Jooooonas has left the Country

Jonas was leaving Thailand. This called for a celebration. Well, sort of.

Coming straight from Iraq…

Arriving in Bangkok at 07:30 I had half an hour wait until my pal Russ landed – from Dubai. An easy way to kill half an hour in Survurnabumi is to be in the immigration queue behind a bunch of dickheads that have not filled in their landing cards so choose to do so at the immigration counter. Dicks.

You’ll notice that at Immigration, before you enter into the queuing system, some little Thai girls will check you’ve filled in your card. Good. Great. Fantastic. These girls are great.

However, there is no one checking the people who enter the Fast-Track immigration hall. Oh no. So 8 out of 10 people in front of me had failed to fill in their landing cards. Dicks.

Still, had time to kill so was not going to let this stress me out.

A short wait and Russ was there. We headed downstairs to the taxi rank and got a ticketed number. Looking down the line of cars to see where no.41 is… Lots of fairly new taxis infront of us – until we saw some old piece of shit Toyota under the no.41. Great. Had we not have been in high spirits I would have just told him to naff-off and got another number. But, as we were busy chatting and plotting our day, we didn’t notice the lack of aircon, seatbelts and a driver who kept picking his nose the entire journey.

The little bastard took us a route that wasn’t on the express-way – so it took us almost 2 hours to reach the Queen Vic where Jonas and Lomeo were waiting. We had arranged to be there at 09:30 – but we got there just before 10. A little late. Sorry.

Queen Vic – Breakfast Favourite –  Four Bloody Marys and 4 breakfasts we were ready to start the days drinking. Lomeo & Jonas were already an hour into their drinking.
Oddly we were the only customers in there, yet had to wave and make a noise to get some attention for service.

The the staff were o.k though and we had a bit of a laugh with one of the girls over Jonas’s order. He wanted Scrambled egg and bakes beans on toast – without the beans. Now, to you and I, that’s just egg on toast. But to the the Thai it makes perfect sense as on the menu it says ‘egg and beans’. Jonas has been here long enough to know that they would understand ‘without beans’ rather than not mention the beans. That amused us. Especially when she delivered the food and Jonas said he asked for extra beans. She knew it was a joke and laughed with us. Nice staff. We’ll be back.

As short walk through a sleepy Soi Cowboy saw the night-crawlers in the soi in their ‘civvy’ clothing, flip-flops with no make up ordering and eating noddles from the street carts. Such a different scene from 12 hours previous.

Cutting under the road to cross at the tube/train station, passing the ‘security’ who wasn’t securing anything and made our way to the Drunken Leprechaun on Soi 15

First time in the D.L.- Nice little bar – but before 12 there is little custom/atmosphere. Grey Goose was the preferred weapon of choice for Jonas and I – whilst Lomeo and Russ were on the beers.

We were all totally sober and eager to get into the drunken mess we were aiming for. The D.L wasn’t the place to do it. I guess we caught them out early and they were not prepared for us. No music or TV on.

One drink and out. From what I remember the pricing was very reasonable. I could be wrong?

Russ and I were carrying small bags and wanted to dump them off early so we didn’t have to lug them around all day.

After the D.L we made the decision to head straight to Nana.. then work our way to DiPlace opposite the old Mango to set up camp.

We walked from soi 15 to 4 – pointing out to Russ all the girls ‘waiting for a bus’ between soi 1-5. That bus never seems to come as they’re waiting there for ages. Maybe they should check the bus time-table?

It had gone 11am so the make-shift stalls selling dildos, Viagra and Tasers were already out attracting custom from pervs, old fellas and Thai door staff.
We arrived at Soi 4.

Morning Night. – I am sure it wasn’t the first time Jonas had been there that morning. Many of the girls saying “hello” and “welcome back”. Another Grey Goose and beers… went down well.

I think we stayed for a couple of drinks as we waited for Jonas to talk to all the girls who were asking where he is going, where his kid is, where their child support is..etc….

Next was Stumble Inn. –  After the last ‘not so good’ experience in there, DavetheRave persuaded me to give it another go.

I now know why it’s called the ‘Stumble Inn’. Because we’ll have to be pretty fucking drunk to go back in there..

I’d like to say it was better than my last visit, but I can’t. Once again they served my GG in a small lady-drink size tumbler. All of the service girls we saw were glued to their phones and we had to make some effort to get their attention. It’s not the girls fault, it’s the Manager/Supervisor. A good Manager will motivate their staff.

