Motoring in Thailand. How hard can it be?

Two weeks into my 4 week vacation – and there are several people I have come across which need punches in the face.

Miss Tim and I have bikes.  We find that a bike is really all we need in Hua Hin.  So much easier to get around on.   However, sometimes we want a car.  Miss Tim has a license but as with all Thai’s, this took only 5 minutes to obtain.  It’s a fucking joke.  No wonder there are so many deaths on the road.  Everyone involved in the ‘Learning to Drive’ process needs a punch in the face.

Anyway,  I told Miss Tim to go buy a car – that she can drive and get experience in.  Being her 1st car (and Thai) – she’’ll no doubt end up bumping into something, scratching, knocking or losing it, so no need for anything expensive.

A Fiesta, MG or Suzuki Swift should fit the bill.  First step is to hire one of each of these – to see which is the better fit.   Easy right?   Look at the hire car websites and see which are advertising these cars.

One particular company in HH advertised the Fiesta and Suzuki so we went to see them.   We asked for either – they had none available.    We explained that we don’t need a car immediately, just anytime in the next month.     They offered us a piece of shit Toyota instead.    I then explained that I was looking to buy either a Fiesta or Suzuki as we wanted to try one before we buy.   They then offered us a Honda Jazz.

Getting fed up, I asked when the Fiesta/Suzuki would be returned.  They then said they didn’t have them but  would I like to consider another Toyota?  We walked out – but not before imaging punching everyone of them in the face.

Eventually we found another Company who had one of those little MG’s.   When MG’s were (originally) built in the UK they were pretty crap.  Now the Chinese have them, they are probably worse, and now they’re assembled in Rayong, I could only go by the looks.  Which I think are quite good.

The only thing British about this – is the Driver

Calls made and the car was delivered.  Paperwork filled out and some Thai guy explained how the semi-auto gearbox worked.  I said I understood and that it is a very similar system to that of my 911 Turbo.  He didn’t get it.

After handing over copies of my passport/license and a pile of cash – they fooked off.

I asked Tim if they left any paperwork – and they hadn’t?!    I asked Tim if they took all her details too – which they hadn’t.     What is the point in hiring the car if Tim can’t drive it.   Ah… but she can. No need for paperwork as she is Thai.    Sorry,  but I am used to dealing with professionals.  I asked her to call them up and get some clarification.

As Tim is Thai – she is covered.  Even though she never had to produce a license.  The Hire Car company then went on to say that if we are involved in a crash – call them 1st so we can get the story straight.  The story being that we had ‘borrowed’ the car from them.  This way the insurance claim will be easier.

This sends alarm bells ringing.   I thought this was a professional /  legitimate company?    If we go out driving and Tim crashes or someone crashes into Tim,  who do you think will get in trouble?  That’s right.  Me, the farrang with their name on the hire agreement.   I don’t trust the Thai’s when it comes to claiming responsibility especially when there is money involved.

I told Tim that these people are clowns.  Shove the car – they can have it back and shove the money up their arse.   I am not driving it.  When I see them next, I shall punch them in the face.

After calming down – we took it for a drive after I removed all that crap dangling from the rear view mirror.  Apparently it was for ‘luck’.   I tried explaining that I need visibility out of the windscreen more than luck but she no risten.

Turns out the car is shit as predicted.  Won’t be buying one of them.

Probably not helped that Miss Tim can’t drive for shit – which had me questioning her driving instructor, examiner and authenticity of her license.     I told her to find a driving school that actually teaches you how to drive – not how to get a license.

Another crap vehicle we have – is our little Yamaha GT we purchased 7 months ago.  It’s cheap and crap. But then, it cost only 40k new.  This bike was just for popping to the local shops when there is one of us – instead of taking the PCX which is much bigger in size.

I don’t like how it rides – and neither does Tim.  Even after I set the tyre pressure correct after the idiots at the bike shop over-inflate them.   I don’t like it.  Time to get rid of it.

