Ode to the Wingman

As I mentioned before I have been trying to play things a little different in Thailand. Forcing myself to work on pulling outside the bar scene. Low hanging fruit avoidance tactics. So given this I decided to slip on my best threads – shorts, flip-flops and a used tee whilst making my way to Victory Monument. I was told to look for the SJ Pub sign and then follow it to the street below and find the vans going to Bang Saen. I did. Ticket 110 baht – costs more than my t-shirt. I popped over to the 7/11 to load up on my pseudo breakfast/lunch – george foreman grill ham cheesy, bag of chips and some water. Twix for dessert.

Sure – this does not fit the YP food plan but it was a day off and it was 2 meals. So it is kosher.

The van was rammed with Uni girls and I was the only Farang on it. It seems that Bang Saen is home to Burapha Uni and there are a lot of bkk girls who make the daily trips to class and then return either the same day or later in the week. Some Bang Saen girls also go to school in Bkk. Heaven. They were fixing their hair, applying war paint and inserting their ab bao contacts. Perfume was in the air and I was getting wood.

All this for 110 baht and 89 at the 7. Awesome.

Bus landed around 1 hr 40 minutes later just outside the Uni. Swarms of uni outfits. I had to gather myself and prepare for the pick-up by Heckler. We rode 2 up on a scooter to home base:


I did not include an entire map since Bang Saen is spread out but this is the main drag. The roundabout is the big Bang Saen Beach sign and anchors the bottom of San Suek road. This is the center of the action. On this street you will find the uni, bars, clubs, soapies, beer bars, and off the side roads of the beach more restaurants and bars that sit opposite the beach.

Bang Saen is the place where those trying to avoid Hua Hin and Pattaya go to. Rayong has the better beaches but Bang Saen has a very cool vibe due to the uni and the main drag setup near the water. You won’t see a lot of Farangs and the girls are curious so it makes for a fun place to hang out in.

Once we got some biz done we decided it was time to hit a soapie. There are a couple of them in town but we wanted to try Galaxy – which is on the main drag of San Suek. Near the top right of the map on a major intersection – you can’t miss it. It is a typical old school not in bkk type of soapie. Restaurant, lounge, club, karaoke, normal massage(battle axes, lab coats) and then the fish bowl without the glass. Like a sideliner section but the normal massage lab coat ladies were behind the glass. The layout made for a nice way to ogle the girls ala Nataree but there was a small wall so you could not see everything. However you could make eyes and it was easy enough to see the Farang hungry girls. We settled on a small pack of them and then chose. I got a girl from the North of Thailand who had an awesome face, hair and boobs but kind of a large booty. However her demeanor was cool and she had the look of farang hunger.

After we all got to know each other we proceeded to the checkout counter. This is where bkk was showing how behind the times it was. The papasan used a fingerprint scanner and then had the girls do the same. This is how they commission everyone and keep track of the shags. Very cool. The rooms were old but big. Cost was 1900 all in. My girl was not expecting a tip but I gave her one. One of the best sessions I had at a soapie in a long time. They were more open than bkk and were into the bbbj and were not shy about getting down to things. I was so into it they called to tell us we were out of time. Numbers exchanged and plans for a hook up are in the works.

No blood was used in the making of this soapie session.

Then we went cruising for dinner. Tons of places to eat at but thanks to the Wingman forΒ  choosing the right place. Food was great, service was cool but more importantly our waitress was hot. Super hot. 19, small, dark, a local and spoke no English. She made it clear that she was single and that she wanted Farang friends. Wingman worked on her through the other waitress while I worked on my stiffie under the table. The boss kept hanging around to protect his sheep from the wolves but when we cleared out I left a note with my name in Thai and my number for the waitress. I was not expecting a call back but it was worth the try. Blatantly asking for her number in front of the boss is not cricket.

From there we decided to check out the party scene – some of it by the water and some of it on San Suek. There is a corner not far from the roundabout with a bunch of Thai style clubs. The soapie girl had given me 2 names of places where all the uni students go. Burdock and Be Chic. We chose Be Chic cause it was smaller and looked cooler. It had nothing to do with the line of underage girls outside ceremoniously showing their ID cards to the door guys who pretended to look while they ushered in hottie after hottie in.

We were the only Farang in the place. Typical Thai small table setup with no room to dance and only bottle service. Who gives a fuck – it was rammed with skirt. The large bottle of J Red, u know the kind The Man brings into the Mango to save money, was 900 baht with a round of mixers. We got into that quick and checked the scene out. The dance music was actually good – almost like a Bkk farang club and the band was cool. They played Ska and light punk but they were lively. Girls kept rolling in.

