A Week in Angeles City – Part Five

Day Seven – The Last Day

Morning sex, and disaster struck. Martha’s period appeared to have begun. Either that, or she had been up half the night delicately filling herself with beetroot juice. You never know.

With sex off the menu, and with Martha being far too pretty to be any good at the art of oral sex (see Poodle’s comment on Part One), I was left with absolutely nothing to do.

The thing about Angeles City is that it’s fine for bar-crawls, picking up girls, and eating vast banquets. But there is absolutely nothing else to do. The nearest beach is hours away, and apparently isn’t even very nice.

So I took Martha for breakfast by the pool, then sent her off home – promising that I’d drop by her bar later on. Back to the hotel room, then, to kill time until On Nutter called, suggesting dinner at 8.45pm.

He’d already been busy, taking a girl for an early evening short-time from the King of Diamonds gogo bar. So at least he was having no problems finding suitable partners.

And I ought to point out that it wasn’t just him, either – there were hundreds of guys marauding through the town every day and night, happily taking girls out of the bars, so the smart money is on my tastes just being completely out of kilter with everyone else’s. High standards, or different tastes? What’s the difference, really?

Our flight was due to leave just after 12pm the next day – I double-checked our confirmation emails to be sure – so we’d need to be up at 9am, and out of the hotel around 10am. Rather earlier than I’d managed all week, but not too unpleasant. We’d have plenty of time to quaff a few final beers after dinner.

After bequeathing the remains of my meal to a grateful On Nutter, we moved out to the Agasya bar on Real Street – an Asian-targeted bar with a relaxed lounge feel, and a series of inoffensive choreographed numbers where a group of girls went through the motions of pop video dance routines. Well, some of them did. One just couldn’t remember any of the moves. Which made the show far more enjoyable than it might otherwise have been.

Then On Nutter had one of his less stellar ideas, dragging me into Midnight Rodeo Country & Western Bar, which he had visited with The Baron on the previous evening. I don’t like Country and Western music. We were the only customers in the tired-looking bar, and the ageing, grizzled band called over to us almost immediately that they would play our favourite C&W songs – we just needed to write them down. A waitress scurried over with a pad of paper and a pen. I was in hell.


All eyes on us, all I could think of was the scene in The Blues Brothers where they accidentally get a gig at a C&W club, and play Stand By Your Man.

It wasn’t as funny in real life.

On leaving the bar, I noticed that the upstairs floor was occupied by a gay kickboxing-themed hostess host bar.

Fittingly, it was in fact time for me to man up. Given that Martha was riding the crimson wave, and that we had to be up relatively early to fly in the morning, I wasn’t going to barfine her. Instead, I had to visit her bar and say goodbye.

She took it better than I’d feared, but was still blinking back tears as I bid her adieu. A great girl, and one who deserves a better life than this. I hope she gets snapped up by a more worthy guy than me sooner rather than later.

From there, we had one last bar crawl to round the week off – Bedrock was uninspiring, so we ducked out without even ordering, but had a decent time in Nero’s Forum. In fact, we saw probably the best dance shows of the week in here, really energetic and fun, with some cute lookers.

Typically, since it was our last night and since we had to be up early for the return flight, this was the night all the stunners came out of the woodwork. There were plenty in Nero’s.

From there we hit Club 68 (“We owe you one”), where On Nutter reprised his palm reader routine. A new low was reached when he soothsayed “Aha, I see you have one baby already!” to a Cherry Girl. Oops.

68 was slim on lookers, but their 12am-2am happy hour – 60 pesos (฿42) for San Miguel Light – was a nice touch, and from there we returned to old favourite Club Asia – another stellar lineup, and I was beginning to actually feel sorry that I’d soon be leaving.

Finally, down to our last pesos, we crawled down Blow Row for the final beers of the trip. I had just about enough cash left to end the week as I began it – with the same Service Provider, no less.

We settled up, and I tipped my remaining 250 pesos to the girl swilling the Listerine, as we braved the onset of Typhoon Mirinae on the way back to the hotel – I set my alarm, and slept.

