Mango Weekly – 14 November 2009 – The Lecithin Baby

Editorial: The Lecithin Baby

Two shots of Sambuca, eleven pints of Tiger, three Smirnoff Ice Red’s, and young Ben Foldington was feeling good, real good. Ben was pounding with some friends and the bar discussion just happened to turn to Lecithin. The various drunk Punters jumped in with their tales of epic orgasms and feverish libidos. Young Ben then stood up and said “If somebody buys me a 100-capsule bottle of Lecithin and two packets of flavored Kamagra right now, I will take them all and then blow my river of sperm into the first ladyboys ass I can find.”. You would think that the group of punters would be shocked by this, but it was actually right in character for Ben so none of them were surprised. A service girl was sent immediately on her way to the nearest in-stock pharmacy and when she returned the consumption began.

Young Ben split open the two Kamagra packets and slurped them right down. He then ordered his twelfth tiger pint and began the “bottle, swallow, sip” process to ingest the 100 pills of Lecithin. Some guys, the way-too-sober one’s, tried to talk him out of it, but Ben was now on a mission. 30, 40, in they went. Around number 50, you could see that Ben was starting to waiver a bit, his skin also started turning a bit pale. He forged on. He continued to falter until he got to number 80 or so. At this point, he started to lift up a bit and had new life in his eyes. His hair even looked fuller and took on an almost roman wave. He ordered number thirteen and washed down the rest of them up until the final pill. With the last pill, he raised it to the sky and said “Beautiful little orange messenger of the Gods. Join your friends in my stomach and in my soul. I proclaim you the…”. His friends jumped in and shouted “Shat up man and swallow the bloody pill!”. He flipped it high into the air, and despite his inebriated state, it landed flat on the tip of his tongue. He washed it down with the rest of number thirteen, smiled, and walked out the door.

It was close to midnight and Ben wandered down Sukhumvit Soi 4 towards Nana Plaza. As he approached the entrance, smoke from the famous Nana Burger cart invaded his nostrils and he made a beeline for the cart, “Two Cheeseburgers with everything” he ordered. As he waited for the master chef to do her magic, Ben gazed around at the ladyboys working the plaza entrance. His body was heaving and you couldn’t tell if the smoke in the area was coming from the burger cart or his ears. He was ready to pounce. As he made his way towards a curvy ladyboy in a white evening gown, he heard “Mister, your burger ready”. He disengaged and quickly consumed the two cheeseburgers as grease and cheese dripped down his arm to the nana plaza pavement. He wiped clean with his shirt sleeve and entered the plaza.

Ben was no stranger to the nana plaza ladyboy gogo scene. He set his sights on the large red “Cascade” sign on the third floor and quickly made his way to ground floor escalator. Normally, the door greeters at the top of the escalator would try molesting him into one of their bars, but they could see that he was not a man to be messed with. He blew through them and leaped up the back staircase to the third floor three steps at a time.

Finally, he made it to Cascade. He scanned the outside and doorway for a suitable candidate but decided to enter instead and check out the selection inside. The place was pretty empty, except for maybe thirty or forty ladyboys. He took a seat and was mesmerized by the twenty or so ladyboy gogo girls that slowly circled on the rotating stage. Then, he spotted her. She was the tallest and biggest of the bunch, the queen of the amazons. He waved to her and she left the stage to join him for a drink.

Her name was Lek Long and had just relocated to Bangkok from Pattaya. Ben got straight to the point, “Listen sweetheart, I am horny as hell and I want to take you next door and fill your ass with my mammoth load”. “Ooh woo, you talk dirty. I like. You can do whatever” she replied. “How about no condom, I fuck you in the ass? I give you 3000 baht for short-time?” Ben asked. “I never like use condom” she answered. Ben shouted “Check Bin!” and off they went.

They chose the short-time hotel right next door because, well, it was right next door. He paid the entrance and they were escorted to a room down the hall. The room’s decor was red, with dim red lighting. Ben’s face had also started turning red but was masked out by the glow in the room.

