The weather outside’s delightful……

Now in the UK with Miss Tim. Thought I’d pop over and see friends and family as I didn’t see them at Christmas.

I do like going to the UK. Love everything about it. Well.. nearly everything…..

I notice that every airport in the world I have visited – (and I average 60 flights per year) all the people working at Immigration are from the Country I am visiting.

All accept when I come into the UK. Can’t remember the last time I was greeted by a British National?

Why is this a concern?

Well, I don’t take too kindly to being asked what the purpose of my visit to the UK is – as I hold a UK passport and I was born here and am a UK citizen. Is he? Cheeky twat.

But also, the ‘ethnic’ chap who processed us – handed back Miss Tims new passport and said he only needed (to stamp) her old passport (which has her visa in) as it has 2 weeks left until it expires.

I pushed the new passport back over the counter and said he needs to stamp the new passport – as the old one will expire in a few weeks. Again – he said he doesn’t need the new passport.

This was when I asked if a passport needs to have a minimum of 6 months validity to enter into the UK.
– the penny then dropped and said ‘oh yeah, you are right. I need to stamp the new passport’!!

REALLY????

That aside – when we arrived in the UK – it was snowing! For the 1st time in her life, Miss Tim saw/touched the snow. She can also check the box of having a snowball chucked at her.

Loving the cold, dark weather.

Been out on the last with the gang and suffered hangovers most days.

Time is flying by and will soon be back to work.

The only thing I am missing in Thailand is my cats.

Carry on.

How hard can it be?

The weather in HH is pretty crap right now. This gives me a little time to sit on the internet and do a little research in my pursuit of happiness.

There are few things I need to be a happy little bunny in Hua Hin.

Nice house,  pool, not too far from the town center,  a car and a bike.  Simple.   I am sure I am not alone.  After all,  I’d have thought most if not all Farrangs living here would want the same. – House and transport.

So why do the Thai’s make it so bloody difficult to find either?

Lets start with the housing.  I have yet to find a house where the neighbours are not complete and utter selfish wankers.  They all seem to have dogs which are left outside all day – who like to bark.  Why do they bark?  Well, on all the estates I’ve lived on, there are gardeners and pool cleaners walking about all day – in and out of gardens at their leisure.  My current bunch of gardeners seem to spend more time in my garden than me.  Not sure what it is they are claiming to be doing, as whenever I see them, they are sitting in the shade and gazing into their phones.

So why have a dog?  I keep hearing its for security.  Now, there may have been a time whereby if a dog barked, it would raise alarm and people would investigate. But now?  No one cares.  It’s just another dog left alone in a garden barking at the pool cleaner.  In fact,  dressing up as a pool cleaner would be a good cover for burglar.  When the Thai’s get wind of that idea,  I’ll expect to see a news report on Stickboy of a pool cleaner getting caught for Burglary.. in a condo.

Getting back on point…..   How do you find a house?   The internet of course.  It is after all 2017.

Sounds easier than it is.  Not one of the Real Estate Agents (in HH) has a decent website.  At best, all you can do is search on a house or condo within a price range.  There are no filters, advace searches or boxes to check.  The photos are terrible and the content is shite.  The house I was living in has never been off the site – even though I had a 1 year lease.    Each time I inquired about a house advertised, I was told the house was rented out – but they conveniently had details on another house, which was completely different to the type of houses I was interested in.  I don’t get it.  Miss Tim said the Agents like to keep as much content on the site as possible – as it makes them look good.   I tried explaining that any normal person with half a brain doesn’t think like that.  After being disappointed a few times, I then leave that site and go somewhere else.   When will Thai’s realize that if they advertise houses that they actually have available – then people might actually do business with them.

Pisses me right off.   These people really are dumb.  Annoyingly,  a lot of these Agents have a Farrang in the Leadership/Management team.   Surely they could raise the point of saying “lets put a status on the houses we have advertised as ‘available’ or ‘unavailable’  – so that people don’t waste theirs and our time”?

So instead of what would be a simple and easy process is made into a painful long one.  I have bought many properties in the UK.  Found in the internet after a simple search and then then bought.  Easy.

Instead,  I have to enter into many conversations with the Agents – give them my requirements – and they’ll then come up with a bunch of properties that are completely different to what I want.

I now let Miss Tim do it.  As I will at some point call them all a bunch off fucking clowns who have no idea what they’re doing.

Now, Miss Tim and I have to get on a bike and ride around Hua Hin, looking at new housing estates, peeking over walls and through gates to see where the houses are that we like – and then ask security if any are available.   We also get to see if there are any bloody dogs around as we peek over fences.  Good job we’re in our Pool Cleaning uniform.

Our house hunt continues.   We’ve a few months to go.

So if anyone knows of a Pool Villa,  3 bed for upto 60k per month – please let me know.  No dogs nearby though.

Next up is transportation.    Once I have a house, I need to get to and from it.  Easy right?  Wrong.

I don’t want to go traipsing round all the bloody show-rooms, asking for a price – and then spending the next half hour of them telling you of all the different deals on offer.  I like to go to their website and compare models and prices.     Why is it none of the dealers have prices displayed on their windows?

This is for bikes and cars.   Again, back in Farangland, I have bought many, many cars and bikes from dealers – using only the internet.

It’s easy.   Go to the website,  enter in the search criteria and bam.. the results are displayed.  Click on a few buttons and it’s done.

I really can’t believe the Thai’s here do not have the technology to do this.  They have.  What they don’t have – is the brains and know-how about implementing such a new concept.

I have searched for Bike/Car websites.   Looking for a car and a bike.    Nothing is easy.

Picked up a new bike the other day – which was purchased only because we happened to ride past it the other week and it caught my eye.  After searching the internet for their website to get details (and failing), Miss Tim went into the shop to find out all about it.  – then bought it.