Day Eight – Cebu Pacific, How I Love Thee

Up at 9am, packed and ready in the lobby by 10am, we settled the hotel bills, and our carriage awaited. On Nutter tipped most of the remains of his pesos to the hotel staff. I’d already given mine away the previous night.

And so off we went in the taxi to our destination – where we were greeted by a surprised-looking airport employee at the closed doors of an empty airport.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“We’re here for the Cebu flight to Bangkok”.

“But that doesn’t leave until 8.15pm. Ten hours from now”.


Evidently, since we’d booked our tickets, Cebu had changed their schedules. And not thought to actually inform anyone. We had the best part of another day to kill.

If there is a worse airline anywhere in the world, I would like to hear about it.

And so into a taxi, paid for with the last pesos in On Nutter’s wallet, and back to the hotel, where the surprised-looking staff laughed, and said of course we could store our bags behind the desk until the evening.

We were out of cash though. We hadn’t seen a single ATM in Angeles City so far, but were directed to the SM Mall, about a mile or so away.

On the way there, as we passed the usual irritating street vendors (“Viagra!”, “Porno!”), we met the most surreal one yet.

“Folding tables!” he beamed. I stopped, and looked. He was indeed holding a wooden folding table under each arm. Fantastic.

After a long walk, and the unpleasant experience of queuing for an hour behind people who appeared never to have used an ATM before, I was able to actually withdraw some money from my Thai account – which was a nice surprise.

We took a trike to Perimeter Road – it was my turn to sit in the sidecar – and eventually found ourselves in a bar called Honey Kos, where we spent much of the rest of the afternoon.

Daytime gogos always frighten me a little. It seems horribly unnatural to be sat in a darkened bar, watching bikini-clad girls performing the chrome pole shuffle, in the knowledge that it’s still broad daylight outside.

We had a good time though, and when one kind soul (not me) rang the bell, I was delighted to note that all the girls on stage removed their tops. Was this common practice at all the bars? Surely not. I’d have rung a few bells myself if it was…

Kicking back on a couch at the rear of the bar, On Nutter and I reminisced on what had been an entertaining week. A bargirl or two on either side attended to our needs in terms of massage and other forms of groping, as we went over the highlights.

“I liked it when The Baron asked that girl whether her home province was further away than the moon”, I said.

“Yes,” said On Nutter, “and she said that the moon must be closer, because you can see it from here”.

We chuckled. I once had a friend in Bangkok who had a map of the world on his wall. Whenever a bargirl was leaving his place, he’d offer to double their pay if they could find Thailand on the map. They never could.

On Nutter, it transpired, had been asked by the mamasan, after a marathon palm-reading session in Fantasy Club, where he had learned the mysterious art of palm reading. He’d told her that he’d trained under a master in a temple in Bangkok. She had nodded, sagely.

Another bargirl had asked him whether Thailand was in Europe or Singapore.

Most troubling though, was the waitress that he’d taken from a smaller bar on Day Five, after I’d retired – defeated by my mammoth burrito.

In hushed tones, he confessed that he’d somehow ended up shagging her without a condom, and been unable to pull out in time.

I thought on this.

“You know,” I said, “there’s a very real chance that in a few short years time, there is going to be a half-English, half-Filipino toddler wandering the nurseries of Angeles City, stealing all of the other kids’ half-eaten rusks”.

It was soon time to make our way back to the hotel, collect the luggage, and from there, make our way home. On Nutter had been on the San Miguel Light all afternoon. I’d been on the orange juice, and couldn’t finish the last one.

“Are you going to…” he began to ask.

“All yours”.

We found our way back to the airport, having expertly managed our purchases so as to have spend precisely all of our pesos once again, thus ensuring that we wouldn’t be taking any worthless currency back to Bangkok. So it was rather annoying to discover that there was a 600 peso departure tax.

It was even more annoying, for me at least, to discover that there were precisely no smoking facilities airside. Security even confiscated my cigarette lighter for good measure – a first, anywhere in the world.