Still not happy with the Lady Drink glass.
Still not happy with the Lady Drink glass.
Pity its not a Galaxy Note..
Pity its not a Galaxy Note..











Dave(theRave), sorry pal, but your communications to them didn’t seem to work.

Not going to dwell on it. Moved onto the next (generic) bar.

Hilary something. –  Grey Goose and beers – and make it quick.

Now, if you’re a Vodka drinker – then you’ll know that Grey Goose and other vodkas in the same price bracket are very smooth and easy on the pallet. So after 3 or 4 GG’s – we could tell straight away that the GG we had been given was far from Gray or Goose like.

The difference between and Absolute and a GG is like tea and coffee. We complained but the bar staff just waved the bottle at us. We are not stupid. It’s easy enough to top up a premium bottle with crap if they wanted to. *but just to say officially, I am not accusing them of switching the bottle content. I am just saying the vodka didn’t taste like all the others we had that morning.* – 

We left, never to return again.

Big Dogs next… –  The momentum was picking up. We like Big Dogs for the view. If you’re sitting inside the bar then it’s shit. We hoofed a bunch of girls out of the corner and took up residence. Don’t think they had G.G Vodka – but I think they had something similar. We stayed for more than a few drinks. The corner is a great spot and the views are great.

Feeling comfy, relaxed and on the road to drunkness, we actually had time for a good catch up. I think that was the only time that day that we actually all sat together and shot the shit properly. That’s down to the venue and the cool seating.

A few months ago Jonas had a fallout with the Hooters staff for not honouring his 20% discount card. They claimed the cards were being replaced, but until now, he has not received anything.

As Jonas was still mad at Hooters, we didn’t even cross the road. Bar4 would have been next, but as it’s on the same side of the road as Hooters, and Jonas was mad.. we walked on.

A quick pitstop in DiPlace to dump our bags off. My driver was picking us up at midnight so we only needed it for the day. The girls on reception were nice and couldn’t understand we didn’t want to use the room for anything other than putting our bags in. Oh.. and maybe a dump – as public toilets disgust me.

For under 1000bht – DiPlace isn’t bad at all. Clean rooms, if not a little small and prime location. Not sure I’d want to spend much time in there on my own.

Having thought about it – I checked in with my pal and was out in half an hour with wet hair (Russ) and fresh clothes. Hmm… looks like we had a gay short-time?!

We were supposed to visit Jersey Bar and the others around there – but it was too early. The ‘generic’ bars on soi 4 had nothing to offer us so we headed to soi 22

After getting turned down by many taxi’s before 1 agreed to take us, we got dumped outside Titanium… a 30 second walk from Too Easy

Too Easy Bar.

As you know – this is Jar’s bar. We like it in there. Very friendly staff – pleasant and polite. Good healthy sized pours in proper tumblers. Great. Youtube on the screen for you play your own music.

What’s not to like?

An hour easily passed and with the arrival of Big Dom, we headed into sunlight to find another bar.

Memory starts to get a little hazy around here….


Shag Bar 2

Never been to this bar before. Not bad. The staff were all friendly (I know, it’s their job right?) and the Cashier/Gaffer was a no-nonsense straight talker. Good vibe in there and drinks were now being consumed at a faster pace.

Jonas was now in new territory and had not heard his name called out by a hooker for a few hours.

Checking my phone, I have a picture of Russ cuddling a dog? Not sure where that came from, who took it or where the dog is now? Was it even that bar?

After parting with several thousand baht, we headed out. Not sure if these bars are in the right order?

Kennel fine?
He still bar-fined it.

Fox & Hound – a mates bar who is sadly fighting the big C. Apparently it’s an English bar but the only thing in their which was English was me. Nice staff though, very attentive and friendly. Our one drink and out the door policy had long since been abandoned and we were officially drunk by now.

Drinking spirits 1 for 1 against the guys on beers is never good. If the beer drinkers keep up with the Spirit drinkers – then they get full and bloated. If the Spirit drinkers reorder a another drink while waiting for the beer drinkers, then they get wasted quicker. So we all just kinda went at our own pace and whoever had booze left when we decided to move on basically had to down it.

Moderation Bar – No idea what went on in here or how long we were in there for? I really can’t remember it – or I am getting it confused with another bar? That doesn’t mean it’s a bad bar. I just don’t remember anything about it?!

no idea where this was taken?
no idea where this was taken?

