I have always thought that the word German meant efficiency, organised and structured. Turns out thats a load of tosh…..

At 9am my buddy and I boarded the A380 – heading for Munich. It’s September, which means Oktoberfrst. Yes, it didn’t make sense to me either. Oktoberfest being the huge beer festival where everyone parties and has fun. And drinks beer of course. Now, I am o.k with the partying and the fun, but beer… I can’t stand the stuff.

As soon as the fasten seatbelt sign was off my buddy ‘Ross’ and I headed for the bar.

We were not alone. Some little Indian looking woman also came to the bar and put her grubby little hands on all the sandwiches before taking one. We noted to have any of those left. I can’t believe how revolting/rude some people are.

Another disgusting thing I noticed was the amount of people who walked around with no shoes on. What’s wrong with these people? Sitting in your chair, I can understand taking your shoes off, but walking around the plane and more specifically – into the toilets?!?! Are you out of your mind?

Each time we saw someone – we pointed it out to the cabin crew who shared our opinion that these people were dumb. As one crew member said to me “do they think that’s water on the floor”?

A few hours into the flight we were getting a buzz on. We chatted to the crew and other passengers. One American who lives in Dubai was also at the bar and we struck up conversation. He was a good laugh and a bit of a party-boy. We all struck it off – but not in a gay way.

We exchanged numbers and told him that we had some tables booked at Oktoberfest, so if he found himself at a loss, do stop by.

The 6 hours of flying – flew by and we got to Munich by lunchtime. Great. We should be in our waiting limo in no time. Or so we thought.

The airport was absolute chaos. There was no queuing system, no directions and what I can only describe as ‘trainees’ on the passport control. No one seemed to have a clue what to do. We stood in the queue for ages. Where was the organisation and strict controls that I had heard so much about?

Into the limo and off to the hotel. Ross and I were travelling with another 2 pals who we met up with at the Emirates limo service. We didn’t see them on the plane as they were in the downstairs part.

We got to the hotel which is just an average (crap) hotel which cost us around 15k thb per night. Which is quite cheap this time of year.

When checking in, we witnessed the same kind of chaos. There just didn’t seem to be any kind of system. There were 4 of us and 3 rooms. My two (economy) pals were sharing a room. This was all explained when we booked/paid for the rooms.

After signing papers and handing over a credit card – we were given 2 rooms. Hang on a minute…. I am not sharing with Ross! After some explaining we eventually were given 3 rooms. Again, not as efficient as I thought they’d be.

No time for a nap, we headed straight to the clothing shop to buy the lederhosen outfits. We’re in Munich so should do as the locals and dress for the event. I got fully kitted out for 150 euros and was all set. Until Ross said there was no way in hell he was wearing that crap. He was right and the only reason I was going to wear it, was because I thought we all were. I just wish he told me before I spent the 150euros.

My 2 other pals went back to the hotel to get changed and to dump my new outfit while Ross and I went to meet the people who we’d purchased a table through.

A table reservation costs around 250euros per person. Each table has 10 people on it.

When we got to the ‘tent’ it was huuuge. Absolutely heaving with beer drinking party-goers.

and I just love crowds....
and I just love crowds….


Things were looking up until we were shown our table. Right in the corner upstairs. It couldn’t be any further away.




We sat there, squashed onto a table that was probably only designed for 6 persons and waited for our beer to arrive. Included in the price of our table was 2 glasses of beer. The beer arrived courtesy of some big fat wench. She was carrying about 8 litre glasses of beer. Arms like Mike Tyson with a face to match. She handed over the beer and we handed over our vouchers.

This is what I was expecting...
This is what I was expecting…

She then stuck out her hand and said we must also give her a 2euro tip also. I wouldn’t have minded so much, but she had to make 2 journeys to bring us our beer.. each time asking for an individual tip and a group tip. I’ve been to a few places before and I’ve never seen such aggressive demanding of tips. This put us right off our beer.

Still not happy with the seating arrangements – we complained to our organising company and she just shrugged her shoulders.

Fuck this we said, got up and walked out. Nobody puts baby in the corner.

We had our beers so decided to go on a walkabout.

There was so much going on outside. Admittedly, everyone was drunk and being idiots, but there was no aggression or trouble. – that came later.