Smoking is a polarising issue, of course, but since smoking was not only permitted, but practically encouraged everywhere else we’d been in Angeles – restaurants, gogo bars, hotel rooms, hotel lobbies, trikes – I just hadn’t been prepared for two hours in a bleak departure lounge without the opportunity to punish my lungs any further.

We had been looking forward to arriving in Bangkok in the early afternoon, heading to our respective homes, perhaps enjoying an afternoon nap, and making to the Big Mango Bar’s Halloween Party in good time.

Now, with the flight showing as half an hour delayed from a time already eight hours later than advertised, it wasn’t looking quite so simple.

The phrase STP has entered the popular Bangkok vernacular in recent times – Straight To Plane refers to having a final night of one’s trip to Bangkok so epic that one stays up partying all night, and woozily makes one’s way to the airport the next morning, still wasted.

On Nutter and I countered this with SFP – Straight From Plane. We took a taxi from Suvarnabhumi airport direct to the Big Mango Bar, and while we missed the peak of the party, we still had time for a number of beers with pals before the end of the night.

On the flight though, and even in the taxi on our way, I had been reflecting on the differences between the Filipina girls and their Thai sisters.

The Thais are always being accused of being more mercenary than in the good old days. People complain that diva attitudes have ruined many of the girls, and even some of the bars entirely, and that the money is now the only thing on the girls’ minds. There is a brash side to many of them now, rather than the sweet, loving and innocent young maidens of yesteryear.

A hint of rose-tinted glasses there, of course – and most of the complainants are themselves less attractive prospects than they were ten or twenty years ago – but it’s a gripe I hear too often to entirely disregard.

I still maintain that there are plenty of girls out there who just want to have fun, but can see where some of the grumblers are coming from.

Certainly in Angeles the girls, although less pretty, seemed more demure, a little more classy, better educated at least as far as English was concerned, and generally closer to the kind of girl you could consider taking home and introducing to mother without breaking into a cold sweat.

“Did I show you the photo of that girl’s tattoo from yesterday?” asked On Nutter in the taxi.

“No, I don’t think you did”.


The End.

52 thoughts on “A Week in Angeles City – Part Five”

  1. If only there was a way girls could make us come without using their mouths or pussies.

    Great write up. Thank you.

    I’d like to know what her ass used to say.

  2. “If only there was a way girls could make us come without using their mouths or pussies.”

    Some girls can make me come just by looking at ’em.

  3. I understand Martha was on the rag and was no good at oral sex, but didn’t she have a bung hole?

  4. “A great girl, and one who deserves a better life than this ..”

    “This” being, presumably, shagged by you? Still, she managed to keep you at arm’s length with the old “got the painters in” routine. Poodle gets to the point with his usual delicacy, but it’s a question that needs answering.

  5. All Good Things….
    … which co-incidentally is the title of the final episode of Star Trek TNG – but I expect you knew that being a huge fan.
    Cheers for the 5 part entertainment – I never did get you that packet of smokes did I?

  6. BBB – Thanks for the entertaining and informative write up. We all appreciate you taking the time to write it up. I owe you a beer next time I see you.
    Hate to bring up a sore subject.. but I will anyway cuz it’s fun.. so who was hotter Martha or ‘the one that got away’ in Patts?

    By the way i might get a chance to swing by the BM this weekend, as I will be ‘up-country’ for a few days.

  7. @Pants Elk – Thanks for the comment on my new tattoo. I inked it myself. Now if you could please fuck off, eat shit and then die (in that order) and stop mentioning me in every comment, I would be eternally grateful

  8. @MSB: I would go back, but am in no hurry to do so – and probably wouldn’t stay in Angeles for a whole week again.

    Maybe break it up with a few days in Manila, and/or beach/islands.

    Vietnam, Indonesia, and indeed most of the rest of South East Asia have priority over the PI at the moment though.

    @Poodle: She was too nice for buggery.

