Back to Hua Hin and still hating everyone…

After a short trip to Dubai and the UK… I landed back in Thailand for whopping 10 days.

What to do? Well, apart from the usual cycling, swimming and shopping…. We’ve been hitting the town each night for a few drinks and a bite to eat.

Currently HH is very busy. Busier than I have ever seen it in recent years. Busy indeed. Life after the Kings passing seems to have now gotten back to normal.

We have a number of bars which we’ll visit on our nightly stroll around HH but last week decided to pay a visit to SOS Bar – which is part of the Beer House / Hilton. And what a good little bar it is!

There is a little Filipino singer there every night – who has such a lovely, lovely voice (Bane?) – but she is not the prettiest of girls to look at. Covered in Tatts and cheap jewelry. Definitely a face for radio.

Miss Tim and I find ourselves burning up the hours by having a drink at the bar, listening the voice of an Angel – while watching the people walk past in the street. I am sure one day someone is going to catch us making fun of them and give us an earful.

We have also paid a visit to the newly opened restaurant called Salsa – which is an Italian/Steak House – which is where Coco Beach used to be. Coco Beach was owned by E.T – the guy who used to own/manage Bullys in Bangkok. – so that’s 2 bars that he has failed at now.

And this is where I get onto dodgy ground. I come across people that I know who are dicks, people I don’t know, who are dicks and people I’ve never met – but have to suffer the consequences of them being dicks.

When out driving I am constantly shaking my head and shouting at people. In shops, I am telling people (shop assistants) to stop following me and in airports I am telling people to stop making pig-like noises when eating near me. I am just a troubled person.

I often take to the keyboard to vent my frustrations as you well know. This is becoming all too frequent – and I am turning into a moaning old bastard. So it’s now got me looking at ditching this blog – as I struggle to write anything nice these days. And when I to go into a rant about idiots here, I have to go back over it 2 or 3 times and remove all the offensive parts. We live in a world where you can no longer say what you want – without getting in trouble.

So please don’t be surprised if one day this blog mysteriously vanishes. It’ll just be because I have finally snapped and my posts would land me in trouble (or jail)

Carry on…

Copy that……..

I recently read that the Chinese have copied the Range Rover. And why not? If you’re going to copy an SUV, then the Range Rover has to be one of the top models. I am just glad that Miss Tim can’t pronounce ‘Range Rover’ – because when she can, I am sure she’ll ask for one.

And it’s not just the cars that the Chinese copy. Bikes, phones, TV’s etc.. If it’s on the market and it’s good – sure as hell they’ll copy it. It’s easier than designing something themselves. If someone else (in the world) has something good – then copy it. It’s a simple concept.

So I ask, why is it other Countries have not jumped on the bandwagon?

No, I am not saying each Country should have its version of a Range Rover, I am saying that if a Country has an efficient system.. then why not copy it?

For example… the traffic light system. It works in the Western world. So wouldn’t a Country… let’s say ‘Thailand’ think about copying it? Maybe then, less people would get into accidents and die.

Each day I see idiots on bikes jump red lights. In front of cops too. The cops pay no attention.
Then there is the helmet law throughout the Western world. That HAS to be a good one to copy? How many people die each year in Thailand due to head injuries?

My point is – why is Thailand so lazy when it comes to laws and safety? It’s not like they have to invent a system. They can pretty much just copy someone else.

Not a Happy Home

I thought I had finally found peace in my world.  Nice house with pool, quiet area, away from people.  Great. That’s all I want.  Sit by the pool in the morning sun reading the paper and drinking a cup of tea with a slice of toast.  Utopia.

Or so I thought.   Everything was great until my ears were assaulted by the barking of a neighbors dog.

Why do people have dogs if they’re going to neglect them?  They just leave them outside all day.  Why is the dog barking in the 1st place?  Why doesn’t the owner attend the dog?  What is it with these fucking Thai people that have a dog but just leave it all day?

Pisses me right off.

My first thought is to go next door, find the Farang owner and knock 7 bells of shit out of him.  He’s a skinny little weed and I have no reservations about giving him a slap. However, as Miss Tim pointed out – she has to be here the majority of the time when I am not.  Could be awkward.

