Bangkok visit… not sure if it was a good time or not?

Where to begin? I got a little (a lot) fed up in HH so went off to BKK for a few days to meet up with some pals. Surely a good time can be had right? I mean, how hard can it be?

Hotel

Prices are pretty high at the moment. Not that I usually complain about hotel prices, but I can stay on the QE2 in Dubai, cheaper than some mediocre hotel in Bangkok. I refuse to hand over my hard earned, to people (hotels) that are not earning it.

The Die-Nasty Grande was chosen. It’s cheap (3k per night) and in soi 6 which is a pretty good location for everything I need. Close by is the new(ish) Citrus Suites which I have stayed quite a few times in the last 6 months. It’s a little nicer – but drowning in Chinese. If you’ve ever seen the Chinese descend on the breakfast buffet and shovel food in their mouths – you’ll know why I chose a different hotel.

Hitting the street… Night 1

I was meeting up with Bubba. Against my wishes we met up in Hooters. Each time I go there – I vow never to return. Service is still shite, drinks are still over-priced and it’s full of Americans. It’s odd. They must see it as a little slice of America and feel safe there – looking onto the streets of Bangkok (soi 4). I also think the food is shite.

Lime Slice?

Since when did it become the norm to put a Lime slice in everything? If I am paying 240bht for a Vodka – I don’t want it tainted by a bloody slice of Lime.

Each time I am given a slice after specifically requesting ‘no bastard lime’ – I fish it out and leave it on the table – infront of them so they have to pick it up and give the table a wipe. I fucking hate Lime.

From Hooters – we headed to Big Digs, perching at the long bar opposite Luck Luke’s to watch the Lucky girls arriving at the Plaza for an evening of romance and joviality. erm.. I mean Indian and Chinese tourists. Seriously… they’ve taken over.

If you have read Stickman in the past few months, when he is not talking about Ladyboys, he was saying how the Indian Tourists are a great bunch and the future of Bangkok. Yet watching more than 15 scruffy, smelly, ugly ‘middle eastern’ chaps approach a rather ‘glamorous’ ladyboy, all refusing the 2000bht fee – I have to ask myself what on earth Stickman is on?

2000bht was too rich for the (many) Indians who asked for sexy time.

A few hours easily passed and we headed to the Beer-garden in the middle of the Plaza for a few more drinks (without Lime).

Great spot inside the Plaza. You can see everything. It took us a fair while to come up with a plan of where to go.

Mandarin was closest – so off we headed. Oh how it’s changed. Mandarin used to be the place where young hot little things could be found. Not anymore. Whilst we have all got older and fatter over the last 10 years – so have the Mandarin line-up. The horrible staff still drag the girls around and force them onto you.

I felt bad for the girl which was ‘forced’ into my eye-line. I bought her a drink and she was grateful. The old witch who slung her at me also asked for a drink – which I told to ram it. Why should she get a reward for making the girl and me uncomfortable by forcing us together? (or am I just getting old?)

Next up was Butterflies – was all going o.k until the Service girl tried to sit us on a sofa arrangement (3 together in a U shape) with a bunch of Indians. I don’t fucking think so!

We sat elsewhere. Stickman was right… these Indians are the future. That is, if the future is a bunch of Indian chaps screwing up 20bht notes and chucking them at the dancing girls. Of course, the girls doing their bit and dancing for their food. It’s a damn shame.

There was a time when I used to chuck 1000’s over the dance floor. That was back in the day when girls were not covered in tattoo’s, piercings, fake dental braces and didn’t have a Samsung Notepad shoved down their bra.
– simpler times.

Now – I just cant be bothered as these places / people are just not the same anymore.

Drink up and head to BillBoard.

Wow. Amazing line up. The place (as usual) was absolutely packed. I think they could do with a refit. Get a bar designer in there to sort out the seating plan. The seating at the sides and up in the rafters – are all too far away from the action. I still think Tilac on Soi Cowboy has a great set-up that wherever you are – you are in reach of something. Unlike BillBoard.

After chucking my slice of lime and drinking up, Bubba had to head home to something called ‘a wife and kids’.

I headed along soi 4 to a bar I still don’t know the name of. I did ask a girl and she pointed at the window decal that said ‘Beer Here’… although I really don’t think that is the official name.

The bar is next to Golden Bar (Melody UK) and opposite the Die-Nasty Inn hotel. Great little spot for people watching.

