. Replaced the eight or so drinks that got broken and everyone was happy again.
    I usually have a few drinks with the resident LB and she then chooses for me, with no question about the LT thing. She has never disappointed, but she has known me since the bar was on the other side of the plaza.

  19. @nurseRon … gonna be in mango between 8 and 9.30 if u wanna do some nanacrawl after… i might at least get u a pair of nice knickers 😉

  20. NR: Sorry to hear about the “broken heart”, not sure how it ended, but if you are a little bitter and need pay back, drop her bar and #, then we can take her out, D her down, spray her up and say that was for my boy cuz you broke his heart 🙂 ! Nothing evil, just old school letting her know we are the ones running things!

  21. @nurseRon; Sorry to hear about the ” broken heart” also mate. i got to meet the little lady somewhat briefly and she was a bit of alright. I get a broken heart every time I leave Thailand and have to look at all the fat fuckers in suburbia.I am also in a bit of a dilemma as I really dig a bar lady I have known for a while but alas I also fucked up.Lucky she is no gogo girl and older so I am still on the books. It was nice to meet you mate and I wish I was feeling better and a bit more fun at the time. i hope we get to catch up again.
    @DW; Yes mate, there is a sea side or as I say, sewer side in Pattaya. I spent my last week there trying to recover from Soi Cowboy crossed with Bkk belly illness that hindered my drinking and fun, and sadly, lessened the libido for longer than expected.I did however take your advice and visited a BJ bar and got the top provider, who was good at her job.I felt like a cow being milked, a bit mechanical.l was not particularly horny but did it out of duty for the cause.Im sure it would be brilliant for pre or post work stress relief though. It would have been great to have a sit down beer and chat with a well connected man like yourself and enjoy some tales.I hope to be back in late Feb early March and i hope we can catch up then. Thanks for the tours of Nana and Cowboy, I wish I had been feeling better. I will have to watch whom I eat next time.
    @WOM;nice to meet you and its always the quiet ones you have watch, as apparently you made it to the end of the crawl.Legend.
    To all the others whom I met but don’t know their blog names, thanks for the company and I hope to have beers in the Big Mango with those who are around. Cheers.

  22. @Lachiedog; thanks for the kind words and we all know every part of this is self induced so if you saw a guy play with a nail gun and he shoots himself, can you really have pity on an idiot? 🙂

    cheers from yet another BKK idiot!!!


  23. @dogflye: no need for bitterness, I actually admire her in a genuine business sense. She aint going there doing her thing because she likes the rich cultural environment, or even the tunes! I can’t blame her for a thing, she was just being herself and you’ll never see her out asking for hand outs! That girl literally touches every dollar she earns and that’s something in this day age, at least in my book it is!

  24. I’m intrigued, I would love to meet this girl whose business sense tells her to pass up 7500 a day guaranteed from a known entity, presumably nice guy/jai dee willing to take care/spend quality time/shower a gift or two, over showing up to work to pole dance and work at least 3 ST’s or 2 ST’s and 1 LT for little more instead. I’m not sure I would give her a street MBA just yet.

  25. @nR; Some what self inflicted is it big fella. Sadly, confining ones self to one lady in Bkk/Thailand is easier said than done. I had planned to spend a fair bit of time with a lady I have known for a while. I thought I was doing the right thing suggesting she went to work, as she doesn’t drink,play pool or like Disco’s, while I went out drinking and exploring.I ended up barfining a farm fresh Isaan cutie for the next 3 days, who was amazing in the sack. I only went to her bar because it is opposite Devils Den and I wanted to check out the talent pre photoshop.

  26. @latchiedog; pleasure was mine and nice to put faces to names.
    “Legend”..naghh..I did cheat a little..missed 2 bar drinks but did have 2 or 3 at the last when liplocking so maybe made up. When you get into your 60s just lasting is a bonus and then waking up next day, double bonus.

    • Hang on a minute… “missed drinks’?!?!?!

      Next you’ll be telling me you didn’t get sucked off my 2 girls and then fook another in the next bar.

  27. the drama continues! Need to get my shit sorted for my 05:00 exit, (yeah!!!) so not much time here for an update.
    synopsis; whining to everyone at BM last night after trying to bribe her mamason to bump me in, she didn’t even look at the cash after one by one to 3k was offered, mama just squarely looked me in the eyes and said “tomorrow can have” Fine!!!!!!!!!
    At Mango hung out with khun Mike and he wasn’t in a quiet mood, having only 2-3 shots remaining in the open 5th of Jack he was toting about (made tim’s job kinda tuff with being a mobile target for mixers and ice) really like this dude!
    After some bating he encouraged me to join him for a little plaza fun! We did…Nothing too spectacular, will say R-3 was hopping, Mandarin was pleasant, near un-armed conflict at the kiddy pool in Billboard? Had good company for such though! Don’t see much reason to go back since the attitudes in the bath were scathing and annoyed with us, can’t touch the girls or the bubbles WTF?
    Errotica had same old line up, not bad…Mercury packed with ZERO seating, told evil trog mama might return, line up and variety was great!
    Short run but khun Mike made the most of it! Walked him out to a taxi and I’ll assume he didn’t sleep on the street, unless that’s why he was wearing a full hoody?
    I headed back in to follow up on an only friend at Bilboard and was summoned by the doorman at my girls bar? He said “khun ron she here” I took a look and she jumped in my lap! forward time now; she just left to get her phone charger, hair done, etc…we’ll see if she comes back? I’m out of here either way in about 12 hours, would be nice but would also be nice to put this roller coaster to bed and brace for the coming reality of SoCal, work, further scoping and data epistemology for the never ending project!
    more to follow…

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