In addition to the noisy dog, in one of our bedrooms – it seems the termites are having a right feast on the wardrobe.  We informed the landlord who sent people round who claimed the collapsing wardrobe is due to water leaking through the roof.


We had to point out the various eating areas where the termites were especially fat and they accepted it.   The whole fitted wardrobes need replacing.

This has been going on a few months.   Our Real Estate Agent isn’t exactly pushing this.

So – it looks like it is time to move on (again).   This is the reason I won’t buy a place in Thailand.  I have not yet found a house I have wanted to stay in for more than 1 year.

Be it noisy neighbors, barking dogs, crap build quality, regular power cuts….

Miss Tim will tolerate all this – but I won’t.  If I am paying 50k per month for a house, then I want to be comfy and happy.

The search now begins.

Wanted – House in the middle of a field.  All dogs are shot on sight.











Another month… another night out with the Rats (no Jonas)

Doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun?   It’s been 7 weeks since our last group session.  Last time Jonas was leaving, this time GM was coming back for a visit.

Once again, straight off the plane into a nasty little piece of shit taxi.  I think in the future I shall have to take 2 or 3 tickets and hopefully one of the taxis would have been built this century.     As with all old crap taxis, the driver is a toothless old guy who looks like he has slept in his shirt.    Straight away he told me he wanted 600 to sukhumvit 11 as there was ‘big traffic’.   Dick.

I usually give them 500 – even though the meter has never been above 250.    This old bastard told me how he had a large family etc…   I wish he has gotten this out of the way before I had put my case in the trunk and belted in.   I’d have just walked off.

I told him he could have 500 if he pays for the expressway.. he agreed and off we went.

About 30 mins into the journey, he cut someone up, or they cut him up  – I am not sure, as there doesn’t seem to be any specific rules of the road that I can see.  Anyway, he started shouting at another taxi driver.  The lane was slowly crawling (near a toll booth) and my taxi driver popped his trunk, got out and produced a lead pipe and approached the window of the taxi alongside us.

I am sure this was all for show – as it was right next to a Police booth who saw it all.   Within seconds a cop strolled over with a mouth full of food… crumbs all down his front and looked most angry that his food eating had been interrupted.  He told my driver to get back in his car (ignoring the lead pipe being waved around) and told the other driver to naff off too.   Amazing.

I can only assume my driver was acting on my own interests of getting me to Soi 11 as quick as he could?!

For the 1st time ever, I made it to soi 11 pretty darn quick.  From touchdown to sit down (in the bar) was just over an hour. – which meant I was an hour early.  No problem.  A nice cup of tea before the chaps arrive.

Has anyone noticed how much of a craphole soi 11 is these days?    O.k, so a lot of it is under construction – in which case you’d expect the Construction company to fence off the work, leave space for pedestrians and clean up all their crap.  Silly me, I forgot, this is Thailand.

Lomeo, GM and Kiwi Mike showed up at 09:30 or soon after.   Breakfast ordered with Bloody Mary’s whilst we watch the monster of a woman on the opposite side of the road organize / direct traffic.  And by that I mean she stopped the whole street.  Told taxi’s what to do and where to go, told Truck drivers where to put their trucks and even pushed parked cars out the way.  As ugly as hell, we all agreed, but we couldn’t think of anyone else who could have done that job better than she could.  At one point a cop showed up, trying to see what was going on – but he didn’t have a clue.  He stayed out of her way, as I am sure she could have snapped him in half like a chicken wing.

Food was o.k in Mulligans, but the service was pretty crap.  We had a new girl service us – who was polite and friendly, but we can only assume her supervisor or some girl who was now no longer the new girl stood at the end of the bar and just ignored us when we motioned over to her to order drinks.  At one point she even shouted ‘what do we want’?!   Cow.    Eventually the new girl came and took our orders.

Around 11:30 I went next door to Citidines to check in.  I was staying there for one night.  In the past, we had taken a shine to this place.  Nice big rooms for very little money.  This was not exception.  For just over 1500bht we had a large room, kitchenette, lounge area, sofa, desk, double bed and a TV that was on a rail which moved from the sleeping area to the lounge area.  All in all, a fantastic room/layout for the money.  The only problem is, the place is now looking a little tired and need of a renovation.

