Hot off the Press!! – by Lomeo

Get ready for new booze laws in the LOS. People came her because it’s not a nanny state like their home country, right? Oops!

A ban on “beer girls” — pretty girls who promote beers at events or in bars

Health warnings on all alcohol products (details reported earlier by The Phuket News);

A ban on the use of used bottles of alcohol for decoration

An end to happy hours

A ban on promoting alcohol through word of mouth

A ban on alcohol-branded glasses, ashtrays, beer mats and other bar paraphernalia

and last of all…

A ban on any promotion of alcohol consumption.

Ice Bucket Challenge

I hate Songkran – it’s no secret.

What I hate more – is this stupid ice-bucket challenge.

It’s RARE to hear anything about the charity people are allegedly donating to. All I can see is a bunch of people giving it the ‘Oooo… look at me’ crap on their facebooks. It’s shit.

If you want to donate to charity – then do so. You shouldn’t feel pressured into it – or pressure others into it.

And why water? THROWING water over your head – when people are dying because they have no water is just plain dumb.

What’s next, a sponsored ‘throw food and medicine away’?

When my pal told me he was going to do the Ice Bucket challenge, I ripped him a new one. I argued that its just for losers who want to show off and he says it’s to raise money.

So I challenged him… the money he was going ‘donate’ to charity… I’ll double it (to be donated) if he DOESN’T do the stupid Ice Bucket crap.

It cost me a few bucks… but he could hardly argue against it.

– if only everyone was like me…….

👿

Spellbound (aka Pretty Lady!)

I still can’t get used to calling it Spellbound. To me, it’ll always be Pretty Lady.

Pretty Lady has always been for many of us, our favorite gogo in the Nana Plaza.

In all honesty, most of the girls are not the prettiest of ladies, but I’ve always maintained they had a fabulous attitude.

Whenever we had a party at the Mango or a DW B’day party – it was the PL girls that were called in to provide a bit of entertainment. And entertain us they did.

The mamasan, service girls and dancers are always friendly and always make a point of saying hello when the gang and I enter the bar.

With all bars, its had its fair share of ups and downs. Changing the concept/staff doesn’t always work. For me, if it aint broken, then don’t try to fix it.

Right now, SpellBound has just made it’s best improvement. They have a new farang manager. Well, I say new, he’s not new to the gogo scene and actually, he’s not even new to Spellbound. Returning to where it all started for him….. as of September 1st DavetheRave shall be the manager of Spellbound!

We congratulate him, support him and wish him every success in his new role.

Dave, keep a seat for me on Monday 15th September.

prettylady

BURI RAM Conclusion – by Frank

The Dentist

So, we went for a stroll around the area near our accommodation, RC, slightly walking ahead of me when I spy this Dentist practice. I thought. hmmmm, since I had some serious work to be done on a couple of molars, I just thought ‘let me check this out for prices’….In we went. Fast forward about 40 min later we walk out with me having one of my teeth fixed. The funny thing was, I forgot to tell her this particular tooth had a root canal procedure, so no feeling. She gave me an injection fit to make a horse fall on it’s arse and I ended up dribbling half of my drinks out of the side of my gob for the rest of the night.
Second visit…ok, but it gets interesting here.You see, the dentist was a really hot chick, I would guess towards her late 20’s.So she started a little bit of flirting when I was paying the bill…I thought ‘WTF??’ A side lance to RC and I knew this wasn’t good….Then the dentist said I am a handsome man and the pressure gauge in RC went into the red and the world stopped for a sec….
And guess who got into the shit?? Me off course and all I wanted is just to pay the bill….haha

The Wedding

Off we went then to a ‘typical’ Thai wedding. You know with about 200 people sitting around tables with fucking soft drinks. I was already well on the way to get plastered. It was pissing down, so we picked the first table that was under cover. Being talented I sniffed out the only table full of piss heads…….They already had polished off a bottle of Thai whisky and welcomed me as an old school mate. So off we went and I didn’t give a shit about the wedding anymore…I had found ‘Brothers in Arms’ and couldn’t turn my head without a full glass in front of me. Happy days.
The problem was, we had to take a picture with the couple and I couldn’t walk properly, let alone stand upright. RC was supporting me with my white knuckle grip around her shoulder……..I was in the doghouse again.