He eyed Lek Long up and down. The Kamagra, Lecithin, and Nana Burgers, along with copious amounts of alcohol, took over his body. He pulled Lek Long’s dress over her head and pulled down her designer panties. Lek Long let out a ladyboy yelp as Ben turned her around and bent her over the bed.

He dropped his pants and Lek Long yelped again at the sight of a bloated and throbbing member. Ben was shocked himself as he was four times his normal size. He went in bone dry prompting yet another yelp from Lek Long. He thrust and thrust. Lek Long yelped and yelped. At that moment, the one dull red bulb in the room started flickering and the building started to tremble a little, or at least that’s what it felt like.

Ben was no longer Ben. His eyes rolled into his head as he locked into her hips and pounded away. The thrusting sped up, and sped up some more, and some more, until finally Ben yells out “Fuck!!!”. The river of sperm that Ben promised started filling Lek Long’s body. The volume was so much that it was spilling out of her ass and drenching the short-time hotel mattress. Ben’s right eye popped out and a sharp chest pain suddenly struck him. Ben clutched his chest but couldn’t stop thrusting. He was having a heart attack but couldn’t stop his body. Ben’s sperm was everywhere. As he pulled out and collapsed, there were still streams of Lecithin enhanced sperm making it’s way out of his body. He fell to the floor and died.

Lek Long was in complete shock. She could do nothing though to help Ben as she felt something taking over her body. Her stomach started filling up on it’s own. She couldn’t even scream for help at this point because the sperm had filled her face and rendered her lips inoperable. Her stomach continued to grow. She held it down but it kept inflating. It took about nine minutes and she was the size of a full-term pregnant woman. All of a sudden, an intense pressure built up in the pit of her bowels as if she had to take one hell of a dump. She pushed and pushed to help alleviate the pain. With one big push, a giant egg flew out of her ass and rolled to the corner of the room. Lek Long, with one last gasp looked at the egg and mumbled “I’ve had bigger”. Lek Long was no more.

The egg stopped spinning and came to a rest. A crack quickly appeared and a finger started pushing through to pry it open. The egg cracked further and was blown open wide by the newly born creature. The Lecithin Baby was alive.

The Lecithin Baby, who was later named Elby, stretched it’s short muscular arms out to the sky as if it was celebrating it’s birth and freedom. The red bulb stopped flickering and Elby looked around the room. Elby was about two feet tall and looked like a cross between Hellboy and the Pillsbury Doughboy. He looked up and was mystified by the reflection in the mirror on the ceiling. Suddenly, he couldn’t move anymore and felt intense pressure everywhere. The Lecithing Baby was still growing.

The expansion continued for about nine minutes until it finally ceased. Elby looked up again and saw a monster. About ten feet tall and weighing over 600 pounds. Elby was aware somehow. He sat up and saw his dead mother and father and began to weep. He cried and cried until his tears stopped and anger took over his body. He stood up and started smashing everything in the room. At this time, the short-time hotel clerk made her way down the hall to see what was going on. Elby then burst through the bedroom door and into the hallway. The hotel clerk screamed out the loudest scream ever heard. It was so loud that GoGo girls downstairs in Rainbow 4 heard it and even slowed down to a one-step pace.

Elby trampled the hotel clerk and burst through the front doors of the hotel. The Ladyboys sitting in front of Cascade instinctively grabbed for their sharp and pointy high heels, but then started running for their lives. Elby was furious and was destroying everything in his path. Elby then leaped off the third floor and landed directly on top of the beer bars on the ground floor. Panic ensued. Most people retreated into their respective GoGo’s (On Nutter and BBB were being groped in the corner of Erotica and weren’t phased a bit) but other’s made for the exit. Big mistake, as Elby started smashing the fleeing people into the pavement. Smash, Smash, Smash, Elby was on a rampage. The plaza and it’s visitors were doomed.

All of sudden, a white creature burst onto the scene and flew towards the hulking Lecithin Baby. It was Pig Dog:

pigdog.jpg

The often misunderstood, long time resident of Nana Plaza awakened to protect his home. He lunged at Elby’s exposed penis, which was by then three feet long, and tore into it like he was eating a tasty stick of bbq liver. He tore and tore. Elby screamed, because we all know how much that probably hurt, and then fell to the ground.