Top Secret – Good bar this. We had some crack with some of the other punters and most of the staff. Bought several drinks and received them back from the Owner. Lots of fun in there. It was at this juncture that our 1st victim was claimed. Russ was wasted. Pretty poor effort for a big American. Just goes to prove their bark is worse than their bite.

Bills paid, goodbyes said and off back to DiPlace we headed – with a jabbering mess Russ.

We left Russ in the bed hoping he’d quit his Jibber-Jabber and join us later, but we knew he was out for the count. Americans.

DiPlace – We’d paid for the bed, so may aswell use it. The girls laughed at us on the way in – as we had been full of bravado saying we were here to drink all day and won’t need the room. There we were a few hours later – all drunk and looking for a nap. Well, Russ was.

Are they stains on the bed?
Are they stains on the bed?

As we were in Soi 4 – we thought it only right we see what Aussie John was upto. Sure enough we found him propping up a stall in H2. Like the A-Team rescuing Murdock, we were out of there in a shot. Staggering to the Plaza thinking of where to go first.

Spankys – Someone suggested Spankys? The name suggests its going to be fun and buzzing – but for me, unless you’re sitting ring-side, gogo’s are not fun at all. Spankys is small and we were shown to the back, upper –tier. Left to look like Meerkats, it just didn’t do it for us.

Drinks were flowing and the grog was just about to claim it’s next victim. Lomeo was drooling, talking to himself, falling all over the place and groping women. But by the time he got to Spankys, he was drunk too. Aussie John played Dad and put Lomeo in a taxi.

Didn’t see anyone else after that. Jonas and I were in the Plaza on our own.. just as we were 10 years previous.

Jailbirdz – This place has been so up and down, hit and miss for several years now. This visit was a ‘hit’! My god, where did all the girls come from? The carousel was absolutely jam packed.

Never before have I seen it so busy. I assume they are paying the best rates? Bumped into some old faces. We had abandoned the Grey Goose by now. Asking some waitress if they have Grey Goose without being able to point at it across the bar is not going to work.. so just ordered the nasty, cheap rank stuff. We were drunk enough to not care any more.

I remember buying a few rounds of drinks – which included the cashier (old Mango party girl from Pretty Lady) and the Mamasan who was lurking around (we knew her from old, so I didn’t mind) and was presented with a bill of more than 4000bht. I didn’t have the energy in me to examine the bill – but I am sure we didn’t all drink that amount.

Mandarin- Time for one last bar. Mandarin. For the simple reason it was the 1st bar you come to at the top of the stairs. How many customers do they ‘win’ just for that location?

Mandarin does have some pretty girls – but I just don’t like the set up – where as soon as the girls finish their set, the Mamasan walks them round the floor and pushes them onto punters. It just seems a bit forced to me.

Jonas and I had a few drinks and many laughs. Time was coming to an end.

Soi 4

We headed back to DiPlace and woke Russ up.

My driver was waiting for us at Nana Carpark. Jonas was not done with the night – and had some Swedish pals lurking around somewhere, so he took the key to the room and wandered off into the night – knowing he had somewhere to crash later on.

Come to think of it… didn’t I hand over 1000 deposit at DiPlace? Hmmm….

At midnight, I ordered a couple of Nana Burgers for Russ and I and got in the car. ‘Take me home my good man’. – how many times has that been said in the Nana Carpark? In this instance though, it was to my driver and off we went to Hua Hin.

Not before Jonas and I hugged it out under the Nana Plaza entrance. 10 years ago we met there. I couldn’t guess how many times we had been through the Nana entrance together? So it was a perfect place to bid farewell to my good friend and Brother, Jonas.

Farewell, but not goodbye. Until we meet again…..

Not gay.
Not gay.






17 thoughts on “Jooooonas has left the Country”

  1. Good write up Graham. Good that you and Jonas are still going strong after 10 years.
    Couple of questions. The Fox and Hounds. Is that the pub in Washington Sq? If so I’m presuming that shop row is still standing, including Taffy’s/New Sq One. The second question is “Too Easy Bar” more or less on the corner of Suk and Soi 22?

    1. Hi Dan,

      I’ll let Lomeo answer the 1st question…. as my memory is a little hazy.

      Too Easy – is just inside 22.. little sub-soi on the right. Your kind of bar for sure.