So my point it?

Spend a bit of money in developing a website.  It doesn’t have to be fancy – just give pertinent information on the products you are wanting to sell.  It’s not rocket science.

Half the bloody country is full of ‘IT’ experts – surely there is one out there who can come up with a plan?  They could even wave their fee – for a commission on each sale done through the website?

There are many, many opportunities.

Until then,  I’ll just keep bitching and moaning about riding round the streets all day looking for a bloody house with no dogs or termites.

Kicking off 2017…

What a great New Years Eve…..

New Years Eve celebrations started on the 30th for us. I landed at 7am… Lomeo & Juliet were are the airport to meet me – and we all headed off to Hua Hin

A few beers by the pool in the afternoon before heading into town for a skinful of more booze.

Hua Hin is pretty busy – which I guess is to be expected this time of year. But the atmosphere was buzzing –as were we.

The usual bars of Hua Hin were visited – along with a new one. The Salsa bar. Miss Tim and I visited this place last time – on my last night here. It was pretty good.

Salsa is owned by the Italian Restaurant a few doors away. The food is great, but we were just wanting Cocktails. The cool thing about this bar is…. The Manager (Mario) is a great host who makes an effort to welcome everyone in the venue. He then encourages as many people as possible to get up on the dance floor and teaches them all a few dance-moves. Makes for a great atmosphere.

Several other bars in the ‘grid’ were visited and by 1am we were ready to head back home. It had been 6 hours of binge drinking and we were all worse for wear. Some more than others. I think I fell asleep before my head hit the pillow.

New Years Eve I woke with a bit of a hangover. I don’t think I was alone.

A bit of time wasting by the pool…. A little nap… a cheeky beer and it was time to fire up the bbq. I say fire it up. It was just a case of supplying a spark to the gas.

Lomeo did a sterling job of cooking half a cow. Perfection. We were all stuffed. Time to take another nap.

Courtesy of Chef Lomeo

Courtesy of Chef Lomeo

At 6pm we caught the shuttlebus into town. The place was (as expected) heaving. There was no plan – other than to just take it as it comes.

We hit the usual haunts – El Murphys being one of them. It was full so we took a seat outside.

Opposite El Murphys is a French Restaurant. Couldn’t help but notice the menu advertising ‘Miced Salad’. That’s one way to deal with the rodent problem I guess?

A pal of mine from work was over in Hua Hin so we arranged to meet up in Le Bar. No mice on the menu here. They did however have a big spread of all sorts of free food.

Le Bar is a wine bar. It’s actually quite a nice bar. Friendly staff. Good company and good drinking! Not evening at all. My pals headed back to their villa around 11 – so we decided to head off to the Salsa bar.

whatsapp-image-2017-01-06-at-13-14-50-2

All the Staff get up and dance.. which was cool

There were a couple of tables left so we grabbed one. There was a real good buzz to the place. I am not going to go into it now, as I feel it deserves it’s own post later.

Singing, dancing, drinking, laughing… all the ingredients for a good night.

Hua Hin was busy – which was good to see.  I’ve never seen it so busy.  I know it’s the holiday season, but hopefully the momentum will continue.

As expected, there we no taxi’s/tuk tuks at the end of the night. There were however the usual ‘private’ taxi’s – crawling by the kerbside, offering their services through their window. Slapping another 100bht on the regular price. Which is less than 3 quid, so I am not going to complain.

By 01:30 we were all back to the pad.. snoring.. ready for the mornings hangover which was sure to pay us a visit in the morning.

Happy New Year 2017!

Another year almost in the bag.   What to make of it all?

Well, 2015 was a fantastic year for me – and 2016 turned out to be even better

The general feeling is from everyone that 2016 sucked arse.  What with so many famous people kicking the bucket – but then, it’s not like I knew them, so I don’t care.

I left Dubai and moved back to Thailand.  Took a hefty pay-cut,  but as my outgoings are equally reduced, I am not really any worse off – but have gained 6 months a year off.  So not bad at all me thinks?

Moved into a great new house – although, it’s now being eaten before my very eyes and although I like the house, I don’t like the neighbours, so I think 2017 will see use move elsewhere.

In 2016 we said goodbye to Jonas and GM.   They’ve gone in the Pursuit of Happiness elsewhere.

Miss Tim and I carried out quite a few trips abroad – all helping towards her eventual transition to becoming a Farang.

Not much else going on really….  I am settling into my sleepy ‘take it easy’ lifestyle quite well.

On the downside, on the 1st of January I shall no longer be able to say “last year I was in my 30’s”

But until then,  we’ll be celebrating the New Year in sleepy Hua Hin.  Kicking off with a bbq by the pool – with Lomeo showing off his grill-skills.

Here is to a fantastic 2017.

Happy New Year to each and all.

happy-new-year-picture

– Unless you’re a dick that is.

Tis the season to be jolly tra la la la la….

Although Christmas is something to do with some fictional figure being born – during these festive times,  there is not really much talk of religion. Not that I am complaining.

Listening to the Band Aid song on the UK radio – I can’t help but chuckle at the lyrics.   Bear in mind this song was about poverty/starvation in Africa..  (no, that’s not what I am chuckling about).. listening to the lyrics you’ll hear the line ‘Thank god it’s them instead of you’!

Just think about that for a moment.  ‘Thanking god that its them and not you’.   So does that mean god has made this all happen – to them and not you?  So you should thank him?    Is that how this works?

I like Christmas.  I am not religious – so am I being a hypocrite?   Probably. But I did see something somewhere that referred to this period as a Winter Festival.   I like the sound of that.

I like the trees, the lights, the cold, dark evenings, the food, the snow, the atmosphere round the shops…. great.  Love it.