DT’s

After all that, in the third week, I woke up on a Monday morning feeling nauseous as fuck and shaking like 2 baby’s rattles…fuck…I’ve been pushing the limits a bit. Only way to go, shit load of water, anti nausea tablets and Thiamin tablets (vitamin B1).
Ok again after 1 1/2 days.

Back to BKK

The last few days were fairly uneventful. We stared at the Crystal Suites near the airport so I didn’t need to fuck around with a long taxi ride and it is also close to RC’s apartment. (fully recommend the place)
Before I know it, I’m off to Oz……
cheers,
Frank

Thai Bar Tales – by Dan

There has been a lot of Thai bashing recently on the internet, with everyone and their dog saying they’ve had enough and they are leaving. I’m sure most of it is justified, however I think some of it has to do with the tightening up of visa issues and the misuse of the visa exemption stamp. Whatever the reason I’m sure we all have stories about the good and fun things that happen to us in Thailand. Things that I’m sure would not happen anywhere else. Here is one that happened to me that still makes me laugh.

I went into a bar early afternoon in Hua Hin. When I walked in there were 3 younger bargirls and an older cashier/mamasan. I sat down at the bar and ordered myself a drink. When I drank that I order an other one and one for all the girls too. I now had 3 girls sitting around me and the mamasan in front of me. I got all the usual questions, “how long you stay?”, “you have Thai wife/girlfriend?” etc. The mamasan then said to me, “you want lady?”. I pretended to be a bit embarrassed and shocked.

I now had three bargirls watching me like the proverbial hawk.

The mamasan pointed to one of the girls and said,-

“She number one in Hua Hin for boom boom”.

I’m shaking my head. She pointed to the second one and said,-

“She number one in Hua Hin for blowjob”.

I’m again shaking my head. After a few moments of silence from the mamasan I pointed to the third girl (who was a bit plumb by Thai standards) and said,

“What about this girl?”. The mamasan replied,-

“Oh she number one eat hamburger”.

To which everyone including the plumpish girl burst out laughing. Can you imagine this happening in the West? The poor girl would have either hung herself in her room or be in therapy for the rest of her life.

So come on guys share your stories.

A Flank Update – From Flank

So, been back from Thailand several weeks now…back to real life.

As all the talk in the news here is about that baby but that is “up to them”…

Anyway, the plan was to hop back over in September but I had to put this on ice for now due to work commitments.

Instead I am bringing my daughter over this Saturday from the UK (Swindon).
She is 19 so we can both go on the piss together….

It has been quite a ride the last few times I’ve been in Thailand this years but “I WILL BE BACK” as Arnie says.
You guys …”rock out with your cock out” ;-)…The girls there can be a pain in the ass, but we all keep coming back, don’t we.
Cheers

How I picture Frank
How I picture Frank

How Frank really looks.

Black is the new Black.
Black is the new Black.

A hungover Saturday…..

Friday night was a big one. As per usual, we ended up vomiting and passing out at the hotel which we have no idea of how we returned to.

That’s a tale for another time.

We woke Saturday morning with a hangover. Thinking breakfast would cure it, we headed downstairs to Muligans for a fry up. I think the food at Muligans is fantastic. However, for aslong as I have a hole in my arse, I shall never order the all day fry-up again. The toast and 4 baked beans was the only thing I could stomach. A cup of tea and a glass of water was much more helpful in getting me back to the land of the living.

When you’re feeling not quite 100% – what’s the best thing to do? Lounge around in bed watching movies and napping now and then? Of course. However, we had some crap to get at MBK – so instead of relaxing we subjected ourselves to two hours of rubbing up against smelly, hairy, arrogant, ignorant flip-flop wearing middle eastern a-holes.

Moving on….

Feeling peckish this evening, we decided to head out the Indian recommended to us on the blog. It in the little sub-soi around the back of the Grand Swiss Hotel.

The only way to compare it to the HH restaurant – was to order the same dishes. Bit boring I know, but if the dishes come out right, we’d be happy.

The restaurant is well presented. Very clean, bright and aircon was chilling the room nicely. In the time we were in there, the whole place filled up and there were people waiting for a table to become vacant. This is obviously a good sign, as there are a number of Indian restaurants in close proximity.

