After 8 years of absence from the Christmas dinner, my parents asked the question ‘where the fuck is my present’? No, they asked where I’ve been.
My parents grew up in the East End of London. They’ve seen and done things that would make your teeth itch. I’ve no reason hide anything I get upto in Bangkok or indeed my passion of the Mango Bar.
With this year being my wind down of the Mango year, I have decided to bring them over to Thailand to check it out.
But here is the thing. What do I do with them? I know how to entertain my Dad, but my Mum and my little Brother? Actually, I know how to entertain my little Brother also.
The plan is to meet up with them in Dubai and fly to BKK. These are the parents, so it’s only right that I fly them business class.
Booked into a suite at the Marriott (not bad at 15k per night). I thought it only right they get pampered a little on the flight and the hotel before I subject them to all the rats, hookers, drug dealers and criminals. – or as we know it ‘soi 4’.
After a few days – take them to HH where they can kick back and relax. But then, will they get bored?
What on earth will keep them entertained in Bangkok and HH? I never really did the touristy thing.
So I am throwing this out there to the masses. Please let me know what my parents could do when they come to Thailand.
They’re old… like late 60’s
Keep it sensible… they are my parents.
I might just open up a free bar on their last night 😉
Buying sea-monsters 1st thing in the morning is not exactly what I call fun. But then I am sure there are many things that I’ve had Miss Tim do early in the mornings which wouldn’t have been her 1st choice either.
The troops were in the minivan heading to HH. A bargain price at 2700, considering a taxi is around 2400.
When the troops arrived, the plan was to have a few beers then leave the women to do whatever it is women do when we’re not around (dance around in underwear I’d like to think)– and then us lads head into town for a few more beers. Easy. Continue reading
Time to cross the road. It’s 22:45. We’re all on the way to getting drunk. Some of us have passed that stage, and some of us are no longer in the convoy. C-Man is has a harem of girls hanging around him. Laitchiedog was quiet, WOM looks like he’s just had a shower and re-dressed, Pete flexing his biceps at some girls, Mike had already gone to another bar to make sure it’s safe for us, nR is nowhere to be found , Bubba is marching me to the next bar and PRP is telling his pal how not to get drunk. Pity he never followed his own advice.
1st bar (next to Old Dutch) is an Arab bar…. Continue reading
Remember when you younger than 35? When your pals ordered a round of shots and you got all excited? “fuck yeah… shots”!! Sadly, after you go past 35 and someone orders some shots, your attitude changes. You start saying things like.. “who done that”? And, “oh no, this is going to be messy”.
Shots were my alternative to having a beer or a vodka each time we visited one of the 32 bars in the soi cowboy crawl. Having passed 35 yrs… this was going to be messy. Continue reading
Gents… talking with my old pal PRP, we came to the assumption that it’d fun to do a Soi Cowboy challenge. ALL the bars in one night.
– There are a lot, so we’ll need to start early evening.
We shall be starting at the Old Dutch at the bottom of Cowboy. A deal has been struck with the Big Cheese there for a bunch of snacks before the marathon. Chicken Wings, Ribs, Spring rolls… kinda thing.
And when I say ‘deal’… this one is on me and PRP. The marathon eaters are welcome. Of course you’ll have to identify who you are to us. Any freeloaders will be stabbed in the chest with half eaten rib.
The plan is ‘one drink and out’. No exceptions. (even the Arab bars) All are welcome. If you can make it to the Mango (and spend some money) before we set off, it will be a good opportunity for introductions and name calling.
Planned date is Wednesday 12th September ETD (Estimated Time of Drinkathon) is 18:30 at THE OLD DUTCH
Let us all know who is in…. and I’ll add it to the Calendar. (for those of you already said they’re up for it, please mention again on this tread, as it’s easier to track)
A write-up will follow. So I’ll need people to take notes. Continue reading
Last night I arrived in the UK before I fly off tomorrow for the F1 in Italy. It’s not often I get to see the TV in the UK, because…erm… well, I am not here much. So, flicking through the TV channels last night as there are no gogo bars or hookers to keep me amused, I happened upon a TV program called ‘Big Trouble in Thailand’. Or something like that. This looks interesting I thought. This is a program that my UK pals would watch and think I am living in the middle of. Oh, how wrong!
The 1st thing that made me think this might not be 100% accurate is when they stated that Pattaya attracted many tourists due to the beaches and sea. Crap. Why not be honest. It’s girls. Simple.
There were a few little sub-stories in this program. I will share. Continue reading
As I sit here… in the middle of nowhere, I can’t help but miss Bangkok….
1) The beep of the 7-11 sliding door
2) The heat of the kebab stall that makes sitting on the corner of Big Dogs unbearable.
3) The little fucking bastard beggars attacking me outside Dynasty Inn.
4) The midget at the entrance of Nana Plaza
5) The people offering ‘Sex Movie’ at Pantip Plaza within 15 seconds of entering.
6) The Indian man telling me I am very….very… lucky!
7) The taxi’s that have a ridiculous amount of Buddhas on the dashboard.
8) The book stall at the end of soi 4 that has been displaying Michael Creighton book ‘The Lost World’ for 6 years.
