Death, Hags & 10-Baht Drinks

Starting with this post (No. 97 for those counting), I’m trying something a bit different. Rather than follow my usual pattern of writing newsy, one-topic posts, I’m going take a page out of SideShowBob’s book and do some ‒true” blogging about daily life, some links to make you go ‒hmmm,” and a more personal approach to writing.

I warn you now, though, Entourage ain’t my thing. Uni girls and G-clubs can’t be found in Pattaya and I’m perfectly content chasing low-maintenance bargirls. My Pattaya life is definitely lacking the Bangkok Cool Factor. I just thought that getting an ‒Insider’s Take on Thailand (Take 2)” from another city might make things a bit more interesting. Continue reading

The Fallout Over ‘Big Trouble in Thailand’: Blunders, Recriminations & Naiveté

cop

In a darkened editing suite in London, the final six episodes of ‒Big Trouble in Thailand” are slowly being pieced together. But the remainder of the reality miniseries that finally airs on the U.K.’s Bravo cable channel likely won’t be what creator Gavin Hill expected. Some might argue it never has been.

In truth, nothing about the eight-part series about Thai police and badly behaving Brits has gone according to plans, not Hill’s and certainly not those of the Thai bigwigs who months ago happily mugged with him for snapshots. The edited product is not the ‒Thai Cops” Hill claims he wanted to make and now Thai officials have gone into full witch-hunt mode, demonizing him, downplaying their involvement and doing all they can go discredit the show and bury the problems it highlighted.

Even officials in Pattaya, which so far has gotten off lightly, are promising that ‒heads will roll” after seeing a rough cut of Episode 3. Continue reading

Big Debate Over ‘Big Trouble in Thailand’ (+ the Producer Responds)

Face off in Phuket between British Royal Marine Police Sgt. Tim Wright and jet ski vendor J.J. (Photo: Andrew Chant)

Face off in Phuket between British Royal Marine Police Sgt. Tim Wright and jet ski vendor J.J. (Photo: Andrew Chant)

It nearly derailed Banglamung’s epic yesterday and is basically all that people with an interest in Thailand want to talk about. SideshowBob thinks it’s crap. Others claim it’s staged, I personally think it’s pretty precise, but, no matter how you see it, Big Trouble in Thailand is definitely sparking a lot of discussion and debate. Continue reading

Banglamung’s Pattaya Circus #4: Dumb Farangs & Crooked Thai Guys

What would Pattaya be withour Eurotrash in Speedos?

What would Pattaya be withour Eurotrash in Speedos?

I’m baaaaak! Yes, returned from the “Land of the Lost” to the “Land of Smiles,” Banglamung is here to make fun of Pattaya once again. A lot sure has happened since I took off in June, so this post is a bit long, but there’s lots of good gossip and amazing news, including bits on farang drug dealers, animal acts, Thai thiefs masquerading as bar managers, coyotes and Coyotee’s, and one scary account of a farang getting the crap kicked out of him. Continue reading

“The View” — Not Barbara Walters & The Other 4 Bitches. — By Canadian Boy

Knock… knock…

‒Who’s there?”

‒The construction guy using a jack hammer.”

One negative thing about staying in View Tally is that there is lots of construction going on, but It depends on what floor and who’s decided to put a fucking cathedral ceiling in 48 square meter condo. Its a nice place to stay, if you don’t mind hearing a Jack Hammer at 8am, and that’s usually when I’m walking in the door from a night of partying. Then my dick becomes the Jack Hammer. The noise doesn’t happen all the time though. I’m exaggerating a bit, but when it does happen its a bitch to put up with. That’s my only complaint. Other than that Its great. Besides, being forced out of bed early can have you enjoying your day instead of living like a Vampire.

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1 Way to ‘Achieve the Dream’, Relocate to Thailand & Train for a New Career

Based on the surprising amount of e-mail feedback I’ve gotten from my one little comment on LMW’s post, there seems to be a more than a few of you out there looking to ‒achieve the dream” of living – and working – in Thailand. With much gratitude to the Mango Boyz, I’m here to explain one way a whole bunch of guys of all ages have done just that.

If you missed it, my brief advice to LMW was that if he wanted to relocate to Thailand, he should continue to work. It’s very apparent after about two minutes in Pattaya that guys who come here with nothing to do but party quickly lose whatever tenuous hold they had on reality to begin with. What I offered was for him to e-mail me and I’d refer him to a program that would offer an end-to-end solution to get him set up in Thailand and provide him professional training in a new career so he could work in Thailand or anywhere else.

I woke up this morning to more than a half-dozen e-mails from guys just like LMW (but, oddly, not from LMW) asking how to do just that. Thinking these guys were just a few of many with similar ambitions (and to save myself writing a bunch of individual e-mails), I persuaded SideshowBob to allow me a brief – and hopefully not painfully annoying – infomercial about what The Ghost actually does to pay the rent. (God knows blogging doesn’t.) Continue reading

Bangkok Turning Off Pattaya’s Lights at 3 a.m. for 10 Days

An admittedly blurry (sorry) view of the scene outside Insomnia around 3 a.m. Aug. 15.

An admittedly blurry view of the scene outside Insomnia early Aug. 15.

Before you get too inspired by pmmp’s Pattaya trip report and jump in a cab, here’s a word of warning: For the next nine days Interior Ministry officials and Banglamung District police are turning off Fun Town at 3 a.m. sharp.