Upon arrival, we were given the complimentary poppadoms which is a nice touch. We then ordered the Onion Bhaji and some Pakoras. I am sorry to say that we were a little disappointed with the Onion bhaji as they were really just Onion Rings in a soft batter. Never mind.

Once again, the appetizers were such good portions that we had to put them to one side so we could eat our main courses.

The Tikka Masala and the Lamb Rogan Josh were up next and they didn’t fail to impress. Great. Even though Dan got me thinking about avoiding the Lamb – this meat was really tender and (as far as I could tell) good quality. A far cry from the Mutton that I was given the other night.

The Chicken was chunks of breast. Just how it should be. The other Indian we had Bukharas can not be compared to this place. We actually had to abandon the meal there as there were bones/skin in the dishes. Maybe that’s authentic Indian style? It’s just not for me.

We couldn’t finish it all, so the waiter bagged it up for us. Normally we’d not bother, but it was that good we wanted to have a little more later – when we would be hungry again!

Out of there and into GAME on soi 9. Not been there for a while. Sitting at the balcony outside is pretty interesting. Directly outside is a stall selling Viagra and the one next to it sells drug paraphernalia. I am guessing their business has taken a hit since GAME opened up, as who’d want to be making those purchases with a bunch of beer drinkers watching you?

Have to say, the service in GAME was total crap. They have plenty of staff but they seem to be more interested in texting/facebooking or whatever the hell it is that keeps them so interested on their phones. Each time we wanted a drink, we had to go into the bar and request someone take our order. They didn’t even take our empties away.

It’s not the owners fault, and as there was more than one girl glued to her phone, the person who is responsible for the poor service has to lie with the supervision. They are there to have the girls working and being alert.

By 21:30 last nights session and the day of little relaxing had taken it’s toll and we decided to turn in for the night.

Soi 11 is getting busier these days. Too many bloody street vendors taking up all the footpath meaning people have to walk in the street – which means cars had to drive at a slow pace, which meant the motorcy taxi’s are riding between them so it’s more danger for the pedestrian. Getting pretty sick of this shit now.

A new thing I did spot was to see a TUK TUK with sound system the size of a washing machine in the back with an AV cable hanging in the back for its passengers to plug in their music. Novel idea for sure, but the music is so loud it does draw attention to the tuk tuk and highlights what crap music people are into. We saw 2 farang girls who thought they were soooo cool with Taylor Swift noncy song blaring out.. dear oh dear…

Back to Citadines and Muligans was heaving. There are bars around doing good business. I am guessing people are now ditching soi 4 for other areas.

This morning, Miss Tim and I did what many English people will be doing in a few hours. We warmed up last nights leftover curry and had it for breakfast! Still yum yum!

What can we do for lunch? Londoner now closed, so there goes the Sunday lunch venue we used to visit.

Suggestions?

Things I don’t get and other stuff this week…..

Some things I just don’t ‘get’ about Thailand….

Seat belts must be worn. I get that. But how is it perfectly acceptable to sit in the bed of a pick-up truck and speed down the freeway at 100kph +?

The Thai answer…. ‘there are no seat belts in the back, so don’t have to wear them’

An old hate of mine… there are no crash helmets made/designed/available for infants here, but you can buy a seat that fits onto your scooter – for infants! It’s like you’re being encouraged to carry infants?!!

On the subject of crash helmets – here in Hua Hin there are signs all over the place that state wearing a crash helmet is compulsory. ‘100% Helmet’ the signs say.

So, the Police can be found all over the place, pulling people over that have no helmet. They then have to pay a fine and can continue on their way?!?!?! WHAT??? So this is obviously just a revenue stream and has nothing to do with road safety. If it was – they should not be able to continue on their way in an unsafe manner.

Here is an idea… why doesn’t the Police team up with a Crash Helmet manufacturer/supplier and have a load of helmets at the check-points. The ‘fine’ should incorporate the price of a helmet and the person can be on their way in a safe manner. Out of pocket a little more than expected – which shall be a lesson to them and a warning for every one they mention it to.

this will obviously never happen as it’ll stop the money coming in!

How many times have you gone past a car/truck/bike dealer and seen a load of signs on the windscreens that have a little squiggle in Thai – but no numbers. What they actually say is ‘For Sale’ – which is pretty bloody obvious as it’s a car dealership. So… why not have a price on the sign? That way, if you see a number you think you like, you may decide to go check the car out. In turn, ‘word-of-mouth’ could then play a big part when people are talking about purchasing a car.