    @Pants: Consider how unpleasant being shagged by me must be. Then consider that the majority of the other punters in Angeles were even less appealing. That’s the life I was referring to.

    @doctorbond: I think you did, but will happily accept further contributions to the let’s-give-BBB-cancer collection.

    @IP: I’d say the Patts girl was probably the hotter of the two (she didn’t get away on my last trip, btw) – Martha seemed hotter in comparison to the other girls of Angeles City though!

    Hope to see you in the Mango.

  9. I have one question regarding Airport transfer from Suvarnabhumi to BKK. Is the BTS Line from Airport to City still not in service, or prefere people to use the Taxi?

  10. No, it’s still not in service … a very limited service (1 week, a few hours/day) of test runs is supposed to start on Dec 5. Full service is scheduled for April …..maybe.
    And it’s not the BTS, thats the Skytrain. You’re thinking of the Airport Rail Link,….different track, different company

  11. Not BTS? But from the Station let say Ratschada in BKK will there be a possibility to use the BTS to Sukumvith?

  12. BBB,

    Excellent piece and certainly up there as the definitive on the ‘Thai v Filipina conundrum’. Your conclusion seem fairly decisive in that you suggest that westerners (ex hardcore mongers) looking for love are best served by Filipinas…,’closer to the kind of girl you could consider taking home and introducing to mother without breaking into a cold sweat’.
    Who wants them to meet your mothers anyway, I hear some say?!

  13. @Jackie – To get from Ratchada to Sukhumvit you have to use the MRT, but at Sukhumvit MRT station, you can transfer to the BTS (Asok Station)

    And stop being a cheapskate and get a taxi from the airport

  14. Oh and there are tons of places in Manila and around Angeles that cater for Asian tourist with a different flavour of Filipinas on offer…Am thinking the difference between a Sherbet hostess and Cowboy barfine. Taste and preference indeed.

  15. A fitting finale BBB. But I do beleive, sitting at a table in LD1 after your missed flight before, I used the phrase “Cebu Pacific: The World’s Worst Airline.”

    You were warned.

  16. An excellent series. Thanks for writing it up. When I finally do make it to Angeles City, I will undoubtedly use this series as the definitive guide of where not to go and what not to do when I’m there.

  17. If Martha was as hot as you say and the rest of the punters were as grim, her puckered little beauty would have been well used. You could have slipped it in without so much as a spit.

  18. On the Airport Rail Link:

    Yes, you can transfer directly from the MRT (at Petchburi station) or the BTS (Paya Thai) and possibly others, just as easily as you can transfer between BTS and MRT now.

  19. After spending a few days with Martha, how much did you give her for her “time and companionship, anything else that happens being between consenting adults”?

  20. Thanks werewolf, seems that I mixed up BTS and MRT. If MRT is the skytrain than yes I would like to test this way. Use the Airport Rail Link to Petchburi Station and than MRT to Nana.

    In general I am happy with the Taxi transfer. It’s cheap, fast and comfortable, most of the time. But, since I did it so often I would like to try the ARL to see if it’s even faster and cheaper.

  21. Ahhh angeles…a filthy disgusting den of iniquity and, unlike say bangkok or amsterdam, you can’t even pretend you are there for a bit of “culture”, or “business” or “cycling”…its just a beery brothel…and that’s it.

    Every fillipino you meet, there or en route..and I mean all of them…will know exactly why you are there….you dirty dirty dog!

    All good clean fun…see you there.

  22. Entertaining series on your visit to AC, with spot-on observations of the girls, bars, and other punters.

    Cebu Pacific certainly provides the worst customer service of any large business I have dealt with. Can’t believe I have flown at least 20 legs with them.

  23. “Thanks werewolf, seems that I mixed up BTS and MRT. If MRT is the skytrain than yes I would like to test this way. Use the Airport Rail Link to Petchburi Station and than MRT to Nana.”

