A break from Thailand… and to the UK

For the second time this year – Miss Tim and I headed to the UK. I had a family Wedding to attend and didn’t want to attend on my own. Had I have shown up, straight from Bangkok without a girl on my arm, they’d have all thought I was some kind of perv who has a ladyboy tucked away at home in Thailand. Having said that, when the guests found out my partner was called ‘Tim’, they assumed that anyway. But I digress….

Wanting to make the most of the facilities in the Emirates Lounge – we were 1st to check in at the desk. This time, the route we took was not direct to London, but to Norwich (East of England) via Amsterdam. We would only be transferring through Amsterdam and not leaving the airside of airport. Therefore, not passing immigration and not flashing our passports. Thus, no Shengun visa is required.

– Unfortunately, the girl on the Emirates desk thought different! She said we need the
Shengun visa that we didn’t have. This was not going well. I argued that we don’t pass immigration, so why would we need it. She was having none of it. 20 mins we stood there as she punched away on her keyboard. In the end, her Supervisor came over and took all of 5 seconds to tut and shake his head at her and apologise for the delay. As I said. No Shengun visa required!

The flight was uneventful. We were on the A380 so hung out at the bar.

Arriving in Norwich – a few questions and straight through. Easy peasy.

After a lot of dusting in the apartment – it was time for food! The plan was to head to the kebab house but the battery was dead on the car. Damn. Nevermind. The Indians deliver!

Our 1st full day was spent shopping for nothing in particular. Check out the shops, plan what to return and purchase later. Miss Tim has a memory like the latest Apple IOS.

The main reason we were in the UK was to attend my Cousins Wedding. Miss Tim has been to Thai Weddings, so naturally assumed a Farang wedding would be similar. Or maybe not!

Tarting ourselves up and heading to the Cathedral was a bit of a chore. To the Bride and Groom and all the people that get excited about all that stuff – were naturally all excited. We, were getting a little bored.

From what Miss Tim tells me, course of events for a Thai wedding is basically just one big piss-up. The Farang wedding is a load of sitting down.. some food… some speeches – and then a pissup with a lot of naff dancing. Still, all good fun.

The family obligations out of the way, it was time to dig out my motorbike and show Miss Tim that a PCX150 is not a ‘big bike’ as she calls it.

The seat on the R1 is a little smaller than a postage stamp, so Miss Tim was not what you could call ‘comfy’. Still, that was her problem. We hit the open road and opened the little beastie upto 150mph (on a private road). There was me thinking Miss Tim would find it exciting – but I was wrong. I got an ear bashing and had to put the bike back in it’s little house…… Probably never to be seen again.

The days in the UK seem to be passing pretty quick. We’ve been here a week already, yet no shoes have been purchased. Yet.

At the end of the week Jonas will arrive and we’re planning on a pub crawl in London. Wonder how long Jonas will last before he falls asleep?

More Thai Bar Tales – by Dan

Out for a stroll one afternoon I was walking down a Soi that I had never explored before. It was the normal bar set ups, catering to farangs. One bar caught my eye as it looked brand spanking new with some balloons and streamers in the process of going up. Only a couple of girls were present with no customers in sight. One the girls was a bit older, fairly glamorous with a western style haircut and pretty obvious fake boobs. The another girls were pretty plain and I would learn they were straight off the farm. In fact whilst sitting there another girl arrived with her bags and it was pretty plain she was a new start. On getting myself a drink I started speaking to the glamorous one and I found out she was the owner, (I would imagine a sponsor somewhere in the background). The bar was newly opened and tonight was the grand opening, hence all the balloons and streamers. Whilst talking to the owner she explained that there was rooms upstairs and that they were newly done up and really nice. She asked if I wanted to see them and at the time I thought they were hotel rooms and I told her no that I was happy with the hotel I had. I was later to find out that they were short-time rooms.

