YP Diaries: 21-3-2010 to 28-3-2010 – LittleMissBigTits, Violently rimmed & Dont talk about Pattaya

Sunday – Spent all of Sunday drunk. Vertigo girl went to work, and I set about sharking on Tagged in Jakarta with double vision.

I used to date a Rangsit uni girl about 9 months ago, who was a 39 kilos nymph, with solid D-cups and a fetish for anal, and would eat Swensens 3 times a day. No joke. How she wasn’t diabetic or 90kilos is beyond me. Probably all the ass fucking now I think about it. Burns a lot of calories. She will be know as LittleMissBigTits. Well LittleMissBigTits rang out of the blue around midday, and asked if I wanted to take her to watch the Liverpool v Man Utd game in Ladprao.

I agreed, on the condition she came to YPHQ beforehand to get her guts crushed. She obliged. Went to the 7/11 for some pre-intercourse essentials. 8x Smirnoff Ice, 2x Lemon Bacardi Breezers (for her) and condoms. I have to admit a great deal of shame, buying this at 1pm on a Sunday at my local 7/11, but when duty calls……

Had a few Smirnoffs to take the edge off of the hangover, and was feeling match fit. There was a knock on my door at 4pm on the dot, and by 4:05 I was eating her snatch and anus like a bulldog at a bowl of custard (Quote Daywalker) By 6pm, my balls were empty, as were the Smirnoff Ice bottles, so we jumped in a cab to Ladprao. It was one of those big screen, open air type deals that you see on TV, with the radio/TV stations and promo girls there. Ladprao 80 I think. They had some really really slutty looking coyotes dancing before and after the game and at half time. Beer was 150 baht a jug, and free food on offer, but there was ZERO seating, so we had to sit on the floor like kids. Was all a bit 3rd world. 3rd world as in the 3 guys in front of us SNUCK a bottle of that 60baht rice whisky in, and shared a glass of coke as a mixer, so they didnt have to buy a beer. She had to fuck off home after the game, as she had uni the next day, so I hopped in a cab and went to Nana. Cascades toilets to be precise. I wont bore you with the details, but the toilet attendants were pleased to see me. Staggered home. Score

Monday – A highly uneventful day. Went to the gym, came back, ordered food and watched Fantastic Four: Silver Surfer on DVD. Got a call from what turned out to be internet girls boyfriend. For a 19 year old boy, his English was really good. He didn’t seem too impressed that Id shaved his sweethearts unkempt beaver. Fucker should be thanking me. Seems like that whirlwind romance is over. Shame, as she was an absolute joy to creampie. Onwards an upwards. Had a wank standing up and went to bed. No score

Tuesday – My best mate from England was passing through Bangkok, coming back from a wedding in Kuala Lumpur, so was called into action to keep him occupied. Hes a sickeningly good looking guy, but is as scared of talking to girls, as gays are scared of vaginas, or BBB of hitting the treadmill. Brother has absolutely ZERO game. Thankfully for him, he creampied 2 pretty fit farang bridesmaids at the ceremony, so he got a free pass. After numerous beers and Jaeger bombs at the beerbar outside Rainbow 1, they called time, and I decided to fuck off home…. kind of.

Woke up at 5am flat on my back to what sounded like a hyena feasting on a zebra carcus. Seems like Id dragged an Obsessions tranny out of Nana after closing time, and I was getting violently and loudly rimmed. You’d of thought the sister hadn’t had a square meal in months the way she was feasting away at my poor rectum. I was in no mood for any pleasures of the flesh, so tossed her 2 red notes her way, and showed her the door. No Score

Wednesday – Arranged to meet an old friend I went to Thai school with at Londoner on Soi33. Met up around 9pm and the place was pretty packed out with freelancers and English teaching cunts with pens in their top pockets. Hate those cunts. There we were, minding our business, and discussing the finer points of barebacking, when we were approached by a gay and ladyboy combo. I think the opportunist scamps had some kind of sexual daisy-chain on their minds, but they were promptly shot down in flames.

