A Night in Pattaya by LMW

Made my first every trip to Pattaya recently and thought I’d write up an interesting day.

Me and a mate had been out at a temple on the outskirts when it started raining heavily. We took cover but it showed no sign of abating so we grabbed a taxi back to town. Sitting in the back I got soaked as the rain lashed in.

Beach Rd resembled a river and the taxi was wading through water sending big streams splashing outwards. We jumped out at a side street and jumped in to local bar. When the rain died down we thought that would be it but when we got to Second rd we realised things were worse than we thought. There was no way to get back to the hotel without wading through knee deep water.

We bought some waterproof sandals from a ladyboy street vendor and plunged in. I took up the rear, my mate in front of me and his tiny “Thai girlfriend” intrepidly leading the way. I kept expecting to fall over and get drenched but we eventually, and slowly, made it back.

We kind of thought we were bumped for that evening but the floods were gone by ten and we made our way out again. Decided to dress in nothing that could be ruined though. So like true Pattaya veterans we headed in to the go go bars in flip flops and shorts.

Out of the Pattaya gogos my two favourites were Happy a Go Go for the sheer quality of the dancing. There was one particular pole artist we referred to as “Queen Whore” and if you ever go in there you’ll know who I mean. She stands out a mile as she can actually pole dance… she isn’t really much to look at it but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She really has the moves.

Another place, which must rank as one of the sleaziest places I have ever been, was called, I think Babygirl. Every night we’d get practically raped in there for the price of a ladydrink. I saw things, involving bottoms and bottles, that I’ll be glad if I never see again – but a great laugh. The girls don’t leave you alone though which can be annoying when some good football comes on.

After the go gos my mate and his bird decided to head home and I wandered off to find some trouble in the local night clubs.

It was kind of surreal to be walking in to a club dressed like a complete dick yet being allowed in by the bouncers and having birds throwing themselves at you regardless. Can’t see that happening back home.

So I hit up Lucifers and enjoyed the live band. I had a beer at the back and studiously avoided eye contact with the freelancers as I wanted to enjoy the music. I got chatting with a japanese lad who was part of a group on a near by table after a mix up with beer bottles and he expressed concern at me being alone. Ha ha.

Over the next hour so he brought three different, very embarrassed Thai girls, over to my table who I politely declined.

It’s funny I’ve had that happen to me before where you getting chatting with a guy and they are shocked that you are on your own and see it as their mission to hook you up. I think I must look like a bewildered tourist.

Then on to Insomnia. Drunk. Remember bopping away in my hideous costume on my own, surrounding by girls, downing the beers. No doubt I looked like a twat but this is Pattaya so I fitted in.

Woke up with a lady called Ning. Not the most attractive to be honest but I blame the beer. Was a funny morning in bed with her. She spoke really good English so I ribbed her on how many boyfriends she had. None, of course, being the answer.

She told me she worked in a bar and that she could spend the whole day and evening with me if I paid her barfine. I patiently explained that I don’t pay barfines. I think this maybe lost a bit in translation. what I meant was I wasn’t willing to pay any barfines for subsequent nights but I think she took it to mean I don’t pay full stop. In bangkok I’m used to the “Money for taxi” in the morning after a Spicy hook up but not sure if the same convention exists in Pattaya. Anyway ended up being a freebie.

Funniest part was when her phone kept ringing. I looked at the number and saw it was a UK one. Then the floodgates opened and she told me, or lied or exagerrated or whatever, about her sponsors in England, Ireland, Denmark and Holland. She then answered a call and put the guy on speakerphone as he professed his love for her. She said “I think you only love me 60%. The english accent responded “No, no 100%”. She told him she was in bed with another Farang and that he should send money.

Poor bastard. Apparently he was a married 48 year old guy with three kids. He’d only ever slept with her once but they had swapped numbers and he called every day.

I’ve spent half my life taking shit from UK girlfriends for not calling them enough so I don’t understand what these guys get from these pigeon English conversations with their Thai “girlfriends”. Wonder what their life is like.

Anyway that was my midly amusing night and it was funny to experience first hand the call from the sponsor.

36 thoughts on “A Night in Pattaya by LMW”

  1. Entertaining…I especially liked the fact that the tart but her idiot..err, sponsor, on speaker and said she was banging another farang..but send money. Suckers one and all…

    And…flip flops and shorts in Patts is de riguer wear there. At least you didnt go out Russian style with a tank top Singha/Beer Chang shirt…or did you??

  2. Most UK guys are complete tools. Exceptions being a few on this blog.

    I’ve given up on hoping guys don’t sponsor whores since there is a seemingly endless supply of farang idiots with money to burn. I wish I could be there when the UK sponsor’s wife finds out who he has been in daily contact with. Now that would be entertaining.

    BTITT boys: that’s what you should do a reality show about.

  3. Hey don’t knock the sponsors please. I just had a great steak dinner completely paid for by one right after i nailed his tart last night. I love the sponsors!

  4. @MSB – I’m not against paying bar fines, I’ve even paid one, it’s just that I’m more of a go out clubbing and ‘taxi money’ in the morning kind of guy. For me Bangkok nightlife is as good as it gets.

    With this bird she was angling for me to pay her barfine and then she could spend the whole day and evening with me… um, no thanks. So I really just told her that as an excuse to get rid of her. Ha ha. “Oh how sad, is it that time already. Guess you have to go to work. BYE.”

  5. What time were Lucifer and Insomnia shutting down? BKK is still at 2am from what I hear.

  6. This was a few weeks ago but it was late. Lucifers went on till way past 2 or something but got pretty quiet once the band went off.

    Latest I was in Insomnia must have been about 4 so not sure after that.