There were fairground rides, amusements, entertainers. A real buzzing atmosphere. The beautiful girls that I was promised seemed to have taken this year off though – as the majority of them were old hags and wenches. Still, I hadn’t gone there for that. I went to hang out with my buddies.

The guys we were with were a bit younger than us, so they were running around like excited kids, wanting to go on rides and win goldfishes. Too old for that nonsense. With that in mind, it had been a long day so Russ and I sloped back in the direction of our hotel and found a nice quiet bar. I am not saying I am old, but I am certainly too old for all this shit.

Oktoberfest...a fairground where the main attraction is beer.
Oktoberfest…a fairground where the main attraction is beer.

Around midnight we headed back to the hotel for a cup of coco and a good sleep.

Throughout the night the ‘kids’ were sending us various messages telling us where they were and asking where we were. They’d ended up in Pasha nightclub and had to pay 500 Euros for a table. They had taken delivery of the bottle, had a few sips and were all falling asleep on the sofas.

Off back to the hotel they went at 6am. Totally shattered.

At 8am, Ross and I were knocking on their doors telling them they’re wasting the day.

They were having none of it so we decided to take a little stroll around Munich and visited the Hofbrauhaus. Beer and Pretzel for breakfast.

Beer & Pretzel for breakfast.
Beer & Pretzel for breakfast.

Every city I go to, I visit the local Harley Davidson shop and buy a t-shirt, so off we set for the 10km trek through the city. I have to say, there is not much going on. Just one big concrete jungle.

With our shopping out the way, we headed to the English Gardens. A well known place were you get beer and food in the park. Much more pleasant and relaxing than the Oktoberfest madness.

The ‘kids’ met up with us there for a few beers and to recap on the night before.

From the English gardens – we headed back to Oktoberfest as we’d another table arranged and paid for. The ‘kids’ were not too happy as the night before was a disaster. They wanted to do their own thing. Fine. But we headed there anyway as we’d paid for it.

The new tent we were in was the total opposite of the night before. We were right in the middle of the tent near the band. Two older couples were sharing the table. Canadians or Americans.. I can’t really tell the difference. They had arrived that day and were in full spirits.

We had lots of space on our table – which means people kept coming up to us and asking if they could join us. We had the kids coming, so there was no room. Plus, it didn’t help that they were all bearded German men either. Had they have been scantily clad sexy vixens, I am sure we could have squeezed them in.

After several beers – the party was in full swing. No sign of the kids – but we did get an SMS from the guy we met in the bar on the plane. Small world.. he was in the same tent! He found us and joined us. From then on, our little party turned into a wild-party. The guy is a machine. So much energy. He had us all up dancing on the chairs and tables. He poached girls from other tables onto ours and got other people who were standing near our table to buy us beers if they wanted to be part of the group. It was a blast. In our ‘section’ of the tent – our table turned out to be the party table. Everyone wanted to be part of it. Great fun indeed.

Of course, if you have a table full of young nubiles, you’re going to attract attention from others. Others being bearded Germans! The table was getting too crowded so we told a few of them to go elsewhere. They stated that they were German and they didn’t have to go anywhere. We explained that we’d paid for the table and they should fuck right off. A lot of eye-balling and finger pointing went on in the group. Things were taking a turn for the worse.

Eventually our ‘kids’ turned up who scuttled down the table – forcing the bearded twats off.

Several hours passed. Lots of drinking, singing, dancing, laughing and joking followed. This was what Oktoberfest should be like. This is what I had come for.

It wasn’t long before the kids could take no more and were having trouble standing. They left. Partyboy was still going strong with 6 girls – until he decided to bail with one.

The two old couples had enough by 10pm and decided to call it a night too, leaving Ross and I on a table with 5-7 girls. Which meant all the bearded Germans descended on our table to pour all over them.

Not a battle we could win. The girls were German too – so it’s not like were chatting them up. We decided enough was enough and pulled the plug on it. Vowing that if ever we were to see these bearded twats when on home turf, we would beat the crap out of them.

After a little stroll back to the hotel – we agreed to meet at breakfast at 8am – as tomorrow we were to visit the German Concentration Camp of Dachau.