The term ‘people watching’ is great. As you can’t get in trouble for miss-gendering someone. The more I see in the news about some bloke who ‘identifies’ as a woman gets upset because someone called them a man – the more I think that Thailand has the right attitude. No one gives a shit.

It’s only the Western world that gets a over-dramatic about it. Fools.

At what point are Aerosmith going to be hauled up in court and ruined because they released a song called ‘dude looks like a lady’? Surely there must be loads of people in the U.S that are in tears after hearing that?

I must move on… as that is a rant for another website……

Anyway, this bar ‘Beer Here’ is only small and has a live band. This band can easily murder any song you suggest to them. I first thought it was a Karaoke, but it turned out the Thai guy singing – might actually well be getting paid to do so. Whatever he is getting paid, it’s too much. When he asked for requests, I repeatedly requested him to take a break. He was shocking.

Time to head back to the hotel room and get my head down.

Day 2

Up bright and early. No hangover. Thought I’d venture to Hanranhans or whatever it’s called now?

It’s only a 5 min walk… if you ignore all the Thai guys standing next to a taxi saying ‘taxi’. Or the Tuk-Tuk guys that pull up along side you and say ‘tuk-tuk’. Assholes.

This was where my new little pass-time was born. (and I HAVE done this)….

Stand at the side of the road with your suitcase. When a taxi pulls up and says ‘Taxi…. airport’…. look at him for a second, then look away and say ‘No’. See how they fucking like it.

A big ‘fuck you’ to every taxi who has ever refused a fare when I/we have tried to go somewhere. Seriously, try it. It’s hilarious. Miss Tim gets mad at me when I do it – as she thinks one of them will come at with with a bat. I hope they do. I’ll get medieval on them.

So there we were, in Hanrahans… Food is typical English/Irish pub grub. Not bad.

As we sat there chowing down – 4 Scousers came in. Three blokes and a kid. All fine and well… until the Scouser asked for a kids menu. The service girl said they don’t have one, which absolutely confused the Scouser. He ranted to anyone that would listen (the service girl walked off) that there was no kids menu. I wanted to go over to him and explain that he is in a bar, in soi 4, in Bangkok which is one of the most well known red-light districts in the world, and he is wondering why they don’t have kids menus?

It’s not just me is it?

When in Bangkok, I like to have a little mooch around T21. There are a few people in Bangkok/and visiting who I hope to ‘bump’ into at some point. It’s rare they’d be on the streets of soi 4 – as that would involve them having to spend money. So I live in hope that I’ll one day ;bump’ into them while they’re out window shopping.

No such luck.. but their time will come.

Night 2

Back to the hotel for a refresh and then to soi 8 to meet up with my old pal PRP for food. Viva. Not a bad little spot. Food wasn’t bad and drinks reasonably priced (I think?). Soi 8 is becoming quite trendy these days and has a good little buzz to it. Not so many packs of Chinese and Indians either. – hmm… did I actually experience something I enjoyed in Bangkok?

After dinner we headed to the little spot from yesterday. ‘Beer Here’ or whatever it’s called?

I checked on Trip Liar to see if I could find the name. I used the Map function to find it. It’s not there. What is there though – is the soi where the old Mango bar used to be. Spookily – it’s named (on the map) ‘Soi Mango’!

How did that happen?! Odd….. but cool!

Opposite ‘Soi Mango’ was a few girls standing on the path – offering their services. Nothing new there. However, one of the ladies of the night was of Middle Eastern origin. I am told (by PRP) she is Iranian. She had a large nose and huge eyebrows. Dressed in an all black Chador. A very odd sight to see in Soi 4 for sure. As we walked past – she did try and talk to us and asked us how we were.

We arrived at ‘Beer Here’, took the stools facing the street and commenced with the watching of people. And when I say people, I am referring to all the weird freaks, morons, wankers and arseholes that scuttle down soi 4.

I have no words….

The place really is a shithole full of the dregs of the planet. It’s certainly not the same place as I once lived for 10 years.

There are so many people which would make the world a better place if they were not in it.

Don’t step on his Pink Suede shoes…

The Indians wearing weird shiny clothing? The dude wearing bright pink sneakers? There was a guy with a bunch of Buddhas dangling from his neck… (clearly not a Thai), there were loads of Muslims (what are they doing there?) and not to mention the gaggle of ladyboys trying to sell whatever services they can sell.