“I saw a Hilux for 100k at the dealership at the end of the road” is not a sentence you’ll hear anytime soon. Why not? Because Thai’s don’t have a fixed price. They’ll start at a silly high price and you’ll have to painstakingly go through the process of negotiating it down to what it’s actually worth.

Last of all…. Ghosts. Why are Thai’s so fixated on this phenomenon that they’ve never seen before, don’t know anyone that has seen one and doesn’t know anyone that has been harmed by one?!

Think about it… ‘if’ ghosts were real, then they’d not be hanging out in dark, dingy graveyards or empty lofts – they’d be in hanging out in strip clubs, football matches or cinemas.

I think if I were a ghost, I’d be hanging around Britney Spears bathroom a lot.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…..

Miss Tim and I went for an India the other night. Our experience of Indian restaurants in Thailand has not been any good to date, but drunken talk of a Lamb Rogan Josh got us in the mood.

We happened upon the Maharajah in the town center (of H.H). Looked and smelled like all other Indian restaurants I’ve been to. A Chicken Chat and some Onion Bhaji s were ordered for starters.

By the time we thought to take a photo, we had virtually polished it all off! It was good. Very good. The portions were pretty good too and were thinking that we couldn’t eat too much more.

Along came the Lamb (mutton) Rogan Josh and a Karai.

Oh dear. What started so well, ended up so bad! The mutton was not the best quality it has to be said. Luckily were not too hungry so we just mopped up the sauces with our Naan bread and added the restaurant to our long list of restaurants never to go back to. Well, maybe we’ll return and just have a load of starters.

The bill came to under 1000. Whilst some people say that good, personally, I’d rather pay double that for a good meal.

So as it stands, ‘Prime Steak’ and ‘Robertos Italian’ are still our favorite restaurants in Hua Hin.

Lots of people (families) in Hua Hin at the moment. Not much sun around but its still damn hot. Hoping for some rain on a cloudy day, Miss Tim and I headed for the ATV park.

There was a group of about 10 about to go on the ATV Tour and we tagged on the back. At 1800 each for the hour tour, it’s not cheap.

The Family ahead had a load of kids in the group so were not going too fast. It wasn’t long before Miss Tim broke protocol and overtook everyone in the single file convoy we were in. Going mad as she does, sliding the ATV and driving through hedges and puddles it wasn’t long before the kids followed her antics – and fell off!

One kid tipped his ATV and it rolled on top of him. A bit of yelping and screaming followed so I jumped off my ATV, ran over to where he was and lifted his ATV off him. His Dad/Uncle then arrived on the scene and comforted him while he had a little blub. I wasn’t doing the Hero thing to get appreciation, but a bit of appreciation would have been nice!

I must say, the ATV Tour guides were about as much use as my cat is in a fight with a Tiger. They just stood watching. The kid wasn’t hurt apart from his pride as his little Sister poking fun at him.

He rolled his ATV another two times so he had to ride ‘bitch’ with his old man. We were not impressed as this slowed us all down. Apparently injury time is not added on to the riding time.

As the end of the week is upon us, it’s time for me to pack my stuff and head back to work. I have to do some Roustabouting to pay for the UK trip next month.

Kicking off tonight t 18:30 at the M Bar, the plan is to ditch the girls and head out into the darkness with Lomeo, GamblinMan, Bubba and Jonas.

Tomorrow is reserved for recovering.

I remember the days when I could drink all night, have a few hours sleep then off to work and start drinking again after work. Now, it takes 2 or 3 days to recover.

Looking forward to next year when I turn 40 – as life is meant to begin then.

The usual….

Miss Tim and I try to stay at a different hotel each time we’re in town. Not because we have a tendency to mess the bed and run, well, not all the time, but because we want to give a few a chance to impress us before we stick to one and use them forever more.

The latest one was the Business Hotel on soi 11 – next to the 24 hour diner, which is a fave hangout for us. Ususally when we’re drunk admittedly.

I landed at 1am and arrived at the Hotel around 2am. Miss Tim was already waiting for me. For 1600 baht you get a room without a view, crap tv, no minibar and a bed that is harder than the walls. No kidding. The walls had some kind of padded panels on them, and the bed was probably made of concrete.