Out if soi 11… we headed to the drunken leprechaun again.  Pretty crap in there really – but that was down to us being there early.  Should really try it out at night.  The problem it has – is that its closest rival is Hooters – which is about 30 seconds away and has girls in there who have big Hooters.  Which was our next stop…

I can’t think of going to Hooters on 15 for any other reason than to look at Hooters?  There is no view outside, there is no atmosphere and the drinks and food are over-priced.   There was one thing however that caught our eye.  The Hooters beer cooler/condom.  How great is that? They’ve probably been around for years but I’ve never seen them.   What an absolute bit of marketing genius. If I was the boss of Hooters, I’d have the creator of that in my office and fire him for not coming up with that idea long ago.   The only thing wrong is they’re 500bht to purchase.   Really?  How long before the Sukhumvit lags will be knocking them out for 200bht, having cost them only 30bht to make?

They're not real.
They’re not real.

From Hooters we headed to Soi 22 – The Queens Park Plaza.  Noting on the way where Washington Square used to be and how grotty it was.  We became nostalgic for grotty.

We did plan to stop in at the Fox and Hound, Shag bar 2 and Top Secret, but they were all closed.  Slim pickings before 2pm these days.

The QPP cut a pretty sorry sight.  There was one bar that looked to have some business, but instead of joining them – we went to the bar nearby who had no customers – to even things up a bit.  We’re good people like that!

Can’t remember the name.  Monkey Bar I think?  The had a little wooden table and chairs road-side which was a pretty good place to hang out for 30-45 mins and chew the fat over some cold ones.

There wasn’t really much else happening in the QPP.  I’ve never really seen it busy during popular times, let alone a period when people are still mourning.  – yes… still.

Not a long walk back to Suk, but stopping off at Too Easy Bar 1st.    This bar is starting to become our fave in that area.  The gang there are really pleasant and accommodating.   The only grip I had was the two miserable customers sitting in the corner.     I rang the bell for the entire bar – which was just us, the staff – and their 2 other customers.  It’s nice to be nice right?

The unwritten rule is.. when someone rings the bell and buys you a drink.. you say ‘cheers’.  I wasn’t even looking for a ‘thanks’… just a nod of acknowledgement that lets me know they’ve received their drink that I’ve paid for.  This lets the punter know that the bar is not charging for drinks that they don’t serve.  Not that Too Easy Bar would do that.. but it’s just standard practice.

Cheap twats.

We stayed there for a good few hours.  In that time – a few other old Rats turned up.  Good to catch up with them. Nothing changes… they’re still living and loving it here.  Not sure I could say the same after being here aslong as them.

Nearing 8pm – we had to meet up with the Wives and Girlfriends.    The meeting point was Hooters in Soi 4.

Two of the Rats were having such a good time in Too Easy Bar that they said they’d catch us up.  This is universal code meaning ‘I’ve got a boner and am staying until it’s dealt with’.

Hooters was busy.  Our fave hangout area at the front was taken so we went inside to the long table  – which in all honesty wasn’t a bad spot.  Never sat there before.  Good view of the bar inside.  Plenty of atmosphere.  Liked it.

We ordered some food. Everyone caught up with each other’s girlfriends and we were all fed and watered.

Now that the pleasantries were out the way – we headed to the Plaza.   Actually,  that’s where we would have headed, had we not already made a pact in blood (well, maybe not blood) that we’d head to Patpong and check out what’s going on over there.  It’s been at least a few years since going there.

We’d heard from Spats that he was already there – so we’d meet him.

At first we just sat in the taxi going nowhere.. then we remembered that Jonas was not with us – to tell the taxi driver where we are going.  Silom please.

First stop was the Pink Panther.  Music and girls.  It was ‘ok’ – nothing special really.   One thing I do remember is very low or small seats.  Even for me, and I am the size that fits nicely on a toadstool.

Not long drinking and when Spats arrived.

Downed our drinks and headed into the night.   By this time, the booze was kicking in and we were all on the way to being a little merry.