For those of you who remember (and lost mobile phones at) ‘soi katoey’ on sukhumvit road – (between soi 4 and the Landmark Hotel) you’ll remember the LB’s would use the Subway deli to apply their makeup and shave their chins. They were always in and out. Well, this seems to be what’s now happening at the Die-Nasty Inn on soi 4.

We saw many LB’s going in and out of the lobby. There must be a ‘deal’ in place?

PRP and I spent the next few hours laughing, pointing, photographing and at times shouting abuse at people. Every time we saw some asshole with a camera phone or GoPro walking along the road and filming it – we stuck our fingers up. We did this for hours.

At ‘Beer Here’ the Karaoke singer was back, murdering every song he knew. The drinks were messed up only a few times and I only saw 2 Limes appear in my drink. It was a success.

It was time to head off. We were drunk and becoming less capable of defending ourselves if we had gotten into a fight. Time to head back to the hotel.

Day 3

Up bright and early the next day….. we trotted off to soi 4. Chequres! I used to like the breakfast there.

Sat at the bar outside – it became apparent that this bar is popular with fat old bastards – as the stools were all bent forward, making us slip off them. The big table behind us was taken up by some fat old bastard shoveling god knows what down his throat.

Breakfast came and went. It was average at best. Not how I remembered it. Nothing ever is these days.

Soi 4 cut a pretty poor sight in daylight. The bar called ‘Beer Here’ was hanging out their beer mats for drying – and the staff were wiping down tables. The sign on the door says it opens at 10, but this is Thailand and Thai staff are absolutely fucking useless. It was now 10:30 and they were still getting ready to open. To a Thai, if they open at 10 – that means they arrive for work at 10, then stuff their faces and then start (slowly) doing something.

That’s it… I’d had enough of this hole. Called up my driver and told him to pick me up from the hotel in 30 mins.

Back to Hua Hin – full speed ahead.

So did I have fun? I will not say it was fun. I would say I amused myself by making fun of all the riff-raff and freaks that crossed my path.

I had business to attend in Hua Hin. An Estate Agent had got in touch with a house for me to look at. And as we know, I only ever have good things to say about the people working in the Real Estate industry.

I am sure this will go well.

Bored in Thailand.

Updates have been pretty thin on the ground lately – as there is nothing to update on.   What can I whinge about that I have not already whinged about?

Driving – still sucks arse.  Thai’s still can’t drive for shit, nothing new there.

Service – is still shit.   Drinks are still messed up and food never arrives when it should.

Real Estate – still a load of shit.  Websites still advertising houses which are not available and offering you houses you have no interest in.

Ex-Pats – still a bunch of freeloading wasters full of shit.

… I think you get the message.  I have not changed my mind on Thailand.     I thought a break from the Land of fake Smiles would do me good so I went to the UK for a few weeks – and had a great time.

I drove on good roads, I didn’t nearly die when on my motorbike.   I got good service in restaurants and  not once was I given the wrong drink or asked repeatedly what I wanted to drink.   It was a good time.

But no one wants to hear about that.  No one is interested in my recent purchase of my Aprilia RS250, or the new gearbox in my Esprit Turbo.

My interests have changed (slightly).   I used to look forward to coming to Thailand.  To going out, hitting the bars and restaurants.  Meeting up with the people here and chatting with the girls.

Can’t say I feel like this anymore.  I now look forward to going anywhere else.  Dubai, UK and even Iraq are more interesting for me now.

And as I said, no one is interested in that.    So I feel the time has come to hang up my gloves and give up trying to think of things to report on.  There is only so many ways I can say I am bored with Thailand.   Plus, my web-hoster I.T nerd seems to be having problems with his Servers and every few weeks I get emails from people saying the site is down.  Really, I can’t be arsed with this anymore.

I am working on my eventual move from Thailand.  But to where?  I could move to the UK – which is going to happen eventually, but maybe somewhere else is on the cards before that?

Today I am heading to Bangkok for a few days.  I am hoping to bump into some old faces.  Old faces that I am not exactly fond of.  Some old faces that deserve a slap.

Who knows,  maybe I’ll find a new lease of life this week?  Doubt it…

So I’ll just think about the final few posts…. maybe I’ll do a ‘tell-tale’ on all the old goings on?  Maybe not.

 

 

Little update…. nothing much going on….

Doesn’t time fly? It’s been a little while since I gave a little update…. So what’s going?

Well, it’s almost a year since I moved into my current house. Time to move again. The original plan was that this house was to be the last house I rented in Thailand before moving back to the UK. But plans change.