Only this year, I am in the Middle-East –  specifically Iraq.  They’re not exactly known for celebrating Christmas here.

Having said that,  we do have some decorations in the office – and our local Iraqi work colleagues even have some decorations.    So I’d like to just take a moment (bearing in mind that it’s the season of goodwill to all men) to speak of my Iraqi friends here.  For those of you who have never been here and have only SKY News as a hub of information – I have to say all of the Iraqi’s I’ve met and work with have all been nice and friendly. A good bunch.

Don’t believe everything you see on the news.

Next week I fly home.   Can’t wait.  Lots planned.    I am hoping New Years Eve will be a good one.

A good end to a good year.

Who says we cant be festive here?

Who says we cant be festive here?

 

 

People are Strange, when you’re a…… normal person

Nothing happening of late – been back at work for a few weeks and only a few to go.

I ‘should’ be starting to feel and excited about going home soon – and I am. I can’t wait. It’s not that I am excited about getting home and relaxing by the pool, I am excited about going home and sitting by the pool where there is no one else near me.

People piss me off. I know everyone is different, but why do people have to be annoying, rude and pretty much fucking revolting?

I have come to the conclusion that I am near perfect. I have also come to the conclusion that I hate and don’t want to know anyone who does the following..

  • Eat / Chew foot with their mouth open.
  • Have the TV on so loud that the person in the next room can hear it
  • Not flush the toilet
  • Make noises like a fucking pig and then gob the contents of their nose onto the pavement or in a sink – near me
  • Walk slowly – while texting on their phone
  • Hold their phone infront of their face – even when not using FaceTime
  • Using loudspeaker when no need
  • Banging cutlery onto crockery when eating (that means the food has gone)
  • Breath through their nose when it makes a noise like a werewolf
  • Make noises when drinking
  • Stand so close to me in a queue that you’re touching me
  • Doesn’t refill the kettle when you’ve just emptied it – in the office kitchen
  • Follows me round a shop – commenting on everything I look at.
  • Drive so close behind another car that you can see their speedometer.
  • Have bad breath.
  • Get up out of your seat and walk to the front of the plane as its still hurtling down the runway at great speed
  • Be rude to air cabin crew
  • Use Twitter and Facebook to talk to each other
  •  Anyone who types ‘lol’ at anything.  Ever.
  • Walk though the x-ray machine at the airport with your phone and keys still in your pocket
  • And last of all… for today anyway, the people who’s phone rings in a cinema.

I don’t do any of that and I find the people who think this is acceptable behavior need a kick up the arse.

But apart from that, I am in a pretty good mood.

Carry on.

th

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My dream.....

My dream…..

 

 

Back to Work…..

Been back at work for almost a week now… which means only 3 weeks to go until I am back in HH.

One of my usual gripes was at the airport – leaving Bangkok. I lost count of the people in the queue that were turned away for not having filled out their Departure card. What is wrong with these people? They filled the Arrival card in – did they not notice the Departure card stapled into their passport?

Have to say, Qatar Airways in my opinion is a better airline than Emirates now. I am lucky that my Company fly me Business Class – so I get to fly upstairs or at the pointy end of the plane.

Not a bad place to be at all. My only issue I have is that asshole who opens up a window blind which allows the sunlight into the cabin to murder the darkness.

Having said that, the flight TO work is always going to be pretty miserable. The flight FROM work is different. I am the happiest man on the plane.

So what’s in store for the end of the month? Well, Miss Tim and I are going to go on a drinking binge on NYE during the daytime and then back to the crib in the evening for a bbq. Surrounded by the only people I can tolerate. = Miss Tim and my kittens.

There was a rumor going around that the Ferry between Hua Hin and Pattaya would be operating at the beginning of January. Reports are saying the Pattaya Pier is not ready. Surprise surprise.

After a few weeks in January – we’re off to the UK.

Hmmm… the UK… that’s not far from Sweden is it?

Jooooooooonas?

They sleep all day.  Must be Thai

They sleep all day. Must be Thai

Back to Hua Hin and still hating everyone…

After a short trip to Dubai and the UK… I landed back in Thailand for whopping 10 days.

What to do? Well, apart from the usual cycling, swimming and shopping…. We’ve been hitting the town each night for a few drinks and a bite to eat.

Currently HH is very busy. Busier than I have ever seen it in recent years. Busy indeed. Life after the Kings passing seems to have now gotten back to normal.

We have a number of bars which we’ll visit on our nightly stroll around HH but last week decided to pay a visit to SOS Bar – which is part of the Beer House / Hilton. And what a good little bar it is!

There is a little Filipino singer there every night – who has such a lovely, lovely voice (Bane?) – but she is not the prettiest of girls to look at. Covered in Tatts and cheap jewelry. Definitely a face for radio.

Miss Tim and I find ourselves burning up the hours by having a drink at the bar, listening the voice of an Angel – while watching the people walk past in the street. I am sure one day someone is going to catch us making fun of them and give us an earful.

We have also paid a visit to the newly opened restaurant called Salsa – which is an Italian/Steak House – which is where Coco Beach used to be. Coco Beach was owned by E.T – the guy who used to own/manage Bullys in Bangkok. – so that’s 2 bars that he has failed at now.

And this is where I get onto dodgy ground. I come across people that I know who are dicks, people I don’t know, who are dicks and people I’ve never met – but have to suffer the consequences of them being dicks.

When out driving I am constantly shaking my head and shouting at people. In shops, I am telling people (shop assistants) to stop following me and in airports I am telling people to stop making pig-like noises when eating near me. I am just a troubled person.