What’s more, the room numbers don’t match the floor number which can be tricky when you’re drunk. Why would you think to look on level 2 for room 3212?

So that’s enough. We’ll stick to the Citadines half way down Soi 11 from now on.

Our taxi to HH was not until 11pm so Miss Tim went to check out the latest shoes at T21 and I gave Jonas and GM a bell.

Jonas arrived before GM so we had a spot of lunch at Moo Mum. Not sure what the theme is but we thought it’d be cool as they have window seats/tables. Bit of a disappointment as all you can see is the BTS roof.

Time for a drink.

Miss Tim called up a mate to look at shoes or something so Jonas and I headed to Cowboy.

Shadow bar is one of the few that was open. Shite. Didn’t really taste much of the Vodka in the Vodka and coke. After a few we buggered off and went Country Road.

GM arrived shortly after and we set about drinking all we could before Miss Tim and her pal reached the limit of how many shopping bags they could carry.

The idea of drinking in the daytime may sound appealing.. watching people (bar girls) go about their every day business routines but believe me – it’s not. Trust me, if there is ever an invention in this world that you want to be thankful for, it’s make up and hair products.

Cowboy (during the day) is not the nicest place to be. The dark hides many truths.

Off to the M-Bar to see the gang. We had quite a few (I think) vodkas and I believe some idiot ordered B52’s. It may have been me.

Out of the M-Bar we went to Hanrahans. Halfway through our second round of drinks one of the waitresses put a bowl of nuts on our table. We tucked in. They go nice with beer.

She then returned a few minutes later and said they were not meant for us. Oops! Thought they were a nice touch.

When the bill came, they had added the 120bht! For 120bht, I am not going bother mentioning that it was THEIR mistake and not even apologize or explain the fkup.

Again – that’s the low standard of service I have come to expect.

There was now 7 of us in the group and we headed for Big Dogs. That was when Miss Tim told us that the previous night, her and her pal were refused entry to Big Dogs!! I was not a happy bunny and went to ‘have a word’. I’ve been drinking in there for many years – as has Miss Tim. Shit, Miss Tim used to be the Manager of Walter who used to be the Manager at Big Dogs!! In there I go… with 6 people in tow. The Thai head guy came upto me as he usually does and I told him that as my girlfriend is not welcome – they they can basically fuck right off. And out we went.

The usual Nana bars were visited. By this time I was rather drunk. Can’t really recall much about it.

Back to the M-Bar as the taxi was picking us up at 11pm. A few more drinks saw Jonas once again fall asleep on the bar. Only this time, instead of putting salad and ketchup on his head, I got everyone to tip-toe out of the place and leave him.

Damn those staff. Thinking that they’d have to take care of him for the night, they woke him up as we were laughing/running down the soi!

Into the Taxi and back home after a 2 hour ride of snoring and farting. Beauty.

Meanwhile… back at the ranch…. (HH)

Miss Tim moved us from the old house to the new one. 4 Bedrooms to fill with shoes and clothes. Nothing for me to do apart from kick my shoes off and lay on the sofa scratching my balls.

As always, when I am home, things have to change slightly. The food that fills our fridge tends to be changed from fish, chickens feet, loads of grassy stuff, smelly stuff and sea monsters – to anything that is familiar to me and that I can buy from Villa.

We love Villa. We don’t love the prices – but paying that little extra for some creature comforts from home is sometimes worth it.

Have you ever considered how much you’d pay for a Donner kebab when coming out of the Plaza at 1am starving hungry and of course, drunk?

Well, I spotted ‘Donner Kebab’ in the freezer section in Villa! Really!! For 199bht I had to give it a try. Some pitta breads, some salad and some of the spicy stuff that Miss Tim is growing in the fridge and it was looking very similar to a Turkish prepared kebab. Pity it never tasted that way. I’d say the only link to Turkey would be that it tastes like a flip flop a Turkish welder has been wearing for a while. And yes, I do know what they pong like.

Aside from that, they have a load of English Currys in Villa. They’re pretty good. Proper chunks of chicken breast and again, the closest you’re going to get over here.

A new addition is the Chinese Restaurant Chicken Curry. If you’re a Brit, you’ll know exactly what I am referring too. Don’t let the packaging fool you. It’s crap!