To be continued.

The Kingdom of Wonder, so far…. – by RainMan!

Sold up basically everything except the house and have two good reliable mates renting it… the sort of blokes that won’t turn my room into an ice lab.

The reason to hit Cambodia first was the ease of obtaining a one year multi entry visa and in three weeks time I will have that in my grubby little hands. Finding a very cheap apartment was easy on the outskirts of Siem Reap so now I have a permanent place to store my condoms and fish sauce, a base you might say.

The first week though on arrival I stayed in Phnom Penh to catch up with a mate. The hotel room looked good on paper and being low season was a bargain. My mate booked the Penthouse above me, and I’ll use the word penthouse loosely. All was looking good until I arrived and had to squeeze past a thirty ton excavator to get to the entrance of the hotel. It wasn’t really a problem as I drove big diggers for a while in Oz and was used to them being in my face but it was just the constant dust, noise and tip trucks turning up. Luckily, every twenty minutes, they would stop working…and let a ten ton roller vibrate the road, and the whole building, and anything that wasn’t nailed down. To add to this they were also building an eight story guest house next door and were at the jack hammer stage. Luckily it started raining heavily which slowed every one up for a while… and the six inches of mud kept the dust down.

At first we didn’t really care that much, welcome to PP, cheap room, never mind, can’t get any worse, but it did. On the second day the power went off, and on, for the next two days and on the fourth day…all hell broke loose, it pissed down.

My mate had a large courtyard type balcony with a wall about two feet high with railings to stop you from falling four floors, safety first in Cambodia. But the construction site next door had dropped so much sand, cement and rubbish that it had blocked all the downpipes, unbeknown to the staff.

It has been scientifically proven that when a swimming pool mass of water finds a small escape route, it will escape. In this case, under the penthouse door, through the carpeted penthouse lounge room, under the penthouse front door and down the stairwell, and indoor waterfall, no extra charge.

So the first thing the staff do when they see the small waterfall flowing down the stairs is open the penthouse door to find out what’s going on inside, and of course water doing what it does naturally well, flow downhill, they let out a mini tsunami. The yelling and screaming Khmer staff could not be heard by us sitting outside as the noise from the deluge was deafening. The reason they kept the door open and let the water out was that the level inside the room was close to the lower power points. Yep. While all this was going on upstairs we were quite enjoying the monsoonal downpour and all the shit floating down the road.

It was a funny sight at first, watching socks, flip flops, shoes and t shirts go floating past us from inside the hotel and out onto the muddy washed out road, but they had my mate’s name on them.

This beats watching grass grow at home, really enjoying things so far.

48 Hours in Hua Hin

My life is a little busy these days that I just can’t take time out for a vacation. Well., not for more than a few days anyway.

So, with me missing Miss Tim – and she’s not due back here in Dubai for a few more weeks, I thought I’d jump on a plane to Thailand for 2 days. How hard can it be?

The flight from Dubai to Thailand takes around 6 hours there and under 6 on the way back. Not bad really. By the time you’ve taken off, stuffed your face, watched a movie and had a little nap, it’s time to land.

I left Dubai around 4pm and landed at 1am (3 hours time difference). My driver was at the airport to meet me and take me straight to HH. I was home by 4am. Time for another little nap and a cuddle with Miss Tim and by 9am we were up and ready to make the most of the weekend.

First up was breakfast. As much as a good cook Miss Tim is, I didn’t fancy eating rice or noodles, so we headed to El Murphys. I do like the English/Irish breakfast there. Breakfasts are always nicer when someone else cooks.

We almost did an about turn and walked out as the main doors were wide open and the aircon was off. This has always been a pet hate of mine. I know aircon is expensive, but they need to use their heads.

It takes a long time to cool a bar, but only minutes for it to warm up.

When a few more punters came in – they closed the door and put the aircon on. There were 6 customers now – so we guessed their magic number was 6 customers before the aircon comes on. Had we not have been hungry, there would have only been 4 people as we were ready to walk out.

Tip… cool the bar down and then just put the zircon on low and run the fans!! It’s not difficult.

After breakfast we had a little walk around the town. There are a few bars under construction, many that have had a little mini refurb and a few that have a forsale sign. Not sure how the low season has treated the bars this year. We would find out later how busy things are.

