Home to Hua Hin

Back to Hua Hin after seeing the freaks of Bangkok for a few days.

Bit of normality. Or so I thought?

First of all – I went to look at a new house with the Estate agent had told us about. Two bed with pool. Looked great on the photos. Bastards.

The photos were taken 10 years ago and the Villa cut a gloomy picture. Estate agents just don’t get it do they. They don’t realize that viewers will be disappointed from the moment they see the property, having just seen the nice new pictures. Back to the drawing board.

Out on the town.. we’d heard that one of the restaurants we like has re-opened. ‘Green Onion’. An American BBQ Rib joint. They slow cook the ribs all day. It’s pretty good. Or it ‘was’ – until they closed down last year and put a ‘for sale’ sign in the window.

Fast forward a year – a chap who had a bar in Bangkok (soi 23) has moved to Hua Hin and taken the place over.

The place is (supposed to be) as it was before – specializing in BBQ stuff. The night we went, Ribs were not on the menu. Not much was. The owner said they had only been open 8 weeks, so were still finding their feet. They were struggling to source Beef/Pork in Hua Hin.

This is where I take issue. Eight weeks is two months. They should be in full swing by now. And as for sourcing meat? Bangkok is a 3 hour drive. You can get all you need there.

What I did notice is that the owner kept promoting the Thai food to everyone that came through the door. I don’t think he realizes that people go to an American Rib joint – for ribs! There are over 100 restaurants within a mile selling Thai food. If people want Thai food they know where to go. Concentrate on the product that attracted people to you in the 1st place!

Into the town for a crawl around some bars. One of stop-offs is a bar called Booze Bar. The staff are friendly enough and remember what we drink each time.

They’ve clearly spent some money on the bar – but what I am disappointed in is their posters/menus which advertise the Saturday Happy Hour. They have spelled it ‘Sataurday’. How is this possible? Surely someone had the job of checking this either before it was sent to the printer, when it was being printed – or when it was delivered from the printer? Fools.

Soi Bintabaht is now referred to as ‘Walking Street’ in the evenings. Vehicles not allowed. The sign reads ‘No car for all kinds’?! I think they mean no Vehicles. Again, it was some idiots job to make sure that sign made sense.

As you can see – it’s policed by a Security Guard. They are hard at it.

Why care I hear you say?

Well, apart from not being a fan of incompetence – all bars in ‘Walking Street’ have to pay a fee for this. There is no exception. When you add up the money – and then the service/product you get in return? It’s not quite right.

We’ve a good little circuit in HH which see’s us have a good time and end up pretty drunk by the time we hit the last bar(s). Not as drunk as this fella. Laid in the gutter – with (Thai) people sitting around him. It’s walking street.. not crawling street. You’d have thought one of his fellow country men would have shoveled him up and at least put him on the steps rather than the rat infested gutter? What am I saying? This is Thailand.

The next day we headed to the Irish Bar El-Murphy’s. We do like the food in that place. The bar itself is tired and old. Could do with an injection of life into it.

Some months back, with custom going down the pan – someone (have to be Thai?) came up with the idea to have the Monks perform some kind of ceremony. So the night before – a huge gazebo was erected, horrendous Thai music was being played on a speaker with too much base – and a bunch of ‘not so friendly’ Thai blokes were sitting around drinking out of a bucket.

I assume it all went as planned for the next day and the Monks came and did their thing… blessed stuff… got fed and paid and off they went.

Now, if the bar suddenly became popular…. the Thai’s would be taking credit for their Buddhist powers.

The bar didn’t get anymore popular. What they did get is several thousand baht worse off for their troubles.

So why is it when I tell a Thai it’s complete mumbo jumbo what they did – they ignore me? Facts speak for themselves.

But I digress…. into ‘Murphs’ for a spot of lunch and to watch the F1.

There were a bunch of guys sitting around with bottles of water. It was a no booze day. (another thing I don’t understand? Why not just ban Thai’s from drinking? It’s not like foreigners can vote?)

Sitting opposite me was some Scando asshole – with his foot on a chair. His sweaty stinking wet foot. Revolting fucking pig.

Seriously, is it just me that thinks this is disgusting?

The bar was full of cheap old bastards. All drinking water. One or two were eating. These people would never usually come to the bar – but came to watch the F1. I hate people like this. Freeloading assholes. Takes me back to the Mango days when certain people would just come to the cheap nights – or would only drink when I was buying. The more I think back, the more I realize what a bunch of parasites they were.

On a positive note… I was invited out to a BBQ the other night, where I met a couple of other guests. They’re Brits, (Hubby, wife kids) lived in HH a number of years ago, went back to the UK and have now moved back to HH. Successful business back in the UK so are enjoying life. Good on them.

