Farangland V Thailand – by Daywalker

Whilst YP cries into his warm UK beer and ROLLN works on a plan to persuade Mrs Rolln that he is off to carry out charity work in BKK , I have to remind myself that maybe we’re looking at Bangers through rose tinted glasses.   It was just last week when I was sitting in a grotty little bar on soi 22 being ignored by the 16 ugly staff when I entered a conversation with Snakewalk and our  girlfriends.

I (drunkenly) told my girl I’d take her to England at some point.  She was excited.  Of course she is.  Spending time with me will do that to a person.  However, I found myself telling her about some differences she’ll encounter when visiting.  I didn’t realize at the time that I was listing ‘bad’ things about Bangers which I don’t normally pay attention to.  It was my subconscious kicking in..

I told her….

My dear, when you visit my place in the UK, you will not find a market stall with a guy selling DVD’s.  What’s more, when you go into a shop and buy one, you’ll not have to ask the shop assistant if it’s a good copy or not.  Which makes me wonder why it is the sellers actually stock ‘bad copies’?   Is there someone out there wanting to buy crap copies?  How often does someone approach the market stall, choose a DVD and get told ‘this copy 100%’, only for the buyer to say.. ‘no no no. fuck that, I want a crap copy please’.    I don’t think it happens.

And my dear, when you get in a taxi in the UK, you don’t have to ask if the driver is actually driving that way anyway, so can he please take us.  Nope, just get in, tell him where you want to go and hey presto, he’ll drive you there.

Also dearest, when you’re in a shop and you want to buy something, you pick up the item, take it to the cash register and hand over the money.  Simple.  There will be no negotiations about a discount.  There will be no forms to fill in.  The shop assistant wont have to phone anyone to see if they can sell the item and you won’t have to give out any personal details.

Don’t expect to sit on the back of my motorcycle ‘side-saddle’.   Don’t expect to see motorcycles riding along the pavements, jumping red lights, riding down a one way street the wrong way and certainly not carrying the whole family on them.

The police will not pull us over for no reason other than being in front of them and then expect £10 for us to go about our business.

Don’t worry if you don’t have Indian men coming up to you and saying you are lucky.  If you do, it is perfectly acceptable for me to punch their faces in.

If you go in a bar, expect to pay for a drink when you buy it.  There is no need to leave a tip for the person that is being paid already to serve you.

Don’t feel bad about walking one the pavement (sidewalk for our Western Brothers) and not fall over some scabby old woman selling crap.  In fact, we can even walk side by side along the street and not get propositioned by Ladyboys. (this was a negative for YP)

All in all, Farangland does have it’s upside.  Yeah, we all know the women are fat and the prices are extortionate. It rains all the time and if you are lucky enough to be gainfully employed, the salaries are crap.    But, Bangkok is not perfect either.

We all have our gripes and loves for the place, as we do our home Country.    I love coming to Thailand every other month, but after 3-4 weeks, I am ready to get the hell out of there.

On Nutter has compiled many ‘things I hate’ lists…  funny stuff.

There is only one reason I came to Thailand.  Girls.  Oh.. and to lose all my money.


















16 thoughts on “Farangland V Thailand – by Daywalker

  1. OH BOY!!! Now you’ve done it my boy, now you have really put your foot in your mouth. The next thing, will be the ring, you won’t hear about it for a little while, but you can bet that in the heat of passion and drunkenness, the subject will suddenly become page one. The # one topic on the six o’clock news and you will suddenly know what real panic feels like.

  2. Ha! Well, we’ve already discussed a ring.. but it was my finger that was in it 😉

    Taking her on holiday to the UK is not such a big deal really, especially as my place could do with a clean.

  3. That one-way ticket in June has dropped to 310 Queens Lizzies. Why do I feel that the airline gods are trying to bait me? I would walk to the pub and drink alone like a twat, but it hasnt stopped fucking raining all day, and my old girl will crucify me if I dont hoover the house by the time she gets back. Roll on June

  4. @DW; I think dragging her back home is grand idea! Shit how long can you keep her there? If she’s held up at your UK flat that really opens things up for when your in BKK. No more quietly creeping up and down the stairs at all hours? 😉
    BTW did you ever figure out what those little thingies were called? Don’t worry I’ll make it a point to always bring a few extra for just those kinds of special events! cheers!!!

  5. Are’nt the bad dvd copies cheaper? No of course there not… TIT

    Well, something’s are better in Farang-land i must admit. I like real Mexican food. And I especially like no one trying to sell me on something every 3 feet. But we do have someone asking for a handout or a cigarette every 5 feet. And, when I’m in the LOS I never have to worry about where my car’s are. Dude, where’s my car? But, I am fully aware of the fact that each time I return to Bangkok & Pattaya that I’m so enamored because i got to leave and come back.