Could you pull here? I reckon you could if you got aggressive. The Heckler and I were shown the Thai way of how to pull. Find the drunkest girl you can. Go straight up to her and forcibly dance with her. Get rejected. Repeat 5 mins later. Get rejected. Leave the club. Come back and go for the same girl. Repeat. Then hold onto her so she can’t get away from you. Girl warms up to combatant. Combatant leaves with drunk hottie. Respect.

There were so many girls it was silly. The dark parts of the club were the staging zone for sodom and gomorrah. Sinful – it was awesome. The place closes at 2:30 and we are not sure if there is an AH scene or not. Need to research more. The girls tend to loiter around after in the streets. The sick part of the night was seeing 4 of the hottest girls alone and looking for action and once we tried to step in we were assaulted by four of the smallest toms this side of RCA. The tom and dee scene was off the charts. My theory is the girls dont want Thai guys and there is not enough of the great white hope to go around so they turn to the manly carpet munchers to get the deed done. Gutted.

We headed for some street food to soak up the red and proceeded to mong another hot waitress. Another flirty and friendly one at that. Since I had already cock blocked Heckler I had to leave this one alone but she wanted me. I could sense it. We navigated our way back to mission control to sleep it off by the coolness of the ocean.

No phone call from my new gf yet.

Woke up around 10 to get the camel shit out of my mouth (mosquito net fail) and noticed no calls on the phone. I had either spelled my name wrong, missed a digit or was being dissed. I am sure it was the spelling. Grabbed a shower and a gallon of water while I kept staring at my phone. It rang – unrecognized number.


Had I eaten lunch yet she asked? She offered to ride over on her motorbike, they all have motorbikes there, and take me to lunch. She came about an hour later. Had a great lunch, tour of the city and some coffee. I rode bitch. She was so tiny I was getting seriously evil looks all around town.

I will be back to Bang Saen. Finish our bottle, find the other soapie, the beer bars and hopefully commence date #2.

60 thoughts on “Ode to the Wingman

  1. Bang Saen is a very cool place. The beach is definitely not great. But you can hang at the seaside at a table, Eat spicy seafood, and get a foot massage for a song. Lots of BKK hoties go there on the weekends. Also a great place to bring a BKK Gal for a day of leisure.

  2. I have tried the ‘pull the drunk girl’ stunt with a couple of Silk Air stewardesses and it worked like a charm until they both started throwing up outside the club. Somehow they didn’t seem so appealing afterwards.

  3. Excellent report.

    I first heard about this fabled Bang Saen from the Heckler one evening over a drinks in Cowboy.

    His glowing accounts generated in me the customary resentment toward the myriad options of the idle rich but as he went into more and more detail, Bang Saen sounded like a perfect location for a weekend Thai language learning camp.

    Sadly, there appear to be few dedicated seniors facilities although I suspect one might compensate in the usual fashion.

    Wheelchair access?

    • pru – it is a flat area so wheelchairs no problem. I am sure your thai would benefit from a weekday run to see all the bang saen entails.

  4. More importantly, is there a gym with tasteful lighting and plenty of mirrors, and are there any ladyboys that can lend/give me money in Bang Saen?

    • yp – we had no time for gym research and usually u r too cunted to make it up in the morning anyway but yes – there is an LB scene indeed as heckler pointed out

  5. I’ve been doing recon down in Bang Saen for some time now. Graciously I invited ssB down to enjoy the creature comforts and the fruits of the experience I had garnered over several months worth of trips.

    ssB roars into town and proceeds to hit the ground firing on all cylinders. If I didn’t already feel so bad about all the disabilities that he deals with on a daily basis I would almost resent the fact that he snaked MY waitress at the restaurant, claimed ownership of ALL the curious glances from the Burapha Uni girls at Be-Chic, and then cockblocked me a final time the day of departure with the waitress working at a cafe next to the shophouse I call sancuatary in Bang Saen.

    So much for the rewards of being the consummate host. Dead to me.

    YP — Piloting our transport craft towards Be-Chic we saw a trio of hotties across the street walking towards our destination. One of the funniest moments of the night was when ssB realized that they were indeed packing meat. Hell, one of them even cockblocked ssB towards the end of the night when he started getting too close to a table of real hotties. Bring your big game rifle.

    • heckler – u forgot the late night eating stand waitress. I am on to her.

      I guess I need to find my own place to stay next time?

      “she” was huge – more of a total eclipse than a cock block…

    • im – no pics. I am not a big pic and tell type of blogger.

      off the reservation – not sure I get the term but if you mean why go to bang saen – I had some business meetings there.

  6. @ssB – re the vomiting air hostesses. I was game, but what put me off was the half-digested tomato pieces coming out of one’s nose. I figured out the prawns weren’t far behind.