I often take to the keyboard to vent my frustrations as you well know. This is becoming all too frequent – and I am turning into a moaning old bastard. So it’s now got me looking at ditching this blog – as I struggle to write anything nice these days. And when I to go into a rant about idiots here, I have to go back over it 2 or 3 times and remove all the offensive parts. We live in a world where you can no longer say what you want – without getting in trouble.

So please don’t be surprised if one day this blog mysteriously vanishes. It’ll just be because I have finally snapped and my posts would land me in trouble (or jail)

Carry on…

Copy that……..

I recently read that the Chinese have copied the Range Rover. And why not? If you’re going to copy an SUV, then the Range Rover has to be one of the top models. I am just glad that Miss Tim can’t pronounce ‘Range Rover’ – because when she can, I am sure she’ll ask for one.

And it’s not just the cars that the Chinese copy. Bikes, phones, TV’s etc.. If it’s on the market and it’s good – sure as hell they’ll copy it. It’s easier than designing something themselves. If someone else (in the world) has something good – then copy it. It’s a simple concept.

So I ask, why is it other Countries have not jumped on the bandwagon?

No, I am not saying each Country should have its version of a Range Rover, I am saying that if a Country has an efficient system.. then why not copy it?

For example… the traffic light system. It works in the Western world. So wouldn’t a Country… let’s say ‘Thailand’ think about copying it? Maybe then, less people would get into accidents and die.

Each day I see idiots on bikes jump red lights. In front of cops too. The cops pay no attention.
Then there is the helmet law throughout the Western world. That HAS to be a good one to copy? How many people die each year in Thailand due to head injuries?

My point is – why is Thailand so lazy when it comes to laws and safety? It’s not like they have to invent a system. They can pretty much just copy someone else.

Not a Happy Home

I thought I had finally found peace in my world.  Nice house with pool, quiet area, away from people.  Great. That’s all I want.  Sit by the pool in the morning sun reading the paper and drinking a cup of tea with a slice of toast.  Utopia.

Or so I thought.   Everything was great until my ears were assaulted by the barking of a neighbors dog.

Why do people have dogs if they’re going to neglect them?  They just leave them outside all day.  Why is the dog barking in the 1st place?  Why doesn’t the owner attend the dog?  What is it with these fucking Thai people that have a dog but just leave it all day?

Pisses me right off.

My first thought is to go next door, find the Farang owner and knock 7 bells of shit out of him.  He’s a skinny little weed and I have no reservations about giving him a slap. However, as Miss Tim pointed out – she has to be here the majority of the time when I am not.  Could be awkward.

In addition to the noisy dog, in one of our bedrooms – it seems the termites are having a right feast on the wardrobe.  We informed the landlord who sent people round who claimed the collapsing wardrobe is due to water leaking through the roof.

Fools.

We had to point out the various eating areas where the termites were especially fat and they accepted it.   The whole fitted wardrobes need replacing.

This has been going on a few months.   Our Real Estate Agent isn’t exactly pushing this.

So – it looks like it is time to move on (again).   This is the reason I won’t buy a place in Thailand.  I have not yet found a house I have wanted to stay in for more than 1 year.

Be it noisy neighbors, barking dogs, crap build quality, regular power cuts….

Miss Tim will tolerate all this – but I won’t.  If I am paying 50k per month for a house, then I want to be comfy and happy.

The search now begins.

Wanted – House in the middle of a field.  All dogs are shot on sight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another month… another night out with the Rats (no Jonas)

Doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun?   It’s been 7 weeks since our last group session.  Last time Jonas was leaving, this time GM was coming back for a visit.

Once again, straight off the plane into a nasty little piece of shit taxi.  I think in the future I shall have to take 2 or 3 tickets and hopefully one of the taxis would have been built this century.     As with all old crap taxis, the driver is a toothless old guy who looks like he has slept in his shirt.    Straight away he told me he wanted 600 to sukhumvit 11 as there was ‘big traffic’.   Dick.

I usually give them 500 – even though the meter has never been above 250.    This old bastard told me how he had a large family etc…   I wish he has gotten this out of the way before I had put my case in the trunk and belted in.   I’d have just walked off.

I told him he could have 500 if he pays for the expressway.. he agreed and off we went.

About 30 mins into the journey, he cut someone up, or they cut him up  – I am not sure, as there doesn’t seem to be any specific rules of the road that I can see.  Anyway, he started shouting at another taxi driver.  The lane was slowly crawling (near a toll booth) and my taxi driver popped his trunk, got out and produced a lead pipe and approached the window of the taxi alongside us.

I am sure this was all for show – as it was right next to a Police booth who saw it all.   Within seconds a cop strolled over with a mouth full of food… crumbs all down his front and looked most angry that his food eating had been interrupted.  He told my driver to get back in his car (ignoring the lead pipe being waved around) and told the other driver to naff off too.   Amazing.

I can only assume my driver was acting on my own interests of getting me to Soi 11 as quick as he could?!

For the 1st time ever, I made it to soi 11 pretty darn quick.  From touchdown to sit down (in the bar) was just over an hour. – which meant I was an hour early.  No problem.  A nice cup of tea before the chaps arrive.

Has anyone noticed how much of a craphole soi 11 is these days?    O.k, so a lot of it is under construction – in which case you’d expect the Construction company to fence off the work, leave space for pedestrians and clean up all their crap.  Silly me, I forgot, this is Thailand.

Lomeo, GM and Kiwi Mike showed up at 09:30 or soon after.   Breakfast ordered with Bloody Mary’s whilst we watch the monster of a woman on the opposite side of the road organize / direct traffic.  And by that I mean she stopped the whole street.  Told taxi’s what to do and where to go, told Truck drivers where to put their trucks and even pushed parked cars out the way.  As ugly as hell, we all agreed, but we couldn’t think of anyone else who could have done that job better than she could.  At one point a cop showed up, trying to see what was going on – but he didn’t have a clue.  He stayed out of her way, as I am sure she could have snapped him in half like a chicken wing.

