Hua Hin – okay. So the beaches are cool…

I used to cruise in from my hectic life in Hong Kong, have a pre-barfined girl meet me at the airport and head straight to Hua Hin for some R & R. I always brought my own with me to Hua Hin since I would plan to stay at a relaxing beach side hotel and of course it always helps to get a little before trying to fall asleep. Hua Hin never quite struck me as the place to pick up but after reading this on MS I was getting excited about the Big Mango Bar staff party. The plan was to close the bar, van it to Hua Hin, party down and come back. Boy was I ready for some strange.

I am sure some of u are thinking – wow – lucky him. Van ride, bargirls, beaches but let me just state that this was a company outing and due to the rules the only chance of checking out the girls would be the little bit of free time we had late in the night but first we had to get to Hua Hin.

tree_dead.jpgWe grabbed 2 vans and loaded them up with people, booze and luggage. That was the first mistake. One would think that loading up a van at 3 in the morning would consist of getting stuff in, pick a chair and go to sleep but not if you are Thai, going on holiday and happen to be in my van. Beer flowing, karoake CDs in and you have a party. For 3 hours non-stop. Yeah. No sleeping.

We arrive, check out a few different options and end up with a cool Thai style house a few minutes walking distance to the beach. As the only rational Farang adults, we immediately and forcibly take over the room with air-con and try and get some shut eye.

Later the crew heads to the beach and some of them take a banana boat ride. Watching a bunch of BKK bargirls getting dumped by the male Thai driver was classic. Of course he does everything he can to try and “assist” the girls back onto the banana boat. I am sure the whole episode made his month. BTW – what is it with Thai girls swimming in their clothes? I know they are shy but do they not realize I get more worked up watching them play in the water wearing their partially see through outfits than just wearing a swimsuit?

We head back to home base and plot the evening’s events. Dinner, some drinking and then a chance for a little boy/girl separation so we can explore the famed Hua Hin nightlife. Dinner was at a seafood restaurant where the Thai staff proceeded to consume more seafood than their combined body weight. Then we head off to the nightlife mecca – a small area in Central Hua Hin close to the Hilton Hotel.

It is basically a bunch of beer bars that all look like they have seen their better days. Sorry – no style points, creativity or kudos given to makers of the beer bars in Hua Hin. We take over one small beer bar, order some bottles and make sure everyone gets lubed up. The amazing thing was watching the Mango Girls take over the bar and then noticing how every customer that walked by dropped in to see the commotion. I think a bunch of BKK bar staff partying was just a little more exciting than the normal fare.

After consuming a few bottles we make plans for the Thai staff to go party down while the management head out for blog research. The male Thai staff headed to some karaoke joint while the female staff went to some Thai disco. Frankly after checking out the other options I wish now I had joined the disco crowd since word was their were plenty of hot coyote girls which probably were better looking than most of the beer bar girls.

Staff off – we started to do the loop. The whole area is in a quadrant right near the Hilton. So head for the Hilton and do the loop. We did. About 20 times and continued to get more depressed each time. Hua Hin is a seller’s market. Given the locals and the influx of tourists there are just more customers than there are decent looking girls. Plus not only are they not hot but they are just lame bargirls.

Early in the night I spotted a hottie. A leggy Isaan girl with a nice rack and big smile. Killer combo. I rolled up, bought her a drink and settled in. I was thinking this may make my trip. 5 minutes into our courting she suddenly leaped from her chair and ran into the street to hug an old dude. Then she ran back over to me, said she was sorry but that this dude always paid her bar and she needed to go. Okay folks. I know this is the twilight zone but still I think that was a little over the top.

Over and over again we would stop into places and the same girls who pulled us in off the street would suddenly leave after we sat at the bar. Did they not realize we came to the bar to see them? Many times we would talk to a girl who already had a drink and she would explain she already had a customer but was saying hi. We also found that our BKK humor and our deep pulling experience was too much for them to handle since no one laughed with us and most were overwhelmed with our direct approach. I think they are just too used to the locals and not really expecting to pull in someone looking to play.

Finally giving up on the beer bars we headed for the only freelancer place to party. The Hilton Disco. Well the band is cool. The girls seemed more interested in listening to them than talking to us, the few girls dancing on the floor were just too big for me and since I am just spoiled by the likes of a Nana Disco or Spicy – I found myself more interested in grabbing a bite to eat and getting some zzz’s.

Okay. It was a Monday night and I was probably just expecting way too much. I guess if you are a local or a tourist mostly there for the beaches than Hua Hin might offer the best of both worlds but for someone who has been in BKK or Pattaya than Hua Hin might be a letdown. As for Lolitas – we walked by it 3 times. Not only were they not cute but most looked like they were asleep and after realizing they charge as much as Bkk I just could not bring myself to try it out. So much for the review.

Hua Hin is still cool though and like previous trips – next time I go I will bring my own, enjoy the beaches and pretend the nightlife is non-existent since after experiencing the nightlife it seems pretty non-existent anyway. PMMP may have a different take on this since we lost him somewhere during the night. 🙂

8 thoughts on “Hua Hin – okay. So the beaches are cool…

  1. Quote
    “but do they not realize I get more worked up watching them play in the water wearing their partially see through outfits than just wearing a swimsuit?”


  2. A very lame beer bar scene for sure. Think about the worst beer bar you have ever passed by. You know the one, girls half asleep, older, overweight, wearing cheap slutwear two sizes too small, and then waking up long enough to utter something like “handsome man, welcome”. Well, there were about 50 of them one worse than the other.

    As for losing me, it was outside the Hilton. One of the staff called me to let me know they were heading home. While I was outside I saw a girl that I had been eyeing inside talking on her mobile. I made my move and away we went on her Motorci. pmmp warning: Going home with strange women in a foreign city could be dangerous so don’t try this at home without proper training, adult supervision, or a body saturated with booze.

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  4. I do the Hua Hin trip quite a bit. You can find a not bad girl but they are few and far between. Pick them up early, ie 6pm or very late. Best place to pick up is at the karaoke joints near the Hilton, they’re after hours bars – all the unattached birds end up there after the hilton and bars close at 1am. The Hilton is also packed full of ladyboys – okay if that’s you’re thing, but it’s dark in there and easy to make a mistake. I took a “girl” back from there only to be told she had blood so couldn’t fuck, I got a wicked bj, and then watched her taking piss standing up – kinda spoilt things.

    The coyote girls are also good, but be careful because some Thai’s don’t like the farangster’s stretching their whores. Tues-thurs topless nights at the coyote joint near the Grand Hotel Night Market, can’t remember the name. Also da’nn a bird from a small railwayside karoke joint. Could speak a word of english but she smiled at the 500 baht and nodded.

  5. Nobspot. So the viewing a potential golden shower show girl is not your thing. I get it.

    Will take your advice next time in Hua Hin but what is the name of the spot with the topless coyote girls? Anyone know. Sounds like fun!

  6. Just discovered your blog… What, have I had my head up my arse all these years? Prolly, as we say in Singapore.

    Ah, reading the old Twilight Zone post, pissing myself at the infamous cockroach up the naked leg incident! And Respect! to all old dudes like me! Off to Soi 7 tonight if this rain eases up, but an early night as must work tomorrow…

    I had a good enough experience at Lolitas last time I was in Hua Hin… Same price as BKK, true, but still better value than chuck wow after a mediocre massage unless the extra service is free.

    The Jazz festival makes the town buzz a bit more; it is a month away, but I’ll miss it this year.

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