That night I came along to the opening and it was fairly busy. During the course of the night there was a bit of a commotion amongst the girls with lots of frantic running about. The gist of it was that someone had gone up to use the new short-time room and things had ground to a halt as there was no condoms available. So began a pantomime of one of the girls jumping on a scooter to race off to the nearest 7/11 with screams of Lel Lel (Quick, Quick) in her ears. This was now the centre of attention of everyone in the bar and all the farangs were shouting Lel lel also. Probably the only person on the whole Soi who didn’t know what was going on was the chap upstairs. Mamasan/owner was pacing the floor and the Soi outside like an expecting mother hen awaiting the rider to come back. When the rider turned back into the Soi a great cheer went up from everyone. Before the girl got off the bike the condoms were grabbed off her and handed over like the Olympic baton from rider to mamasan then to another girl who then ran up the stairs to hand it over to the girl in room. A great sigh of relief and satisfaction went around the bar.

You should have seen the unsuspecting guy’s face as he came down the stairs and back into the bar, when a loud cheer, a round of applause and handshakes all round. When explained what had been happening he took it all in good grace and sort of gave a little bow. Only in Thailand!

Back to the Hood….

Coming out of Iraq was a bit of a relief. Not because at any point I felt I was in danger, but because Miss Tim had seen the News and was happy that I was coming back to a place where the ISIS are not cutting heads off.

Landing in Bangkok at 12:30 I headed straight to Soi 4 (Stumble Inn) where Jonas was waiting for me.

I can only assume that because it’s a Monday afternoon that there was little or no atmosphere around the place. Not just in Stumble Inn.. but all the surrounding bars. Having been in Iraq for the past month, I thought I’d be thrilled to be back?

Time rolled on and we headed to Hanrahans. Miss Tim had arrived and Lomeo and GM were there too.

A few rounds at Hanrahans and off we went to The M Pub in Sathorn. (Kwans place). It’s at the Ascott Hotel and although quiet around 4pm, it soon fills up in the evening.

There is live music (not a rock band) which had us singing along to and the food was great. So much so that I asked the Head Chef Juey (ex Mango Chef) to slice the Lamb burger real thin so it looked like a Doner Kebab and he did. Fantastic. If you want the taste of a real Doner Kebab – then head to the M-Pub!

A few hours passed and it was time to head to Nana.

First port of call was Spellbound to see Dave. The girls were great as usual and the top girl ‘Ay’ even carried my bag into the bar!

It was early (9pm) so there was not a lot going on. Because of the number of us, a few of us had a seat by the cage wall – which meant no interaction with the dancing girls. Doh!!

You really have to chose your seats carefully!

After an hour, we decided to have a little walk around with the intention of coming back later. The staff offered to look after my bag behind the bar – which I thanked them for.

Tell me, how many places would you fell safe with leaving your passports, laptops, hard drives, wallets etc.. with? Well, I felt totally at ease with leaving it at Spellbound. I can’t give a bigger example of how much I trust the staff there.

Into the middle of the Plaza – someone suggested we go to Londons Calling. (o.k, it may have been me).

If there was a bar named ‘Stockholm Calling’ – then Jonas would have suggested it. If it were named ‘Sydney Calling’ then GM would have suggested it. If it were named ‘Ladyboys Calling’ then Lomeo.. erm.. moving on.

I don’t like rubbishing a gogo/bar. I’ve been in the business – it’s not an exact science. You can never please all of the people, all of the time. Having said that, whoever it is bought the place must have had a few bucks in the pot to invest into their new venture. Why else do it?

I have to say – the girls on the stage were absolute hogs. I know that’s not a nice thing to say, but it’s a gogo, where you expect to see sexy women. These were not. They have a shower unit in the corner which doesn’t really serve any purpose. It’s out the way. And girls having a shower in their underwear – out of the way is more sexy that a girl dancing a few inches from you?

It wasn’t for us. I’d suggest to the owners to dip into their pockets and get some better looking (slim) girs on the stage. The existing girls could mingle in between them. Seriously, the place is a disaster zone and I was embarrassed to be associated with London.

Next up.. we headed up the stairs and stood outside Hot Lips for a minute or so whilst the gang decided whether to go in or not. No one wanted to make a decision – as no one wanted to carry the blame incase they recommended another place like Londons Calling.

No time to waste – I marched on in. And glad I was too!

The place is relatively small – and when busy, not easy to find seating for 5. We had to split. Three of us on the Tiers and 2 by the stage.

The problem with it being so small is that there is no room for seating around the stage. As I’ve said before, this is where all the fun is at.