Pig Dog climbed up onto Elby with Elby’s severed penis in his mouth as white liquid drained out of Elby’s body into the nana sewers. The Lecithin Baby was dead.

The plaza erupted in cheers and carried Pig Dog up on their shoulders in jubilation. Pig Dog saved the plaza and the people.

The next day, the people mourned. Nana Plaza would never be the same but would surely repair the damage and move on. Pig Dog went about his daily routine and the early afternoon stream of sex workers arrived as they do every day. As for The Lecithin Baby, his hefty remains were buried in a large grave at an undisclosed location up north.

elby.jpg

Bar Bits

Spotlight Review from wickedtraveler.com:

“Went to Sazanka 2 weeks ago and promised myself a trip to Akane to compare between the two. Koreans are not known throughout the world for providing friendly service and that showed in spades at Sazanka. On the other hand if a place is frequented and endorsed by the Japanese, service and quality are all but assured.

I made a booking after a thorough review on their new website (great video clips by the way) and was greeted by about 12 ladies dressed in red robes. Before I could say ‘konnichi wa’ I was asked to sit on the couch, given a cold towel, a glass of cold tea and someone was removing my shoes and placing slippers on my feet. After choosing the package (S3 1580THB) we made our way upstairs. Had a pleasant shower and rubdown and then back to the massage table. The massage was nice and made even better as she was in the nude. The thought of x-ray glasses came into mind as all of the times I had wondered what the masseuse looked like under her clothes became a reality. The massage turned into a nice bj and round 1 was complete. The clock showed about 15 minutes left so I told her we could try for round 2 with a hj. Any thoughts of getting to a finish were delayed with the older German chap and his 2 new friends having a fun time in the ‘room’ next to me. After his screams of ‘yaa yaaa yaaaa’ (read with German accent) subsided, I had to summon all of the freaky scenes of my freaky past to encourage completion.

The girl was professional throughout and a pleasure to spend time with. The price may be cheaper at Sazanka but the experience was cleaner, more comfortable, more gracious, more friendly, more fun and more pleasurable at Akane. Oh….I think there were two Japanese guys in the ‘lobby’ that might have been in the movie Black Rain.”
JustinCider on Akane Fashion Massage – Soi 33Rating:

A new record of 49 New Reviews were added this past week on the following venues. Thanks to all for the contributions.

Afterskool GoGo
Akane Fashion Massage – Soi 33
Ava Pub
Cactus Club GoGo
Carousel GoGo
Cascade Ladyboy GoGo
Climax (formerly Spice Club)
Club Electric Blue GoGo
CM 2 Disco (Novotel Hotel Siam Square)
Cocktail Club GoGo
Cowboy 2 GoGo
Darlings
Dundee GoGo
Erotica GoGo
Fanny’s
G Spot GoGo
Gulliver’s Sukhumvit Soi 5
Hollywood Rock GoGo
Jersey Pub
Jungle Jim’s GoGo
Mandarin GoGo
Mojos
Nataree Massage
Playboy (PB)
Playskool GoGo
Peep Inn 3
Poseidon Entertainment Complex
Sanook Bar
Shark GoGo
Shebas GoGo
Spankys GoGo
Spice Girls GoGo
Suzie Wong GoGo
The Magic Table
Thermae
Tilac GoGo
Titanium Club and Ice Bar
Tony’s Bar GoGo
Tulip Massage
5 Star GoGo

Other Bar Bits:
– Closing times (generally speaking): NEP/Soi4-2:00am, SC-2:00am, Patpong-2:00am

Visit any bars, clubs or gogo’s this week? If so, please feel free to leave a Comment below or on the Guide to share your experience.

After Hours

The 2:00am closing times weakened a bit for a few nights but still happening for the most part. I heard of Spicy being open until 5:00am, but only if you get there before 2:00am, and Climax staying open until 3:00am the other night. Will update if I hear any news.

Other farang-popular places have been closed at 2:00am including Boss, Bossy, Tunnel, and Swing.

You can check out other After Hours clubs around the city in the After Hours section of wickedtraveler.com.

