Where to begin? I got a little (a lot) fed up in HH so went off to BKK for a few days to meet up with some pals. Surely a good time can be had right? I mean, how hard can it be?
Prices are pretty high at the moment. Not that I usually complain about hotel prices, but I can stay on the QE2 in Dubai, cheaper than some mediocre hotel in Bangkok. I refuse to hand over my hard earned, to people (hotels) that are not earning it.
The Die-Nasty Grande was chosen. It’s cheap (3k per night) and in soi 6 which is a pretty good location for everything I need. Close by is the new(ish) Citrus Suites which I have stayed quite a few times in the last 6 months. It’s a little nicer – but drowning in Chinese. If you’ve ever seen the Chinese descend on the breakfast buffet and shovel food in their mouths – you’ll know why I chose a different hotel.
Hitting the street… Night 1
I was meeting up with Bubba. Against my wishes we met up in Hooters. Each time I go there – I vow never to return. Service is still shite, drinks are still over-priced and it’s full of Americans. It’s odd. They must see it as a little slice of America and feel safe there – looking onto the streets of Bangkok (soi 4). I also think the food is shite.
Since when did it become the norm to put a Lime slice in everything? If I am paying 240bht for a Vodka – I don’t want it tainted by a bloody slice of Lime.
Each time I am given a slice after specifically requesting ‘no bastard lime’ – I fish it out and leave it on the table – infront of them so they have to pick it up and give the table a wipe. I fucking hate Lime.
From Hooters – we headed to Big Digs, perching at the long bar opposite Luck Luke’s to watch the Lucky girls arriving at the Plaza for an evening of romance and joviality. erm.. I mean Indian and Chinese tourists. Seriously… they’ve taken over.
If you have read Stickman in the past few months, when he is not talking about Ladyboys, he was saying how the Indian Tourists are a great bunch and the future of Bangkok. Yet watching more than 15 scruffy, smelly, ugly ‘middle eastern’ chaps approach a rather ‘glamorous’ ladyboy, all refusing the 2000bht fee – I have to ask myself what on earth Stickman is on?
A few hours easily passed and we headed to the Beer-garden in the middle of the Plaza for a few more drinks (without Lime).
Great spot inside the Plaza. You can see everything. It took us a fair while to come up with a plan of where to go.
Mandarin was closest – so off we headed. Oh how it’s changed. Mandarin used to be the place where young hot little things could be found. Not anymore. Whilst we have all got older and fatter over the last 10 years – so have the Mandarin line-up. The horrible staff still drag the girls around and force them onto you.
I felt bad for the girl which was ‘forced’ into my eye-line. I bought her a drink and she was grateful. The old witch who slung her at me also asked for a drink – which I told to ram it. Why should she get a reward for making the girl and me uncomfortable by forcing us together? (or am I just getting old?)
Next up was Butterflies – was all going o.k until the Service girl tried to sit us on a sofa arrangement (3 together in a U shape) with a bunch of Indians. I don’t fucking think so!
We sat elsewhere. Stickman was right… these Indians are the future. That is, if the future is a bunch of Indian chaps screwing up 20bht notes and chucking them at the dancing girls. Of course, the girls doing their bit and dancing for their food. It’s a damn shame.
There was a time when I used to chuck 1000’s over the dance floor. That was back in the day when girls were not covered in tattoo’s, piercings, fake dental braces and didn’t have a Samsung Notepad shoved down their bra.
– simpler times.
Now – I just cant be bothered as these places / people are just not the same anymore.
Drink up and head to BillBoard.
Wow. Amazing line up. The place (as usual) was absolutely packed. I think they could do with a refit. Get a bar designer in there to sort out the seating plan. The seating at the sides and up in the rafters – are all too far away from the action. I still think Tilac on Soi Cowboy has a great set-up that wherever you are – you are in reach of something. Unlike BillBoard.
After chucking my slice of lime and drinking up, Bubba had to head home to something called ‘a wife and kids’.
I headed along soi 4 to a bar I still don’t know the name of. I did ask a girl and she pointed at the window decal that said ‘Beer Here’… although I really don’t think that is the official name.
The bar is next to Golden Bar (Melody UK) and opposite the Die-Nasty Inn hotel. Great little spot for people watching.
The term ‘people watching’ is great. As you can’t get in trouble for miss-gendering someone. The more I see in the news about some bloke who ‘identifies’ as a woman gets upset because someone called them a man – the more I think that Thailand has the right attitude. No one gives a shit.
It’s only the Western world that gets a over-dramatic about it. Fools.
At what point are Aerosmith going to be hauled up in court and ruined because they released a song called ‘dude looks like a lady’? Surely there must be loads of people in the U.S that are in tears after hearing that?
I must move on… as that is a rant for another website……
Anyway, this bar ‘Beer Here’ is only small and has a live band. This band can easily murder any song you suggest to them. I first thought it was a Karaoke, but it turned out the Thai guy singing – might actually well be getting paid to do so. Whatever he is getting paid, it’s too much. When he asked for requests, I repeatedly requested him to take a break. He was shocking.
Time to head back to the hotel room and get my head down.
Up bright and early. No hangover. Thought I’d venture to Hanranhans or whatever it’s called now?
It’s only a 5 min walk… if you ignore all the Thai guys standing next to a taxi saying ‘taxi’. Or the Tuk-Tuk guys that pull up along side you and say ‘tuk-tuk’. Assholes.