The last thing that filled my basket were crumpets! I LOVE a bit of crumpet in the morning. GM used to bring them back from Oz and get all his mates to bring them also. Those days are over. Crumpets in Villa!!!!

Next to Villa in Hua Hin is the little shopping mall called Market Village. Miss Tim was excited as there is a motorbike promotion on and she wants me to see the new bikes that she thinks I’d like – to buy.

Basically, they’re Chinese bikes, but look pretty smart. Ideal for buzzing around on. We have a few bikes here already – but as Miss Tim points out, we spend more on a night out with the Rats! So it makes an interesting point. Have a night out with the Rats or buy another bike?

Cheaper than a night out with the Rats.  Then again, so are a lot of things.
Cheaper than a night out with the Rats. Then again, so are a lot of things.

Tough one.

Weather is crap in HH at the moment. Cloudy, bit or rain and still bloody hot. We need more rain before hitting the ATV park to make it fun.

So, it’ll be a few days hanging around the house, catching up on some TV shows and doing a bit of shopping. Basically, just hanging out relaxing

We did have a little trip back to Bangkok to collect Miss Tims Visa last Friday. Into T21 for lunch again and then over to visit Kwan at the M-Pub. (Not the M-Bar). The M-Pub is the Ascot Hotel bar in Sathorn.

As always, the food is prepared by Chef Ninja. (Kwans side-kick-chef). The M Pub is a popular haunt for Thai’s. ‘Normal’ Thai’s. While Miss Tim, GM, Kwan and I sat there – I think every seat in the place was taken up at some point. They have a singer there – which is not over powering and screaming like a Metallica tribute. The Pub is impressive. Reminds me of the old Duke of Wellington. Probably because our old ‘Duke’ poster is on the wall!!

That was late Friday afternoon around 6pm. Loads of people in and out and a great atmosphere. Highly recommended.

We couldn’t stay late as we (I) had to drive back to Hua Hin. As you know, I don’t think much of my fellow road users at the best of times – let alone a Friday night in the dark.

Next week I have to go and do my ‘dumbass oilfield roustabouting’ in Houston, so I’ll be stopping by Bangkok for a few days on my way out.

Lomeo is back in town, so I think Miss Tim and Juliet should hook up and talk about shoes, handbags, makeup and food (can’t think what else girls talk about?) and the Rats could maybe meet up to drink beer, talk shit and scratch our balls. Or if you’re Jonas, fall asleep somewhere?

See you next week….

Visa – (UK, not Thai)

The hot topic of conversation all over Thailand at the moment is the Visa situation. All these illegal immigrants are crapping their pants. Personally, I think it’s about time all countries cracked down on illegals. Hell, all Brits are in favor of Britain clamping down who they let in, so why should any of us be opposed to it happening here?

Anyway, I am not about to jump on the visa band wagon – only I am going to talk about Visas, just not Thai ones. Right now, the UK visa for a Thai is very much the hot topic of conversation around my pool whilst drinking a cold one.

To re-cap, last year  Miss Tim wanted a UK visa. We did a little research and found various agencies that would facilitate the process for around 30k. After a little more research we found that their facilitating didn’t really involve much more than giving you a list of documentation you require and accompanying you to the VFS office which handled all the visa applications for the UK Embassy.

So, after working out how many pairs of shoes the 30k could buy, we decided to bypass the Agency and do it yourself. There was a lot of info on the interweb and various forums listing what we needed.

One thing that struck out that I was not happy with – was the need to produce a flight ticket or reservation. This is bullshit as there is no way I was going to book a ticket without a visa. To ‘play the game’ we had to visit a travel agent to ‘reserve’ a flight which we would then have to cancel once the visa is issued (or not issued). I get a much better deal when going through my Airlines website. Why am I forced to use an Agent which will cost me 500bht for a simple paperwork exercise? It’s only 500 bht, but an inconvenience of having to go to the Travel Agent and sit in a room that looks like it’s never been decorated and tidied in 20 years and every bit of paper that has been produced in triplicate is on a table/desk.

Anyway, another item needed was my bank statement. Erm… sorry, but as Miss Tim has her own money, why do I have to show my money? I refused.

We filled in the application online and made an appointment. A few days later we were at the VFS office standing next to a bunch of Thai’s with their Visa Agents holding their hands.