I got chatting to the husband is a few days younger than me. All he did was complain and moan about life in Thailand so far. The housing, the driving, the Indian Tailors. For hours he was drinking vodka and moaning. You could say I liked him from the start.

So in a non-gay way – we’ve exchanged numbers and plan on hitting the town to get drunk and see who can moan the most. I reckon I can take him.

On a serious note – it’s good to have someone I can hang out with other than Miss Tim and her pals. Everyone in HH seems to be in their mid-100’s. Maybe that’s why I am miserable a lot of the time. No male company to hang out with, swear, spit and scratch my (own) balls with.

One last moan….

Don’t be fooled by pet ‘Groomers’. Once again I have fallen victim to these blithering idiots that try to pass themselves off as professionals. This lot have gone all in and got themselves a nice big shop / surgery, signage and even a company van.

We handed over the cats and asked for a little trim.

They don’t look too happy. Groomers – Bastards.

Bangkok visit… not sure if it was a good time or not?

Where to begin? I got a little (a lot) fed up in HH so went off to BKK for a few days to meet up with some pals. Surely a good time can be had right? I mean, how hard can it be?


Prices are pretty high at the moment. Not that I usually complain about hotel prices, but I can stay on the QE2 in Dubai, cheaper than some mediocre hotel in Bangkok. I refuse to hand over my hard earned, to people (hotels) that are not earning it.

The Die-Nasty Grande was chosen. It’s cheap (3k per night) and in soi 6 which is a pretty good location for everything I need. Close by is the new(ish) Citrus Suites which I have stayed quite a few times in the last 6 months. It’s a little nicer – but drowning in Chinese. If you’ve ever seen the Chinese descend on the breakfast buffet and shovel food in their mouths – you’ll know why I chose a different hotel.

Hitting the street… Night 1

I was meeting up with Bubba. Against my wishes we met up in Hooters. Each time I go there – I vow never to return. Service is still shite, drinks are still over-priced and it’s full of Americans. It’s odd. They must see it as a little slice of America and feel safe there – looking onto the streets of Bangkok (soi 4). I also think the food is shite.

Lime Slice?

Since when did it become the norm to put a Lime slice in everything? If I am paying 240bht for a Vodka – I don’t want it tainted by a bloody slice of Lime.

Each time I am given a slice after specifically requesting ‘no bastard lime’ – I fish it out and leave it on the table – infront of them so they have to pick it up and give the table a wipe. I fucking hate Lime.

From Hooters – we headed to Big Digs, perching at the long bar opposite Luck Luke’s to watch the Lucky girls arriving at the Plaza for an evening of romance and joviality. erm.. I mean Indian and Chinese tourists. Seriously… they’ve taken over.

If you have read Stickman in the past few months, when he is not talking about Ladyboys, he was saying how the Indian Tourists are a great bunch and the future of Bangkok. Yet watching more than 15 scruffy, smelly, ugly ‘middle eastern’ chaps approach a rather ‘glamorous’ ladyboy, all refusing the 2000bht fee – I have to ask myself what on earth Stickman is on?

2000bht was too rich for the (many) Indians who asked for sexy time.

A few hours easily passed and we headed to the Beer-garden in the middle of the Plaza for a few more drinks (without Lime).

Great spot inside the Plaza. You can see everything. It took us a fair while to come up with a plan of where to go.

Mandarin was closest – so off we headed. Oh how it’s changed. Mandarin used to be the place where young hot little things could be found. Not anymore. Whilst we have all got older and fatter over the last 10 years – so have the Mandarin line-up. The horrible staff still drag the girls around and force them onto you.

I felt bad for the girl which was ‘forced’ into my eye-line. I bought her a drink and she was grateful. The old witch who slung her at me also asked for a drink – which I told to ram it. Why should she get a reward for making the girl and me uncomfortable by forcing us together? (or am I just getting old?)

Next up was Butterflies – was all going o.k until the Service girl tried to sit us on a sofa arrangement (3 together in a U shape) with a bunch of Indians. I don’t fucking think so!

We sat elsewhere. Stickman was right… these Indians are the future. That is, if the future is a bunch of Indian chaps screwing up 20bht notes and chucking them at the dancing girls. Of course, the girls doing their bit and dancing for their food. It’s a damn shame.

There was a time when I used to chuck 1000’s over the dance floor. That was back in the day when girls were not covered in tattoo’s, piercings, fake dental braces and didn’t have a Samsung Notepad shoved down their bra.
– simpler times.

Now – I just cant be bothered as these places / people are just not the same anymore.

Drink up and head to BillBoard.

