Last night I arrived in the UK before I fly off tomorrow for the F1 in Italy. It’s not often I get to see the TV in the UK, because…erm… well, I am not here much. So, flicking through the TV channels last night as there are no gogo bars or hookers to keep me amused, I happened upon a TV program called ‘Big Trouble in Thailand’. Or something like that. This looks interesting I thought. This is a program that my UK pals would watch and think I am living in the middle of. Oh, how wrong!
The 1st thing that made me think this might not be 100% accurate is when they stated that Pattaya attracted many tourists due to the beaches and sea. Crap. Why not be honest. It’s girls. Simple.
There were a few little sub-stories in this program. I will share.
Of course this was going to make an appearance. From what I could see, they were following some LB’s in Patpong and Pattaya. They interviewed on who was saying that the ENGLISH men like going with the LB’s because they like smash one up ones rear end, but LIKE it when the girl has a todger!!! Is that so?!
Many tourists were interviewed also. Mainly drunken, tattooed lager drinking Man UTD fans who couldn’t really out a sentence together. This was obviously Pattaya. Various falang women were saying that the LB’s were ‘beautiful’ and that you could never tell!!!! I beg to differ. Yes, compared to a fat, white falang girl who shoe-horns her fat tits into a crop-top 3 sizes too small – then yes, one could say that ‘some’ LB’s are better looking. But then again, some of the motorcy taxi riders were better looking than those falang girls. And as for being able to tell the difference. I think not.
2) The Scam
Some scousers were grizzling that they were ripped off buy some guy who persuaded them to invest in some real estate. They handed over £300k with the promise of a 20% return each month. Needless to say, when the money was handed over, the company dissappeared and the guy who duped them was laughing at them whilst spending all their money. I don’t think this is typical to Thailand – but seriously, if you’re going to hand over that kind cash, you’d run it through a lawyer 1st. As they say, a fool and his money are easily parted.
3) Motor Cyclist crash
Some kid decided the car in front was not only a toyota, it was also a target. Not sure how the crash happend, but the kid (with no helmet) hit the toyota heat on and head butted the windshield. Made a bit of a mess of the Toyota and left his (hired) bike totaled. Off to the copshop (I thought the hospital would have been the 1st port of call!) – bandaged up as he was covered in blood. It turns out he was drunk. He tried arguing that it was the car drivers fault, not accepting that he (being drunk) should not have been on the road, therefor the car would not have hit him. If this was England.. he’d be in trouble. As it’s Thailand, he slept it off in a cell and got a little fine and a caution!! Amazing. The cop said drink driving is not really something they give a monkeys about – it’s only when they crash when driving!
4) Tourist Police Assistant
They followed one of the Tourist Police assistants in Walking Street. Usually, we all think of the cops as the enemy.. well, you bunch of criminals do, not me 😉 ! This guy was actually HELPING those drunken twats (mentioned in tale 1) who were getting into trouble with girls and LB’s. I have to take my hat off to those chaps. If it were me, I’d be giving a slap to all those drunken twats that were abusing the girls. No helping them escape and stopping the 4ft Thai girl from kicking their arses.
If my pals were watching this, they’d have a different opinion of the place I know and love as Thailand. It didn’t make me want to visit. It didn’t paint a pretty picture at all. I think they should have interviewed some people who lived there, who were not the 2 week millionaires. The people that know how to behave, know the rules and know how to have fun.
But most of all… they should have stated that IT IS EASY TO SPOT A LADYBOY!
Now all my pals think I am a homo.. as how can I be sure the girls I go with are girls?!