This was where my new little pass-time was born. (and I HAVE done this)….
Stand at the side of the road with your suitcase. When a taxi pulls up and says ‘Taxi…. airport’…. look at him for a second, then look away and say ‘No’. See how they fucking like it.
A big ‘fuck you’ to every taxi who has ever refused a fare when I/we have tried to go somewhere. Seriously, try it. It’s hilarious. Miss Tim gets mad at me when I do it – as she thinks one of them will come at with with a bat. I hope they do. I’ll get medieval on them.
So there we were, in Hanrahans… Food is typical English/Irish pub grub. Not bad.
As we sat there chowing down – 4 Scousers came in. Three blokes and a kid. All fine and well… until the Scouser asked for a kids menu. The service girl said they don’t have one, which absolutely confused the Scouser. He ranted to anyone that would listen (the service girl walked off) that there was no kids menu. I wanted to go over to him and explain that he is in a bar, in soi 4, in Bangkok which is one of the most well known red-light districts in the world, and he is wondering why they don’t have kids menus?
It’s not just me is it?
When in Bangkok, I like to have a little mooch around T21. There are a few people in Bangkok/and visiting who I hope to ‘bump’ into at some point. It’s rare they’d be on the streets of soi 4 – as that would involve them having to spend money. So I live in hope that I’ll one day ;bump’ into them while they’re out window shopping.
No such luck.. but their time will come.
Back to the hotel for a refresh and then to soi 8 to meet up with my old pal PRP for food. Viva. Not a bad little spot. Food wasn’t bad and drinks reasonably priced (I think?). Soi 8 is becoming quite trendy these days and has a good little buzz to it. Not so many packs of Chinese and Indians either. – hmm… did I actually experience something I enjoyed in Bangkok?
After dinner we headed to the little spot from yesterday. ‘Beer Here’ or whatever it’s called?
I checked on Trip Liar to see if I could find the name. I used the Map function to find it. It’s not there. What is there though – is the soi where the old Mango bar used to be. Spookily – it’s named (on the map) ‘Soi Mango’!
How did that happen?! Odd….. but cool!
Opposite ‘Soi Mango’ was a few girls standing on the path – offering their services. Nothing new there. However, one of the ladies of the night was of Middle Eastern origin. I am told (by PRP) she is Iranian. She had a large nose and huge eyebrows. Dressed in an all black Chador. A very odd sight to see in Soi 4 for sure. As we walked past – she did try and talk to us and asked us how we were.
We arrived at ‘Beer Here’, took the stools facing the street and commenced with the watching of people. And when I say people, I am referring to all the weird freaks, morons, wankers and arseholes that scuttle down soi 4.
The place really is a shithole full of the dregs of the planet. It’s certainly not the same place as I once lived for 10 years.
There are so many people which would make the world a better place if they were not in it.
The Indians wearing weird shiny clothing? The dude wearing bright pink sneakers? There was a guy with a bunch of Buddhas dangling from his neck… (clearly not a Thai), there were loads of Muslims (what are they doing there?) and not to mention the gaggle of ladyboys trying to sell whatever services they can sell.
For those of you who remember (and lost mobile phones at) ‘soi katoey’ on sukhumvit road – (between soi 4 and the Landmark Hotel) you’ll remember the LB’s would use the Subway deli to apply their makeup and shave their chins. They were always in and out. Well, this seems to be what’s now happening at the Die-Nasty Inn on soi 4.
We saw many LB’s going in and out of the lobby. There must be a ‘deal’ in place?
PRP and I spent the next few hours laughing, pointing, photographing and at times shouting abuse at people. Every time we saw some asshole with a camera phone or GoPro walking along the road and filming it – we stuck our fingers up. We did this for hours.
At ‘Beer Here’ the Karaoke singer was back, murdering every song he knew. The drinks were messed up only a few times and I only saw 2 Limes appear in my drink. It was a success.
It was time to head off. We were drunk and becoming less capable of defending ourselves if we had gotten into a fight. Time to head back to the hotel.
Up bright and early the next day….. we trotted off to soi 4. Chequres! I used to like the breakfast there.
Sat at the bar outside – it became apparent that this bar is popular with fat old bastards – as the stools were all bent forward, making us slip off them. The big table behind us was taken up by some fat old bastard shoveling god knows what down his throat.
Breakfast came and went. It was average at best. Not how I remembered it. Nothing ever is these days.
Soi 4 cut a pretty poor sight in daylight. The bar called ‘Beer Here’ was hanging out their beer mats for drying – and the staff were wiping down tables. The sign on the door says it opens at 10, but this is Thailand and Thai staff are absolutely fucking useless. It was now 10:30 and they were still getting ready to open. To a Thai, if they open at 10 – that means they arrive for work at 10, then stuff their faces and then start (slowly) doing something.
That’s it… I’d had enough of this hole. Called up my driver and told him to pick me up from the hotel in 30 mins.
Back to Hua Hin – full speed ahead.
So did I have fun? I will not say it was fun. I would say I amused myself by making fun of all the riff-raff and freaks that crossed my path.
I had business to attend in Hua Hin. An Estate Agent had got in touch with a house for me to look at. And as we know, I only ever have good things to say about the people working in the Real Estate industry.
I am sure this will go well.