Wow. Amazing line up. The place (as usual) was absolutely packed. I think they could do with a refit. Get a bar designer in there to sort out the seating plan. The seating at the sides and up in the rafters – are all too far away from the action. I still think Tilac on Soi Cowboy has a great set-up that wherever you are – you are in reach of something. Unlike BillBoard.

After chucking my slice of lime and drinking up, Bubba had to head home to something called ‘a wife and kids’.

I headed along soi 4 to a bar I still don’t know the name of. I did ask a girl and she pointed at the window decal that said ‘Beer Here’… although I really don’t think that is the official name.

The bar is next to Golden Bar (Melody UK) and opposite the Die-Nasty Inn hotel. Great little spot for people watching.

The term ‘people watching’ is great. As you can’t get in trouble for miss-gendering someone. The more I see in the news about some bloke who ‘identifies’ as a woman gets upset because someone called them a man – the more I think that Thailand has the right attitude. No one gives a shit.

It’s only the Western world that gets a over-dramatic about it. Fools.

At what point are Aerosmith going to be hauled up in court and ruined because they released a song called ‘dude looks like a lady’? Surely there must be loads of people in the U.S that are in tears after hearing that?

I must move on… as that is a rant for another website……

Anyway, this bar ‘Beer Here’ is only small and has a live band. This band can easily murder any song you suggest to them. I first thought it was a Karaoke, but it turned out the Thai guy singing – might actually well be getting paid to do so. Whatever he is getting paid, it’s too much. When he asked for requests, I repeatedly requested him to take a break. He was shocking.

Time to head back to the hotel room and get my head down.

Day 2

Up bright and early. No hangover. Thought I’d venture to Hanranhans or whatever it’s called now?

It’s only a 5 min walk… if you ignore all the Thai guys standing next to a taxi saying ‘taxi’. Or the Tuk-Tuk guys that pull up along side you and say ‘tuk-tuk’. Assholes.

This was where my new little pass-time was born. (and I HAVE done this)….

Stand at the side of the road with your suitcase. When a taxi pulls up and says ‘Taxi…. airport’…. look at him for a second, then look away and say ‘No’. See how they fucking like it.

A big ‘fuck you’ to every taxi who has ever refused a fare when I/we have tried to go somewhere. Seriously, try it. It’s hilarious. Miss Tim gets mad at me when I do it – as she thinks one of them will come at with with a bat. I hope they do. I’ll get medieval on them.

So there we were, in Hanrahans… Food is typical English/Irish pub grub. Not bad.

As we sat there chowing down – 4 Scousers came in. Three blokes and a kid. All fine and well… until the Scouser asked for a kids menu. The service girl said they don’t have one, which absolutely confused the Scouser. He ranted to anyone that would listen (the service girl walked off) that there was no kids menu. I wanted to go over to him and explain that he is in a bar, in soi 4, in Bangkok which is one of the most well known red-light districts in the world, and he is wondering why they don’t have kids menus?

It’s not just me is it?

When in Bangkok, I like to have a little mooch around T21. There are a few people in Bangkok/and visiting who I hope to ‘bump’ into at some point. It’s rare they’d be on the streets of soi 4 – as that would involve them having to spend money. So I live in hope that I’ll one day ;bump’ into them while they’re out window shopping.

No such luck.. but their time will come.

Night 2

Back to the hotel for a refresh and then to soi 8 to meet up with my old pal PRP for food. Viva. Not a bad little spot. Food wasn’t bad and drinks reasonably priced (I think?). Soi 8 is becoming quite trendy these days and has a good little buzz to it. Not so many packs of Chinese and Indians either. – hmm… did I actually experience something I enjoyed in Bangkok?

After dinner we headed to the little spot from yesterday. ‘Beer Here’ or whatever it’s called?

I checked on Trip Liar to see if I could find the name. I used the Map function to find it. It’s not there. What is there though – is the soi where the old Mango bar used to be. Spookily – it’s named (on the map) ‘Soi Mango’!

How did that happen?! Odd….. but cool!

Opposite ‘Soi Mango’ was a few girls standing on the path – offering their services. Nothing new there. However, one of the ladies of the night was of Middle Eastern origin. I am told (by PRP) she is Iranian. She had a large nose and huge eyebrows. Dressed in an all black Chador. A very odd sight to see in Soi 4 for sure. As we walked past – she did try and talk to us and asked us how we were.

We arrived at ‘Beer Here’, took the stools facing the street and commenced with the watching of people. And when I say people, I am referring to all the weird freaks, morons, wankers and arseholes that scuttle down soi 4.

I have no words….

The place really is a shithole full of the dregs of the planet. It’s certainly not the same place as I once lived for 10 years.