Food was o.k in Mulligans, but the service was pretty crap.  We had a new girl service us – who was polite and friendly, but we can only assume her supervisor or some girl who was now no longer the new girl stood at the end of the bar and just ignored us when we motioned over to her to order drinks.  At one point she even shouted ‘what do we want’?!   Cow.    Eventually the new girl came and took our orders.

Around 11:30 I went next door to Citidines to check in.  I was staying there for one night.  In the past, we had taken a shine to this place.  Nice big rooms for very little money.  This was not exception.  For just over 1500bht we had a large room, kitchenette, lounge area, sofa, desk, double bed and a TV that was on a rail which moved from the sleeping area to the lounge area.  All in all, a fantastic room/layout for the money.  The only problem is, the place is now looking a little tired and need of a renovation.

Out if soi 11… we headed to the drunken leprechaun again.  Pretty crap in there really – but that was down to us being there early.  Should really try it out at night.  The problem it has – is that its closest rival is Hooters – which is about 30 seconds away and has girls in there who have big Hooters.  Which was our next stop…

I can’t think of going to Hooters on 15 for any other reason than to look at Hooters?  There is no view outside, there is no atmosphere and the drinks and food are over-priced.   There was one thing however that caught our eye.  The Hooters beer cooler/condom.  How great is that? They’ve probably been around for years but I’ve never seen them.   What an absolute bit of marketing genius. If I was the boss of Hooters, I’d have the creator of that in my office and fire him for not coming up with that idea long ago.   The only thing wrong is they’re 500bht to purchase.   Really?  How long before the Sukhumvit lags will be knocking them out for 200bht, having cost them only 30bht to make?

They're not real.

They’re not real.

From Hooters we headed to Soi 22 – The Queens Park Plaza.  Noting on the way where Washington Square used to be and how grotty it was.  We became nostalgic for grotty.

We did plan to stop in at the Fox and Hound, Shag bar 2 and Top Secret, but they were all closed.  Slim pickings before 2pm these days.

The QPP cut a pretty sorry sight.  There was one bar that looked to have some business, but instead of joining them – we went to the bar nearby who had no customers – to even things up a bit.  We’re good people like that!

Can’t remember the name.  Monkey Bar I think?  The had a little wooden table and chairs road-side which was a pretty good place to hang out for 30-45 mins and chew the fat over some cold ones.

There wasn’t really much else happening in the QPP.  I’ve never really seen it busy during popular times, let alone a period when people are still mourning.  – yes… still.

Not a long walk back to Suk, but stopping off at Too Easy Bar 1st.    This bar is starting to become our fave in that area.  The gang there are really pleasant and accommodating.   The only grip I had was the two miserable customers sitting in the corner.     I rang the bell for the entire bar – which was just us, the staff – and their 2 other customers.  It’s nice to be nice right?

The unwritten rule is.. when someone rings the bell and buys you a drink.. you say ‘cheers’.  I wasn’t even looking for a ‘thanks’… just a nod of acknowledgement that lets me know they’ve received their drink that I’ve paid for.  This lets the punter know that the bar is not charging for drinks that they don’t serve.  Not that Too Easy Bar would do that.. but it’s just standard practice.

Cheap twats.

We stayed there for a good few hours.  In that time – a few other old Rats turned up.  Good to catch up with them. Nothing changes… they’re still living and loving it here.  Not sure I could say the same after being here aslong as them.

Nearing 8pm – we had to meet up with the Wives and Girlfriends.    The meeting point was Hooters in Soi 4.

Two of the Rats were having such a good time in Too Easy Bar that they said they’d catch us up.  This is universal code meaning ‘I’ve got a boner and am staying until it’s dealt with’.

Hooters was busy.  Our fave hangout area at the front was taken so we went inside to the long table  – which in all honesty wasn’t a bad spot.  Never sat there before.  Good view of the bar inside.  Plenty of atmosphere.  Liked it.

We ordered some food. Everyone caught up with each other’s girlfriends and we were all fed and watered.

Now that the pleasantries were out the way – we headed to the Plaza.   Actually,  that’s where we would have headed, had we not already made a pact in blood (well, maybe not blood) that we’d head to Patpong and check out what’s going on over there.  It’s been at least a few years since going there.

We’d heard from Spats that he was already there – so we’d meet him.

At first we just sat in the taxi going nowhere.. then we remembered that Jonas was not with us – to tell the taxi driver where we are going.  Silom please.

First stop was the Pink Panther.  Music and girls.  It was ‘ok’ – nothing special really.   One thing I do remember is very low or small seats.  Even for me, and I am the size that fits nicely on a toadstool.

Not long drinking and when Spats arrived.

Downed our drinks and headed into the night.   By this time, the booze was kicking in and we were all on the way to being a little merry.

Next up was the Black Pagoda.  I remembered this to be a popular bar the year or so that I last visited when DavetheRave was having a party.  I recall bumping into a Ghost of the past and Stickboybangkok with Stickkidbangkok.   I was hoping for a night half as good as that.

What can I say?  Well, the place was empty.  I am sure there were girls there, but I don’t recall seeing them.  It’s just a bar now I think.   Not a gogo/girlie bar.  It is surprisingly big though – with loads of seating out the back and a pool table.   Real nice venue – but not a lot going on.  One drink and out.

Not a too far stagger, we headed to the Strip.

We couldn’t help but notice that things were quiet.  VERY quiet.  Still, that meant we should get prompt service.

We took up seats at the back near the bar and ordered drinks.  I chatted with the Mamasan while the Rats did their thing.  Lots of letching ssd drinking followed.

