I have always thought that the word German meant efficiency, organised and structured. Turns out thats a load of tosh…..

At 9am my buddy and I boarded the A380 – heading for Munich. It’s September, which means Oktoberfrst. Yes, it didn’t make sense to me either. Oktoberfest being the huge beer festival where everyone parties and has fun. And drinks beer of course. Now, I am o.k with the partying and the fun, but beer… I can’t stand the stuff.

As soon as the fasten seatbelt sign was off my buddy ‘Ross’ and I headed for the bar.

We were not alone. Some little Indian looking woman also came to the bar and put her grubby little hands on all the sandwiches before taking one. We noted to have any of those left. I can’t believe how revolting/rude some people are.

Another disgusting thing I noticed was the amount of people who walked around with no shoes on. What’s wrong with these people? Sitting in your chair, I can understand taking your shoes off, but walking around the plane and more specifically – into the toilets?!?! Are you out of your mind?

Each time we saw someone – we pointed it out to the cabin crew who shared our opinion that these people were dumb. As one crew member said to me “do they think that’s water on the floor”?

A few hours into the flight we were getting a buzz on. We chatted to the crew and other passengers. One American who lives in Dubai was also at the bar and we struck up conversation. He was a good laugh and a bit of a party-boy. We all struck it off – but not in a gay way.

We exchanged numbers and told him that we had some tables booked at Oktoberfest, so if he found himself at a loss, do stop by.

The 6 hours of flying – flew by and we got to Munich by lunchtime. Great. We should be in our waiting limo in no time. Or so we thought.

The airport was absolute chaos. There was no queuing system, no directions and what I can only describe as ‘trainees’ on the passport control. No one seemed to have a clue what to do. We stood in the queue for ages. Where was the organisation and strict controls that I had heard so much about?

Into the limo and off to the hotel. Ross and I were travelling with another 2 pals who we met up with at the Emirates limo service. We didn’t see them on the plane as they were in the downstairs part.

We got to the hotel which is just an average (crap) hotel which cost us around 15k thb per night. Which is quite cheap this time of year.

When checking in, we witnessed the same kind of chaos. There just didn’t seem to be any kind of system. There were 4 of us and 3 rooms. My two (economy) pals were sharing a room. This was all explained when we booked/paid for the rooms.

After signing papers and handing over a credit card – we were given 2 rooms. Hang on a minute…. I am not sharing with Ross! After some explaining we eventually were given 3 rooms. Again, not as efficient as I thought they’d be.

No time for a nap, we headed straight to the clothing shop to buy the lederhosen outfits. We’re in Munich so should do as the locals and dress for the event. I got fully kitted out for 150 euros and was all set. Until Ross said there was no way in hell he was wearing that crap. He was right and the only reason I was going to wear it, was because I thought we all were. I just wish he told me before I spent the 150euros.

My 2 other pals went back to the hotel to get changed and to dump my new outfit while Ross and I went to meet the people who we’d purchased a table through.

A table reservation costs around 250euros per person. Each table has 10 people on it.

When we got to the ‘tent’ it was huuuge. Absolutely heaving with beer drinking party-goers.

and I just love crowds....
and I just love crowds….


Things were looking up until we were shown our table. Right in the corner upstairs. It couldn’t be any further away.




We sat there, squashed onto a table that was probably only designed for 6 persons and waited for our beer to arrive. Included in the price of our table was 2 glasses of beer. The beer arrived courtesy of some big fat wench. She was carrying about 8 litre glasses of beer. Arms like Mike Tyson with a face to match. She handed over the beer and we handed over our vouchers.

This is what I was expecting...
This is what I was expecting…

She then stuck out her hand and said we must also give her a 2euro tip also. I wouldn’t have minded so much, but she had to make 2 journeys to bring us our beer.. each time asking for an individual tip and a group tip. I’ve been to a few places before and I’ve never seen such aggressive demanding of tips. This put us right off our beer.

Still not happy with the seating arrangements – we complained to our organising company and she just shrugged her shoulders.

Fuck this we said, got up and walked out. Nobody puts baby in the corner.

We had our beers so decided to go on a walkabout.

There was so much going on outside. Admittedly, everyone was drunk and being idiots, but there was no aggression or trouble. – that came later.

There were fairground rides, amusements, entertainers. A real buzzing atmosphere. The beautiful girls that I was promised seemed to have taken this year off though – as the majority of them were old hags and wenches. Still, I hadn’t gone there for that. I went to hang out with my buddies.

The guys we were with were a bit younger than us, so they were running around like excited kids, wanting to go on rides and win goldfishes. Too old for that nonsense. With that in mind, it had been a long day so Russ and I sloped back in the direction of our hotel and found a nice quiet bar. I am not saying I am old, but I am certainly too old for all this shit.

Oktoberfest...a fairground where the main attraction is beer.
Oktoberfest…a fairground where the main attraction is beer.

Around midnight we headed back to the hotel for a cup of coco and a good sleep.

Throughout the night the ‘kids’ were sending us various messages telling us where they were and asking where we were. They’d ended up in Pasha nightclub and had to pay 500 Euros for a table. They had taken delivery of the bottle, had a few sips and were all falling asleep on the sofas.

Off back to the hotel they went at 6am. Totally shattered.

At 8am, Ross and I were knocking on their doors telling them they’re wasting the day.

They were having none of it so we decided to take a little stroll around Munich and visited the Hofbrauhaus. Beer and Pretzel for breakfast.