    Bang Saen is cool, I had some good seafood there by the beach but hardly saw any people.

    • j -pmmp would have carried on πŸ™‚

      bang saen is pretty dead during the week but busy on the weekends. i reckon w-f is perfect for hunting at night or lining up some dates from waitresses

      there is the soapie to let some steam off prior to hunting

  7. Ssb- was that a formal renouncing of your US citizenship that so many people cherish or are you trying to be like Bogie who in Casablanca, also a barowner, proclaimed when asked that his Nationality was, “a drunkard”. Either IMHO it is too precisous a thing to either give up or joke aobut. The good thing is now we don’t have to read your liberal rants of irrationality

    • mid – u always love to interpret and steer everything too some form of politics. I was just merely joking about the yank term and feel most yanks are those living in the states not the more worldly type who happen to be from the states. I love my US passport but the treatment down at the embassy for US citizens is more than lacking.

      sorry you read so much into it…

  8. If u think the embassy here is bad try Dubai.

    As both my kids were born here i’m more than experienced with the embassy. They were more than helpful getting them sorted out with passports and visas to get them both outta here.

    I know other people who have had bad experiences there but I’m sure not one of them.

  9. Yes indeed, humor and irony translate badly in these soundbite environments, do they not?

    I mean if I didn’t have a world-class sense of humor I would have bought into the suggestion that you actually expected me to show up at Bang Saen on, say, Tuesday morning, sporty off-track rubber on the wheelchair, its joints oiled and ready for a cruise of Bang Saen’s handi-cap access discos – – – seething off-track Uni tail in my sights.

    Actually, during the week, I be busy working on dat world class pudendum palace campus near Rangsit. Amongst a bounteous bunfest of “‘befores’ at study” as opposed to that nasty snatch nests of “afters” in Chong Nongsi.

    GraduaTION bien sure, being the tipping point between before and after and a breathless “You remind me of my dad” being the prelude to sweaty, shower-free slightly salty revenge-ish sex. (admittedly, so far, only from 30-ish “afters” in their quest of multi-cultural engagement.

    To be sure, indeed, yes it IS a frigging mother-load of fetchingly stretched tailored blouses and buttons straining to contain the flushed bloom of youth and that intriguing loin-clothing thigh-slit trend that pushes the envelop of good taste.

    Educated girls learn all their best tricks from each other first and then they get to the internet.

    But yeah, sure, Bang Saen. Wad ‘o cash.

    But maybe the rollerblades in lieu of the wheelchair.

    Or if y’all as so many others are put off by the thought of professorial sexual peccadilloes I’ll just book a cheap hong short in Patts and bang the mud hens the way 60-year-olds are meant to.

    Where’s that friggin’ smiley button. I left it around here somewhere.

  10. julian- if you turn the girls over so they can’t throw up on you then you should be fine. according to some cave drawings, thats how doggystyle was invented.

  11. In this day and age, people “cherish” their nationalities anymore? I suppose I should walk with 24×7 wood as I have 2 nationalities and a 3rd country’s permanent residence. Here’s to statelessness.

    @ucw I wasn’t sure what was going to come out of where next… multiple orifices y’know?

  12. “been trying to play things a little different in Thailand”

    “we decided it was time to hit a soapie”

    now i know how long “different” lasts.

    420 words.


    • jd – different town, different soapie

      that was too take the edge off knowing that trolling for normal girls would be more difficult

  13. So you went to a club chock full of skirts ready to have fun on the week end and did not get any?

    Plus many were drunk?

    Maybe you should reread a few pick up books or buy yourself a pair and start to approach girls.


    • rrr – thanks for the support. currently checking ebay for a pair – send me some links if you see some real steely looking pairs.

      already had my sights set and had been to the soapie. so the night out was just for partying and getting to know some clubs. Once again – pulling is not the only goal at times. contrary to popular belief. shoot me…

  14. I was there once – got off of some boat and was handed round a load of Thais all selling me seats on a bus back to Bangkok which they would then realise was over-subscribed, refund me and pass me onto the next guy…. DULLSVILLE ARIZONA MAN !!!

  15. ssb – it happens frequently – maybe when you find a ‘spherical object supplier’ you could pass me his address

  16. SSB, would you please explain to me just what the hell does went to a soapie and “then was just went partying”, mean? if your not getting laid, or looking to get laid, are you saying that you sat around and ate and drank? that’s a party? you have lost me on that one.

    • the man – u get laid at the soapie. doh.

      then I scored some numbers for the next day.

      then I went out to get hammered.

      where are u now?

