Thursday – Went to school this morning. Am finding reading and writing Thai to be a real ballache – You know what, its almost like learning another language.
Seems like a woman and her kid have moved into the place across the hall from me. Normally this would be great, as Im famed for my endless work with single mothers, but there are 2 major sticking points. 1 – Shes fat and offensively ugly. 2 – The kid wears those shoes with those squeaky things in them that you get in dog toys, and insists on running up and down the corridor like a window licker for 45 minutes a day. The sound is slowly driving me mad, and requires drastic action. If anyone knows where I can lay my hands on some man/child traps, or know any nasty motosai guys who wanna make an easy 500baht, please let me know
Written about Jakarta a few times. It ain’t Bangkok but compared to the rest of the region it is my number 2 pick. Great vibes, cool food, good clubbing, fun girls and lots of options – since apart from the go-gos about everything else is available. This last trip I decided to explore a little bit more. I had one free evening to myself and wanted to walk around a bit but I was pretty far off from the area I wanted to be in. This area would be the side streets around The Stadium. I will write more about The Stadium on some subsequent post since that is a post in and of itself. Suffice to say Stadium is one of a kind and Bkk has nothing that even partially compares. Imagine a massage joint, club, restaurant, short time hotel and circus all rolled into one. Open until the wee hours of the morning, overlooked by the police and gently cared for by the mafia. Awesome.
Heres the background. I’m married to a Issan girl she now lives in California with me and she is a smoking 12 on a scale of 1 to 10, she’s in school and works. I travel to Thailand for work or play about 4 times a year, I speak moderate thai. I have been going to bkk since 2000 and I lived on soi 11 in 2001. This time I didnt have a legit reason to go so I told the thai wife I was going to Germany for business, why Germany, because its 6 hours behind bkk and i will remember that when I’m on the phone with her. I probably didnt need to lie, but it made things a little easier, i dont have to go visit mom, sis and all that. I’ve lived with Japanese girls, Phillipina girls and Mexican girls all of whom have left because i keep going
When I woke up in the hotel on my second day in Bangkok I ached all over. I stood naked in the full length mirror to check myself for MDIs: not a pretty sight but I couldn’t see any new bruises or abrasions. So: a fairly decent start to the day.
Was back in bkk the past weekend and what can I say other than time flies when you are in Bangkok for a only a few days. I had a huge to do list – work, errands, get laid, work, organize my hectic life somewhat, hit a g-club, call as many girls as I could to see if there numbers still worked, eat some tasty Thai food and catch up with as many as my Bkk based friends as possible. What can I say other than of course my list was way too long and before I knew it I was rushing into Lolitas just to make sure everything still worked. I never got to the gclub but I managed to fit in a run or two to Nana and Cowboy. Back when I lived full-time in Bangkok I would spend so much time avoiding these places or at the very least exploring other options but now that I am not in Bangkok anymore my desire for seeing as many naked girls as I can is overwhelming and forces me back to old habits.
Sunday – Fuck knows why, but I dragged myself out of bed at 10am to go watch the Manny/Clottey fight. Normally I wouldnt, as boxing is gash, but a mate of mine was in town for just the weekend, so I made the effort. Boxing is dead to me. 12 painfully dull rounds, with neither guy looking like they wanted to finish the fight. MMA is rapidly taking over, when they finally sign a network TV deal, that’ll put the final nail in boxings coffin.
Took Internet shop girl to The Food Loft in Chit Lom. I had Indian food, which was shit. Tasted like a Tesco Microwave meal. Had poppadoms and onion bhajis which were also toss. What also added to my pain, was the fact the fuckers dont serve booze until 5pm. I’ve had decent Italian grub here before, but the Indian was poor. No second chances here.
[Editor’s Note: Welcome to the first of the YP Diaries. Not sure how many of these we will get from Mr. Young Penfold, so enjoy them while they last.]
Wednesday – Caught up with a friend of mine at the Londoner Brew Pub on Sukhumvit 33 for a few beers. Wednesday night is buy-one-get-one free on all drinks, and the place gets pretty packed out from 8:30 onwards. From 9:00 the place really fills up with freelancers. They can easily be identified, just look for the girls who look like whores.
Got a cab to Soi Convent at 10:30 as I had a date with a girl Ive been trying to screw for 9 months, with miserable success. Being a Thai girl, she was late, and I got caught short with a bladder full of piss. The taxi pulled up right outside the California WOW in Silom, so I ducked in to use their facilities. What a truly fucking scary place this is. Im not adverse to a spot of male nudity, or sexual relations with transexual hookers, but this place was seriously intimidating. This isnt so much a gym, but a homosexual vipers nest, with a few dumbells and treadmills thrown in as an after thought. A true breeding ground for gay serial killers.
About 10 years ago, while sitting in a beer bar in Koh Samui, I overheard a conversation that set me on the path to becoming the greatest farang fortune teller in South East Asia.
A bargirl was telling a customer about her great excitement and fear about flying to Germany to see her boyfriend – her first flight and indeed her first trip outside Thailand. Take-off was only a week away and she was understandably nervous.
At no stage was she aware that I was eavesdropping on her conversation, so she was impressed the next evening when I studied her outstretched palm with a furrowed brow and predicted that she would soon be making a momentous journey to Deutschland to see her teerak.
“How you know?” she asked.
“I am the number one farang mor doo in Thailand,” I boasted. “I can see the future.”