We ordered drinks and were given 2 each! Before 10, it’s Two-for-One. Not bad! It certainly got the bar packed out.

Knowing a little about the bar industry, they have to come up with a way that they’ll not lose money on the deal. This is done by serving in smaller glasses and using generic ‘house pours’ for the shorts. With the bottles – there is a nothing they can do. Two bottles for 1 is a good deal. If I remember correctly, none of the drinks on the bill was over 160 bht (for bottles).

The girls on the stage were not bad looking. But it’s not all about the looks. There were some up there that were having fun! As you know, it’s all about the fun!

By a quarter past 10, the place had emptied. Two-for-One was over, so the cheap ass charlie bastards had headed out the door. We had finished out drinks and had intended to head on somewhere else but I was that ’embarrassed’ about leaving and being tarred with the same brush as the cheap bastards that I ordered up another round of drinks for the lads.

The (chubby) service girl said she’d ask her boss if we could have them at the two-for-one price but I said thanks, but no. I want to give the gogo my business.

By this time, the Rats had a couple of girls on their laps and were buying drinks. Fun was being had all round. Totally opposite to what we had witnessed at the previous bar.

Whilst sitting down, a chap came upto me who I know from the (old) Mango. He was heading to Spellbound where I was hoping to buy him a drink for making the effort to come and say hello. Unfortunately I never saw him later. He’s an Oil and Gas hound – you know who you are!

Back into spellbound and things were hotting up. We chose our seats so that certain rats were in the firing line of girls shaking their arses and jiggling their boobies.

Dave was doing what he does best and welcoming the customers who came through the door.

I did notice one guy who came in – was greeted by Dave.. had a look and then fucked off. This guy was a customer of the Original Mango Bar in the Plaza and was a constant pain in the arse. I’ve no time for these people. These are the people that expect everything laid out on a plate for them and no effort will be expended by them. Dave’s patience is far greater than mine!

Time was rolling on – and our Taxi was outside waiting. Top man Dave for shouting us round of shots. A good host as always.

It was a pity we couldn’t stay later – but we had to head back to Hua Hin, pack our stuff as we’re heading back to the Airport on Tuesday night! No rest for the wicked!

To round up, a good night all in all. Jonas stayed awake, GM stayed away from the girls with sob-stories and Lomeo stayed away from temptation.

I say that now, but that’s because right now I am in a taxi and have no idea what the Rats went on to do in the Plaza when we left?

Until the next installment………….

P.S.. Jonas…. see you in the UK in 10 days time!!


CALLING ALL WEEKEND WARRIORS! This weekend 3 gogo bars in Patpong Soi 2 are hosting parties. Also, there will be the usual crowds gathering in Soi Cowboy, Nana Plaza and Sukhumvit Soi 11 for nightlife revelers. Sadly, there are reports of 2:00 AM closing in Bangkok, so you do need to be aware of this and plan your nights accordingly.
NEWSFLASH – I am on the move, but I am not going far! From September 1st you can find me in Spellbound GoGo Bar (aka Pretty Lady in Nana Plaza). Please visit Spellbound, when you get a chance. I look forward to seeing you soon!
Facebook Fan Page – Go Go Guru Facebook Fan Page
Best Regards,
Dave The Rave (GoGo Guru).

Photos that make me mad…..

Here are some snaps that I took.. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

1st off, doesn’t look too bad compared to many of the sights we see on the road. But when you consider how fast this twat was driving and you think about how close he gets to the car in front.. then factor in thinking / breaking distance and stopping distance… it’s all going to end in tears.

half full.....
half full…..










2nd.. look closely. We watched this twat (in amazement) with his hands BEHIND his head – SPEEDING down the express way. What on earth is he playing at? Does he think he looks cool? I can’t figure it out. How would he take evasive action if the situation occured? Yes, we all know he was using his knees to steer, and he even changed lanes a few times but if he had to swerve due to another car infront changing lanes unexpectedly (as they do) then he would be toast. The other drivers around him just looked and didn’t bat an eyelid. Miss Tim laughed.

The thing is… what if he did crash, and did plough into us, leaving us seriously injured. Do you think an insurance company is going to pay out for someone who was driving like that? I doubt he even has a license.

I hope he crashed into the pick-up in front
I hope he crashed into the pick-up in front










Last of all… I saw this in Villa Market. If you ever wonder how much of a mark-up we pay in Villa, here is a clear sign. The Doner Kebab Meat has the UK price of £1.99 (which is about 100bht). In Villa, they charge 199 bht. – So its double the price.
– also, it’s crap. Seeing the box brought back memories of getting drunk on a Friday night and stopping off for a Kebab on the way home. Yum yum. This however – was shit!










Carry on….

The Return of the Rat…..

Monday 15th shall see the return of GambinMan and myself to Bangkok. (Different planes)

Landing at lunchtime, I guess Miss Tim and I will head out for a nice lunch somewhere. We used to like ‘Have a Zeed’ but their food has gone right down the crapper recently. So if anyone has any suggestions?

Or maybe head to the M-Pub in Sathorn and have a bit of food and some beer.

Roll on the darkness and we’ll be hitting soi 4 and into Nana to see how DavetheRave is getting on in Pretty Lady.

I’ve only one night in Thailand – as the next day Miss Tim and I are heading to the UK.

Jonas will be in the fold… and I am assuming Lomeo will be joining us. Not sure if Juliet will let him though – or if she’ll be joining him and keeping a close eye on him?

GM is on in town a few days too.

With so much to do, and so little time to do it, the question is…. Will Jonas be able to stay awake?

Out with the Rats….

It had been a few months since the last night out – but with Lomeo back from gallivanting round the southern hemisphere, GamblinMan counting the days until he starts his new job and Jonas, well Jonas doesn’t really need an excuse to get drunk and sleep in a bar.

Kicking off around 6pm at the M-Bar, we all started on the beer and B52’s. The girls were with us but we planned to ditch them as soon as Bubba turned up from his teaching job. He isn’t actually a teacher, and to be honest, no one knows what he does, but as he wears a shirt and a tie – he is branded a teacher.

With Bubba in the gang, we left the girls in the bar and headed out into the night. Now, it was a few weeks back and we got rather a little drunk, so I am not 100% sure of the events. I am sure my comrades will jump in if I have any gaps…

First off was a bar in soi 8 opposite Lolitas. Not sure of the name. GM told us of a night he spent a few hours in there playing pool and having a laugh with the staff. Sounds fun. We like fun people.

I can only assume the fun people had the night off. The good looking ones certainly did. Still, we were there so we took a seat and ordered the drinks and chatted amongst ourselves. While we were there, we saw various ‘mature’ guys come in… look at all of us, get a little nervous, decline any drink at the bar which the girls suggested and double timed it up the stairs with any girl close to him. This happened 2 or 3 times we were there. It’s funny, these guys looked embarrassed and guilty! I can only assume their wives and girlfriends were at home looking after his kids!

Moving on… Cowboy! To the top of soi 8 and grab some bikes. With 5 of us, it was never going to be straight forward and we were all egging our bike riders to beat the others to Cowboy. Not very responsible when I think about it. Although, it is rather a rush – charging down Sukhumvit road at crazy speeds between cars and buses!

We popped into some grotty place on soi 23. Can’t remember much about the place. I do remember it was full of hogs – so we left sharpish.

Nearby was Crazy House. Wow. The place was jam-packed. Luckily we managed to score some seats by the stage. For most of the place it was standing room only.

A little walk up Cowboy and we stuck our heads through a few curtains to see what the action was like. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much action around.

I ‘think’ we had a drink in a bar, I’m not too sure. There was not much of an atmosphere if I remember correctly.

The good thing about Nana Plaza is that there are always good bars in close proximity, so there isn’t much of a hike from one place to the next. You tend not to loose the buzz or momentum. In Cowboy, you can be standing in the street gazing up and down to see where to go next.

It wasn’t long before we were at the top of Cowboy. It’s always bad when there is a group of you at the top of Cowboy and one of them is Jonas. ‘Lets do some Ya-dong’. Oh lets.

I am sure they pour the ‘whateverthefuckitis’ drink from a bucket that was earlier being used to clean windows. Ya-dong is foul. Why we drank it I don’t know. I am sure Lomeo was responsible. In fact, I have a horrible feeling we drank two of them.

When we were stood there, putting off drinking, a tall girl (real girl) was also there and started chatting to Jonas. Not a full on chat-up, but just a chat as he was next to her at the bar. After 30 seconds she surmised that he was an old hand and speaks Thai. We all rolled around laughing as he only spoke English to her – but she could tell he was a dark horse. Not an English Teacher.. but a monger! It was then Jonas accepted that he’d never again have girls calling him Handsome Man – thinking he is a newbie tourist.

Ya-dong done, we all piled into a taxi and headed back to Nana.

Straight into (and rather topical at the moment) Spellbound! As usual, we were greeted like an immigrant at the benefits office in the UK. Girls screaming, greeting us like long lost millionaire Brothers. They didn’t take long to relieve us of several thousand baht.

I loose track of all the girls which are ‘in favor’ – so I leave it to the head service girl to pick and choose who I buy the drinks for. She never fails. She only gets drinks for the girls that she knows that I know and any other girl trying to get in on the action is cast aside like an old hanky. That’s not to say we don’t let new girls into the group, it’s just they have to earn a place at our table. Which means if I have a bunch of pals with me, they should be ‘friendly’ to them.

After several drinks and lots of questions asking where P’Tim is – we left and headed to Strapps. There was a bit of a b’day party going on for Bom, the cashier. I am not a fan of the free food they give out at these parties – only because they are normally ribs which means you have to gnaw on a bone. Not something I was encouraged to do by my dentist when she fitted my veneers.

I do recall some soft cake coming round, and I think I remember Lomeo making short work of it!

Lots of ‘dudes’ on the stage. Lots of hairy legs. Lots of flat shoes. Lots of testosterone.

A few drinks and fix some baht to the birthday girls belt thingy made of money and we headed out.

Into Anglewitch to see Dave. He wasn’t there. One drink and out (I think) and then off to Mandarin.

One of the gang likes it there – and I am not sure which one. I don’t like it, but hey, I don’t make the decisions. We all do to wherever is suggested. It did take me back to the days when I’d go out with Jonas, Nick and a few others and we’d have to let each other know which bars we couldn’t go in, in fear of a pissed off gogo girl being less than happy with us for never calling them as we’d promised we would as we showed them our front door in the early hours of the morning after…..

I took a seat next to Jonas – out of the firing line of the Mamasan that would soon be bringing girls over to us.

For as long as I’ve been going to Mandarin – I have never once known the upstairs to be open or used? Why is that? What a waste?

Out of Mandarin and a little walk around the level. Not sure what the bar was called, but it’s one I don’t think I have ever been in, so in we popped.

From what I remember, it was o.k. The girls didn’t look like they had all just given birth and were angry with every man on the planet.

Out of there and off to BillBoard. Why oh why? It certainly wasn’t my choice. But, someone did so off we went. SHIT. We really have to stop going there. It is really starting to look old and tired.

By this time it was late. The girls (Juliet) were not texting the lads (Lomeo) at all.

The M-Bar was closed so we met up with the girls in Hilary Bar. Another bar that I hate! I still think it’s borderline mental torture to have all your staff wear T-shirts with your face on them! Having said that, thinking back, maybe I should have done that in the Mango. But had my face planted on the girls underwear?

I must say that Hilary Bar was heaving with freelancers. I am guessing they go there instead of Nana Liquid / Disco? The Live Band was screeching out songs as they do every night. Live music is not my thing. There is a lot to be said about a recording studio, computer mixing, producers etc…..

The amount of booze I had inside me was starting to take effect and it wasn’t long before I had to visit the bathroom and throw my guts up. Ahh… the good old days. How many times have you got wasted and thrown up in a club. Yes… these are the days I’ll look back on and lie to myself these were the fun times!

Time to go. We paid the bill and all headed out along the soi to Sukhimvit to grab a taxi.

Juliet was rather drunk and it took a rather drunk Lomeo to keep her from falling over. Miss Tim was holding my shoulder so that I didn’t fall over. GamblinMan was holding onto anyone near by so that he didn’t fall over.

Taxi’s flagged down and all of us went on our merry ways. We slept well that night.

The next day we woke and didn’t feel bad. Not bad at all. Best head off to the Queen Vic for breakfast then………