Still early – we headed to Village Market. The only shopping mall in Hua Hin. There are a few on the outskirts, but we like this one. It’s small enough to walk around the whole place, looking in every window. If you like shopping like Miss Tim and I, this is a good way to kill a few hours!

Around 1pm we headed home. Full of life and energy, we decided to take a walk to where we used to live – to see Lomeo and Juliet. We’d take some back roads as we are looking to move to another house somewhere or buy some land and have one built. So a little walk was perfect.

I had forgotten how bloody far we had moved. By the time we got to Lomeos, we were knackered! It’s a good thing Thailand is quite cool at the moment. We stopped by at Lomeos for half an hour and arranged to meet up later in the town. We had to get back home and shower and the afternoon was fast approaching early evening.

Once home, we checked our titbits to see we had walked 20km. Not a bad afternoon session! No sight of any places worth buying though.

Once shit, showered and shaved – we headed back to the town. First up was Coco bar. I can’t say we are overly impressed with this place, but it’s the 1st bar we come to when being dropped off at the Hilton.

The owner ‘ET’ used to run Bullys bar. He and the Original Mango have history. He doesn’t recognise me so I do have a little chuckle when I hear him talking absolute crap at the bar.

One and done – we head to our fave restaurant in the world – ‘Robertos’ It’s a small little Italian ion the corner. Good atmosphere and good people watching. Not that we had to look outside to watch people. There was a couple next to us. An old American and a young Thai girl. The guy spend a while making small talk and the girl was just being a moody cow and messaging another guy on her phone. Why he didn’t just tell her to get lost we don’t know. Girls, if you’re being paid to keep a guy company, at least pretend to be interested and don’t ignore the guy. It’s not like you’re married.

Moving on – back to El Muphys. There is a bar opposite which is fairly new and looks to be doing good business. We keep meaning to pop in, but we go to El Murphys as the Boss man ‘Jonathan’ is a nice guy and has won our loyalty.

Not much time passes and Lomeo and Juliet arrive. We hit the drinks and catch up.

Quite a few people in ‘Murphs’, but unusually no live band on that Friday night. Are live bands now old hat? Instead there was a Rock Concert on DVD blasting out tunes. Personally, I prefer to hear songs sung by the original artist so I liked it. However, if you’re going to replace a band with a stereo/video, please try and get a decent set of speakers. This one sounded like an old record player. Quite crap!

Many drinks consumed – we headed to the next bar. ‘Panama’! Not been here before. I think it’s fairly new – will have to ask Lomeo. It’s a fave of his.

The place was heaving. A mixture of young and old. Quite a few Thai girls (staff) dancing and having fun with the customers. A real energetic bar which oozed of fun.

However, and this is another pet hate of mine… They put on some Thai/Issan music. Grrr. Why do they do that? To a Farang, the music is not nice on the ears. Of course the girls like it, but surely as a bar owner, your priority is to please the customers. NOT the staff. Like the flick of a switch, the bar went from jumping around, dancing and singing, laughing and joking to Issan music and just the girls dancing and singing (with each other). The Farangs had all but come to a standstill.

That really pisses me off. Think about it, who is spending the money? The happy Farang or the happy Thai girl?

After a few songs we decided enough was enough and we headed to the next bar.

We walked through the little soi – bars either side… heaving. A real good buzz about the place.Or maybe because we had a buzz on?

Stopping off at Click.. it was too busy so we soldiered on. One of our simi-regular hangouts is Tina Bar on the corner. Good people watching place.

What the hell has happened to Tina bar?! It was empty. A bar once so full you had walk around the block until someone had vacated a table so you could get a seat.

Looking at Tina bar, it does look a bit old and tired. To me, it looks like the new, fresh looking bars are now attracting the punters and people are not spending their money in the old rock type places. Just an observation.

Quite a few drinks in Tina Bar (quick service) and we head to the Beer House at the Hilton. I’ve only really visited this place a handful of times and have never been overly impressed.

