A Little Knowledge

My executive lifestyle has taken its toll this week, hence little activity on the site. I got back to Bangkok last night, and made it to Nana in time to drink way too much, and stayed out way too late with a couple of sleazy reprobates. I have a hangover the size of Belgium, but must write.

A Little Knowledge is a Dangerous Thing

Learning to speak Thai if you’re going to spend any amount of time here is a huge help. Even “survival Thai” will make things ten times easier, and open up a lot more possibilities.

Unfortunately, the more Thai we learn, the more dangerous we become. Knowing precisely how to insult a mamasan in her native tongue is a recipe for disaster – as a buddy found out in a certain Nana Plaza bar recently. He narrowly escaped a beating, but ironically if he’d been cursing in English they probably wouldn’t have batted an eyelid.

I found myself in a similar situation last night, having slept too little and drunk too much. Incredibly, as I staggered past Thermae at around 5.30am, there were still a few young ladies touting for business outside.

My offer of ฿100 for the “holey trinity”, complete with altogether too many Thai swear words, was not well received.

Kryptonite

Wandering the streets of a more “civilised” Asian capital recently, I felt like Superman must have felt in the criminally-underrated Superman 2, after losing his super powers.

Tons of hot Asian chicks, 99% of whom were showing zero interest. In Bangkok, you can ascertain whether a girl’s interested just by making eye contact – whether in a bar, in a disco, on the street, on the skytrain or wherever. To have hordes of hotties positively avoiding my eye was a sobering experience. It’s good to be back.

The Taxi Driver

I’d been out in Nana Plaza the night before Valentine’s Day, but the bars were closing and it was time to move on. The friendly ladies of the Nana Hotel car park held no particular appeal, so I decided to call it a night, and jumped into a cab.

The male, mid-thirties, Thai taxi driver grinned at me in the mirror. “You have Thai wife? Girlfriend?”, he asked.

“No – I don’t want a girlfriend. I butterfly – having many girls is better”, I smiled.

He laughed. “Yes, I like to have many girls. I have five girls at the moment”, he boasted. “Do you like big boobs?”

“Don’t we all?”

“Look at those ones!” – he was pointing and shouting out of the window now, to a rather generously put-together young lady wandering down Soi 4.

I agreed with him that they were indeed impressive feats of either biology, engineering or both.

“So which of your five girls will you see for Valentine’s Day tomorrow?” – I wanted to know whether he’d try and fit them all in.

“Oh, I don’t want to see any of them. I’m going to Pattaya. Short time, short time, short time!”.

Quite the character.

Turning Japanese

Japanese cash You just can’t seem to get away from it any more. From the gogo girls of Bangkok’s various fleshpots to the coyote girls of Ratchada, they spurn us. Wherever cute, pouting ladies of negotiable affection are to be found, hordes of Japanese punters seem to descend sooner or later, over-paying and over-tipping to the point where the girls seem to have no interest in we lowly farangs – regardless of how much we’ve got in our pants. I mean, wallets.

Okay, it’s not quite an emergency situation yet – plenty to go around, and all that – but it’s interesting to look at how this happens. Most Thai girls I’ve spoken to have no particular interest in Japanese men – I suspect the ideal situation for most of them would be to have a regular Thai boyfriend with a farang sponsor in the background, but how many of them are candid enough to admit it? Still, the lure of five thousand baht for short-time converts just enough of the cuties to vex even the most patient of us.

I’ve got a few Japanese friends, who I’ve had some good laughs about this whole situation with. I gather that it’s largely the Japanese working ex-pats who want to flaunt their wealth who set the ludicrously high prices. Incidentally, they’ve ruined the scene here for regular Japanese tourists, who now have to pay the same prices – as do any other Asian-looking guys who the girls suspect of hailing from the Land of the Rising Sun. Americans/Europeans of Asian descent just confuse the hell out of them.

Nevertheless, the time has come for we paleskins to make a stand! Gentlemen, a revolution awaits! Tonight, we storm Soi Thaniya and pay ten thousand baht short-time! That’ll show ’em, huh?

Who’s with me? Anyone? Hello?