For as long as I can remember, people have been telling me that I am not going to like the thing I am wanting to do.
‘I want to go live in Thailand’
– you’ll not like it.
‘I want to buy a scooter’
– you’ll not like it
I want to wear womens underwear
– you’ll not like it.
You get the gist. So it came as no surprise that when I spoke about wanting to change my address to Hua Hin, I was told by many people how it’s a retirement place for Germans and that people go there to die, there is nothing to do there blah blah blah…..
Miss Tim thought I’d like it there. But that’s because Miss Tim knows how much I don’t like crowds. And when I say crowds.. I mean people. And when I say people, I mean assholes. I have a very low tolerance for fucking idiots, which Bangkok seems to have plenty of these days.
My requirements were simple. Somewhere quiet with it’s own pool. Not too far from the beach and shops. Simple.
Having never been to Hua Hin, my quest started with booking a hotel through Agoda. The hotel that seemed to be rather nice was The Best Western. Beachfront was what I distinctively remember in the write up. Not too shabby for Graham. Next up was the Taxi.
Outside the Nana Condo apartment block is a Taxi Service booth. Having never taken a cab to Hua Hin, I had no idea if the price of 2100 was good or not. I asked what type of car was going to take us and she pointed to the picture on the sign. If I am not mistaken (and I am not), the picture was of a new model Volvo. Good. Can’t get much safer than that – unless you’re in a tank.
The next morning, the taxi driver was pounding on the door to collect us. Prompt. I like it. Round the corner we walked and were presented with a 20 year old Honda. This was not the safe Volvo that I was expecting. Nothing I can do about it I guess. I’d already paid the deposit and getting another car within minutes was not going to be easy. I just made a mental note (again) to make sure we agree what car will take us on the way back. Off we set with the aircon struggling to work to keep us at an acceptable temperature. When we arrived, there was no tip for the driver. Especially as the 2100 was more than the car was worth.
The next disappointment came when we arrived at the hotel. I was not quite the ‘beachfront’ as described. Infact – main road side is a better description. I wasn’t exactly close to any action either, so we asked at the desk if we could hire a bike. They told us a bike would be along in a few hours. I asked what kind of bike but they didn’t know. We told them to poke it and embarked on the long walk to town to find our own.
Many bike shops around. We walked past quite a few until I spied a little shop that had some new bikes. A deal was done for a new bike with only 200km on it. 250bht per day and we were happy.
Off into town to stuff our faces. If you like seafood, you’ll love this place. Unfortunately, I don’t, so we went for dinner in the American Rib place. I asked for the password for the wifi but the girl said she’d type it into my phone as she was not allowed to give it out! After 20 seconds of having access, they turned their wifi off! No tip for them then.
Back to the hotel and an early night so that we could get up early and explore Hua Hin.
We stopped at a few Real Estate shops and enquired about properties. I was getting a little pissed off as the people working there spoke with Miss Tim and ignored me! In the end, Miss Tim told them to talk with me! With some handouts in our hands – we set off looking at the different areas in search of our new crib.
Hua Hin is quiet. Sure, in the town it’s a little busy, but nothing like Bangkok or Pattaya. I could walk on the pavement for starters. I wasn’t stopped by Indians every 15 meters and asked if I wanted a suit. I didn’t have beggars waving plastic cups at me and I wasn’t asked if I wanted to buy a giant zippo lighter or some Joakley sunglasses. Things were looking up.
After a long ride around, we found a soi that we liked. We went onto the Real Estate website, punched in what we were looking for and selected the housed in the soi we want to look at.
The next day, we turned up at the R.E – gave them the reference numbers of the properties and asked to view them. It was going to take a little organizing, so off we went for breakfast/lunch and told them we’d return.
Another little trek on the bike found us up some little mountain full of monkies and a little seaside restaurant. It boasted a big rock frog as an attraction.
Being that this place specialized in seafood and I don’t like seafood, I was struggling to find something on the menu that wasn’t going to leave me on the toilet for the next two days. Good sweet and sour chicken with a portion of french fries was ordered. After 10 mins, the waiter informed us that they were out of fries!!! Out?!?! Jeeeez. No tip for them! With only SS chicken for me to eat, I had to make sure I was fully on guard from the monkeys that kept descending on eaters that were not paying attention and swiping their food. That kept me amused for ages.
Back at the Agents, we were met by a farang kid from Lithuania. Nice enough kid who drove us to the housing estate. Small talk over with, we checked out the 1st house. Three of the houses we had chosen were of the same type. The only difference was the furniture. Can’t say we were too impressed. The pool was way too small and the front door was close to said pool. I can imagine falling in when drunk trying to get home. Insides were ‘o.k’ but nothing to get excited about. Not that I cook, but the kitchen was a tad crap too. Things were not going well. At this point Lithuania boy said he has another house down the block that was a little more expensive, but whilst we are here… On we went. The 1st thing we noticed was the big pool. The next was the big kitchen and the big lounge and bedrooms. This is the one for us!
Back at the agents – a deal was thrashed out. Miss Tim and I headed into town to drop the bike off and celebrate our happy news.
Elmurphy the Irish pub was the first port of call. Good food and good service. That put us in good stead for the evening ahead. All the bars in Hua Hin (that I could see) are in close proximity of each other, but are situated down many roads. Makes a more interesting area than just one street with many bars. Can’t say we saw any girls in the bars that were worth speaking to or buy drinks for, be we were not there for that. We could amuse ourselves. Most of the people there were old codgers if I am honest, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. These guys were not there to tell you how they are ex-forces or teaching English…. They seemed to be retired expats enjoying each others company. WE visited a fair few bars and were drunk in no time at all. Stopping off at one of the many, many noodle stands before heading home. Drunk and happy!
The next morning we had a dip in the pool before heading back to Bangkok. Got some stuff to do before the big move – so will be sticking around for a while.
Hua Hin and Bangkok are of course very different. For me… for now, I am favoring the quiet life for a while. I already have plans for life after Hua Hin, but that’s another story for another time.
But first things first… who is interested in a pool party in Hua Hin?