Big Trouble in Thailand – by Daywalker

Last night I arrived in the UK before I fly off tomorrow for the F1 in Italy. It’s not often I get to see the TV in the UK, because…erm… well, I am not here much. So, flicking through the TV channels last night as there are no gogo bars or hookers to keep me amused, I happened upon a TV program called ‘Big Trouble in Thailand’. Or something like that. This looks interesting I thought. This is a program that my UK pals would watch and think I am living in the middle of. Oh, how wrong!

The 1st thing that made me think this might not be 100% accurate is when they stated that Pattaya attracted many tourists due to the beaches and sea. Crap. Why not be honest. It’s girls. Simple.

There were a few little sub-stories in this program. I will share.

1) Ladyboys!

Of course this was going to make an appearance. From what I could see, they were following some LB’s in Patpong and Pattaya. They interviewed on who was saying that the ENGLISH men like going with the LB’s because they like smash one up ones rear end, but LIKE it when the girl has a todger!!! Is that so?!

Many tourists were interviewed also. Mainly drunken, tattooed lager drinking Man UTD fans who couldn’t really out a sentence together. This was obviously Pattaya. Various falang women were saying that the LB’s were ‘beautiful’ and that you could never tell!!!! I beg to differ. Yes, compared to a fat, white falang girl who shoe-horns her fat tits into a crop-top 3 sizes too small – then yes, one could say that ‘some’ LB’s are better looking. But then again, some of the motorcy taxi riders were better looking than those falang girls. And as for being able to tell the difference. I think not.

2) The Scam

Some scousers were grizzling that they were ripped off buy some guy who persuaded them to invest in some real estate. They handed over £300k with the promise of a 20% return each month. Needless to say, when the money was handed over, the company dissappeared and the guy who duped them was laughing at them whilst spending all their money. I don’t think this is typical to Thailand – but seriously, if you’re going to hand over that kind cash, you’d run it through a lawyer 1st. As they say, a fool and his money are easily parted.

3) Motor Cyclist crash

Some kid decided the car in front was not only a toyota, it was also a target. Not sure how the crash happend, but the kid (with no helmet) hit the toyota heat on and head butted the windshield. Made a bit of a mess of the Toyota and left his (hired) bike totaled. Off to the copshop (I thought the hospital would have been the 1st port of call!) – bandaged up as he was covered in blood. It turns out he was drunk. He tried arguing that it was the car drivers fault, not accepting that he (being drunk) should not have been on the road, therefor the car would not have hit him. If this was England.. he’d be in trouble. As it’s Thailand, he slept it off in a cell and got a little fine and a caution!! Amazing. The cop said drink driving is not really something they give a monkeys about – it’s only when they crash when driving!

4) Tourist Police Assistant

They followed one of the Tourist Police assistants in Walking Street. Usually, we all think of the cops as the enemy.. well, you bunch of criminals do, not me 😉 ! This guy was actually HELPING those drunken twats (mentioned in tale 1) who were getting into trouble with girls and LB’s. I have to take my hat off to those chaps. If it were me, I’d be giving a slap to all those drunken twats that were abusing the girls. No helping them escape and stopping the 4ft Thai girl from kicking their arses.

If my pals were watching this, they’d have a different opinion of the place I know and love as Thailand. It didn’t make me want to visit. It didn’t paint a pretty picture at all. I think they should have interviewed some people who lived there, who were not the 2 week millionaires. The people that know how to behave, know the rules and know how to have fun.

But most of all… they should have stated that IT IS EASY TO SPOT A LADYBOY!

Now all my pals think I am a homo.. as how can I be sure the girls I go with are girls?!

12 thoughts on “Big Trouble in Thailand – by Daywalker

  1. let em think what they want! I’ve long stopped telling people where and how often I go to Thailand. It’s the same stupid misinformed shit they see on the tele and online, and too coward to just jump on a plane (in some cases get a passport too) and go see for them self’s. I’ve started telling people stories about missionary work in Burma just so they stop bugging me about my personal shit!

  2. yeah that could get sticky! Could you imagine if one of our crew fell into the spot light! The scandals would be as epic as the stories told…

  3. The guy who let me loose on this scene gave me many pieces of advice. One of them, make sure you tell everyone back home that there isbut Lady boys everywhere… That should scare off most of the idiots, we are already full of them here.

    I know when ever Thailand is depicted on television in the states its not very flattering. It quite often pisses off the wifey and i cant blame her. I saw one program, called mail order brides from Thailand or something like that. Hosted by some Irish twat. She was all over the Plaza talking about how the girls are forced into it and most them are crying non stop at work. It was really irritating. And she really believed the twisted picture she was trying to portray.

    I always find it amusing when people assume the healthcare in Thailand is done curbside by shaman with no shoes and filthy hands.

  4. I’ll take street voodoo over a lazy, fat, union flip still chewing some fucking foul ass smelling shit any day! In fact if I were ever to be hospitalized or needed a procedure and could plan it ahead of time, hands down BKK would be my first choice! Adult Health care in the states sucks and really scares me!

  5. Well in 23 years of visiting Pattaya……………………I think its getting exactly like that.
    I have seen the program and like all telly it does focus on the worse stories, but I think Patts is one of biggest scam shit pits in the World.
    The only thing I can’t understand is why I will be there in 3 weeks or so? :+)

  6. @ UD; like old pack mules pulling the same cart up the same hill year after year. “why” has long escaped us, we just “do” that’s it! Same same brother 😉

  7. “Big Trouble in Thailand” is a cutdown version of “Big Trouble in Tourist Thailand” from a few years back I believe. The original series ran into trouble when they exposed the Jet Ski scam in Phuket, especially one confrontation between the jetski mafia and some British Marines. After that got aired Thailand wanted them to kill the series as it was shedding a bad light on the country.

  8. Think I have seen this show. Certainly didnt do anything for Thai tourism. It scares a lot of people off.
    ROLLN’s advice is good – tell everyone at home that ladyboys are everywhere. Cant let them all know how much fun it is or they might all want to visit. Alas my advice hasnt worked too well. Will be there next week with missus and 3 kids in toe. How the hell am I supposed to visit the Big Mango Bar with them in toe?

  9. @Dingoh; actually the Mango is quite family friendly, it’s getting through all the scumbags, beggars and curbside viagra salesmen while navigating the pot holes and un even paving of soi 4. The little ones may find the vibrant colorful flavor a bit startling…But if you got dropped from a taxi directly onto soi Mango (directly across soi 4 from Raja Hotel Parking lot) you could run and make it in without too much fuss…
    Funny how Google street view doesn’t wander down soi 4 from Suk?

  10. I have been told that about the lady boys and lads getting hooked several times when in Thailand. Kind of thought it might be a warning akin to going blind from wanking, if you chase bar girls you’ll end up hooked on lady boys. If you are really concerned about ladyboys a lack of self lubrication could be a give away for a post opp if you believe Irvine Welsh…

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