Beer & Pretzel for breakfast.
Beer & Pretzel for breakfast.

Every city I go to, I visit the local Harley Davidson shop and buy a t-shirt, so off we set for the 10km trek through the city. I have to say, there is not much going on. Just one big concrete jungle.

With our shopping out the way, we headed to the English Gardens. A well known place were you get beer and food in the park. Much more pleasant and relaxing than the Oktoberfest madness.

The ‘kids’ met up with us there for a few beers and to recap on the night before.

From the English gardens – we headed back to Oktoberfest as we’d another table arranged and paid for. The ‘kids’ were not too happy as the night before was a disaster. They wanted to do their own thing. Fine. But we headed there anyway as we’d paid for it.

The new tent we were in was the total opposite of the night before. We were right in the middle of the tent near the band. Two older couples were sharing the table. Canadians or Americans.. I can’t really tell the difference. They had arrived that day and were in full spirits.

We had lots of space on our table – which means people kept coming up to us and asking if they could join us. We had the kids coming, so there was no room. Plus, it didn’t help that they were all bearded German men either. Had they have been scantily clad sexy vixens, I am sure we could have squeezed them in.

After several beers – the party was in full swing. No sign of the kids – but we did get an SMS from the guy we met in the bar on the plane. Small world.. he was in the same tent! He found us and joined us. From then on, our little party turned into a wild-party. The guy is a machine. So much energy. He had us all up dancing on the chairs and tables. He poached girls from other tables onto ours and got other people who were standing near our table to buy us beers if they wanted to be part of the group. It was a blast. In our ‘section’ of the tent – our table turned out to be the party table. Everyone wanted to be part of it. Great fun indeed.

Of course, if you have a table full of young nubiles, you’re going to attract attention from others. Others being bearded Germans! The table was getting too crowded so we told a few of them to go elsewhere. They stated that they were German and they didn’t have to go anywhere. We explained that we’d paid for the table and they should fuck right off. A lot of eye-balling and finger pointing went on in the group. Things were taking a turn for the worse.

Eventually our ‘kids’ turned up who scuttled down the table – forcing the bearded twats off.

Several hours passed. Lots of drinking, singing, dancing, laughing and joking followed. This was what Oktoberfest should be like. This is what I had come for.

It wasn’t long before the kids could take no more and were having trouble standing. They left. Partyboy was still going strong with 6 girls – until he decided to bail with one.

The two old couples had enough by 10pm and decided to call it a night too, leaving Ross and I on a table with 5-7 girls. Which meant all the bearded Germans descended on our table to pour all over them.

Not a battle we could win. The girls were German too – so it’s not like were chatting them up. We decided enough was enough and pulled the plug on it. Vowing that if ever we were to see these bearded twats when on home turf, we would beat the crap out of them.

After a little stroll back to the hotel – we agreed to meet at breakfast at 8am – as tomorrow we were to visit the German Concentration Camp of Dachau.

To be continued.

13 thoughts on “Oktoberfest…..”

  1. Guten Tag G….And Prosit….lol.
    At least, in the end, you got what you went there for. When I had my 12 hr stopover at the Munich airport, I can only say everybody was super friendly….I started talkig to the girl behind the bar and because I am an Aussie she wanted to know this and that…bottom line, my Vodka measures started to become so generous, I could hardly fit any orange juice in…..

    By the way G, one of my long time blog contacts has put this blog on his blogroll…so now the mangounchained is being read in Germany.
    Rock on

  2. Wow, same Pacha as in Pacha Ibiza ( like David Guetta’s residency gig?) That sounds terrrible! Maybe in Berlin but Bavaria, it’s so non-trendy & industrial. In Munich I once stayed for 2 nights in a modest little dump comparable to the “Town Lodge inn” on soi 18, for over $300 US/night! Was more expensive then Rome! Yeah Munich sucks…

    1. Sadly, the Pacha was nothing like the one in Ibiza!

      The ‘kids’ thought they were really cool when they spoke of it. Turns out they’d only heard of the one in Ibiza. They were not expecting an old bastard like me to turn to them and tell them of my days in Ibiza when I was a wee lad!

  3. Next time move the October party to Berlin. Cool city, interesting too and great international vibe. For party atmosphere it can comfortably compete with Amsterdam, Prague, London, etc. Even the Germans were nice there …..

  4. Good write up and wild time G but at what a cost, all relative I guess, but far removed from icy cold 50 cent Angkor draft and 50 kilo hostesses lol. Just had to google Burning Man and never heard about it… you going arty on us. 😉

    1. He’s on a different paygrade from us @RM. I actually made a few $$$ selling pens recently so this weekend so the beers will taste a little sweeter.

      Have good memories of getting sh!tfaced starting at the Chinese Tower in the English Gardens and ending up at SeeHaus. Then exited at the top of the gardens and couldn’t find my way back, had to get a taxi back to the bahnhof.

      1. Ah… the English Gardens…. very nice indeed.

        – now in the UK for the weekend. I have a motorcycle show to attend where one of my bikes is on display.

        It’s all go. Back to Dubai on Tuesday, waiting the arrival of Miss Tim.

        But now it’s Friday…. time to meet up with the lads..

    2. Burning Man… yeah.. a little ‘out there’… Mad Max kinda stuff. Arty? More the Party I am interested in. I must admit, I am getting a bit curious in my old age. Like trying new things.

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