Lost some serious man-points when a really slutty, but really ugly girl I screw on a bi monthly basis spotted me, and invited herself to our table, along with her gimpish long haired boyfriend (complete with rucksack and belt holster). Not only was he everything I hate in a young farangs here (as much as I probably am to him) but it was painfully obvious that I have been screwing his GF behind his back. I heard the dull cunt pouring his heart out to my un-interested buddy about how she is his soul mate, and how its true love for the past 9 months now. It wasn’t true love when I gave her a facial in my shower the week before. Poor bastard. We made our excuses, paid up, and went to Coyotes on 33 for some Margaritas.

Got booty-called at 6am by a Baccara girl I regularly ravish, as she had fallen out of Spicy, and was in need of a punishing. She made her way round at 630, and the said punishment was administered. Kicked her out by 8am, and went back to bed. Score

Thursday – Pattaya with The Heckler. The LESS said about this trip the better. Honestly. I dont want to go back to Pattaya again, and I think Pattaya doesn’t want me back either. 1pm Arrival. 16 hours of debauchery. 18,000baht in ‘entertainment’ and a taxi back to Swing in time for 6am opening. I also got swung at by a Russian hooker, although im not entirely sure why. Straight to bed with no dinner for being a bad boy. No score.

Friday – Total write off. Spent all day in bed licking my wounds.

Saturday – See Friday

Sunday – See Friday and Saturday

32 thoughts on “YP Diaries: 21-3-2010 to 28-3-2010 – LittleMissBigTits, Violently rimmed & Dont talk about Pattaya”

  1. There does seem a direct correlation between infidelity and the more the Farang BF is in love with his Thai GF. Treats her like crap spends her money shes as good as gold – sends her monthly payments and drives her to issan on request then its gang bangs with his mates. Why is that?

  2. Last time I saw YP was in Pattaya… At Airport… Just happen to run into him… Well the waiteress short changed him on his bill… He’s hammered and having none of it… Giving the Mammasam hell… Bill is corrected and as an ancillary prize he gets a free San Mig… No hard feelings right? Well he’s proper hammered and still pissed… As a a showing of his admiration he decides to pound the bottle.. If anyone has ever tried to slam a bottle it’s damn near impossible… This time and the give state was no different. As he’s chugging half the beer sprays out the side of his mouth and all over two or three go-go dancers. No worries for YP. Puts the remaining fifth of a beer down and tells me he’s out…

    The next day I text him to see how everything worked out… “I had a shit performance, fuck Pattaya…” Or so I remember it read…

    A week and you’ll be back on the horse…

    Good read BTW!!!

    Cheers!

  3. Hunch likes this mucho. Highly accomplished squalor.
    ‘Bulldog at a bowl of custard’ – best laugh I’ve had on the blog

  4. YP — Thanks for glossing over the finer details of our trip to Patts. Regardless, we brought what needing bringing and managed to show most everybody how a good time is properly had in Pattaya. ‘Twelve Hours in Pattaya’ did somehow get dragged into 16 hours and I must admit that when I woke up in the taxi that brought us back to BKK and realized that you had redirected him to Swing I kinda felt like crying.

  5. Thats exactly the kind of shit I want to read about. All week with no mention of working, plenty of pussy and drink, and gettin around town. All to be surely followed by nursing your wounds for more than 1 day and proud of it. Cheers YPF.

  6. What’s the going rate from lower Sukhumvit to Pattaya for a taxi nowadays? I’ll be coming to BKK on April 24th and want to try my hand at “Pattaya in 12” myself.

  7. Nothing says romance like a creampie, especially an anal creampie. Any feminist farang ladies reading this are probably eating their braziers with a good helping of humble pie right now.

  8. 16 hours in Pattaya…now that would make for a good doc-drama. I assume Lucifer’s and Insomnia were somewhere in the mix…

  9. “Woke up at 5am flat on my back to what sounded like a hyena feasting on a zebra carcus.”
    Best line yet in YP Diaries. Awesome stuff.

    Irishlager: If you can find a taxi driver willing to use his meter, it will come out at about 1,100 baht.

  10. 16 hours, geez, i’m feeling your pain. Just spent 9 days there recently, first 3 days resulted in copius amounts of piss, 3 sheila’s and 4 hours sleep, culminating in my comatose 6’5″ 120kg frame being put to bed by a 4’11” 40kg pocket rocket for 12 hours. Cheese really slipped off the cracker that night.