Have any updates on braving the After Hours Scene? If so, please feel free to leave a Comment below and share your experience.

Mango Weekly Giveaway

Congrats to Dickens Cider for winning last week with his answer of “US Missionaries”, the group that barfines quite a bit.

This week, Who is the lady in the pic below?. Be the first one to Comment with the name of this lady and win the prize below.

mysterylady.jpg

PRIZE THIS WEEK: (1) Free Big Mango Mamma Cocktail

This week’s Mango Weekly Giveaway is sponsored by: The World’s Largest Eggs.

RULES: Each week we will put out a challenging question(s). The first person to Comment correctly (one try each and only one win per month please) wins the Prize mentioned below which can be redeemed at the Big Mango Bar. We will name the winner in a subsequent Comment and send the winner a confirmation code via email. If you don’t want your prize, feel free to donate it to another blogger.

Big Mango Bar Update

UFC 105: Couture vs Vera and Manny vs Cotto

ufc105.jpg

We will be showing the Manny vs. Cotto card of fights starting around 9:00am Sunday morning. I will update via comments to this post if things change. Should be a brutal Sunday.

New England Patriots vs Indianapolis Colts

We will be opening early Monday morning, 8:30am, to show the Pats/Colts game live.

Party Time: Our Thanksgiving Feast is next. Bring your appetite.
Beerlao Wednesdays are back and even better! Every Wednesday at the Mango Beerlao will be 65 baht ALL NIGHT. Beerlao Dark 75 baht (when in stock). C’mon down and help us support the Laos economy.
– Our Monthly Food Special: T-Bone Steak w/Grilled Mushrooms, Vegies, and choice of Potatoes – 200 baht
– Breakfast is now served. Free Wifi meet the Mango McMUFFin.
Map

… of the Week

Quotes

1. “Where is baby you?”

– A Nana Plaza bargirl enquires about the whereabouts of Bangkok Bad Boy after On Nutter had pretended that BBB was his son on a previous visit.

2. “Your slurring your words.”

– Young Penfold to a Beer Bargirl who was very drunk and speaking Thai to him

3. “As I shot my load, I was hoping she wouldn’t swallow because I wanted to know if there was an increase in output. I thought about you and how you asked me to tell you if there was increased output due to the Lecithin so I wanted to see. Unfortunately, she swallowed the lot of it.”

– A friend of mine talking to me. My reply, “What? You were thinking about me when?”

Jokes

1. (sent in by Riodon)

Feeling fed up??? Try watching your wedding video backwards. You’ll love the bit where she takes her ring off, walks back up the aisle, gets in the car and f*cks off.

2. (sent in by AUK)

SKY SPORTS BREAKINGNEWS: It has been announced that next year’s shirt sponsor for Liverpool will be Tampax. A spokesman for Tampax said “To sponsor a bunch of cunts going through a bad period is exactly what our company is all about!”

3. (sent in by GD)

Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield. “Quick, quick!” shouts Sister Marilyn. “What shall we do?”. “Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination,” says Sister Helen. Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. “What shall I do now?” she shouts. “Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican,” says Sister Helen. Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. “Now what?” shouts Sister Marilyn. “Show him your cross,” says Sister Helen. “Now you’re talking,” says Sister Marilyn. She opens the window and shouts, “Get the fuck off the car!”.

4. (sent in by On Nutter)

WOMEN WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE …….

Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to, and are happy to, maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, ‘Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?’

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, “Land Mines.”

Jokes

1. The “I don’t care how good the food is, I am not eating there” picset sent in by On Nutter:

bunghole.jpg  buttyboys.jpg

phatphuc.jpg  goldenshowers.jpg

Questions, Comments, Contribute…

We strongly encourage participation with the Weekly. Ask a question or comment about anything by leaving a Comment below or send us information via email. The more folks participate the more useful this Weekly becomes. Cheers.

Weekly Contributors: BBB: Bangkok Bad Boy, ssB: sideshowBob, and pmmp: pii mai mii pom

26 thoughts on “Mango Weekly – 14 November 2009 – The Lecithin Baby”

  1. the lady is anna Hanen Swan. married to martin van buren bates. they were like one of hte worlds tallest married couples or some shit.