– Well fook me!!! This place was absolutely heaving! People think of Hua Hin as a sleepy little town and not much action going on – well go to this place and you’ll not think you’re in Hua Hin. It was jam-packed with women. These girls didn’t look to be out of the bar business. Of course, there were girls who have gone straight from work to the Beer House, but many of the girls did not have that hardened ‘bar girl’ look about them.

For some odd reason we decided to do some shots being sold by two girls dressed as nurses. One of them even gave Juliet a sexy dance of sorts – which earned her 100bht tip. All in all, it was great fun, great atmosphere and a great end to the night.

Around 3am we decided it was time to head home via ‘Binta Burger’. Soi 4 has the famous ‘Nana Burger’, well Hua Hin has the Binta Burger. The lady must have done good business as she was nowhere to be seen. We drunkenly stumbled to Burger king instead – although I dont really remember much about that at all?

Who knew?
Who knew?

I also don’t remember getting a Tuk-Tuk home either. My only recollection of the journey home was asking to be dropped off at the end of our soi so that Miss Tim and I could walk. Again, no idea why we thought that was a good idea?

Saturday Miss Tim and I woke up with a hangover. – so we stayed in bed for while. There are many ways to deal with hangovers. More drink, fry-up, exercise etc.. we prefer the method of curling up in bed and feeling sorry for ourselves.

It was much of a lazy day for us. A bit of relaxing which was well overdue.

At 9pm my driver arrived and drove me back to Bangkok airport. It had been a fun 48 hours in Hua Hin. It has a certain charm about the place. Would I have had a better time had I had done 48 hours in Bangkok? I don’t think so.

More from Frank…


So there I was, she had moved in lock stock and barrel.

Morning routine….I get up and hit site by 6 am. Suzan still In snooze land. I used to call her from site every morning around 8. Say good morning (see, I can be nice) and what u doing? The standard answer always was ‘I do machine’ which meant she was washing my clothes…every day!

Best part was always coming home. When she heard the gate open and me pulling in, as soon as I got in the house and took my boots off I had a glass of cold beer in my hand. I never even asked.

I wish I had a pic of her to show you guys.

We lived together for 7 months and it was a real pleasure. She also was not hanging off my wallet…200 bath here or there. Now you guys might ask are you fucking serious? In Thailand?…Yes but that was the only time.

I made her a passport as I wanted to take her to Singapore.

Unfortunately my work took me back to Australia.

No regrets, no surrender.
Rock on,


Weekend with Jonas….

Thursday night was over – I woke up on Friday morning in bed. I was not alone. No, I wasn’t with Jonas either.
I woke up with a hangover. The kind that would kill a lesser man.

After throwing up bits of lung and chicken I crawled out of my room to find Jonas on the Playstation completing all the missions on GTA5. I can’t be arsed with that. For me, GTA5 is for roaming free, shooting people, stealing cars, visiting strip clubs, beating people up and getting chased by the cops. Or as ROLLN would call it – ‘Sunday night’.

We headed out to the coffee shop downstairs to get some air. It worked and by 11am we were feeling human again. Well, as human as could be expected.

12pm was Double Decker time. One of my buddies joined Jonas and I. Sat upstairs – we went straight onto the Vodkas. Bit of food, but mainly vodka.

Once again the Double Decker did not fail to deliver. A great crowd. Jonas was in awe of all the white ‘farang’! Never before had he seen such a gathering of white British women. Even compared to last year when we hit the UK for a weekend.

Well and truly plastered – we headed to the Irish bar ‘Mc Gettigans’ to continue the session. Mc Gettigans seems to be the place that the crowd from Double Decker end up at, as we spotted lots of familiar faces. Nods and smiles were exchanged as most of us staggered around the bar still wearing our DD wrist bands. Great atmosphere. Great Friday so far!

The plan was to head out later into the deep dark night… so we headed back to HQ around 8pm to freshen up.

*TIP… When you are drunk, do not sit down on a comfy sofa for a 10 minute nap.

I woke around 2am with a fresh hangover on the way. Damn. I crawled to my bed and left Jonas dribbling and snoring on the sofa.

Saturday morning was better than Friday. No throwing up. As Jonas was only in Dubai for a few days I thought we should at least show him something other than Vodka.

