Ever seen Top Gun, Magnolia – ever read The Game – know what a PUA is? In the normal world these are very handy reference guides to getting chicks, but remember we are in Thailand and this is the Twilight Zone so you may never need to know all the tricks from The Game but it is a fun ready anyway.
Back in Pattaya,
It’s dirty, it’s smelly, it’s chaotic and there is no rhyme or reason as to why I love this place so much. All I know is that the two days I spent away from here all I thought about was how much I wanted to return. Pattaya is the old Wild West in South East Asia. A democracy with no controls, gone wild. A beach town that seems to have appeared with very little planning. A place that sprung up because people needed a place to unleash their wildest fantasies. You can tell it is not a community who are fearful of being sued. Everywhere you look you would cringe if you’re a city planner from the U.S. Little to no building regulations, virtually no traffic rules, prostitution, no child protection as far as I could see, sidewalks that are so crooked and un-evan people are tripping at every moment. An American attorney’s wet dream.
Night 2. Needed to sleep in a bit to recover from night 1. Upon finally waking up I hit Starbuck’s for a Green Tea Frapp, a muffin and some wifi. Properly recharged I took in a movie, a foot massage and a nap. Must prepare for the tasks ahead. Here we go…
To get the basic information on the book, where to buy and so on – go here.
I am not a good writer of book reviews because I generally do not like to give a lot of details away about the book since I like to have the story unfold as I read the book not having prior knowledge of the book. So for business books and works of non-fiction I typically use a review to help me decide whether to purchase the book but for works of fiction I generally only read the back cover and pick books based more on gut feeling than anything else.
Checked in at the Rising Sun Hotel on Soi 13/1 off of beach road. Not as cheap as some other rooms on the same street but my usual place was full so I stayed at the Rising Sun out of convenience. I like this Soi since it is cheap, walkable to Walking Street, has a Starbucks(wifi) and usually when you cruise home late at night there are a few late night places to hang out if u so desire.
I think I had been to Thailand over 20 times before I made my first trip to Pattaya. I had always assumed that since the beaches suck, they still do, and that since Bangkok had enough naughty night life – there was really no reason to go to Pattaya. Well – I keep struggling with my love/hate relationship with Pattaya – but still I go…
Great beaches, period. I can’t find any other redeeming quality for this island. Perhaps that is good enough. Last night I went to a Go Go, but once you’ve been to Pattaya where do go from there. The place sucked, ugly yings and muscle shirted Germans. I went to bed and got some rest. Woke up and pretty much wondered the Chaweng (Chawing!) Beach all day, taking pictures, eating fruit from vendors, swimming, normal stuff, which was kind of nice. I got a real Thai massage on the beach. But I like soapies better. I think I’m fully recovered so I’m cutting my trip short and heading back to P town.
Sometimes I refer to Thailand/Bangkok as the Twilight Zone. Meaning the normal rules of the world just don’t apply sometimes. Let me highlight for you a few examples to justify my position on this.
Elivs. In any other part of the world if someone were to walk around dressed like a non-performing Elvis look a like he would usually attract some level of attention. In fact the Lan Kwai Fong (the famous nightlife spot for expats with too much money and arrogant Chinese girls looking for rich boyfriends) area of Central Hong Kong is home to an Elvis impersonator who makes his living by singing off-key Elvis songs using the same melody coupled with 3-4 different lyrics from famous Elvis songs. Both the locals and the expats always get a kick when he walks by. I usually paid him just to go away since I truly loved Elvis and cannot handle a HK Chinese pretending to look like my idol. Back to my point. I was hanging in the Soi 7 beergarden yesterday reading the IHT and nursing my diet coke when I spotted him – an Elvis impersonator not in an Elvis outfit but dressed to kill none the less. You can picture it. Jet black hair with the big scoop in the front married to a huge set of lambchops that seemed to reach down to his ankles. He was wearing some sort of white alligator skin half boot/half dress shoe shoe. Hell if I know what to call them-sansaboots? He was wearing black polyester sansabelt pants – yes you know the kind but it was the shirt that really got me. It was a polyester, somewhat see through, white shirt with a black leopard print pattern. Yes – long sleeve with a big collar. Remember it is hot in Bangkok right now and Soi 7 beergarden only has fans. Just the hint of seeing his naked torso underneath was enough to remind me that today was not the day to have my first meal at Soi 7. Ever been to Vegas? You know those cheap ass big black goldrimmed glasses you can pick up on the street so you too can look like Elvis – he was wearing those. Indoors. What a sight. But given that Bkk is the Twilight Zone and even further to the point that the Soi 7 beergarden is the heart of it – no one gave the guy a second glance. In fact he was getting so little attention that he started talking like Elvis and even waving to the disinterested crowd like he was greeting his fan base before a concert. I almost fell off my stool. Elvis gets no love. 😉
Last day in Pattaya.
As I sit down to write, there is a 24 year old beauty I barfined last night from a place called Heavan Above splayed out and snoring in my bed. Let’s call her Heavan 1. I am leaving Pattaya today and I have mixed feelings about it. First of all if I don’t leave today I think my dick just might fall off. I’ve never been so sore in my life. If it wasn’t for this fact I would consider extending my Pattya tour at least a day but junior needs a forced rest. I can’t believe this is a problem.
I had to do some business in Chonburi on Saturday and there was not point in getting that close to Pattaya and not stopping in. Always seems to be easy to find a cheap hotel so I never really worry about making reservations. I tend to check out Soi 13/1 off of Beach Road when I am looking for some cheap digs. So far it has never let me down.
I will say up front that one of my bad habits about visiting Pattaya is I tend to go to the same places. I will try to do better in the future about hitting new spots and exploring some more but sometimes I just enjoy going to the places I already know. Moving on.