Another weekend in Bangkok….

It’s not often the Rats and I are all in Bangkok the same time. So when the opportunity presents itself to all meet up, then we try to make the most of it.

Having gotten the hell out of Dubai for the weekend, I headed to Bangkok on a Wednesday night.   I touched down at 07:30 – ready to get on it.

I’d told the lads that I’d be in Bangkok around 09:30… so let’s do breakfast.

PRP, Lomeo and Jonas all arrived at the Queen Vic within an hour of each other. It was only GM that was absent – but he was joining us later.

The QV is still a favourite of mine for breakfast.   The 4-seater tables are a little small if you’re eating, as there isn’t much room to put all your plates/condiments.. but we made do. The best thing about the QV is that they’ve gotten rid of their Manager ‘Peter’. Good!   What a miserable old git he was. Countless times I’ve seen him ignore people who have tried to talk with him. All I’d ever see him do is sit at the bar and read his paper. Glad he’s gone!

After stuffing our faces (Queens Breakfast is more than enough for the hungry person) we headed to what is now my favourite venue in soi 4… Hooters!

Before 11- there isn’t many people there and we took a seat on the corner – overlooking soi 4. Great for people watching.

Ordered a bottle of Gray Goose and shot the shit.

It’s funny. We made an observation while sitting there.   All the people around us seemed to have some life in them. A group of young American sat behind us, laughing and having fun. They bumped a stool of ours and polity apologised… to the right of us, some guys chatting with some girls… I think on even had a go on the mechanical bull.

Opposite us… in Hillary or whatever the generic bar is called… sat a bunch of miserable old farts supping on their bottles of beer. Not talking to anyone, not cracking a smile and certainly not looking like they’re having fun. Odd.

I have to say that day-time drinking with your mates – watching the world go by really is a great pass-time for me. We had a real good laugh.

At 2pm – it was time for me to check-into my hotel. In all the years I’ve been in Bangkok (soi 4) I have never staying at the Dynasty Inn. Now’s the time.

There were no rooms in the new wing – so had to take a room in the old beaten up part of the hotel.

What a crap hole. It was only 1800 per night but still.   They really could do with putting down a new carpet and replacing those ancient TV’s with some flat screens.   Those rooms really do look out-dated.

Something told me the carpet is past its best...
Something told me the carpet is past its best…

 

Staff were pleasant enough and there is no denying the location is brilliant. That place has so much potential. Pity they’ve let it go to shit and the place is now looking very tired.

All checked in and back to Hooters…

After the bottle of GG was done. We needed another venue.   Just so happens that a mate of PRP was opening a new bar that night… so we said we’d go show our support.   We still had a few hours to kill but decided to head that way.

Crossing the road near soi 12 – we decided to pop into the Den. A Hostess bar. For those of you who have never been.. it’s a dark bar/club, lots of red sofas and full of hookers.

the-den-bangkok

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s the kind of place that you can go to – where there is little chance of anyone seeing you. Everyone keeps themselves to themselves.

It’s not the place for your power-drinking Singha vest wearing scumbags.

Not sure about the drinks prices? Maybe they’re expensive. I really should pay more attention to that in the future.

A good time was had by all.   Amazingly Jonas managed to stay awake.   The girls there are not what you’d call spectacular – but then, probably better looking than any other bar that does day-trading.

I am guessing all the pretty girls were at home sleeping.

Time passes quickly when you’re having fun – and we had to have it on our toes to the opening of the new bar on soi 20.

Now, I don’t want to pick holes in peoples bars. Been on the receiving end of that one on more than one occasion – but this new bar has all the tell-tale signs of failure!

First of all, the name is a typically English Pub name. The bar itself is nothing like an English Pub. Just a 2 shop front building – brick work and centre bar. Hmmmm… sounds familiar??!

Second thing we noticed was there was no POS system and all the bills/receipts were hand written. WTF? How can they keep track? It’s 2016!! Where is the computer?!

The drink selection was pretty poor, having only 2 brands of vodka available. For a premo bar, I’d expect some premo brands on offer.

Next up was the staff. To us, it looked like the Thai partner had given jobs to all their family. None of them knew what they were doing and 3or 4 people tried to share the preparation of 1 drink order. Seriously, it would have been quicker if one person prepared a drink. Actually, get rid of the 5 people behind the bar and get a proper barman. Easy.

While we’re on the subject, make all your staff wither wear a uniform or at least the same colours. We were not sure if they were staff or customers.

Later – we found out that they were indeed – family members having never worked in the industry before.

Now, I am all for helping out your family. Why wouldn’t you. But instead of handing over your business to a bunch of incompetent fools – why not install some professionals and bring in some family members to learn from them?   I can assure you, it will work out cheaper and more efficient in the long run.