I have decided to give it another year (or so). That being the case, I need to move to another house as I don’t like the one I am in.

I found one online, contacted the agent and asked for details. I should have known that the house I was interested was not available – however, one a little bit more expensive is… that’s how they get you.

Every bloody year the same thing. This is why I have Miss Tim deal with them as I am liable to offend people.

The other house offered to us was pretty nice. Brand new, nice pool, good price. Very nice… take my money. Hang on, not so fast.

The house looked great in the picture. See for yourself. But what the photo doesn’t show is that it’s the only house on the site. The building site. It doesn’t show the make-shift hut which all the Construction workers live in and it certainly doesn’t show the ‘dirt track’ which they are passing off as a road.

Lying bastards…..

Why oh why do Real Estate Agents never give the full story? Do they not realize that NO ONE will want the property when they see it? It’s different if they declared all that – and then someone went to see it. They would have all the info and still interested. Sorry.. but if you are a Thai Real Estate Agent.. then you are a thick twat.

I’ve a few to look at in a few weeks. The main criteria is I need high walls so my mad cats don’t escape. Then again, that might be better than the little bastards ripping my sofas to shreds.

Moving on…..

Currently I am in the UK. The weather is fantastic. I came back to sort some cars and bikes out. Each year I have to turn the wheels, start them up and wipe the cobwebs off them. One day, I’ll get to drive and ride them.

Noting much else going on… except a bit of a session next week. I’ve called up my peoples and Jonas is hopping on a plane to join in for the weekend. Should be a good one. Watch this space.

Speaking of Jonas, we are currently in talks about my Route 66 trip. I explained to my pals that riding on a bike for 3 weeks – means we’re going to have to pack all our shit in saddlebags and wear the same pair of pants for weeks. Not really something I am excited about. So…… we’re thinking Jonas following in a pick-up truck might be just what we need.

Another 10 days in the (sunny) UK until heading back to Hua Hin. Stopping by Bangkok for a night – maybe.

I think a trip to Pattaya is on the cards in a few weeks time….

A night out in Bangkok……

After a few weeks in Hua Hin…. Getting bored out of my skull – I headed off to Bangkok for a few days to catch up with some pals. But mainly, I wanted to get my shoes (trainers) cleaned on soi 4.

Booked in at the Radisson Suites. It looked o.k on the pictures. They all do.

Looked o.k.. from the outside.

I had booked a room and paid for it a few days in advance. We turned up at the check-in desk at 3pm expecting a speedy process. Silly me. This is Thailand after all. Most top hotels just require a signature and that’s it… you’re on your way. I arrived at the Radisson and was asked to complete a form that was half filled in. Only problem, the info on the form was not my info. It had my name, but the address, phone numbers, email… all someone else’s. So they gave me a blank form to fill in.

I explained that I had already provided all this information when I booked/paid for the room. So was just told to sign the bottom and they’d fill it all in.

I was then asked if I want a smoking or non-smoking room. I replied that I booked a non-smoking, so would like a non-smoking.

Then the apologies came. Sorry sir, the room is not ready yet, house-keeping are just cleaning it. Which actually means housekeeping will be called in a minute and sent to the room to clean it.

A good house-keeping crew can turn a room around in 10 minutes easy.

So, we were sent to the bar to claim some complimentary drinks. We were not too put out. The bar was fairly trendy and we were given free booze. We were not in a rush so were not too bothered. Delays I can deal with. Incompetence I get pissed off with.

Fifteen mins later the reception man came over with a key card and gave it to us. Close behind was the Porter chap who offered to take our bags to the room and ran off with my key card promising to return in a few minutes.

Five mins later the Reception man came over saying he’d given us the wrong room and needed the key card back. I explained the Porter had already run off so he’d better go track him (and my bags) down.

Thirty mins after check-in we were finally at the room. Outside the room was a load of drilling going on in a service door hatch. The Porter apologised for the noise and said it’d be done by 5pm. I am not a complete asshole. I understand that maintenance/repairs need carrying out and it’s better to do during the day than at night. So I can accept that.

Not a bad 1 bedroom suite – but I did notice there were a load of paint chips off the kitchen cupboards. This really makes the room look shoddy.

In the office/study area the desk lamp was blown. Again, it’s the small things that let a nice place down.