For as-yet-unknown reasons, the Office of Local Administration, the Interior Ministry department that oversees the operations of all of Thailand’s provinces, has ordered Banglamung authorities to shut down all Walking Street bars and clubs at 3 a.m. Continue reading

My Big Tattooed Pattaya Wedding

My first mistake was thinking a western-style wedding in Thailand would be just like a western-style wedding in the west. My second mistake was thinking a wedding in Pattaya would be like any wedding anywhere.

After five years in the Alternate Universe by the Sea, I should have known better.

Still, I was pretty excited. It was my first invite to a wedding in Thailand and the family was not only loaded, but the groom was the manager of a big go-go bar so I figured there would be a decent spread, in more ways than one. Continue reading

Professor of mongering by On Nutter

‒It’s like the law of diminishing returns. You enjoy your first Haagen-Dazs ice cream so much that you want more, but if you have too many they make you sick. It’s the same with women.”

That’s a very apt philosophy for a former economics professor at an American university. The Prof is one of the more interesting characters I have met in my time in Bangkok. He applies his very sharp mind almost full-time to the pursuit of the women of Southeast Asia, flitting between Thailand, Indonesia and the Philippines. At 67, he is growing old disgracefully.

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The Peking Duck Gets Its Revenge & Ruins My Chances with Another Bird (Part 2) by Canadian Boy

Part 1

Back at ‒Diaper A Go Go” the party is in full swing. My girl asks how I’m doing and I try to act composed. ‒What took you so long she asks…” I make up a story. Its not like I’m gonna tell her I had to make an emergency ‘shit-stop’ along the way, it might kinda ruin the romance.

My brother mentions to me to hold off on drinking and with his expertise in the medical field advises me to keep away from diary products such as milk. Then he adds, ‒No milk, means you can’t be suckin’ on her tits.”

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The Peking Duck Gets Its Revenge & Ruins My Chances with Another Bird (Part 1) by Canadian Boy

We’re staggering drunk down the hallway of my condo towards my suite. Her imbecilic laughing and the sound of her heels clunking like a horse are echoing off the tiled floors and walls. Its doesn’t help that she’s banging on each door with a number above it. The staff, who thought of me, ‘to be a nice, polite Canadian’ at first impression will be reviewed on the security tapes come sunrise due to the complaints that will be trickling into the office.

She’s hot. 5’2, long, blonde hair, micro skirt, silicone tits. A sultry face with eyes that would put the ‘black hole’ to shame. I bought her one to many tequila shots and now I’m really paying for it… at the hands of ’embarrassment’. I’ll deal with that come morning.

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Three Nipples, A Bargirl named “Chernobyl”, A Missing Finger, I Win The Jackpot & Guns a’ Blaze’N in Pattaya (PART 2) – By Canadian Boy

The controversial Part 1

HAPPY A GO GO

This place is ‒Happy”. Lot’s of nice girl’s and a steady flow of FL’s roaming in and out. From what I can tell, this shithole who let the interior designer go crazy with a glow in the dark marker, is doing well for itself. The staff totally gets in on the fun and is extremely polite and hospitable. When they know your face they surely take care of ya’. I have to give them credit for that. Props to’em. The girl’s are bubbly and ready to jump on your lap an’ let you suck on their tits for kicks. I still remember my 1st time walking into this place a month ago and seeing the girl at the door make direct eye contact with me an pull out her tit for me to nurse. She grabbed me by the back of the head and rammed my face right in there.

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Three Nipples, A Bargirl named “Chernobyl”, A Missing Finger, I Win The Jackpot & Guns a’ Blaze’N in Pattaya (PART 1) — By Canadian Boy

BABY DOLLS

Whoever it was that coined this place ‒Baby Dogs” hit it on the fucking snout with that one. The girl’s were just deplorable. Two sexual anomalous freaks where doing some morbid shit on the white, plastic bed that should officially be doused in kerosine and a dash of white phosphorus then napalmed. Girl (A) I’ll call her ‒Thai-zilla” takes a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and JAMS the neck of it up girl (B) who best resembles Max Schreck as Count Orlok from that 1922 creepy ass mother fucking film Nosferatu… except she’s Nosfera-Thai’.

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Pattaya Low Season ’09 in Photos

As a follow-on to Banglamung’s recent diatribe, I obtained a 24-hour pass from the missus and ventured out to Walking Street Tuesday. It wasn’t my intention to be a documentarian of the woes and lows and Pattaya in the Age of Piggy Flu, but the sights were pretty shocking. So, as I stumbled my way from north to south, I snapped a few photos between 10 p.m. and midnight with my trusty N82 so definitively answer the question, “Just how slow is Pattaya.” The answer lies below. Continue reading

Banglamung’s Pattaya Circus #3: When Pigs Attack

Just when you thought it was safe to have fun again, Pattaya’s favorite curmudgeon is back to slander, scoff and sneer at Sin City’s locals and (last remaining) tourists. In case you were wondering exactly what the schedule for Banglamung’s Circus is, its gets written whenever the idiocy, insanity and incompetence get too much to bear.

The pretty much describes the state of panic the locals have flown into since Thursday with the news 17 underpaid urchins at the Star Dice disco all came down with pig flu and infected a few lucky Taiwanese. Pattaya’s farangs – like this guy in a Speedo and swim cap strolling Walking Street – gave it a big ho-hum, as the only white faces in Star Dice are those of self-deluded young studs who think they actually can find a “good girl” in a Pattaya disco. And pigs can fly too, as well as pass on influenza. Continue reading