We like the Vespa styles Yamaha Grand Filano.   They cost 50k.   Let’s go get it.  The bike shop we purchased the GT from didn’t have one on display – so we went to another shop.  Big shop that had a massive Yamaha & Suzuki sign outside which could be seen for miles.   Of course, they sell only Hondas.   I made a note of them needing a punch in the face and left.

Another store…  we pulled up and told a salesman we wanted to see a Grand Filano.  So he walked us over to a ‘Fino’.  They are totally different.  The guy didn’t know what he was selling.   I ignored him and found one myself.  They look good – so I said we want it.   However, they wouldn’t take our 7 month old Yamaha in exchange.

Move on.

Back to the original store – the girl said they have no Filanos available – but could order one.  Fine.  Do it.

However, to exchange our GT, that would take a week processing paperwork and would be a very low price.   Of course it would.  Because no one seems to know how to do business in this fucking place.

Luckily for us – Lomeo told us of a Used bike dealer who buys and sells bikes – so off she went.   Deal done, cash paid all within 10 minutes.  Now that’s more like it!

Back to the Yamaha shop – money handed over.  Just need to find out when it can be collected.   Easy right?  Wrong.

Miss Tim (who I used to think had her head screwed on) had to look at some Thai website to find out which day was a ‘lucky’ day pick up a bike?   I wish I was joking.

So there I am in the middle of a bike shop – trying to tell anyone who will listen that this ‘Thai Good Luck’ is complete and utter shite.

For all the preying, luck, beliefs, colors, flowers, horn tooting,  none of it works as Thailand people are still in poverty, being killed in large numbers on the road,  people having lives wrecked by floods, corrupt police, volatile Government…etc.. the list goes on.   So if this is all down to ‘good luck’  – they may want to look at their belief system.

Of course, in the middle of the bike shop – no one paid me any attention.  They just sat on their phones while the mechanic over inflated as many bike tires as possible.

I think the only person who would have got punched in the face was me.

With that out of the way, I was in the mood for buying bikes.  I wanted a bigger one for me now.  I had seen the Beneli 250 recently so went to the dealer to check it out.

Into the Dealership, a few bikes scattered around but no 250 I was looking for.  Miss Tim asked someone and they pointed to the workshop area where one was having the finishing touches before it would be ready for the showroom.

I sat on it.  Liked it.  Wanted it.     What next?

Well here is my problem.   I shouldn’t have to spend time and effort to buy something of expense.  That is the job of a salesman – to make it easy for me.  I was expecting someone to give me some spiel about it.   There was us… sitting on it, fiddling with it, making engine noises and looking over at the salesman to come and take my cash.  Nothing.  He was more interested in sitting on his arse.

I had a similar experience in Dubai when Miss Tim and I went to view a Ferrari.  The salesman saw us pouring all over it and didn’t bother talking to us.  Eventually when we called him over, he had less knowledge of the car than I did.  I really do hate incompetence.

So with that, I got off the Benelli and walked out in a huff.  Fuck them.  And these people wonder why they don’t make any profits?   That would have been the easiest sale ever.  All I wanted to do was give him money.  Now all I want to do is punch him in the face.

It’s now Thursday morning.   Tomorrow we are off Bangkok.  After a spot of lunch the Rats and I shall head to Pattaya for 12 hours then back to Bangkok.  Saturday session (Frank?) and then off to watch the Mayweather  give McGregor a punch in the face.on Sunday morning.

Back to HH on Sunday night to watch the F1 somewhere.

Then I have to wait out all of Monday before collecting the new bike on ‘Lucky’ Tuesday.




One thought on “Motoring in Thailand. How hard can it be?”

  1. This made me chuckle a number of times.

    Oh Thailand… So many faces to punch, so little time… Sometimes it’s easier to just punch yourself in the face later on when you get home with 15 beer’s.

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