Go-Karts and ATV’s in HH

I’ve always maintained that relationships require a bit of fun and excitement. I don’t mean dressing up in your spidey outfit and leaping from the wardrobe, which is fine, but I refer to activities that you can do which make your heart pump and get the old adrenaline pumping. For Miss Tim, this is quite simple. Show her a shoe shop and the heart rate goes up a few notches. Add in a buffet in walking distance of the shoe shop and you will see her behave like she’s just eaten a biscuit made of cocaine. A cookaine if you like.

But as our house already holds enough footware to shoe a family of centipedes, we have to fill our days with other things Continue reading “Go-Karts and ATV’s in HH”

The Hangover Part IV

Lomeo, Lomeo.. why thy fuck are thy getting married Lomeo?

If you didn’t want to have sex anymore, you could have just told Juliette. There is no need to get married.

However, as you are all hell-bent set on it then we all wish you well. What’s more, we want to come join the party!

So what are the options? We’ve done pretty much all the shit there is to do. Hell, Lomeo has done all the shit we don’t want to do. So what can we do? Continue reading “The Hangover Part IV”

Back in the hood…

Back from the UK Miss Tim and I headed straight home to HH for a bit of much needed sleepy time.

Being on a tight schedule we only had a few days to make the rounds in HH. Hitting Elmurphys for a few cheeky vodkas we headed off to the London Bar. I don’t really like it much in there – but it was heaving with lots of people having fun. Most people in there are older than time itself, so we mooched off to ‘Click’ bar. Out of all the bars in HH, this one (for me and all the under 40’s) has the best music. Good noisy hip-hop booming out. It wasn’t long before Miss Tim and I were downing Jaegermiester and dancing around to Eminem. Good to get the blood pumping! Continue reading “Back in the hood…”

You know you’ve been in Thailand too long when:

You think it’s normal to have a beer at 9:00 a.m.

You begin to enjoy Thai TV programs.

You look four ways before crossing a one way street.

You realize that ALL your problems are caused by Thai girls or cranky ATMs.

You put salt and chilli on your fruit

A Thai cop stops you for a minor infraction and you automatically reach for your wallet.

You think that a Honda Civic is a prestigious car.

All your tee-shirts are emblazoned with the name of some bar.

You aren’t upset when the bar girl next to you eats beetles as a snack.

Later the same night, you actually kiss the bar girl who earlier dined on
the beetles

You haven’t had a solid stool for five years.

You wake up in the morning and realize that you have nowhere to go and all day to get there.

You think white wine goes well with Som Tam

You understand when your Thai wife says, ‘My friend you’ or ‘Same, same, but different.’

A Thai bar girl you’ve just met tells you that her mother is deathly ill and you just laugh and walk away.

You realize that your Thai wife’s loyalties belong to
1. Her parents.
2. Her brats from a previous marriage to a Thai scoundrel who deserted her
3. Any remaining blood relatives.
4. The family buffalo.
5. The family’s goldfish.
6. You.

You consider your mobile phone a fashion accessory.

You start wearing flip-flops everywhere

You start driving cars with bare feet.

You become an expert on buying and selling gold jewelry.

You flash your 4 indicator lights when driving straight on at an intersection.

You believe that buying a gold chain is an acceptable courtship ritual, or at least a form of foreplay.

You find that a calendar is more useful than a watch.

You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus.

You think putting ice in red wine or beer is normal.

You don’t care or know what day of the week it is.

You don’t have a problem kissing a ladyboy on the cheek

You sit in a bar in Bangkok surrounded by naked girls and porn on the big screen
and you just want to watch the golf on the small screen in the corner

You accept builders clambering up bamboo scaffolding with no boots or helmets

Pedestrian crossings mean nothing

You realize Thai logic does not tally with Western logic

You realize Laws are just mere suggestions, not necessarily to be obeyed.

When you forget you have a wife and kid back in farang land who think your in Germany on Business…

When you believe being strung out with no sleep is a healthy look for you…

When you carry 3 mobile phones…

When your taking rx for std’s just in case…

When your ready to hear “meet your son/daughter” at any moment…

You think twice about wearing a yellow or red shirt on certain days.

You know where your nearest ‘ya dong’ stand is.

You stop paying 2500B for a beer in a Patpong Ping-pong show

You break into a jog for two miles after you get off any plane

You start to recognise Mor-Lam and Luuk Thung choruses playing on taxi radios

You realise that Thailand does indeed ‘hab many ladee’

You stop paying 2500B for a beer in a Patpong Ping-pong show

You break into a jog for two miles after you get off any plane

You start to recognise Mor-Lam and Luuk Thung choruses playing on taxi radios

You realise that Thailand does indeed ‘hab many ladee’

Long time reader, my first post.

When your liver hums louder then the air con.

When you start to think it is ok to take antibiotics for the common cold.

You understand that thai politics can never be understood, even by Thais .

You have Carabao on your iPod

You think that Red Bull is the perfect mixer to go with Maekong whisky

You understand the concept of face, and are concerned about yours.

You learn to speak thai, only to find there is nothing to talk about.

You can remember the time when thai bar girls didn’t have to turn their mobile phones off to avoid you, there were no mobile phones.

You stop looking at all those cute uni and vocational college girls,and develop a fetish for yummy mummies in government uniform .

You think the Bangkok Post and the Nation are real newspapers.

You develop a liking for Vegemite and unripe fruit.