The Burj Khalifa is only a 10 minute walk so we headed to the Mall. The heat is still strong even though it’s officially Autumn here. Saturday at 10am – the place is very very quiet. Not many people around at all. We hit the Mall, checked out the Aquarium and the Sega Republic zone upstairs. Holy crap. They have an indoor theme park of (Sega) video games and rides. Not sure on the pricing but I am sure its not cheap. You can’t help but think about how spoiled the kids who frequent this place are. When I think back to when I was a kid, I think I was pretty lucky and had more ‘cool stuff’ than my pals. – But this place is something different. We’ve all seen the TV of the poverty out there – kids with nothing but a water jug to carry on their heads each day for 4 miles – but this is the other end of the spectrum. Great to see – but does get you thinking about how the other half live!

It took about an hour to find the exit – which happened to be where the 5 Guys restaurant is – so we popped in. Jonas and I first saw 5 Guys last year in London, but the queue stretched around the block so we didn’t bother. no such problems here! Yum.

My car was booked in at the dealers to have the aircon serviced at 2pm so we headed there. The showroom is overwhelming and the sales girl is really nice. A pal of mine just happened to be there car shopping, so we joined her as I had to leave my car with them for a few hours. Feeling left out – I spoke with the sales girl and did a deal on another Porsche. I really have no self control.

My pal lives at the Marina so we decided to head there and have a drink in Barasti. It’s usually an outside bar but during the Summer they cover it up in a big tent so we don’t all melt.

Barasti - with the roof off.
Barasti – with the roof off.

– Again, Jonas was taken in by all the white folk.

As I was driving, I stuck to cokes. The UAE has a zero-tolerance policy so I don’t drink when I have to drive. Just not worth it. I know many people that do – and they say that are fine to drive, which maybe so. However, as these numpties on the road here are crap drivers – there is more a chance of a sober numpty crashing into me than me crashing when drunk. Just not worth it.

Jumped in a cab and collected the car.

Home by 8pm. Time for a few vodkas do some ironing and a few house chores before heading out.

At 10pm we were showered, shaved and ready to head out. Grabbed the keys and went for my wallet. Hmmm… wallet? Checked my shorts from earlier. Pockets empty. Checked the whole apartment. No sign. Went down to the car, and surprise surprise… not there. Damn!

Phoned up Barasti to see if it had been found there. Nothing. Panic then kicks in. I have my UAE I.D, my bank cards and most importantly – my alcohol license. There was around 1000dhs in there too (10k bht). The money was not important. It’s the inconvenience of getting everything cancelled and replaced. Total ball-ache.

It was now 11pm. I planned on making the bank calls in the morning – as I had my business cards in my wallet so there was every chance it maybe returned.

With no money and no bank cards to withdraw money we cancelled the nights plans and went to bed. (Jonas hit the sofa)

At 2am I had a phone call. A Filipino guy had found my wallet in the back of a cab! He was about 10mins away at a restaurant so we headed out to meet him.

This guy found the wallet in the back of a cab around 1am. It was in the foot well. Where it had been for the 6 hours prior to that is a mystery. My guess is the next passenger saw it – took the money and chucked it on the floor.

The money was gone but the cards were there – so I was happy. Even though the money was missing – it still worked out as a saving, because if Jonas and I had gone out, we’d have spent 5 times that!

The Filipino guy (with his gf) were really nice people and would not accept any money from me when I tried to give it to them. There are nice people in this world.

Time running out for Jonas to see the (seedy) nightlife.. We had one (full) night left. Sunday night. It was now 3am on Sunday morning. No time left. I needed to get home to bed as I had work on the Sunday.

The plan was to head out on Sunday night….6pm.

To be continued.

How wrong is this?

I don’t usually cut and paste from the news sites – but this one I saw earlier made me feel angered with rage.

PLEASE lock me in a room with these people, with no more than baseball bat and a Rambo knife.

“Thousands have signed a petition to stop two Indian sisters being gang-raped and paraded around a village naked with blackened faces as punishment for their brother’s “crimes”.”

Sky News Report

I didn’t go through all the comments at the bottom – as they will all be the same. I just hope these people get what’s coming to them.

I’d love to meet anyone who thinks this is acceptable.

Think I’ll go have a drink now and calm down. I am getting very sensitive in my old age.