    Jackie …the skytrain is the BTS
    MRT is the underground/metro.
    If you really, really, wanted to use the Airport Rail Link (when it eventually starts up) to get to Nana, you would either
    (a) catch the City Express to “MAKKASAN” station, walk across to the MRT station at “PETCHBURI” and go one stop to “SUKHUMVIT” station (near Soi Cowboy), where you would get off, walk over to the “ASOKE” BTS Skytrain station and then go one stop to “NANA” station.
    or (b) go a bit further on the ARL, getting off at Phayathai and then walking to the BTS Phayathai station, and then come back 5 stops on the BTS to Nana station.
    If I ever arrived in BKK during the day I might take the ARL once, just for a different view, but apart from that , I would stick to taxis instead of carrying luggage from train to metro to skytrain to hotel. “Up to You “…..

  24. Aah, I do miss the City of Angels. Though can’t do more than a long weekend there. Unashamedly cheap & cheerful. The kindergarten and elephant’s grave yard for Filipino bar girls all in one. Of course the cream of the crop generally find their way to Manila, but that’s an altogether much pricier option. And for the monger who’s too poor or too repugnant even for AC, there’s always Subic.

  25. I dunno. Leaving the fascinating rail travel advice to one side for the moment, what we have here is BBB fronting a C&W band (that’s him at right in the pic, btw), enjoying a cuddle with a nice girl, eating pies, and writing an essay about it. I mean, it’s not exactly “Off The Rails In Phnom Penh”, is it? It’s like a Lonely Planet write-up, only less gay.

  26. @Kalon Man: Well, I was comparing hookers with hookers. Personally I wouldn’t introduce my mother to a hooker from either country, nor anywhere else, but some people do seem to think that marrying them is a good idea. Baffles me, but there you go.

    @WWF Champ: Hotel remains anonymous. Water pressure was perfectly acceptable. Possibly the oddest question I have ever fielded on this blog though, so congrats.

    @PG: I was indeed warned. The annoying thing is, Cebu is still less than half the price of any of the alternatives, none of whom seem to fly direct to Angeles. 4,000 baht return with a real risk of cancellation/delays is still arguably a better deal than 12-15,000 baht to Manila, which is two-three hours by car from Angeles.

    @gavinmac: If I ever return, I’ll do the same!

    @Poodle: She was just far too pleasant – to have even asked would have been a deed that would still hang rather too heavily over even my blackened and withered heart.

    @Sam: Paid the barfine (of which she gets a cut) and gave her 500 pesos (฿350) a day.

    @DJ: Thanks. Next time, introduce yourself!

    @Pants: When did I eat a pie?

  27. Surely The Orchid is the only place worth staying? At least it’s the only one I know of the specifically encourages post-bar pool parties by selling beer and tiny bikinis virtually 24 hours.

  28. Mike, b) that’s the way which seems most suitable. Will try it if I shall go to Bangkok again and if the ARL is in use.

    Beside threadnapping. The report from BBB is very good and I have to confess that I also had a hard time in Angeles to find a doable girl.
    Maybe I were there at the wrong time of the year, but there are not much talent, imho. The last photo from BBB on that Blog is a good example. The one with the “Fuck Me” Tattoo. At first look I thought it’s the back of a guy.
    But, the pink panties convinced me that it’s most likely a typical AC Bargirl. Chubby around the Belly and lumbar, but without ass in her pants. So, absolutely not my liking.

    There are plenty of stunning girls in Makati which is an expensive rip off place, but if you barfine a girl once you might be able to score her the next days on her afterwork time without paying the barfine again. At least if she likes you.

    Regarding the epic topic Thai girls vs Pinay girls. I would say that the average Thai girl is prettier nowadays. 15 years ago it might be different. Since Thailand or maybe better to say Isaan (most of the bragirls are from that reagion) has a better economic situation, better food, no starvation anymore, people growing taller and also the bargirls. That’s a big plus in regard of appearance. Thais still prefer Thai food or healthy food. In the Philippines it seems that they prefer junk or fast food. Also, the population grows very fast in the Philippines and the economic situation is rather worse than 15 years ago. So, if one knows only AC and Manila he might get the impression that Pinays getting shorter and fatter since then. But, maybe my impression is wrong.
    In general I like more the look from Pinays since they tend to be feminine at least if they are tall and slender. Tall and slender Thais tend to lack on female attributes. Also, the faces are more bony.