Next up was the Black Pagoda.  I remembered this to be a popular bar the year or so that I last visited when DavetheRave was having a party.  I recall bumping into a Ghost of the past and Stickboybangkok with Stickkidbangkok.   I was hoping for a night half as good as that.

What can I say?  Well, the place was empty.  I am sure there were girls there, but I don’t recall seeing them.  It’s just a bar now I think.   Not a gogo/girlie bar.  It is surprisingly big though – with loads of seating out the back and a pool table.   Real nice venue – but not a lot going on.  One drink and out.

Not a too far stagger, we headed to the Strip.

We couldn’t help but notice that things were quiet.  VERY quiet.  Still, that meant we should get prompt service.

We took up seats at the back near the bar and ordered drinks.  I chatted with the Mamasan while the Rats did their thing.  Lots of letching ssd drinking followed.

The Strip has private booths – but during these ‘respectful’ times – the curtains are not to be drawn.  I guess you could still use the booth for that ‘Star-of-light’ experience, but that was not why we were there.

Time was pressing on and we were getting drunk.  Half the gang had deserted us and we were now a 3 man team.  Jonas was still with us in Spirit.  In fact, we had sent him the odd picture throughout the day, but nowhere near as many as we should have.

Rumor had it that everywhere would be closing around midnight, so we thought it best to head back to Sukhumvit.

I jumped out of the cab at Soi 11 and the remaining Rats continued on to meet their females rats.

I met up with Miss Tim at a 7/11 and we went back to the hotel and were in bed by midnight.  What a good little boy I was.

I didn’t realize how drunk I was – until I found myself throwing up around 3am.  I am now 41 years old, I shouldn’t still be doing this!

Saturday – and back to the land of the living.    Our driver was picking us up at 2pm so we headed to Take a Zeed at T21 for lunch with GM.   This is still our fave Thai place.  They must make a fortune.  It’s always full.  We must have passed half a dozen empty restaurants close by before we got to them.

I couldn’t justify staying another night for as the appeal has long since gone for me.  I can’t remember the last time I was home before midnight?  It’s great to catch up with the Rats of course – but with the internet messaging being so easy, it’s not like we don’t speak to each other a lot and need to meet up to catch up.

We were on the road at 2pm.  Time for a snooze.   Hua Hin was waiting and I was looking forward to some relaxing.



No Means NO!

Now back in Hua Hin and settling in nicely.  Stress levels are low.  Well,  the were…..

Might sound like 1st world problems…  but I am not in a 1st world.  So it bugs me.

How many times to I have to tell a Taxi driver ‘no’ before accepts it?

The other day, walking along the street a Taxi driver sat on the side of the road next to his piece of shit taxi.

Taxi Driver:  TAXI!
Me: No Thank-you
Taxi Driver: Good Price.
Me: No thanks.
Taxi Driver: Where you go?
Me: Nowhere with you
Taxi Driver: You want taxi, go Pattaya?
Me: Get lost.
– by that time I have passed him, but only to meet another with the same sales pitch 20 meters up the road.

Next up is the people who work in the new Shopping Mall in Hua Hin. It’s just totally over the top service.

Today I spent most of the time in shops trying to lose the sales assistant like Jason Bourne trying to lose a tail. Everything I looked at, some little oik was there to tell me what I was looking at. Like I didn’t know?

As a Westerner, I am used to having my own personal space in a shop when browsing. If I need some help, I’ll call over a nearby assistant who will be aware of me. Simple.

And the last thing to piss me right off today – is these FUCKING IDIOTS that ride their motorcycles with no lights. How much does a bulb cost? I must have pulled out of a junction today more than 3 times thinking the road was clear, only to find some asshole appear out of nowhere on a bike with no lights. Of course, wearing black.

Why is it the cops are not stopping these on the side of the road instead of following people around who are smoking – waiting for them to stub it out on the sidewalk? Stupid question I know.

Why has no one in the Force said to the cops on the street that if they stop bikes with no lights on, they won’t just be stopping a potential (idiot) rider getting in an accident – but also some innocent bystander.

The more time I spend here, the more frustrated I get with idiots.

Carry on..