The Bank Of Farang

atmscreen.jpg A few weeks ago, a young lady of my acquaintance was banging on my apartment door here at Bad Boy Towers as if there were no tomorrow, having sent me a garbled message that she desperately needed money to pay the bills of a dead relative. Whatever.

I don’t mind helping the girls out from time to time, but I’m also mindful that if I always say yes, I’ll never get rid of them. I’d helped this particular young lady out a couple of times already in previous weeks, so I decided that this time she could find it elsewhere. She’s hardly short of options in this city, and I didn’t want her to think of me as the “soft touch”.

The Withdrawal

As she banged away on my apartment door, I merrily pretended to be out. An hour later though, a glimpse through the peephole confirmed that she was still camped outside the door. This was becoming a problem.

After a hushed exchanges of text messages with a kindly neighbour, he valiantly came to my rescue and “just happened to be passing” when he tripped over her in the hallway and informed her that I was definitely not in, and wouldn’t be back anytime soon.

Unfortunately, he’s a little softer than I am, and after listening to her tale of woe (and her insistence that she was quite happy to sit there for ten hours waiting for me to return), tossed her a couple of thousand baht in pity. She promised through tearfully grateful eyes that she’d definitely return it tomorrow. Or possibly the day after. Weeks passed…

The Refund

Said valiant neighbour was by this time over in Old Europe, the poor sod, but our damsel in distress got back in touch nonetheless. Desperate to repay his generosity, she asked whether she could come over and give me the two thousand baht, so that I could pass it (and her eternal gratitude) onto him. Naturally, I agreed.

An hour or so later, she pitched up on the mat and told me just how grateful she was to my pal. Turned out her grandmother had died, and she’d been stuck for money to pay to take the body out of the hospital. But in a karmic twist of fate (aren’t they all?), it turns out that dead granny had left my petite shag-monkey three hundred thousand baht in the will. Result.

It had been a long journey from outer Bangkok in heavy traffic, so delightful nouveau-riche girly wanted to crash out for a bit with a drink and a cigarette before she popped down to the ATM to get the money with which to refund my pal. I poured her a coke and chucked her a packet of cigarettes. No problem.

Then she decided she was kind of hungry too. But she’d go to the ATM soon. No problem – one bowl of MSG-addled noodle-shaped matter coming up.

She greedily slurped away the last of the meal, and theatrically moaned in gratitude. Now she was horny, she said. Could we just have sex, and then she’d go to the ATM?


One damp patch later, she was just about ready to return the loan. In fact, she said that since she’d drunk all the Coke, eaten the last of the noodles and smoked most of my cigarettes, she’d pick up replacements at the 7-11 when she went to the ATM.

But before she went, could she possibly borrow some small change to make a quick phone call?


So off she went, a bottle of coke and a bowl of noodles heavier, a shag more satisfied and a packet of cigarettes more cancerous. And about twenty baht richer.

She’d return in ten minutes, she promised – with the two thousand baht, a packet of cigarettes, a bottle of Coke and a bag of noodles.

That was last Tuesday.

Obviously the bottle of coke, the packet of noodles, the packet of cigarettes and 20 baht add up to well under 200 baht, which would normally be a great price for what was a great shag.

But since I was expecting it to be free, I can’t help but feel ripped off. Not as much as my charitable neighbour was, obviously, but it’s all about me at the end of the day. It’s a hard life…

8 thoughts on “The Bank Of Farang”

  1. BB, life can be harder:

    CHIANG MAI: — A 71 year old Danish resident of Chiang Mai in Northern Thailand, Paul During, was on 25 May 2007 found murdered in his home.

    The Dane was found by the neighbours who earlier in the day had heard him fight with a woman, possibly a former girlfriend who had apparantly come back to ask for a car, he had bought in her name.

    … at least all his problems are over!

  2. Security aren’t so bad here. They let her up because they recognised her. I could easily have called them and had her removed, but that would certainly have meant the end of that relationship, which wasn’t what I really wanted…

  3. I’ve heard it said “If you lend a friend $20 and you never see them again, it was the best $20 you ever spent”. I don’t mind lending a little money to my regulars – if they abuse the privilege, it helps me cull the rotten apple (and if I don’t cull some more, I’m going to die from exhaustion!)

    And it is priceless seeing their faces when you barfine their friend for a few weeks paid holiday in Samui – a life lesson in short term profit vs. long term investment (although we all know bargirls are not the best students…). Some of the smart ones realize that long term friendships with rich farang are a wonderful safety net if they believe the farang in question are truly jai dee. A few thousand baht now or a friend you believe you can rely on if your life turns to shit? You are only one motorcycle taxi ride away from being unemployed and one cigarette away from owning a smoking ruin instead of a home.

  4. Cabby: some terrific points. The girl in question had always been incredibly eager to please, so this was very out of character. Still, you’re right – culling the rotten apples is a must.

    Apologies for the recent lack of activity, I’ve been recovering from surgery. No, not that kind of surgery! Honestly, you’ve got your minds in the gutter, you lot…

  5. Bangkok Bad Boy will return shortly as Bangkok Bad Girl, offering a unique slant on Bangkok’s naughty nightlife. I’ve seen the immediately post-op pictures, and they’re promising, although there will be some that quibble with the four-breast decision and the dual vagina/penis feature. I’m sure that cologen implants in the eyelids will be *the* thing this season after BBG’s pioneering initiative, and the adam’s apple enhancement, as opposed to removel, will be the talk of hi-so dinner tables for quite some time.
    His bravery, though, cannot be questioned, and I’m sure once he’s got used to pushing his hobbit feet into strappy slingbacks as opposed to sweaty Suk sandals he’ll be not regretting his decision One Little Bit.

  6. “a life lesson in short term profit vs. long term investment (although we all know bargirls are not the best students…)”

    Being fair, it is accepted by Thais that if they give a “friend” money it will not be returned. The lesson to be learnt is not to give a girl money that you can’t afford to give or don’t want to give.

    The sad part is then complaining to anyone in ear shot about girls who won’t pay back their loans…when you should have learned it doesn’t work that way. 🙂

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