Thought I’d have a nap.. but there was a lot of noise. The main noise sounded like the huge aircon in the lounge. It sounded like a small aircraft. It was on ‘low’ so I couldn’t get it any quieter.
Nap plans scrapped I headed out. Outside the door was a small industrial blow dryer. That was the noise. Work may have stopped around 5.. but this bloody machine was on full steam ahead. I am guessing there was a water leak?

Can’t say I was impressed.

Looking at the doorway/carpet to my room – I can’t help but think 5 Star quality is not what it used to be?

Into Soi 4. I wanted my sneaks cleaned so headed for Hooters. Great location to grab the street vendors – or for them to grab you.

Hooters was rammed so we went directly opposite to K&S Bar. Still shit. This place is just horrible.
For some mad reason on a Friday afternoon, they were blasting some techno crap music through the speakers. Surely this isn’t what people want?

I sent my first drink back and asked them to serve it in tall glass as their Tumblers were more like Ladydrink glasses. The place is just horrid. As soon as we spied some available seats opposite in Hooters we made a dash for it.

Why did I bother? Hooters is a complete rip off. Service is shite. The only reason we went there was to get a shoe-cleaner. I think I can honestly say that every time I have been in Hooters, I have been offered a shoe shine. Not this time. Shit, I couldn’t even get offered a drink.

Probably why we couldn’t get served?

After waving our arms int her air, waving them like we just don’t care – the SECURITY GUARD came over and took our drinks order. I kid you not. The girls were too busy doing fuck all – being given a motivational talk by a senior member of staff – while everyone waited to be served.

Sod this, I’ll just buy new trainers. One drink and out the door, making a point of giving 100bht to the Security Guard for showing some initiative.

Next up was some little bar on the corner – opposite Chequres. Can’t remember the name. They had street-side stools so we had a few in there. It’s not a bad place to hang out. It’s small enough not to be packed with arseholes.

More drinks and more waiting for a bloody shoe-shine kid.

An ex-Pretty Lady girl came over. Must be 10 years since she left the pole. She remembered me. I’d like to say I remember her – but let’s be honest, they all look the same.

She tried to Massage my back which I absolutely hate. Had to tell her I had sunburn to get her to stop.

Not wanting to make small talk with her – we headed to the new Hillary Bar. Absolutely packed. Live music on the menu as always. Not really my thing.

Nice bar. It’s a better feel than the Hilary 2 – which is mainly full of riff-raff power drinkers thinking that playing pool makes them look attractive to all the girls. (it doesn’t).

Time was getting on and after much drinking the natural gravitational pull to the Nana Plaza kicked in.
Where to go? Well, we have come to the conclusion that one of the best places to have a beer in the Plaza is in the beer garden slap bang in the middle. Great 360 degree views.

I think one of the best places to take in the Plaza.

We were in the Plaza…. Might aswell go to a gogo. Pretty Lady (or whatever it’s called now?) was closest. The place is huge. Too huge. Half empty and if I remember right, they had the lights off in the empty section. The girls were far from Pretty. I can only assume it’s now called Ugly Pigs?
One drink and out the door we ran. I can’t see me going back there in a hurry. Or ever.

Up the stairs into BillBoard. Holy crap. There really is no point in going to any other bar in the Plaza. If you were to get a girl from any other bar – and then visit BillBoard, you’d be gutted. Seriously, I have never seen a gogo with so many stunning girls. It was like a party at the house of Vincent Chase (google it)

I don’t know the barfines and I don’t know the prices… but whatever it is.. I am sure it’s worth it.

As all those avenues of pleasure were closed off to me – I headed back to the Hotel. I was wasted.

By the time I got back to the room, sat on the bed and looked down at my feet. Sod it.. I still didn’t get my trainers cleaned.

Typical bloody Thai…

Last night I went to Bangkok to watch Jim Jefferies stand up show. He is one of the few comedians I like these days.

I left Hua Hin around 1pm – straight to soi 4 to wait for some pals.

I had an hour to kill so went to HOOTERS – hoping I would see one of the shoe-shine people as I wanted my trainers cleaned. This is the 3rd time I have been to soi 4 now and not seen the shoe-shine people. Plenty of flowers, fake iPhones and sunglasses – but no shoe-shines. What’s the world coming to?

While in HOOTERS I had a bit of chicken which what absolute shite. They also missed off one of my orders. The service in there is really crap. The food is horrid and the drinks are way over-priced. The only reason I go in there is because of the location. Not anymore. You’d have to pay me to go in there now. Utter shite.