The Strip has private booths – but during these ‘respectful’ times – the curtains are not to be drawn.  I guess you could still use the booth for that ‘Star-of-light’ experience, but that was not why we were there.

Time was pressing on and we were getting drunk.  Half the gang had deserted us and we were now a 3 man team.  Jonas was still with us in Spirit.  In fact, we had sent him the odd picture throughout the day, but nowhere near as many as we should have.

Rumor had it that everywhere would be closing around midnight, so we thought it best to head back to Sukhumvit.

I jumped out of the cab at Soi 11 and the remaining Rats continued on to meet their females rats.

I met up with Miss Tim at a 7/11 and we went back to the hotel and were in bed by midnight.  What a good little boy I was.

I didn’t realize how drunk I was – until I found myself throwing up around 3am.  I am now 41 years old, I shouldn’t still be doing this!

Saturday – and back to the land of the living.    Our driver was picking us up at 2pm so we headed to Take a Zeed at T21 for lunch with GM.   This is still our fave Thai place.  They must make a fortune.  It’s always full.  We must have passed half a dozen empty restaurants close by before we got to them.

I couldn’t justify staying another night for as the appeal has long since gone for me.  I can’t remember the last time I was home before midnight?  It’s great to catch up with the Rats of course – but with the internet messaging being so easy, it’s not like we don’t speak to each other a lot and need to meet up to catch up.

We were on the road at 2pm.  Time for a snooze.   Hua Hin was waiting and I was looking forward to some relaxing.

 

 

No Means NO!

Now back in Hua Hin and settling in nicely.  Stress levels are low.  Well,  the were…..

Might sound like 1st world problems…  but I am not in a 1st world.  So it bugs me.

How many times to I have to tell a Taxi driver ‘no’ before accepts it?

The other day, walking along the street a Taxi driver sat on the side of the road next to his piece of shit taxi.

Taxi Driver:  TAXI!
Me: No Thank-you
Taxi Driver: Good Price.
Me: No thanks.
Taxi Driver: Where you go?
Me: Nowhere with you
Taxi Driver: You want taxi, go Pattaya?
Me: Get lost.
– by that time I have passed him, but only to meet another with the same sales pitch 20 meters up the road.

Next up is the people who work in the new Shopping Mall in Hua Hin. It’s just totally over the top service.

Today I spent most of the time in shops trying to lose the sales assistant like Jason Bourne trying to lose a tail. Everything I looked at, some little oik was there to tell me what I was looking at. Like I didn’t know?

As a Westerner, I am used to having my own personal space in a shop when browsing. If I need some help, I’ll call over a nearby assistant who will be aware of me. Simple.

And the last thing to piss me right off today – is these FUCKING IDIOTS that ride their motorcycles with no lights. How much does a bulb cost? I must have pulled out of a junction today more than 3 times thinking the road was clear, only to find some asshole appear out of nowhere on a bike with no lights. Of course, wearing black.

Why is it the cops are not stopping these on the side of the road instead of following people around who are smoking – waiting for them to stub it out on the sidewalk? Stupid question I know.

Why has no one in the Force said to the cops on the street that if they stop bikes with no lights on, they won’t just be stopping a potential (idiot) rider getting in an accident – but also some innocent bystander.

The more time I spend here, the more frustrated I get with idiots.

Carry on..

One Rat gone… another returns….

With Jonas now having left the sinking ship we know and (used to) love- Thailand… another is returning.  O.k… only for a week or so.. but it’s still good to see the dirty old Rat.

This dirty old Rat is Gamblin Man. He left Thailand a few years back to go and do some Gamblin stuff.  He now resides in Manila but is back for a visit.

So what’s on the cards?   Well, I shall be arriving as per usual, fresh faced into BKK airport at 7am on Friday 4th November.   When better to start than then??

The usual script…..

Head to the Queen Vic for breakfast.  Why not?   GM and Lomeo will of course be there – along with Kiwi Mike (maybe). Hopefully I shall not be too far off 9am and they will not have had too many bloody Mary’s..

From there…. well…  who knows?   Not sure of the planned route yet – and hopefully things will be back to normal?   But fear things will be a little subdued than normal.

So where to go?   Some of the bars we want to hit are….(in no particular order)

Morning Night – just for a quick drink to pay homage to Jonas – and send him photos.

Moderation,  Too Easy,  Fox & Hound,  Bar 4, Big Dogs,  Queens Park Plaza – then head over to Pat Pong. Not been there for a long time?

Returning to Hooters on 4 at some point – to get a snack with the WAG’s.  Then into the night again.

Thing is, the only attraction these days  – is to see the Rats again.  (not gay). The bars are losing their appeal and the reason we jump from bar to bar is to keep up entertained.

If we find a good spot somewhere – there is every chance we’ll just end up staying there.

So if you see us out during the day….   do say hello and join us for a beer…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jooooonas has left the Country

Jonas was leaving Thailand. This called for a celebration. Well, sort of.

Coming straight from Iraq…

Arriving in Bangkok at 07:30 I had half an hour wait until my pal Russ landed – from Dubai. An easy way to kill half an hour in Survurnabumi is to be in the immigration queue behind a bunch of dickheads that have not filled in their landing cards so choose to do so at the immigration counter. Dicks.

You’ll notice that at Immigration, before you enter into the queuing system, some little Thai girls will check you’ve filled in your card. Good. Great. Fantastic. These girls are great.

However, there is no one checking the people who enter the Fast-Track immigration hall. Oh no. So 8 out of 10 people in front of me had failed to fill in their landing cards. Dicks.

Still, had time to kill so was not going to let this stress me out.

A short wait and Russ was there. We headed downstairs to the taxi rank and got a ticketed number. Looking down the line of cars to see where no.41 is… Lots of fairly new taxis infront of us – until we saw some old piece of shit Toyota under the no.41. Great. Had we not have been in high spirits I would have just told him to naff-off and got another number. But, as we were busy chatting and plotting our day, we didn’t notice the lack of aircon, seatbelts and a driver who kept picking his nose the entire journey.