  11. “Honestly. I dont want to go back to Pattaya again..” – I call bullshit on that YP. You do realise I still haven’t done a Pattaya run with the crew yet. Just wait till I’m back in Bangkok and you and me brother, are going to Bring the Thunder.

  12. Heckles – What happens in Pattaya, stays in Pattaya? Well, thats the theory, apart from the vile throat infection I brought back. Must of been one of the numerous, dirty snatches I ate

    Irish Lager – We found a taxi driver on soi4 who agreed 1300baht to Pattaya, which INCLUDED all of the expressways. He did also give us 1 of his daughters T-shirts out of the boot, so Heckles could wipe his Burrito juice covered fingers on, which was a nice touch.

    Indu – We poked our heads in the dicso thats above JSB and there was maybe 4 people in there. It was really desperate. At some point in the night, I remember throwing some dance moves, and jamming my index finger up someones clout in Insomnia, but dont quote me on that

    Rick – Your right, it is a bit of lie. Kind of like when people say ‘Im never drinking again’ I have 4 Thailand newbies coming into town on Sunday. The deal is, I show them the sights, and they cover all my booze/whores/soapies for the duration. 1 of them said ‘I wanna try out a place called PATTAYA – heard it gets a bit lively’. Could be painful

  13. YP, Please start bringing in some of those lovelies in that want to be broken open like a shotgun for the rest of us to enjoy. Unless they are so ugly as to stop a clock at a minimum of forty paces. OH ! and if they are fat forget it, keep them in Buri Ram.

  14. The Man – Per-lease. You know that I brings that thunder, and after me, the only side you would touch, is the OUTside.

  15. Speaking of Bongs I read on Thaivisa(so it must be true) that bong is one of, perhaps the only Thai word in common usage in the English language.
    I suppose their many achievements in the important fields of errrr………………..their ummm world leadership in the design of female
    university uniforms makes up for any perceived shortcomings in other areas.

  16. “I read on Thaivisa(so it must be true) that bong is one of, perhaps the only Thai word in common usage in the English language.”

    That would make “Ganja” the most common thai word used worldwide (several languages). Wifey claims its a thai word? can anyone else confirm??

  17. Regarding the WWF, I saw this one before – the guy who never passed 8th grade wins.

    Bong is indeed the only Thai word I know of that has passed into widespread Western usage.

    “Ganja” is from Hindi, I’m afraid:

    “1680–90; < Hindi gā̃jā hemp, the cut tops and leaves of nonfertilized female hemp plants; cf. Skt gañjā hemp" http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ganja

  18. BBB – You used the ‘8th grade’ joke in a private email, and it wasn’t funny then, so recycling it isn’t gonna help

    Wentworth – Theres a whole list of things Thailand have given the world. A host of venerial diseases, Red Bull, crooked football chairmen at Manchester City…… erm…… somtam….. erm….. struggling now……Someone throw me a bone here

  19. The most surprising revelation in this report is that you wank standing up. That’s weird.

  20. Gavinmac – Dont knock it til you’ve tried it. When I wank standing up, I tell myself I should do it more often, but never do. And then when I do it again (9months or so later) I wonder why I left it so long since my last one, and so the cycle continues

  21. And then when I do it again (9months or so later) I wonder why I left it so long since my last one

    Perhaps you’re getting yourself pregnant….

  22. I’m not so sure Indu – with the standing wank you commit yourself to a bit of carpet cleaning later, whereas with a lying down wank it pools neatly on your stomach – or in my case, just underneath my neck…..

  23. That’s why bathroom sinks were invented, Doc…the faucet and bowl do all the work..well, most of it, at least.

  24. “the most surprising revelation in this report is that you wank standing up. That’s weird.”

    So i take it you never wank in night clubs toilets?

    I do sometimes when the slut I’m gonna bring home is so goddam sexy, when I had no sex in a day or 3. It prevents peaking too soon at my place!

  25. “…carpet cleaning later, ”

    But doc, doncha know that in virtue of the bum-gun and shower-cum-toilet there is no carpet in most thai bathrooms !

  26. Kat – if I only ever had a wank when I was standing in a Thai bathroom I wouldn’t get to wank much… AND… if there is one place in the entire world where I rarely have to have a wank, it’s… yes, you guessed it…
    🙂

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