They also have a stage for a live band.   They spent a lot of money on the sound equipment I’ll give them that – however, it’s a small bar.   So it takes up a lot of floor space. I’d be amazed that when packed, you could not get 50 people in there.

Now, it’s no secret I am not a fan of live music, but this band was just too darn loud. We could not hear each other when talking. Totally killed it.   For a small bar – why not have an acoustic (soft) band?   We had that in the Duke of Wellington. Made for a much better experience for the punter.

Last of all – the staff kept taking away our drinks before we had finished them. WTF?   Now, this maybe acceptable if we had a bottle and they just topped up our glasses in front of us – but we didn’t. They took away our drinks which had 3-4 mouthfuls left in them and brought back a new drink. Amazing. Did they actually think this was good service?

Bear in mind, there has been MILLIONS spent on this.  You could have BOUGHT 4 Condos for the money invested in this bar.

We showed our support and bit our lips as much as we could… it was time to move on.

Back to Nana.

Re-group at Lucky Lukes (or whatever it’s now called).   Pissed off again as they serve a vodka and coke in a little lady drink glass. Sorry, but I expect a Tumbler. Like an adult.

Next up was Pretty Lady (or whatever it’s now called). The usual trollops were there to greet us and persuade us to buy them overpriced under poured tequilas. I guess it’s our own fault for being over generous – but now the old lady service trogs are wanting in on the act?!!

Makes you wonder what they were doing 30+ years ago? Life must have not turned out right if you’re 50+ serving drinks at a gogo bar.

Could be worse.. you could be smelly asshole living in Sharjah.

Out of Pretty Lady while we still had some money in our pockets… into Bill Board (or whatever it’s now called).   Apparently the night before the place was heaving. Not the same could be said for Thursday night.

The day was taking it’s toll on me. I had arrived that morning and had pretty much been drinking all day. It was now midnight and I needed my bed.

Thankfully, I didn’t have to stagger very far to the Dynasty Inn.   On the way, Sophie the flower girl bumped into me and said hello. I first met her when she was 12.   She is now 23 – still selling flowers.   She was telling me how her own Mother STOLE her 300k that she had saved up in the last 10 years.   I guess Sophie will be still selling flowers for another 10 years. She not the prettiest of girls and still only looks like a little kid.   Good luck to her.

Back to the Dynasty Inn for a sleep that I had been looking forward to for a while…..

Miss Tim was due to arrive around 2pm – so I met up with PRP for breakfast on soi 8 at Viva.

Ever been there? I was very impressed with their menu. They have ‘healthy’ (looking) food!

Yum. A nice yoghurt and cereal was just what I needed!

IMG_5345Almost the same right?

IMG_5346

I see them rollin… I’m hatin…..

If I think about it,  in Dubai I don’t have any English pals.  All my pals are from all over the world.   The same goes for Thailand.  I think I only have one or two pals from England.  The rest are all different races.

So when I think about the people that I HATE… I don’t think I am to be labelled a racist.  It just so happens that a lot of people I hate – are from the same part of the world.

But I think I can take the Country of origin out of my hatred these days.

I seem to have found another platform in which to focus my hatred on.

Drivers of certain makes of cars!

I’ve no idea where the person driving certain cars come from.  So I am not being a racist.  I am just being a hater of the person in a specific make of car.

I’ll explain a little more….

In Thailand, if you drive a Toyota Fortuna, you are seen as someone who is not poor.  Dare I say it, a little ‘hi-so’.

In Dubai, if you drive a Toyota, you are most probably some scumbag asshole who can’t drive for shit and hasn’t had a wash in weeks.

So here, in Dubai,  I see on a daily basis, acts on lunacy, stupidity, carelessness and downright dangerous driving – but from a certain group of makes of cars.

Kia – Why is it every person in a Kia thinks they’re in a Lamborghini and need to over-take, undertake and cut people up just to get in front of them?    In fact, maybe the cars are just racing cars in disguise?   All I know is, when I see a Kia in my rear-view mirror, I get out of the way because it’s driven by a complete asshole who doesn’t know how to use the breaks.

Nissan – I can only assume that Nissans don’t have a speedometer in the dash.  therefore the wanker driver has to get so close to the rear of my car so they can look over my shoulder at my speedo.

Aswell as not having speedometers, they don’t have indicators either.  They can (and will) just change lanes for no reason other than to just piss people (me) off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Toyota – Mainly taxi drivers.   When they have a passenger – they don’t drive like loonies – but when they’re empty, they assholes.   But I hate these guys for different reasons other than their driving.   The cabs smell.  And smell badly.  They don’t have the aircon on unless I ask them – most of them are dirty.  Give me a Bangkok taxi any day of the week

– I recently took a cab from the airport which was driven by a women.  The car was spotless and didn’t smell.  Why is it these men who drive the cabs are such fucking dirty smelly bastards?

