If I were to pop to the shops to pick up a loaf of bread – and didn’t return for 3 days,  I’d have some explaining to do.  The girlfriend, quite rightly would not be happy.    I’d have to gloss over many details but would have to come up with a convincing story that ‘nothing happened’.

I’d have been making up a story as I walked home, rubbing glitter and cheap perfume off my forehead ready to offer up as an excuse.

The girlfriend would be demanding answers.  Where did I go?  Who was I with?  What did I do?  Where did I sleep? How much did I spend?  Where is my underwear? Where did I get that tattoo from?  You get the idea.

I am sure if the locks on the house were hers – she’d have thought of changing them.

I’d explain that I met up with a pal, we went to a bar,  I drank too much,  my phone died, I lost track of time, my pal borrowed the money I had on me, we got some food,  I fell I’ll and slept on his sofa until now.  You know how it goes.

If she didn’t buy it, she’d ask who my ‘pal’ was.  She knows most of them.  She also knows that of my friends,  I am usually the bad influence.   If I told her I was out with certain Rats…. she’d smell one.

Unless that is,  I was out with Jonas!     There would be no story, no explaining, no lies, no apologies.   All I need say was…   “I bumped into Jonas”.     Miss Tim would understand.

She’d also assume we just got drunk and fell asleep in a bar.   Most of the time she’d be right.

We miss that crazy Swede bastard.   It’s been a year since he left Thailand and returned to his Motherland with his Daughter.   Why leave?   Well, simple.  He wanted a better life for his Daughter.

Very noble.  I want to leave Thailand because I am sick of having to walk in the road because some Thai has set up a food stall on the sidewalk.

We’re still in touch and Jonas is doing well. Decent job,  nice apartment, car, playstation…etc.. all the things which not many people have in Thailand.

Last week I flew to the UK to ride my motorbikes one last time until next Spring.   Just as it takes a couple of hours to get to Pattaya  – it takes a few hours to fly to Sweden.    Why not?

Thursday night I caught one of the few flights that Ryan Air hadn’t cancelled and flew to Sweden.   It’s cold.  But a good cold.  Lovely fresh air. Great.

I only had 2 nights.  The plan was to have a catch up on Thursday night – then hit the town on Friday night and fly back to the UK on Saturday morning.  Simples.

It was late on Thursday by the time we got to Jonas’s apartment.    There were no parking spaces available – so we had to park a few blocks away.   After stuffing our faces and talking the times Jonas would spend 200bht under the bridge in Sukhumvit – we crashed for the night.

Bright and early Friday morning.  9am.    The whole day ahead.   Bit of relaxing and then head out.  First things first though,  lets go and get the car and park it out front.  Off into the cold fresh air we went.

It’s odd seeing Jonas outside of Thailand.  Yeah, we’ve partied in London and Dubai together – but Jonas in his homeland is a lot different.  He wears shoes (not flipflops)  has jeans, sweaters and even has a Credit card.  Just like a grown up!

Going to move the car a couple of blocks should have taken 5 mins.   14 hours later we were smashed and heading to a strip club.

Rewind a little…

With the car parked – we thought it such a nice morning so we decided on a little walk into town to have a coffee and a croissant.  That’s what grown-ups do right?

The coffee shop was cool.  Good place to people watch. Disappointing that I never saw 1 tall blonde Swedish girl the whole time I was there.  I guess they’re all making porn somewhere?

The coffee shop sold Cider.   So we had a few.  After all, it’s fruit and we’re supposed to have 5 a day.

From there – we headed to a Sports bar.  It was coming upto Lunchtime – so thought we’d hit the cocktails.  More fruit portions mixed with Vodka.  How healthy are we?

And this is where it gets a little cloudy.   We were there for hours.  Chucking all sorts of booze down our necks.  We had the barman make us all sorts of things.  I’d like to say they were nice but I’d be lying.

From there we went to Jonas’s pals bar/restaurant.   Dennis remembered me from the Mango which he had visited in the past.  Nice guy – great little bar with awesome smelling food.   Food which was not for us though.  You don’t put solids in a hydraulic machine after all.

More shots followed.   The bar/restaurant was a little ‘hi-so’ for us to be falling around and farting in – so we decided to head to a bar closer to Jonas’s apartment.

Again, a good little bar and we struck up conversation with the Turkish owner.  He gave us some free shots which almost sent us blind.  The barmaid was cool too.   By 10pm we were smashed.  What next?  Well,  a strip club of course.

We’d head back to the apartment and freshen up – then head back out.     I had 7am flight, so there was plenty of time.

10pm is a little early to hit a strip club though, so we came up with the bright idea of having a little power-nap.

You guessed it.   We woke up several hours later.   Just as it was time for me to jump on a bus to the airport.

Of course… I would say that wouldn’t I?

Now back in the UK.   Weather is good.  Time to get out on those bikes.

One thought on “Jooooooooooooonas!”

  1. So much fun to meet up again. No stress just a good time with a lot of laughter.

    Hopefully I will come and visit in England in a few month.

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