    You don’t have to tip for a drink in the UK? I don’t remember that from my one visit. And No its not because i was tipping all over the place. During my first drink the friendly greeting team threw a whole pint on my friend, our intended London pub binge ended before it started… But no tips must be nice, pull that here in the US and you’ll only hear cricket’s chirping at your section of the bar when your ready for your second drink.

  6. gents try living in canada.then you will understand swm suicide.yeah yeah u fouckface move on.i get it.im rich so fouck u.and yes i have a small rig.plus double fuock off.where is the hairy beast ww.loved that blog.

  7. @gounchface: The ‘hairy beast’ has retired from the website. Working too much to write, and worn out at the end of every work day. So much so that I do little besides sit in front of the TV at night rubbing menthol cream on my aching joints. Beer is almost a part of my past, being consumed only fortnightly or so. The blog, were it to exist these days would read:

    “Got home from work and sat on the sofa. Watched a re-run of NCIS season 2 while checking my email. Played ‘pets’ on the Tagged! website for 5 minutes and thought about taking a shower and going to Cowboy. Didn’t have the energy so I masturbated instead. Fell asleep on the sofa before NCIS finished. Woke up around 11 pm disoriented by the dual glowing lights of the TV and my laptop. Realized what had happened. Thought again about a shower & run to Cowboy but somehow found myself turning off the TV, leaving the laptop on (for reasons I can’t explain) and walking into the bedroom to collapse into my bed, where I dreamed away the next 9 hours. Woke up in the morning feeling slightly better to find that I’d missed nothing. No one had emailed me, and the world was still turning. But it was time to go to work again.”

    Basically, Thailand has become farangland for me… at least for the moment.

    Thanks for the comment, but be glad the blog is done. It worked in a quirky way, but it is a thing of the past. Remember it as it was… [moment of silence]

  8. DW, Been there done it, bought the tee shirt. Here’s how it went for me, mouth suddenly became very dry, brain went into slow motion mode, eyes became caged, sweat suddenly popped out of every pore and I was at a total loss for a reply. Brain said I need a drink to get a grip on this before I answer. After three very strong hits I gathered enough courage to answer and it was not what she wanted to hear. The rest of her stay was not a very happy time and there was no more nooky the entire time. The good thing was that I had escaped with out really bruising my bank account, and being miserable the rest of my life.

  9. THE MAN – Fear not, I shall not make the same mistakes you have. There is more chance of you ringing the bell in the Mango accompanied by both parents than there is of me getting married.

    Taking the wench on holiday is a different matter though. It’d be a nice ‘in your face’ to all my friends that married a white fatty but even better, flying her economy to the UK is cheaper than flying me Biz Class to BKK?

  10. @ DW,,, I can relate to the “in your face” thing. But for me it has back fired a bit. Wifey is so much hotter than all my friend’s wives that we never get invited to anything anymore because she makes all the sub par wives/mums uncomfortable. I’m glad they are…. Now, my friends who are unmarried have cute Asian girlfriends who want to hang with wifey. But I cant allow it, as that would be a conflict of interest and dangerous to my lifestyle.

    Isn’t acquiring a visa more expensive than the flight?

  11. ROLLN… interesting. Thankfully I’d never have to go to dinner or other functions as all my girl eats is noodles.

    The visa thing… hmmm… I wonder if I could put it through the business?? Send her on a cooking/ironing/cleaning course in the UK?

    She’s already mastered the whinging, moaning and farting skills that most girlfriends have.

  12. I would like to know why Penfold returned to the UK since it seems…he hates it…is always looking to get back to BKK. Bastard never finished his series of stories when his Mom visited….get on it for fuck sake.

  13. Indu – Ditto. I would also like to know why the fuck I returned to UK. It certainly wasn’t for the low cost of living, favorable weather and abundance of sweet young ass. 2012 will be the year of my full-time return. June. July at the latest. What could possibly go wrong?

  14. Well, farangland has positive sides for sure: income, healthcare, family, enough paid vacation to go on trips each year to girl-paradises, car, housing, social security and being actually able to live from your retirement funds one day without having to work (=retiring in a girl-paradise).

    All the “man-fun” (= girls) is in Thailand and similar places of course 🙂 DW, I will give you a bump if I see you at the BMB in April 😉

  15. Steve… I’ll be there in April. Look forward to the ‘bump’. Whatever that means. I hope that’s not prison talk for kiss?

    One thing I do miss is driving a car, being in BKK so much. I’ve done track-days and been a street hooligan in my day, but nothing that would make me feel confident driving around Bangkok. I just couldn’t change my driving style (mentality).

    I am soon have a go at becoming a biker in Bangkok. Some girlie pathetic twist and go to start with. Anyone selling?

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