VFS offer a fast-track / Premium Service to have your visa processed in 3 days. However, this is only available if you’ve been successful in a past visa application. (I assume that’s because all the background checks have already been done). The Premium service was another 3k. Fair enough, we’ll make a note for next time.

Only the Visa applicant is allowed past reception, so I sat outside with all the Visa Agency people. Again, I tried to figure out what it is they’re doing, apart from trying to look official and offer moral support?

Out in 15 mins, Miss Tim and I then had to wait a few weeks for the Visa. In 10 days, we received confirmation her visa had been issued. Being her 1st time – it was valid for 6 months.

Now then… with that 6 month visa expired and with us wanting to hit the UK scene to check stuff out, it was time to apply again.

The paperwork was the same, except this time I refused to ‘reserve’ a flight. I did however state on my letter (supporting letter to the Embassy) the itinerary, flight times/ numbers that we indended to book, should the application be successful.

The process is still more or less the same except for a few changes. For starters the building has moved to Soi 13 which is great. Much more convenient and easier to get to. Second of all – the VFS have turned into a right bunch of greedy money grabbing bastards.

Applying for the Visa is simple enough. We did it on-line and printed out. The 15,000 was for a 1 or 2 year. We went for the 2 year. To get the ‘decision’ it can take several weeks. However, if you’ve had a visa before, you can pay for the Premium package for 3k which will get it turned around in a week. – It was Monday morning so we planned on heading back to HH and then return at the end of the week to Bangkok to collect the visa and get drunk.

Great, we’ll have some of that.

Or so we thought.

It turns out that the Premium service means you can SIT in the private lounge whilst you wait for your APPOINTMENT??!?!?! WTF? What a fcuking con?!? I thought the whole idea of making an advanced appointment and then checking in at reception before that appointment meant you can be seen at the agreed time? Oh no. This is Thailand. Which means these assholes can now charge you extra for a service they should already be providing.

So 3k was handed over at VFS and Miss Tim got to sit in a lounge and be seen at her scheduled time. Her documents were handed over and they asked when her picture was taken (the day before).

She was then told the Fast-Track service to have the visa application turned around within the week was an extra 6000. Thieving gits.

So that was handed over and we were out of the place within 20 minutes. – Back to HH with a sulk on.

On Wednesday morning we received an e-mail saying a decision has been made on the visa. (didn’t say what it is) and that we could collect it in 2 working days. (So Friday then)

Friday morning saw me once again staring at reception with a bunch of Thai Visa ‘Agents’. All the Thai applicants had to go to the 28th floor to get their envelopes.

Each applicant has to open the sealed envelope there to confirm it’s their passport. Miss Tim saw a few girls open their passports and light up with excitement having got their Visa. There were also some girls that looked ready to burst into tears. Not so successful.

I waited outside the elevator for Miss Tim. She came out and didn’t look happy. All she could say was ‘Sorry’. Dammit.

She then continued..

“Sorry, but you’re now going to have to spend a lot of money on some plane tickets” (which really meant shoes in Oxford Street)

A 2 year visa was issued. I was relieved as I once again didn’t follow protocol of that all the websites and forums say.

I went on the theory that the people processing the Visas at the Embassy are not Thai. They have logic, they can read and can tell if the application is legitimate.

Also, the letter that I had written did not look like it was written by a love struck teenager or in SMS language.

**  Update -Dan asked some good questions!

Visa Durations –

On the Visa application form, you can request a 1,2,5 or 10 year visa.   1 & 2 years is 15,000 and the 5 was 25 I think.  The 10 more expensive naturally.

Miss Tim got the 2 year visa which is a multiple entry visa with a max duration of 180 days.

– I assume the 180 days is the total amount of days in the UK over the next 2 years – which is more than we intend to be in the UK for anyway.   I am thinking every 3 months we’ll pop over to the UK for a couple of weeks or so.

For the European Visa we apply for what’s called the Schengen Visa – which allows entrance to 26 countries in and around Europe.   Not sure what the deal is with applying for this but it is on the list.   Miss Tim has a pal who moved to Spain last year, so we wanted to see her.  She now has Spanish Citizenship (ID/Passport) so it’s easier to send her a Ryanair plane ticket and tell her come and see us in England!