There are so many people which would make the world a better place if they were not in it.

Don’t step on his Pink Suede shoes…

The Indians wearing weird shiny clothing? The dude wearing bright pink sneakers? There was a guy with a bunch of Buddhas dangling from his neck… (clearly not a Thai), there were loads of Muslims (what are they doing there?) and not to mention the gaggle of ladyboys trying to sell whatever services they can sell.

For those of you who remember (and lost mobile phones at) ‘soi katoey’ on sukhumvit road – (between soi 4 and the Landmark Hotel) you’ll remember the LB’s would use the Subway deli to apply their makeup and shave their chins. They were always in and out. Well, this seems to be what’s now happening at the Die-Nasty Inn on soi 4.

We saw many LB’s going in and out of the lobby. There must be a ‘deal’ in place?

PRP and I spent the next few hours laughing, pointing, photographing and at times shouting abuse at people. Every time we saw some asshole with a camera phone or GoPro walking along the road and filming it – we stuck our fingers up. We did this for hours.

At ‘Beer Here’ the Karaoke singer was back, murdering every song he knew. The drinks were messed up only a few times and I only saw 2 Limes appear in my drink. It was a success.

It was time to head off. We were drunk and becoming less capable of defending ourselves if we had gotten into a fight. Time to head back to the hotel.

Day 3

Up bright and early the next day….. we trotted off to soi 4. Chequres! I used to like the breakfast there.

Sat at the bar outside – it became apparent that this bar is popular with fat old bastards – as the stools were all bent forward, making us slip off them. The big table behind us was taken up by some fat old bastard shoveling god knows what down his throat.

Breakfast came and went. It was average at best. Not how I remembered it. Nothing ever is these days.

Soi 4 cut a pretty poor sight in daylight. The bar called ‘Beer Here’ was hanging out their beer mats for drying – and the staff were wiping down tables. The sign on the door says it opens at 10, but this is Thailand and Thai staff are absolutely fucking useless. It was now 10:30 and they were still getting ready to open. To a Thai, if they open at 10 – that means they arrive for work at 10, then stuff their faces and then start (slowly) doing something.

That’s it… I’d had enough of this hole. Called up my driver and told him to pick me up from the hotel in 30 mins.

Back to Hua Hin – full speed ahead.

So did I have fun? I will not say it was fun. I would say I amused myself by making fun of all the riff-raff and freaks that crossed my path.

I had business to attend in Hua Hin. An Estate Agent had got in touch with a house for me to look at. And as we know, I only ever have good things to say about the people working in the Real Estate industry.

I am sure this will go well.

Bored in Thailand.

Updates have been pretty thin on the ground lately – as there is nothing to update on.   What can I whinge about that I have not already whinged about?

Driving – still sucks arse.  Thai’s still can’t drive for shit, nothing new there.

Service – is still shit.   Drinks are still messed up and food never arrives when it should.

Real Estate – still a load of shit.  Websites still advertising houses which are not available and offering you houses you have no interest in.

Ex-Pats – still a bunch of freeloading wasters full of shit.

… I think you get the message.  I have not changed my mind on Thailand.     I thought a break from the Land of fake Smiles would do me good so I went to the UK for a few weeks – and had a great time.

I drove on good roads, I didn’t nearly die when on my motorbike.   I got good service in restaurants and  not once was I given the wrong drink or asked repeatedly what I wanted to drink.   It was a good time.

But no one wants to hear about that.  No one is interested in my recent purchase of my Aprilia RS250, or the new gearbox in my Esprit Turbo.

My interests have changed (slightly).   I used to look forward to coming to Thailand.  To going out, hitting the bars and restaurants.  Meeting up with the people here and chatting with the girls.

Can’t say I feel like this anymore.  I now look forward to going anywhere else.  Dubai, UK and even Iraq are more interesting for me now.

And as I said, no one is interested in that.    So I feel the time has come to hang up my gloves and give up trying to think of things to report on.  There is only so many ways I can say I am bored with Thailand.   Plus, my web-hoster I.T nerd seems to be having problems with his Servers and every few weeks I get emails from people saying the site is down.  Really, I can’t be arsed with this anymore.

I am working on my eventual move from Thailand.  But to where?  I could move to the UK – which is going to happen eventually, but maybe somewhere else is on the cards before that?

Today I am heading to Bangkok for a few days.  I am hoping to bump into some old faces.  Old faces that I am not exactly fond of.  Some old faces that deserve a slap.

Who knows,  maybe I’ll find a new lease of life this week?  Doubt it…

So I’ll just think about the final few posts…. maybe I’ll do a ‘tell-tale’ on all the old goings on?  Maybe not.