    2. FnH is in the L shaped soi that connects suk to soi 20. Opposite ‘Top Secret’. Shag Bar 2 is next to FnH

  2. Cheers I know the sub soi you are talking about as it has the Pelican Bar on it and I’ve been in that. As you’ve guessed I like the little out of the way bars as I can’t be bothered with all the hard sell that you get on Soi 4 any more.

  3. Great write up Graham. I saw you guys on the day come into the Morning Night Bar. I was sitting on the stool against the wall just to the left of the shelf where they have all the offerings to Buddha. Glad you guys had a good time.

    1. Kaufman – yeah… you should have come and said hello and joined us in our Grey Goose challenge.

      Not to worry, if you’re ‘in the hood’ on Friday 4th November – we are doing it all again! This time we’re not saying goodbye to anyone though, we’re saying ‘welcome back’ to GM who is visiting for a week. He felt the need to come back and ‘help’ young girls with their rent due to slow business at the moment.

      Friday 4th…. Breakfast at the Vic and take it from there.

      And when the hell is Dan coming back out?

      1. Graham & Lomeo
        I agree with you both 100%. Whilst I was a bit distracted by one of the Morning Night Bar servers and had my itinerary mapped out for the day, I should at least popped over to say hello. But I’m sure our paths will cross again in the City of Angels and I will rectify that. Take it easy guys.

        1. Why not write something for the blog, if you feel inclined. A fresh perspective on Bangers always good.

          I’ve been here too long, jaded views now.

          Have you been coming here often?

          1. 10 Things I love about Thailand right now…
            1) The weather
            2) –
            3) –
            4) –
            5) –
            6) –
            7) –
            8) –
            9) –
            10) –

          2. Hi Lomeo. The last visit was the 23rd. You could say the place agrees with me. I tend to spend more time in Pattaya than Bangkok as I am really not into Go Go bars so Cowboy and Nana Plaza don’t appeal. When in Bangers I tend to stick to Morning Night, Gullivers, Biergarten and that human freak show/zoo known as Therme.

  4. I wish I knew Graham. I retire in about 2.5 years and then I’ll be visiting at least twice a year with a view to living there full time. Unfortunately at the moment I have to get my Thai kicks through this blog and Youtube.

  5. Where do I start?

    Immigration cards. Can’t believe people still do this. How can you NOT know that you have to fill one out? They generally give them to you on the plane FFS. I could count the number of countries on one hand where they don’t require you to fill one in. Annoying

    It was a great get together. Maybe because there are less of them these days or because @GamblinMan wasn’t there 555. We sent him regular pics so he didn’t feel that he missed out too much.

    Glad I don’t drink spirits in bars (generally). Nothing worse than paying for one thing and getting another. With no recourse. Funnily enough I thought the bill at the DL was a little high but it wasn’t a day for scrutinizing bins and I’m sure the GG was the real McCoy there. Pay for what you get and all that.

    Jonas and I were on our best behavior prior to you showing up G, heeding your calls not to start at Morning Night at 8 AM. I had a soda at the Queen Vic and it cost 100 baht! No that’s outrageous, as a small bottle only cost 9 baht at the 7/11.

    Yeah the corner at Big Dogs is a great spot indeed. Let you boys head to DiPlace and sat on my Pat Malone – three guys heading into a hotel room was bad enough.

    I *think* the pic of Russ with the dog was in Top Secret. I remember him playing some pool, maybe it was one of those ‘pool playing dogs?’. They sure make a cute couple.

    The top pic was taken in ‘Moderation’, nice little bar next to ‘Too Easy’. Great pic. Second pic was in ‘Top Secret’, one of my current favs in Bangers.

    I remember getting the cab back to Nana but not much after that – fell asleep in Spankys (maybe Jonas has passed the baton?). Big thanks to Aussie John for pouring me into a taxi. Funnily enough he took a picture of the taxi’s rego stickers in case anything happened to me – when we looked at the pic a week later neither of us could see anything identifying the taxi number. Good job I didn’t end up in a klong somewhere!

    Glad I got out of the way so you and Jonas could have a ‘Notebook’ moment outside the plaza in light misting rain under the moonlight. Can’t wait for the movie.

    Great day – thanks!

  6. Hey guys..a great day/night with the boyz, memory a bit fuzzy after Top Secret, just remember we poured Russ into the bed and headed to Nana Plaza for our last goodbye drinks and then hug under the sign when time was up.
    Dont miss Thailand much but miss all good times when we are out drinking.
    I hope we all meet someday again, a reunion ,somewhere.
    All the best to all of you.

    Goodbye Thailand and hello Sweden.


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