These are the makes of cars that I can confidently say are driven by dicks here.  Every incident, accident or act of recklessness driving I have witnessed involved one of these cars.

I’ve never been cut-up by a Rolls-Royce.  I’ve never been beeped at by a Ferrari and I have never had a Lamborghini lock up his brakes in order to not smash into the back of me.

Funny that?

So, I took great pleasure this morning as I drove to work.. sitting at 120kph (the limit)…. I had a nasty little piece of shit Nissan 2 inches off my bumper, trying to intimidate me to move over and let him past.

I sat there for a few minutes, ignoring his weaving around.  I could have floored my car and sucked him up my exhaust pipes… but just played it cool.  The more time that passed, the more frustrated this chap was getting.

As I approached a speed camera, I pulled to the side and this twat put his foot to the floor and gradually accelerated past me…  Just enough to to trigger the speed camera and get flashed!

I then accelerated along side him – LAUGHED at him and left him for dust as my rear spoiler extended to give him a little wave.

Thankfully I shall not have to endure these idiots for too much longer….

 

 

 

 

 

It’s the weekend… well, almost.

Time drags on in Dubai for me these days.  I go from one fit of anger to the next.  Just when I thought it was impossible to hate people any more than I do, I come across another fucking idiot whom I just want to throw on a tiled floor of upturned (uk) power plugs and lego bricks.

This morning some clown parked his piece of shit generic Toyota in my parking space at work.   The owner lives in a store room in the carpark and parks his car in my space over night.   Thing is, I like to get into the office early – so we overlap.  My parking space costs $1000 per month, so I don’t think it’s too much to ask that this asshole doesn’t park in it when I need it?

So what can I do?  Well, it’s a car park and I drive a sports car.   If I rev my engine, window crack and car alarms go off.  – And anyone sleeping in near by will certainly be woken up.

Seven or Eight thousand revs later, about 5 scumbags emerge from the little room – all with towels around their waist and all hairy and sweaty.

The most expensive alarm clock these assholes will ever have
The most expensive alarm clock these assholes will ever have

 

They didn’t look happy!  Anyway, fuck them.  They’re in my space!

Yes – I am becoming disappointed with my surroundings.  More so every day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have decided to take Thursday off (weekends here are Fri/Sat) so I can pop over to Bangkok on Wednesday night for a long weekend.  Just what I need.  Let off a bit of steam.

I’ll be landing on Thursday morning, dumping my bag off in the hotel, quick shower and then heading for brunch at Hooters on soi 4.

Gamblin Man, Jonas and Lomeo all confirmed.  There are a few others I need to noise up.  It’s been a while.

Need to find a good day-drinking venue.  We like Hooters, but after 4 hours it’s time to change the scenery.  Any suggestions?

I’ll be in town until Sunday morning.  Miss Tim will be joining me on Saturday night – armed with some big suitcases to bring back to Dubai.  It’s time to start packing all my shit and take it back home to Thailand.

This is the 1st step in my relocation plan.  Give it a few months and I’ll be Thai-side once again.

I’ve given notice to my landlord that I will not be renewing my lease when it’s up in August.

So there is still a few months in which to burst due to stress caused by mixing with fucking assholes.

– why all the anger?   well, I just went to the bathroom (that’s for my American friends. There is no bath in there) and it is a mess.  Water all over the place.  ‘Stuff’ splattered all over the pan, gob in the sink……. it’s disgusting.   What is wrong with these people?  Seriously, can anyone explain why these fucking animals have such disgusting habits?  What kind of shit-hole do they live in?  And if it is a shit-hole, then why have they no respect for somewhere nice and clean?   Fucking animals.   If I find out who it is, I shall have them sacked.  – and yes,  I can do that.

Right, deep breath….count to 10………

o.k….  calm again now.

Hooters….from 10am onwards.   Bring it on!

Must remember my 20% discount card...
Must remember my 20% discount card…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In need of a break….

A few months ago I made the decision to head back to Asia to live.

Dubai has been fun – but now I am all set to return, I can find myself HATING everything here now.

I have always hated the driving standards, that’s nothing new, but now I am starting to hate the over-priced restaurants, the kids running around in the Mall, the parking, the landlords, the badly stocked fridges in the shops, sick of people taking 100’s of selfies in front of the Burj Khalifa, sick of that bloody fountain show each night…… all sorts just seem to be pissing me off right now.

Luckily, I am off back to Thailand for a weekend soon.

I’ve a mate from here travelling too – so will be meeting up with the Rats to show my pal a good time.  Should be a hoot.

Three nights in Bangkok and then Miss Tim will be joining me for the returning to Dubai where she will help me pack all my shit ready for the move back in May.

Until then… anyone up for a drink on the 10th??!

Just not interested anymore
Just not interested anymore