The little bastard took us a route that wasn’t on the express-way – so it took us almost 2 hours to reach the Queen Vic where Jonas and Lomeo were waiting. We had arranged to be there at 09:30 – but we got there just before 10. A little late. Sorry.

Queen Vic – Breakfast Favourite –  Four Bloody Marys and 4 breakfasts we were ready to start the days drinking. Lomeo & Jonas were already an hour into their drinking.
Oddly we were the only customers in there, yet had to wave and make a noise to get some attention for service.

The the staff were o.k though and we had a bit of a laugh with one of the girls over Jonas’s order. He wanted Scrambled egg and bakes beans on toast – without the beans. Now, to you and I, that’s just egg on toast. But to the the Thai it makes perfect sense as on the menu it says ‘egg and beans’. Jonas has been here long enough to know that they would understand ‘without beans’ rather than not mention the beans. That amused us. Especially when she delivered the food and Jonas said he asked for extra beans. She knew it was a joke and laughed with us. Nice staff. We’ll be back.

As short walk through a sleepy Soi Cowboy saw the night-crawlers in the soi in their ‘civvy’ clothing, flip-flops with no make up ordering and eating noddles from the street carts. Such a different scene from 12 hours previous.

Cutting under the road to cross at the tube/train station, passing the ‘security’ who wasn’t securing anything and made our way to the Drunken Leprechaun on Soi 15

First time in the D.L.- Nice little bar – but before 12 there is little custom/atmosphere. Grey Goose was the preferred weapon of choice for Jonas and I – whilst Lomeo and Russ were on the beers.

We were all totally sober and eager to get into the drunken mess we were aiming for. The D.L wasn’t the place to do it. I guess we caught them out early and they were not prepared for us. No music or TV on.

One drink and out. From what I remember the pricing was very reasonable. I could be wrong?

Russ and I were carrying small bags and wanted to dump them off early so we didn’t have to lug them around all day.

After the D.L we made the decision to head straight to Nana.. then work our way to DiPlace opposite the old Mango to set up camp.

We walked from soi 15 to 4 – pointing out to Russ all the girls ‘waiting for a bus’ between soi 1-5. That bus never seems to come as they’re waiting there for ages. Maybe they should check the bus time-table?

It had gone 11am so the make-shift stalls selling dildos, Viagra and Tasers were already out attracting custom from pervs, old fellas and Thai door staff.
We arrived at Soi 4.

Morning Night. – I am sure it wasn’t the first time Jonas had been there that morning. Many of the girls saying “hello” and “welcome back”. Another Grey Goose and beers… went down well.

I think we stayed for a couple of drinks as we waited for Jonas to talk to all the girls who were asking where he is going, where his kid is, where their child support is..etc….

Next was Stumble Inn. –  After the last ‘not so good’ experience in there, DavetheRave persuaded me to give it another go.

I now know why it’s called the ‘Stumble Inn’. Because we’ll have to be pretty fucking drunk to go back in there..

I’d like to say it was better than my last visit, but I can’t. Once again they served my GG in a small lady-drink size tumbler. All of the service girls we saw were glued to their phones and we had to make some effort to get their attention. It’s not the girls fault, it’s the Manager/Supervisor. A good Manager will motivate their staff.

Still not happy with the Lady Drink glass.

Still not happy with the Lady Drink glass.

Pity its not a Galaxy Note..

Pity its not a Galaxy Note..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dave(theRave), sorry pal, but your communications to them didn’t seem to work.

Not going to dwell on it. Moved onto the next (generic) bar.

Hilary something. –  Grey Goose and beers – and make it quick.

Now, if you’re a Vodka drinker – then you’ll know that Grey Goose and other vodkas in the same price bracket are very smooth and easy on the pallet. So after 3 or 4 GG’s – we could tell straight away that the GG we had been given was far from Gray or Goose like.

The difference between and Absolute and a GG is like tea and coffee. We complained but the bar staff just waved the bottle at us. We are not stupid. It’s easy enough to top up a premium bottle with crap if they wanted to. *but just to say officially, I am not accusing them of switching the bottle content. I am just saying the vodka didn’t taste like all the others we had that morning.* – 

We left, never to return again.

Big Dogs next… –  The momentum was picking up. We like Big Dogs for the view. If you’re sitting inside the bar then it’s shit. We hoofed a bunch of girls out of the corner and took up residence. Don’t think they had G.G Vodka – but I think they had something similar. We stayed for more than a few drinks. The corner is a great spot and the views are great.

Feeling comfy, relaxed and on the road to drunkness, we actually had time for a good catch up. I think that was the only time that day that we actually all sat together and shot the shit properly. That’s down to the venue and the cool seating.

A few months ago Jonas had a fallout with the Hooters staff for not honouring his 20% discount card. They claimed the cards were being replaced, but until now, he has not received anything.

As Jonas was still mad at Hooters, we didn’t even cross the road. Bar4 would have been next, but as it’s on the same side of the road as Hooters, and Jonas was mad.. we walked on.

A quick pitstop in DiPlace to dump our bags off. My driver was picking us up at midnight so we only needed it for the day. The girls on reception were nice and couldn’t understand we didn’t want to use the room for anything other than putting our bags in. Oh.. and maybe a dump – as public toilets disgust me.

For under 1000bht – DiPlace isn’t bad at all. Clean rooms, if not a little small and prime location. Not sure I’d want to spend much time in there on my own.

Having thought about it – I checked in with my pal and was out in half an hour with wet hair (Russ) and fresh clothes. Hmm… looks like we had a gay short-time?!