  29. Agree that there’s pretty much bugger all to do in AC except drinking & whoring. Two exceptions though…

    – Hike Mt Pinatubo volcano
    – Fly a microlight aircraft

    Of course, neither of these is particularly appealing, or advisable, on two hours sleep after a 6am finish.

  30. nice reports! quite enjoyed them. must say i was disturbed by this part though: “In hushed tones, he confessed that he’d somehow ended up shagging her without a condom, and been unable to pull out in time.”

    Why oh why would you care if you pulled out in time with a HOOKER?

    It’s like the old saw Q. “Where is the clitoris?” A. “Who cares?”

  31. Not sure the financials are worsening in phils, at least, not as quick as the food is.I recall my second trip there, I had to endure around 110pesos to the pound…heady days, just two years back…closer to 80 now.

    I booked my first flight to bkk last summer 08..riding high on 68b per pound…by the time I got there, just three short months later, it was 52. I nearly had to get a job out there on my two week hols. Happy days. Luckily, I spent three weeks drunk, so can no longer recall the extreme hardships I no doubt had to endure. Thank the ^^^ Lord for small mercies.

  32. @bonzobill…early days that blog…this caught my eye though…”From my first-hand experience (had a bunch of Japanese classmates in another Asian country) all this did was scare Japanese off ever visiting China.”…….can you send me a detailed report viz a viz how the Chinese stopped the Japanese visiting there go gos? Need to distribute that around banana. Just kidding of course, no xenophobics here guv.

  33. @dope, you are right, it is early for that blog. my friend says he looking for comments, topic ideas other sugestion from readers. u should ask him ur question on the worstpeople blog

  34. I really enjoyed reading!

    First time to Angeles for me as about 15 years ago — anyway wound up at some cinder brick motel – some guy offered to get me this mother and daughter paid – I waited outside – thinking I was getting “set up”!

    Anyway, about an hour later he arrived with the Mother and Daughter – the Mother was not bad – the daughter was beautiful!

    Not sure if it was really the Mother and Daughter – but there were significant resemblances!

    I had a great time with these two –

    Took the Daughter back with me to Manila (got her some clothes, etc – where she stayed with me for about 1 month – before I left back to HK … but I was back every 2 weeks for about 6 months and the Daughter always meet me at the Intercontinental

    I wanted her to come live with me in HK – but it did not work out!

    Yep, the Makati girls – are hot!

    Anyone remember the “Hobbit House”? What a fricking blast this place was – all midgets – bartenders and waitresses – was great in this place!

    I really like Manila ans some of the “suburbs”!

    Was in Cebu – was smoking too much that day – say a big bunch of banana bats – thought these things were gonna “eat” me – pretty scary!

    I like the Phils – I really like the girls as well – met a shitload of them on “Maids day off” in HK – all seemed pretty good people!

  35. Brings back memories, some good, some bad, of my days in the Navy. Thanks for the laughs and the memories.

  36. Cebu Pacific: The World’s Worst Airline……..This simply means you have never flown Libyan Arab Airways. As well as having all the negative features of Cebu Pacific they are further distinguished by neither flying to or arriving at anywhere of interest or entertainment. Dreadful.

  37. peste kau!!!!at least uve tried cebu pac…san ka pa!!!onli in the phil…may ganun ba sa inu…wala d ba!!!!panis

  38. So, you finish and wipe your nob on the curtains on the way out, whining about your late flight.
    Its filthy pricks like you that destroy the lives of girls like ‘martha’. Can’t get a root in your home country due to your tiny winkies and repulsive appearance, and see an opportunity for a cheap one with a poor human (yes, just like you they have feelings) who can’t crawl out of their own circumstance. I hope both yours, the barons, and nutter’s nobs drop off with the pox due to your ongoing support of the sex trade.

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