You know you’ve been in Thailand too long when:

You think it’s normal to have a beer at 9:00 a.m.

You begin to enjoy Thai TV programs.

You look four ways before crossing a one way street.

You realize that ALL your problems are caused by Thai girls or cranky ATMs.

You put salt and chilli on your fruit

A Thai cop stops you for a minor infraction and you automatically reach for your wallet.

You think that a Honda Civic is a prestigious car.

All your tee-shirts are emblazoned with the name of some bar.

You aren’t upset when the bar girl next to you eats beetles as a snack.

Later the same night, you actually kiss the bar girl who earlier dined on
the beetles

You haven’t had a solid stool for five years.

You wake up in the morning and realize that you have nowhere to go and all day to get there.

You think white wine goes well with Som Tam

You understand when your Thai wife says, ‘My friend you’ or ‘Same, same, but different.’

A Thai bar girl you’ve just met tells you that her mother is deathly ill and you just laugh and walk away.

You realize that your Thai wife’s loyalties belong to
1. Her parents.
2. Her brats from a previous marriage to a Thai scoundrel who deserted her
3. Any remaining blood relatives.
4. The family buffalo.
5. The family’s goldfish.
6. You.

You consider your mobile phone a fashion accessory.

You start wearing flip-flops everywhere

You start driving cars with bare feet.

You become an expert on buying and selling gold jewelry.

You flash your 4 indicator lights when driving straight on at an intersection.

You believe that buying a gold chain is an acceptable courtship ritual, or at least a form of foreplay.

You find that a calendar is more useful than a watch.

You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus.

You think putting ice in red wine or beer is normal.

You don’t care or know what day of the week it is.

You don’t have a problem kissing a ladyboy on the cheek

You sit in a bar in Bangkok surrounded by naked girls and porn on the big screen
and you just want to watch the golf on the small screen in the corner

You accept builders clambering up bamboo scaffolding with no boots or helmets

Pedestrian crossings mean nothing

You realize Thai logic does not tally with Western logic

You realize Laws are just mere suggestions, not necessarily to be obeyed.

When you forget you have a wife and kid back in farang land who think your in Germany on Business…

When you believe being strung out with no sleep is a healthy look for you…

When you carry 3 mobile phones…

When your taking rx for std’s just in case…

When your ready to hear “meet your son/daughter” at any moment…

You think twice about wearing a yellow or red shirt on certain days.

You know where your nearest ‘ya dong’ stand is.

You stop paying 2500B for a beer in a Patpong Ping-pong show

You break into a jog for two miles after you get off any plane

You start to recognise Mor-Lam and Luuk Thung choruses playing on taxi radios

You realise that Thailand does indeed ‘hab many ladee’

You stop paying 2500B for a beer in a Patpong Ping-pong show

You break into a jog for two miles after you get off any plane

You start to recognise Mor-Lam and Luuk Thung choruses playing on taxi radios

You realise that Thailand does indeed ‘hab many ladee’

Long time reader, my first post.

When your liver hums louder then the air con.

When you start to think it is ok to take antibiotics for the common cold.

You understand that thai politics can never be understood, even by Thais .

You have Carabao on your iPod

You think that Red Bull is the perfect mixer to go with Maekong whisky

You understand the concept of face, and are concerned about yours.

You learn to speak thai, only to find there is nothing to talk about.

You can remember the time when thai bar girls didn’t have to turn their mobile phones off to avoid you, there were no mobile phones.

You stop looking at all those cute uni and vocational college girls,and develop a fetish for yummy mummies in government uniform .

You think the Bangkok Post and the Nation are real newspapers.

You develop a liking for Vegemite and unripe fruit.

18 thoughts on “You know you’ve been in Thailand too long when:”

  1. I good list, some funny ones I hadn’t seen before. I wonder what ‘Wil Chokem’ would make of it?
    ‘Who?’ All will be revealed soon ..

  2. You get excited when you see a scooter that is NOT a Click, PCX, Wave or Scoopy
    You get the phone messaging thingy mixed up and end up calling a mate ‘Teerak’
    You can get pretty pissed and still manage to blurt out enough Thai to get the taxi to drop you within walking distance of your condo.

  3. -You stop paying 2500B for a beer in a Patpong Ping-pong show
    -You break into a jog for two miles after you get off any plane
    -You start to recognise Mor-Lam and Luuk Thung choruses playing on taxi radios
    -You realise that Thailand does indeed ‘hab many ladee’

  4. Sorry, could you rephrase that? I don’t think it’s possible to be in Thailand TOO long. On the other hand, I could come up with a list of how you know you’ve been in the Iron West too long…

    Hmmmm….

    1. I’m conflicted about the coming Monday. Will I ‘bunker down’ or grab a whistle and join the mob.

  5. Hi Graham,
    First comment from me. Enjoy your blog.
    I can relate to most of your statements, I lived in Bangkok, Indonesia and Singapore for quite a few years (job related, I’m a Construction Engineer) Somkid Gardens, That was one of my projects.
    Will be in Bangkok in March for 2 weeks and imagine the place has changed from the good old days when I was prowling around Nana and Cowboy (mid 90’s)
    Cheers from Oz to you and your lovely Missus
    Frank

    1. Frank – Welcome! Indeed Thailand has changed a great deal since the 90’s! Hell, it’s changed a fair bit the last 5-6 years!

      Lomeo – Best of both worlds, bunker down but hang out of your window blowing your whistle?!

  6. Thanks Graham, thought so, but as Phil Lynott said “Are you ready to Rock!?”
    Hell yeah!
    and by the way to you guys, I only wear black. Yellow and red are so not me 🙂
    Cheers,
    Frank (fucking 43C tomorrow…need to stock up on piss)

  7. When you forget you have a wife and kid back in farang land who think your in Germany on Business…

    When you believe being strung out with no sleep is a healthy look for you…

    When you carry 3 mobile phones…

    When your taking rx for std’s just in case…

    When your ready to hear “meet your son/daughter” at any moment…

  8. Long time reader, my first post.

    When your liver hums louder then the air con.

    When you start to think it is ok to take antibiotics for the common cold.

    You understand that thai politics can never be understood, even by Thais .

    You have Carabao on your iPod

    You think that Red Bull is the perfect mixer to go with Maekong whisky

    You understand the concept of face, and are concerned about yours.

    You learn to speak thai, only to find there is nothing to talk about.

  9. You can remember the time when thai bar girls didn’t have to turn their mobile phones off to avoid you, there were no mobile phones.

    You stop looking at all those cute uni and vocational college girls,and develop a fetish for yummy mummies in government uniform .

    You think the Bangkok Post and the Nation are real newspapers.

    You develop a liking for Vegemite and unripe fruit.

    1. Baa loy yet mae – welcome! Thanks for joining in!

      Some more….

      You forget what ‘Hotel California’ sounds like without a Thai accent.

      You think it’s cool to have a Buddha tattoo.

      You start Wai-ing other Farangs

  10. I first had a form of Yah Dong 22 years ago. I was given it by some Thai guys setting up a travel agency in The Kao Sarn Road. As well as herbs in the ‘whiskey’ was liquidised snake’s gall bladder. I was assured this fiery cloudy drink was an aphrodisiac and would allow me to come many times and have many orgasms. I quickly drank six glass of the stuff and then went partying………..The first five glass definitely worked but I think there was something wrong with the sixth one………..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *