Is there really any difference? by Arthur

I’ve had a chance to date a few Thai ladies who’ve never worked in a bar and have jobs way outside the nightlife industry. I call them ‒civilians” as a shorthand term. As expected I have had good and bad times as with anyone else. This is a story that is funny in retrospect but was annoying at the time.

A good way to meet civilians is to be introduced by someone else. That way she knows I’m not an axe-murderer. It saves time compared with random meetings in Starbucks or Robinson’s. My friend ‒M” introduced me to her next-door neighbour whom I’ll call ‒P”. P is 25, has a degree and works in an office for a modest salary. M told me P hasn’t had a boyfriend in over a year but is good fun and likes to go out and party.

Civilians don’t tend to go out with a man alone on a first date. So M arranged a dinner with me and three of her friends, one of whom was P. P is very attractive,dresses very sexily, is good fun and loves to flirt. Her English is limited and my Thai is worse, but we got on well. I got her phone number but confined myself to sending her a text message thanking her. She replied sweetly.

We had a few more dates like that, always in a group. P always sat next to me and her body language said she was interested. I was a perfect gentleman and didn’t push anything. Of course P and M talked (P surely intending a message get back to me via M.) M reported that P really likes me and was interested in spending time alone with me. She even told M that she wanted to ‒take care of me on the bed”. I thought that was a charming phrase. This was the right time to make an invitation.

P and I only corresponded by text message as she was shy to talk on the phone and her written English is streets ahead of her speech. I invited her to dinner the following Saturday.

P replied that she was busy, but definitely another time. OK, she’s playing a bit hard to get, I thought. No problem: I will be patient. Then out of the blue I got another message from her saying that she wants to improve her English and wants to buy a ‒Talking Dict” – one of those pocket-sized electronic dictionaries that do Thai-English-Thai and speak words and phrases using voice synthesis. She claimed poverty and wondered what I thought.

I replied carefully saying I’d ‒help” her buy one as it is great she wants to improve her English. I proposed we go shopping at MBK one weekend. By ‒help” I was thinking of sharing the cost. I wasn’t thinking outright gift. She replied, and I quote: ‒helo! I’m afraid I can not go shoipping owth you because I am not available. I would like you to buy it and I believe you know what I want. I shall meet you some days after this. Love P”.

Ok, so I’m meant to go and buy her a 5,000B electronic gizmo and in return she will meet me (not necessarily alone) some time in the future. I didn’t think this was a great deal for me. I imagined her meeting me with a chaperone, accepting the Talking Dict and giving me a peck on the cheek before she scooted.

I called my friend M and asked her what she thought. Is this normal behaviour for a civilian? M said that P had been talking to her co-workers. They’d said something to the effect that if she’s going to date an older farang she should get something for it. M was sad that P made such a blunt approach – but she’s young.

I replied something evasive to P and our interactions petered out. M was angry with P for treating her friend like that, so they fought. I think they’re still not talking to each other.

The incident got me thinking: P was thinking exactly like a bar girl: willing to trade sex for money or goods. She just wasn’t honest with herself about it. I know most Thai ladies don’t think like P but when they get in range of a farang the temptation is strong.

8 thoughts on “Is there really any difference? by Arthur”

  1. thats cos so many farangs have been used in that way that the market is spoilt. if they cant get something off one another will take his place. its a number’s game for them.

    good move though on your part.

  2. That principle stretches much further than to just the civilians of bkk. I am convinced that US girls often have a mentality of “making the guy pay before you give it to him” through dinners, gifts, etc. These are the same girls that see themselves as oh so progressive and disgusted by anybody who would pay for sex.

    Who are they kidding?

    I do think however, that all the way from the bargirl and “up”, there exist smart girls and less smart girls. There are girls who understand how to invest in something upfront, take some risk and possibly reap a higher return later. And then there are the rest who stumble as they try to cash in at the moment they see an opportunity.

    Not so different from everything else in life. But bkk gives us a scene where this plays out much more openly resulting in general amusement, surprise and education of most partakers.

  3. So you were going to get her in the sack for about US$100. Call it three dinners…yez has the right take on it IMHO. No difference from the West in that regard but you DO have a cool gadget.

  4. I’ve had an inexperienced “civilian” try to get me to buy her a mobile phone on the first date. She didn’t speak much English, but was 20 y.o. and really pretty. Supposedly, she’s so poor that she doesn’t have a mobile (using a friend’s, sure). However, a basic model just wouldn’t cut it — had to be a 6k baht+ one 🙂

    I was repeatedly pointing out my own Nokia 1600 (1.3k baht), but she just didn’t get that I’m not buying her a better phone than I have myself, on the first date, with no sex promissed or delivered.

    Now, she was so pretty that if she bonked me 2-3 times, I’d have gladly parted with the 6k baht…

  5. in my opinin the best way to deal with this is to ignore it. just ignore her requests but assume she’s still interested. she is testing you. and she is young and testing her own worth. ignore it and if you feel things start getting too uncomfortable you can always just respond to a request by saying “i think you are worth more than that”.
    so eaily we forget our OWN worth. make her earn the right to be with you. there are only so many farang in country. supply and demand.

  6. every woman that shows interest in you is putting you in one of two categories: either lover or provider. if you are farang it is difficult not to end up in category 2 simply based on the fact you’re farang. but your own actions can put you there. you buy a woman a gift and you’re in category 2. it’s a no-brainer for her. she’s gonna play you. let her take care of you on the bed first… then give her something with little monetary value for no other reason than to show her you’re thinknigabout her. if you give a non-BG a gift, you will not be getting taken care of on the bed anytime soon. unless she is a BG in the making.

  7. I would be walking away from that one fast. The phrase “thin end of the wedge” spring to mind. Rest assured that would have just been the start.

  8. after many years of thailand ive been the most cheated by civilians, one of then was student 23 years i knew her family and she wanted to marry me of course pay a lot of money because she was virgin…to make shorter this innocent young girl after try everything to get marry with me wich i politely refused ( i like my freedom) she just stil from my pocket more tham 1000 euro’s antone be careful with that normal thai ladies…with bar ladies never took money from me they can ask a lot never stil money…the truth is the realy thai mentality for a good thai lady never asks you money for fuck if ther,s realy true feelings from her you can share your money, love life, dont think with your penis let your heart speak and for sure wil find wonderfull people up there….

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *