Month: April 2015

I’ve been going to Climax for quite a while now. Loads of girls there readily available for the casual monger like myself.

One night, I happened upon a girl ‘Rim’ who was chatty and fun. Said she’d not been in the business for too long – which none of them have. I played dumb and pretended not to be too clued up on the P4P scene.

I gave her a tip for spending time with me but didn’t take her back to my hotel. Didn’t seem to be a problem.

A week or so passed and I found myself at Climax with some pals and straight away she came over. I was a little drunk and flirted. One thing lead to another and we both went back to my hotel. The deed was done.

Paid off in the morning I told her I’d see her around sometime. It wasn’t anything special and to be honest, I didn’t see any reason for a return visit with her.

Over the next few weeks I went back to Climax with my pals. Each night she was there with her pals and we all drank at the same table. Each time she’d ask to go with me and each time I declined but gave her a good tip. I explained that I had to be in work early, so didn’t really want to be up all night boom-booming her.

Each time, she kept saying I didn’t like her. Each time I told her I did – just not enough to risk turning up to work late.

After a few weeks, there we all were, drinking from my bottle, when I noticed that Rim was acting odd. Just standing there and not really interacting, joking and laughing like all previous other times. Instead she was moody, quiet and not much fun. She had actually come to the conclusion that she was no longer there to dance, flirt and could just stand there and drink my bottle.

Fine by me, but I was not wanting to be all serious. I was wanting to hangout and have some fun.

At this time, I had made eye contact with a girl at a nearby table. She looked hot. She was smiling and dancing around. I liked a little of that.

Rim had seen this and got in a strop. Saying that I was treating her like a prostitute!! Which I thought she was?
When I left, Rim followed me along soi 11 and said she wanted to come back to my place and ‘talk’. I told her I was going to sleep. She insisted that she just wanted to talk.

Talk about what? Again, she complained to me saying I was treating her like a prostitute and was disrespecting her by looking at other girls. I had to remind her that each night she is with different guys who pay her for sex. I was not her boyfriend and just because I was nice to her, doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy myself. I also explained the reason I caught the attention of another girl was because she was having fun where as Rim wasn’t.

It was then I got ahold of myself and told her that next time I am in Climax, it would be better if she never comes over again. IF I want her services, I’ll pay for it like every other guy.

I’ve been back a few times but not seen her. A few of her friends jokingly say I am her boy
friend and she has sent me a few messages thanking me for breaking her heart and giving her a sad feeling inside.
I don’t for one minute think there were any feelings involved other than feeling the money between her fingers each time we met.

What is it with these girls? They attract you by being a little special. Flirtatious, sexy, fun… and then when you’re with them it all stops and the wonder why you end up looking elsewhere.

Why would I want that as a girlfriend? Do they not think that maybe we’re not looking for a girlfriend when we enter into an agreement of sex for money?

To stop these girls acting like moody girlfriends, we have option other than to treat them like the prostitutes they are – which then makes them angry.

From now on, I will stop being nice and never go with the same girl more than once.

I love the French. Well, compared to a Dubai driver that is. There is a group of people here – lets call them ‘Useless fucking Arseholes’ that are allowed to drive on public roads yet have no clue on how to drive or have any understanding of how use a road.

Why is it we are experimenting on poor cute little rats, mice and bunnies when these Useless Fucking Arseholes (UFA) contribute nothing to this world.

Let me explain. I consider myself to be a good driver. We probably all do. However, I have driven/owned enough sports/super cars and bikes to have experienced driving at great speed. I have driven all over Europe, in the USA, Africa, Middle and Far East. I have been to a stunt school to master art of pulling a wheelie at 100mph. I don’t use my phone when driving or apply make-up and I can put my hand on my heart and say I never drive in a manner that could cause a collision for others in my rear-view mirror. So yes, I think of myself as a good driver.

This can not be said for many of the drivers in Dubai. The UFA’s. It’s easy to spot them too.

The check-list to spot a UFA – or indeed to confirm if you are one yourself is…

• You are Indian
• You are an Arab woman
• You drive a Toyota, Kia, Nissan or any other piece of shit worth less than Miss Tims shoes.
• You are a taxi Driver
• You sound your horn as soon as the traffic signals turn to green
• You use the phone when driving
• You don’t use your indicators

• You drive so close to the car infront that their rear parking sensors start beeping.

If you are more than one of these – you are a UFA. (more than one – because Rafiq is Indian!)

Unfortunately, the majority of drivers in Dubai fit into the above category. I see so many crashes caused by stupid idiots that I get stressed out. I want to punch these people. I want to employ other people to punch these people. I want to employ people to employ people to punch these people.

And when they’re done punching, I want them to kick these people.

Being in Dubai, where it is hotter than the sun, all the vehicles windows are blacked out – so when I do drive along side a UFA ready to give them the finger or shout profanities at them – I can’t see them and they can’t see me.

Most of the vehicles on the road here are taxis. Driven by Indians. They think that as they drive for a living – they are good at it. Earth to Indians… you’re not. You’re a fucking menace.

There is not a lot I can do about it in a foreign country. Which is why I am constantly warming to the UK. Yes, you get stupid drivers, but there are laws. Laws that state you can’t use your phone when driving. So when a person does use phone when driving, they know they’re doing something wrong. They know that it’s socially unacceptable like lighting up a cigarette in a restaurant when people are eating.

And it’s not just talking on the phone here. About 80% of the UFA’s I’ve seen using their phone were texting. Even more dangerous!!

I guess I’ll just get used to it. As I got used to the numpty driving and lack of law and order in Thailand.
Do I want to make this my home?

No.

I’ll give it a few years then head elsewhere. The UK is looking more favourable each week.

Wow… has it really been a year since I was last moaning about Songkran? My least favourite time of year when assholes come out of the woodwork to throw water at you.

Miss Tim is back in Thailand and will be celebrating Songkran with Juliet. Any by celebrating, I mean they’ll sit in the garden, under a tree and cook some kind of sea monster on the bbq.

Elsewhere in Hua Hin it shall be a nightmare getting anywhere without getting soaked in the name of fun.  Allegedly.

Yet when a Tsunami or a flood comes along, its not so much fun then is it? I tell ya, Thai’s can’t make their mind up anymore than Stickman can.

Speaking of Stick… is he staying? Is he going? I think he should stick to his guns. He must have had a good reason to want to leave in the 1^st place?

Lets face it, there isn’t much interesting ‘gossip’ these days in the bar business. It’s all shite.

Stick has always maintained that what he says is down to his personal preference. We’re all different, so just because Stick says a place is good, doesn’t mean it is. That goes for me, you and everyone else that pipes up and says somewhere is good!

The other day (in Dubai) I recommended to a pal that he comes to see the local Filipino band. I’ve said it plenty that I HATE live bands. HATE HATE HATE!! But I like this one. I think they’re great. I told my pal that of all the live bands I’ve seen – these (in my opinion) are the best.

After an hour, my (UK) pal said to me. ‘Graham, no offense, but you need to see more live bands’. – so he was not impressed.

I was very tempted to inform him that almost EVERYNIGHT of the week I am in Thailand there is a Live Band playing in a bar that I am in. If I were to count up the number of live bands I’ve seen, I am sure it would tally up to more shoes than Miss Tim owns. Hell, I’ve even employed a few bands here and there.

Starting to miss my Thailand home now. The plan was to settle in Dubai then head over to Thailand for a long weekend each month. Or even just a weekend.  Think I am about as settled as I can get now, so am now looking at how to get back to Thailand when I can.

There is some fun you can get upto in Dubai – but the partying is nowhere near the level of Thailand.

We have a wedding to go to next month in Bangkok – so I am heading over for that, and shall return to Dubai with Miss Tim. That’s 4 weeks away so am having to think of ways to amuse myself until then.

When I do get back – most of the gang will not be in town. Lomeo is off touring Europe, Jonas is checking out his home Country and Gamblin Man will be sniffing some young girls pants somewhere.

In the last week I have bumped into two people I have been working with in my past. One guy for 10 years in Algeria and the other I worked with for a year in Angola. They’re both living in the same apartment building as me! How odd is that.

Good thing is – one of them doesn’t have a car – so I can use his parking space!  The temperature here is sooooo hot – that leaving a car outside just melts it.

Not much else happening. The lads have been out drinking in Nana. I got a few abusive texts off them and then a picture of Jonas asleep at the bar – around 6pm. Maybe the guys could give us an update of what’s been going on?

So – I am coming back in about 4 weeks for 1 week / 10 days. Anyone else in town?

Anyone else planning a trip this year even?

Like Stick, have we all had our fill of Thailand?

One of my pet hates is bad driving.  I’ve been quite vocal on many occasions.  It has to be said the Western drivers (and the Aussies) are much better drivers the middle/far east.  In ‘normal’ Countries, to get a license you have to have tuition, pass a test and then you’re on the road.  In Middle/Far East / Asia it seems you just need to know your left from your right.  Most of the time.

When I arrived in Dubai, I was not really shocked at how bad the driving was.  They’re mad. They drive fast.  They drive like nutters.   In a period of 24 hours I saw a car on fire, a car on it’s side and a person lying in the road having been run over.  Nothing surprises me here anymore.  The people that think they are not going to crash unless its Gods will – should not be allowed on the road.  Fools.

So anyway, I needed a car in Dubai. I have several cars and bikes in the UK (9 in total) which I never use.  So as I need a car here, it’s only right I buy one.

I have grown out of the flash car phase. Porsches, Ferrari, Jags, BMW’s, Mercs etc.. been there, done that.

The problem with here is that whatever car I buy, I am sure it’ll get damaged in some way.

One of the cars I have in the UK is a little Mini Cooper Convertible – never gets used so I thought I’d buy one here.  They’re a funky little car and apparently if you ever see a Mini out here – it’ll be driven by a Brit!

So out I went and bought a little Mini Cooper S.   The process was pretty simple, but a bit of a ball ache.

I went to the dealer and started the procedure.  In addition to the cash, you  have to hand over your Emirates I.D, phone number,  proof of residency and copy of your passport. Why?!!

Afterwhich, I then went to the building opposite (convenient) to get insurance and register the car.

Insurance was simple – hand over cash and a copy of all the paperwork I just handed to the dealer.   I then when to the Vehicle registration people and once again handed over all the paperwork (and phone number) that I had done twice already that day.

Something tells me they could streamline this whole process.

So from seeing the car to driving it out of the showroom took all of two days.   There I was charging around Dubai in a bright red  Mini.  It’s the Turbo version so its fast enough to keep up with a Dubai Taxi.  Getting used to the driving, roads, traffic was not actually as hard as I thought it’d be.  It’s just everyone drives fast and they have no patience.

Driving in Thailand is much harder as no one indicates, adheres to speed limits or even has a license.

In Dubai, the taxis are so cheap that my work pal and I never drive in the evenings.  Especially as we drink when out.   So the Mini is just for commuting.

After two months, my buddy decided it’s time he got himself a car.  Being American, he needed an SUV.

Off to a dealership we trotted off to Saturday morning to check out some cars. The 1st car he saw was a Mercedes MK63AMG.   He had to have it.

Again, a simple task – hand over ID, bank card, passport and various other documents.

The AMG is a nice car.  I could put my Mini in the boot.  In fact, it makes my Mini look ridiculous.

Not wanting to be outdone, I spotted a Porsche Cayenne in the corner of the showroom so I bought it.

Not sure what I am going to do with it or where I am going to drive it?  I only have one parking space – which my Mini lives in.  Should have thought this one through really.

Dubai life is starting to get expensive.