  17. You missed the Galaxy Massage in Bang Sean.
    Best whore house in Thailand?
    Just before BangSaen and on the opposite side is a place called Happy World.
    Yea, Happy World. Big Soapy place with a giant Happy World sign on top.
    Check it out.

  18. @Prufrock – Can you say that again in English please

    Bang Saen sounds too good to be true, but I would like more information on the LB scene there………….

  19. @ssB – no thanks required. I would have taken you to Adelaide Oval for a couple of days in front of the scoreboard. Far more educational. The G is a concrete saucepan populated by Victorians. Think French without any manners or graces. At least you are a chance of understanding & possibly recognising a leggie, toppy or wrong’un if you saw one. Which means you are more qualified than any English batsmen for the last 20 years.

  20. Breadcrumbs YP breadcrumbs. Damned smiley thing has gone missing. I know I left it around here somewhere.

    “No smilies” is like working without a net.

    Commonplace literalist hazards calumnized into fluffy merengues are then free to stick like baby shit to the raveled sleeves of dreamless ciphers.

    And we can’t have that.
    Already too much of that.

  21. Gentlemen, a terrific effort. Hitting university towns is certainly the way to go. However, it’s not a tourist option really and is for those of us who are in for the ‘long haul’.

    When we go up North, I go out with my sister in law, a student at Suranaree II in Korat (a Tom). It has taken half a dozen nights out, but once you are a ‘known entity’ in the uni scene then i have been led to believe (and although i reckon i have started having the green lights,i have not succombed) that the world is your oyster if you are an expat. I’m not a retiree, i’m still young and work in Thailand. It’s a big boost to the ego to now have girls 20 years your junior show a definate interest, even if it’s just to become a Gig.

    I would imagine it is the same in Baeng Saen. Still, from what i have experienced, these are not first night shags you will be getting.


    • rd – thanks. I think you hit the nail on the head – the uni towns are fun. one of my friends says bang saen vibe reminds me to the khon kaen vibe a bit.

      >>>>I would imagine it is the same in Baeng Saen. Still, from what i have experienced, these are not first night shags you will be getting.

      exactly I dont get the people who say oh wow. u went out and did not score the first night. Most times you dont unless you hit it lucky or the girl is a semi-pro. so going out meeing girls, getting numbers and getting second passes is the goal when it comes to normal girls. If she goes home with me on the first night I meet her in a club she is not a normal girl. there are exceptions to the rule but most decent, educated thai girls are not doing one night stands but yes – it can happen.

  22. @JJ – I’ve shattered a few Nataree sluts in the past who are uni chicks, flogging their mutton at the ‘fuck-house’ to make ends/tuition fees meet, so it wouldn’t suprise me at all if they were pedalling their meat down there to make a few extra red/purple sheets

    I bashed the granny out of a Nataree girl, not 8hours ago who was an ANGEL that studied @ Chula 6months back, but fell on hard time and decided to hit the game.
    If shes lucky I might let the said girl accompany me to Koh Samet next month. Only if shes lucky

  23. Brilliant report. Brought tears to my eyes as well as wood – kind of like when the gfriend wears a low cut top and we go to a romantic movie. I will definitely check this place out.

  24. Hi guys,

    I’m 41 years old (a young 41 by the way). I’ve been married here for 5 years with a young daughter. My wife doesn’t drink/smoke and when we go to Korat it’s to see her family.

    I go out with my sister in law when i’m there cos my wife thinks it is completely safe as her sister is a full blown Tom and she knows life in the village gets me down after a few days.

    But going out in the Uni crowd has made me an adolescent again. Especially a Thai girl Uni crowd. It makes a perv out of you all over again, but with the knowledge of an adult. It’s a terrific scene believe me. Now my sister in law (and she is from a very conservative family) is a very naughty girl, but she has said to me that if i say nothing, she will say nothing.

    I’m on the cusp gentlemen. Should there be any guilt feelings in me for shagging a 19 year old that is really up for it and not a bar girl?? Then going home at 4 am with the sister in law and saying the band was teriffic?

    It’s hard here sometimes


  25. RD: Don’t fall for it, set up your S on the side somehow, the tom must not have anything on you! Blood is thicker than any pact made at a bar.

  26. SSB, Check out “Relax” restaurant next time you are in BS, just north of town at the beach, gives you an beautiful view of the BS coast line (especially at night) and the (sea-)food is fingerlicking good!

    • fluke – already ate there. our tables were getting flooded by the tide. was awesome. food not amazing but the view makes up for it

  27. JJ: Hey bro, will be going to Bang Saen next week, could you tell me more on how to go to Happy World that you mentioned? A simple guide is very much appreciated!!!

    P/s: Any good hotel nearby? Thanks a lot man!!!

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