We were supposed to visit Jersey Bar and the others around there – but it was too early. The ‘generic’ bars on soi 4 had nothing to offer us so we headed to soi 22

After getting turned down by many taxi’s before 1 agreed to take us, we got dumped outside Titanium… a 30 second walk from Too Easy

Too Easy Bar.

As you know – this is Jar’s bar. We like it in there. Very friendly staff – pleasant and polite. Good healthy sized pours in proper tumblers. Great. Youtube on the screen for you play your own music.

What’s not to like?

An hour easily passed and with the arrival of Big Dom, we headed into sunlight to find another bar.

Memory starts to get a little hazy around here….

ld3

Shag Bar 2

Never been to this bar before. Not bad. The staff were all friendly (I know, it’s their job right?) and the Cashier/Gaffer was a no-nonsense straight talker. Good vibe in there and drinks were now being consumed at a faster pace.

Jonas was now in new territory and had not heard his name called out by a hooker for a few hours.

Checking my phone, I have a picture of Russ cuddling a dog? Not sure where that came from, who took it or where the dog is now? Was it even that bar?

After parting with several thousand baht, we headed out. Not sure if these bars are in the right order?

Kennel fine?

He still bar-fined it.

Fox & Hound – a mates bar who is sadly fighting the big C. Apparently it’s an English bar but the only thing in their which was English was me. Nice staff though, very attentive and friendly. Our one drink and out the door policy had long since been abandoned and we were officially drunk by now.

Drinking spirits 1 for 1 against the guys on beers is never good. If the beer drinkers keep up with the Spirit drinkers – then they get full and bloated. If the Spirit drinkers reorder a another drink while waiting for the beer drinkers, then they get wasted quicker. So we all just kinda went at our own pace and whoever had booze left when we decided to move on basically had to down it.

Moderation Bar – No idea what went on in here or how long we were in there for? I really can’t remember it – or I am getting it confused with another bar? That doesn’t mean it’s a bad bar. I just don’t remember anything about it?!

no idea where this was taken?

no idea where this was taken?

Top Secret – Good bar this. We had some crack with some of the other punters and most of the staff. Bought several drinks and received them back from the Owner. Lots of fun in there. It was at this juncture that our 1st victim was claimed. Russ was wasted. Pretty poor effort for a big American. Just goes to prove their bark is worse than their bite.

Bills paid, goodbyes said and off back to DiPlace we headed – with a jabbering mess Russ.

We left Russ in the bed hoping he’d quit his Jibber-Jabber and join us later, but we knew he was out for the count. Americans.

DiPlace – We’d paid for the bed, so may aswell use it. The girls laughed at us on the way in – as we had been full of bravado saying we were here to drink all day and won’t need the room. There we were a few hours later – all drunk and looking for a nap. Well, Russ was.

Are they stains on the bed?

Are they stains on the bed?

As we were in Soi 4 – we thought it only right we see what Aussie John was upto. Sure enough we found him propping up a stall in H2. Like the A-Team rescuing Murdock, we were out of there in a shot. Staggering to the Plaza thinking of where to go first.

Spankys – Someone suggested Spankys? The name suggests its going to be fun and buzzing – but for me, unless you’re sitting ring-side, gogo’s are not fun at all. Spankys is small and we were shown to the back, upper –tier. Left to look like Meerkats, it just didn’t do it for us.

Drinks were flowing and the grog was just about to claim it’s next victim. Lomeo was drooling, talking to himself, falling all over the place and groping women. But by the time he got to Spankys, he was drunk too. Aussie John played Dad and put Lomeo in a taxi.

Didn’t see anyone else after that. Jonas and I were in the Plaza on our own.. just as we were 10 years previous.

Jailbirdz – This place has been so up and down, hit and miss for several years now. This visit was a ‘hit’! My god, where did all the girls come from? The carousel was absolutely jam packed.

Never before have I seen it so busy. I assume they are paying the best rates? Bumped into some old faces. We had abandoned the Grey Goose by now. Asking some waitress if they have Grey Goose without being able to point at it across the bar is not going to work.. so just ordered the nasty, cheap rank stuff. We were drunk enough to not care any more.

I remember buying a few rounds of drinks – which included the cashier (old Mango party girl from Pretty Lady) and the Mamasan who was lurking around (we knew her from old, so I didn’t mind) and was presented with a bill of more than 4000bht. I didn’t have the energy in me to examine the bill – but I am sure we didn’t all drink that amount.

Mandarin- Time for one last bar. Mandarin. For the simple reason it was the 1st bar you come to at the top of the stairs. How many customers do they ‘win’ just for that location?

Mandarin does have some pretty girls – but I just don’t like the set up – where as soon as the girls finish their set, the Mamasan walks them round the floor and pushes them onto punters. It just seems a bit forced to me.

Jonas and I had a few drinks and many laughs. Time was coming to an end.

Soi 4

We headed back to DiPlace and woke Russ up.

My driver was waiting for us at Nana Carpark. Jonas was not done with the night – and had some Swedish pals lurking around somewhere, so he took the key to the room and wandered off into the night – knowing he had somewhere to crash later on.

Come to think of it… didn’t I hand over 1000 deposit at DiPlace? Hmmm….

At midnight, I ordered a couple of Nana Burgers for Russ and I and got in the car. ‘Take me home my good man’. – how many times has that been said in the Nana Carpark? In this instance though, it was to my driver and off we went to Hua Hin.

Not before Jonas and I hugged it out under the Nana Plaza entrance. 10 years ago we met there. I couldn’t guess how many times we had been through the Nana entrance together? So it was a perfect place to bid farewell to my good friend and Brother, Jonas.

Farewell, but not goodbye. Until we meet again…..

Not gay.

Not gay.

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