9) The people standing at the traffic lights at the end of soi 4 who can’t wait for the green and run across the road like they’re running on hot sand.
Ten things I hate about Bangkok – this week.
1) Thai people that still think escalators are something magical and hesitate before stepping on them
2) All the commercials before a movie starts in a cinema that contain homos.
3) Thai people running for cover when a little drop of rain falls from the sky. It’s like they think it’s lava.
4) The lack of waste bins around the city. Wonder why the city is a mess?
5) The radio stations in taxi’s assaulting my ears.
6) Buying a few bottles of water from 7/11 and being given 15 straws in the bag.
8) Having my gf eat chickens feet. CHICKENS FEET?!?! wouldn’t be so bad if the chickens wore shoes and didn’t stand in their own shit.
9) Having to remove popcorn from the chair you want to sit in at the cinema, because the lazy bastard cleaning crew didn’t do their job.
10) People keep giving me tat for ‘good luck’ and say they prayed for me… yet the good luck never seems to come?
I was e-mailed a link today to a rather amusing site. I get that a lot. Some of the sites are just… well…wrong, but this one led me to this article which caught my eye.
I shall be back in Bangkok next week and plan on going to see Batman. Am I worried about unhinged gun men? No. I’ll be taking a Mango with me.
If this takes off, I’ll set up a stall near soi 5, along side the taser guns and the knives.
Also sent in… some dude claims that taking pills to cure his baldness has turned him into a woman.
Nice try. I would argue that wearing one of those tattoo sock things and bright red lip-stick is fooling nobody. Why doesn’t he just come along to Patpong or the Plaza where nobody actually gives a fuck?
Dude certainly don’t look like a lady.
Each year, I feel like getting away from it all and treat myself to a little holiday…
I’ve tried to persuade the girlfriend that there are many nice hotels in soi 4, but she insisted we go further afield.
After putting up a good fight, some tears, name calling, dirty dishes left in the sink, laundry thrown everywhere, she told me to grow up and stop being a big baby. Being called a bigbaby is possibly the worst insult ever.
This was all for show really, as there is a place in Phuket that I like, and have been a few times now. I just didn’t want to seem too keen.
‘Might-get-you-there Air’ was cheaper than soi 5 night crawler so there was plenty of money in the holiday budget for a nice hotel. The Melisa Villa Resort was my retreat of choice. It’s in Kata a stones throw (if you’re an Olympian) to the sea. Continue reading
Finally I got the hell out of Bangkok a few days ago….. so what’s been happening?
The ‘gang’…. French Matt, Rick Masters, pmmp, BBB, Spats, Bubba, Jonas, Phoenix, Wombat and the Three Amigos, Dave the Rave, Big Tony and Stickman – I think that’s the lot?
Good to see you guys again and good to meet Phoenix. He was a daily regular who soon realized my wealth of knowledge really only revolved around soi 4. Sorry. It’s the world I live in! Continue reading
Having a read through Stickman this week, I noticed the sentence –
“The Thai police help a victim recover his stolen IPad in Bangkok.”
Could this be the same stolen iPad that the cops found in the S.T hotel opposite the Mango the other week? Continue reading
Whilst YP cries into his warm UK beer and ROLLN works on a plan to persuade Mrs Rolln that he is off to carry out charity work in BKK , I have to remind myself that maybe we’re looking at Bangers through rose tinted glasses. It was just last week when I was sitting in a grotty little bar on soi 22 being ignored by the 16 ugly staff when I entered a conversation with Snakewalk and our girlfriends.
I (drunkenly) told my girl I’d take her to England at some point. She was excited. Of course she is. Spending time with me will do that to a person. However, I found myself telling her about some differences she’ll encounter when visiting. I didn’t realize at the time that I was listing ‘bad’ things about Bangers which I don’t normally pay attention to. It was my subconscious kicking in.. Continue reading
As some of you will know by now, YP and I arrived on Friday looking less than our best. Rewind 15 hours and were fresh as the daises that YP has in his hair.
Arriving at Heathrow Terminal 5 around 4pm I had only an hour before meeting YP at Terminal 3. I hit the bar at Terminal 3 (arrivals) and waiting for the kid. One of my work pals (Bazza) just happened to be in Heathrow also – so I called him up for a quick beer.
After a couple of hours of drinking with Bazza and YP at the extortionate prices, we were well on the way to getting arseholed. Realizing that if went and checked in to our Thailand flight (which was open) we could be drinking for free. It is a recession after all, so best we be thrifty. And besides, Bazza had enough stories of ladyboys, girlyboys and the ins and outs of the Nana Plaza. Continue reading
Been back in the hood for week so thought I’d take a little stroll and remind myself why I keep coming back here.
Into Nana Plaza to do the rounds. Billboard seems to be popular – and was in full flow. Great line up all round. The girls were looking fresh and punters were happy.
Dave the Rave was outside his gogos looking busy as always. I do like the little walk around the plaza before venturing inside a gogo. When walking with a pal, I always chose the safe line when walking past the LB’s so as not to be molested. Continue reading