  2. @UCW: Congrats! She was also mother to the largest human newborn baby ever. More info. here. I don’t think Lecithin was involved but you never know.

  3. Excelent Lecithin baby story. I wonder what the actual record is for swallowing most pills at the same time.

  4. On the subject,a few nights ago after leaving the Mango for a late dinner I was walking between suk soi 5 and 7 when one of these lady boy things picked my pocked and took a few hundred baht. But I felt it and immediately turned and ran after it. It ran out into the street between the cars. Not being so swift of foot i noticed other Thais running with me They caught it and a woaman gave me my money back. The a small Thai man yelled at the creature and when it yelled back he hauled off and punched the ladyboy on the face extemely hard. It turns out that these other Thais both men and women were the merchants that operated the gift stalls and they saw the thing pick my pocket and must have been so incensed because these ladyboys must be hurting their business that the took the action that I mentioned above. They even apologized to me when returning my money that they retrieved.
    i certainly have a new found respect for these merchants

  5. Pig Dog asked me to pass along his “Thank you” for recognizing his contribution to Nana Plaza and mongers everywhere.

  6. Fights Update: The Manny vs Cotto fight card started at 9:00am and is being shown now at the Mango. The Manny vs Cotto fight is estimated to air around 11:15am. UFC105 should air right after but I will provide an update around 11:00am.

  7. @bobonzo: thx

    Fights Update: Looks like the Manny fight will start around 11:30am. UFC 105, no technical difficulties so far. If all goes well, it will 12:30pm the earliest.

  8. Massage Parlours/Soapies

    I went to Poseidon yesterday with the farang my babe’s cousin — who’s working at Baccara — is actually shagging.
    Ex-military, relatively fit albeit in his forties, he’s a first timer with an impressive bankroll.

    He’s just rented a 20k/month flat for the girl in a new building, and paid her barfine “for life.” She’s very happy about it; he’s giving her more than 30k a month.

    Anyway, the guy will leave Bangkok next week — he’s been there since 2 weeks, — and we’re planning to hit another massage joint today or tomorrow.
    Being a creature of habit, the only place I’ve regularly been to in Bangkok was Angel’s, which is closed by now, I think. And we live in Huay Kwang/Ratchada. So we’d rather explore our area on my Wave than going down to Suk, unless there’s some places we can’t afford to miss… (any hint?)

    I just read on the Poseidon section of WT a comment by Young Penfold about Colonze2:

    Colonze2 has not as many but equal quality stunners [as Poseidon], is cheaper and you get longer plus no ferang surcharge.

    Is it still the case? I mean, I paid 3900 and he paid 4500 yesterday for leggy bunnies from the “model” section at Fortress Poseidon.

    How much should we expect to pay at Colonze2 for the stunners? Can we get more than 90 minutes there?

    Personally, I prefer hooking up with freelancers at after-hours clubs ans playing with them all night in my place, but touring Massage Joints with a pal is a lot of fun, I reckon… and less complicated, since my babe is sleeping in my room every single night she spends in Bangkok…
    So….It’s more easy to buy her and her busty cousin a ticket for a 3-hours movie (like 2012) and hit a soapie for a coupla hours!

    Any suggestion?

  9. I want to see a death match between Pig-dog vs the Indian Tailor touts. In my minds eye Pig-dog is tearing their throats out while they make no attempt to counter, all-the-while asking every white dude who is in proximity if the would like to buy a suit.

  10. Pmmp,absolutely hilarious….
    Amazing what becomes of a few Tiger ale’s early in the day.
    @ Bangkok Bad Boy..I’m sure a Jager Bomb was involved!!

  11. @ Pmmp – have you considered submitting your literary piece to a major periodical? If we are fascinated and entertained by this gripping drama, imagine what the publishers of magazines like Readers Digest and The New Yorker would think. You may even make a little cash from it. A Nobel Prize in Literature, maybe?

  12. @Debt Star: Mainstream isn’t quite ready for Lecithin Babies and Ladyboys giving birth. Although, it’s rumored that Lecithin was involved in the Oprah birth so maybe it can make Oprah’s Short Stories List.

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