    I was in the Marine disco one night, Insomnia was closed for some reason. I think it shut around 4 then we went on to Marine Disco 2. The ratio of guys to girls in there was about 20-1.

  7. “No doubt I looked like a twat but this is Pattaya so I fitted in.”

    it’s funny because it’s true.

  8. 20:1 guy to girl ratio? I don’t need to travel 10000 miles for those unsavoury odds….I can get pull down better stats at my local co-op, though admittedly there’s not much of a party scene. I think nottingham is 5:1 girl to guy ratio…maybe I should spend 3 weeks in nottingham? Certainly easier to get there.

  9. Depending on the night, There can be a big Guy to girl ratio in many night spots in BKK. Bed and Q Bar come to mind. Go in Mid week at 11pm to see what I am talking about.

  10. When you said walking into a club “dressed as a complete dick,” I envisioned John Travolta and Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction after being hosed down by Harvey Keitel.

  11. these odds are one of the most disturbing stats I have heard. How could pattaya come to this? Perhaps beach road’s aggressive ladyboy night-shift will soon represent the only pickings on offer. I will put 20:1 down to a statistical anomaly, just so I can sleep easy.

  12. LM- funny bit. I like how ya’ poked fun at yourself by keeping it with a vicarious but humbled… ‘ i don’t give a shit approach’.


    When they ask for cab money does it equal the bar fine?

  13. I went to RCA with a mate of mine a week back mid-week, and i’d say the girls outnumbered the guys 4:1

    I was in Pattaya last night, but didn’t do any whoring. The thing I love about Pattaya, is no matter how bad you feel about yourself, you can always look around at the vast array of turds that frequent the place, and instantly feel better about yourself

  14. @WCD – I met a good girl at her Hotel and went straight to Differ club which is by Big C

    Its a cool club which is a cross between RCA/NungLen, but is definately not a P4P hangout. Lots of hi-so looking thais, and swank cars in the car-park

    We got there at 11pm and they kicked us out at 230-245am, and then back to her hotel for a jolly good barebacking

    I was only there for 1 night, and thats the only place I went to, so that doesnt really answer your question im afraid

  15. Well it seems this year in the beer bars a lot of but ugly old ma-ma types grabing at us punters. Some are scary old whores and think there hot only in pattaya

  16. @WPD – You know, I may be wrong, but I suspect some of these girls don’t even use the money to pay for a taxi!

    @BrewsterBudgen – I think you had to be there. It just went that way. I tend to sail in the grey area between freebie and p4p.

  17. Hey penfold, do any of these good girls you bareback have any idea of your history and preferences? quite frankly I am too scared to even shake your hand.

  18. @WCD – I was in Insomnia last night until about 4am. There were still more people coming than going. They were lined up on the staircase waiting to pay the 150 baht cover charge (girls in free). First time I’ve seen that.

    I’m not good at judging ratio’s of girls to guys (especially after 20-30 bacardi cokes) but it seemed definitely more ladies than punters.

  19. 20-1 just doesn’t make sense. In Bangkok, the other 19 would simply up and leave…and perhaps even the 20th… until the natural balance of somewhere around 1-7 is restored by osmosis. I can’t think of anywhere in either Bangkok or Pattaya where there’s a compelling reason to hang around when the ratio is any worse than, say, 1-10.

    My own personal ratio has worsened as I’ve got older. 10 years ago, a ratio of 20-1 would have been just fine – a world where the untimely arrival of YP or Ashton would be no cause for alarm. Even 5 years ago, 1-1 was still easy going. These days you won’t see me hanging around for a second beer for much less than 1-15. But that’s pretty much the odds I rely on to guarantee a nice plate of oats for the night without having to enunciate a coherent sentence in either language.

    Enjoy it while you have it, my young whippersnappers…for the world is anicca (look it up yourself).

  20. @WPD-Insomnia until 4am…back to your old tricks. Glad to see your back to your wily ways. Shame I couldnt get there this weekend…I need a weekend of pure sleeze and debauchery and couldnt think of a better person to make that happen. I guess I’ll just have to throw the trowling net wide in the bowls of Wanchai.

  21. @YP- Interesting, I didn’t realise there was much of a hi-so scene in Pattaya. May check it out for a change of pace.

    @WPD – Thanks for the update I was in BKK a week ago and really missed the late night scene. May be back in LOS next weekend so good to know there is back up.

  22. @Swampthing- The beauty of LOS is that coherency no need! A week with WPD and Indu and we speaking Thaiglish even to each other. I shy away from the fluent English speakers because they usually never stfu.

  23. Don’t be too giddy there doctorbond. There’s one more opinion for you to dodge:

    Brits are ugliest in the world

    British people are among the ugliest in the world according to elitist dating website BeautifulPeople.com. Interested applicants submit their photos and are rated based on looks to determine whether they can join the site. Since Beautiful People went live worldwide last month, it has rejected 1.8 million people from 190 countries. Talk about high standards! But the British have perhaps suffered the most rejection, according to Reuters:

    Fewer than one in eight British men and just three in 20 women who have applied to BeautifulPeople.com have been accepted, an emailed statement from the website showed.

    On the opposite end of the attractiveness spectrum, you’ll find Swedish men and Norwegian women with 65 and 76 percent acceptance rates, respectively.

  24. Bangkok Bad Ass – I went to ‘Differ’ and the carpark was full of Mercs, BMW’s and Toyota Camrys etc.

    Virtually every girl I saw there was fair skinned, well dressed, with actual bridges on their noses, and all accompanied by well dressed Thai guys

    Perhaps you should stick your head outside Walking Street sometime?

  25. @ BBA … “Fewer than one in eight British men” – yes it’s appalling isn’t it – I’m staring at the other seven now… faces only a mother could love….

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