Off we went to Big Dogs. It’s so much better now they’ve renovated. I had a vodka and as per usual, had it served in a pathetic lady-drink tumbler. After 30 seconds it was gone – so ordered another but asked for a tall glass. When the fat ugly trog delivered the drink, it was Bacardi and coke. Even though the previous drink on the bill showed Vodka, for some reason the thick cow gave me Bacardi.

I told her I wanted Vodka. She started gobbing off saying she’d go get me a new drink but could she have the Bacardi?!! So she gets my drink wrong and then thinks I should pay for it and give it to her as some kind of reward? I told her to ram it – but one of the lads just said if you drink that – make sure you drink it on another table and stay away from us. I had to find my happy place, as I was getting mad.

Off to Siam Square to see the show. It was pretty good. He is funny. As with all Comedians, there are Hecklers. For some reason Hecklers thing they’re funny but rarely get a laugh and just embarrass themselves.

There was one girl who shouted something out at Jim – so he engaged is a bit of dialog. He asked why she wasn’t at work shooting ping-pong balls out of her box – to which she replied ‘its my night off’.

This did managed to raise a laugh… so Jim went further.. ‘What is it you do for a living’. Fair enough question. She replied ‘pay me and I will tell you’. “PAY ME”? Bloody PAY ME? I actually felt embarrassed. A theater full of expats and this Thai basically just confirmed the stereo-type of all Thai girls. ‘Pay me and I will tell you’? What on earth was she thinking?

By 10pm it was over – and back to Nana for a few drinks before going home to HH.

Forget Sickmans reports from afar that the bars are empty – the place was heaving. Couldn’t be arsed with walking all down the soi looking for a table so ducked into Melody UK (now called Golden Bar)

There was a few tables available, probably because all the staff were absolute monsters. Some were playing pool with various punters. Each time a girl potted a ball, they’d all scream. That was enough to get us to pay up and leave.

The lads went onto Soi 31 area. I called my driver and asked him to meet me 2 hours earlier than arranged. I had my fill of Bangkok/Soi 4 / Thai girls.

Whilst waiting at the entrance of Nana Carpark for my driver, I found myself surrounded my middle-eastern wankers. A group of about 6 sweaty, smelly bearded assholes. They were generally making a nuisance of themselves, not moving out the way when people were trying to walk past. They were not trying to do a ‘deal’ with some girls in Nana. It was obvious they were not making the best pitch to the girls as they kept walking away – leaving these scumbags getting more annoyed.

If I had Jonas with me – I’d have gladly picked a fight with all of them. As I was on my own and didn’t want to get anymore dirt (blood) on my shoes I just got in the car and left my woes behind.

Screw this place.

I have 2 large suitcases packed…heading to the UK soon.

Flank Bluno

‘Let me be Frank’

Is the name of the Former Heavy Weight Boxing Champion Frank Bruno’s book.   A book that big Frank signed for me last night at ‘evening with Frank’.

I am a boxing fan.  Although I must admit my interest has dropped off the last decade – when Mike Tyson lost his mojo.

I went to see Mike Tyson fight in Manchester in 2000.   It was awesome.

Last night was a different vibe.  Frank Bruno retired from boxing when he lost his Championship title to Mike Tyson 20 odd years ago.   Now, in his late 50’s,  big Frank is still a popular British sports personality and has enough interest to fill out a function room in the Intercontinental Hotel in Hua Hin in the middle of January.

Ten persons to a table… and limited to 8 tables.  A decent crowd.  Most people were holiday makers and some long term expats who I would have loved to have punched in boxing ring myself. More on that later..

To kick things off, everyone gathered in the gardens for drinks.  Big Frank arrived and worked the crowd, shaking hands and posing for photos.   I was genuinely impressed at how nice and polite he was.  Of course he is getting paid for it – but he really did put the work in.

I’m the one on the right

The night was a buffet dinner, a talk by Frank on the highlights of his career, an Auction of sporting memorabilia, a raffle and some Q&A with Frank and the guests.

Dinner was good.  It was a buffet – but it’s the Intercontinental.  Good quality and great service.  Lots of the guests were going up for second and third helpings.  I have a special place in my heart for these kinds of people.  Twats.

While Frank was sitting at his table… alone, I took the opportunity to ask him to sign a copy of his book that I have.  He did it happily.

Frank on stage.. went through a little script of his career and some of his personal struggles with Mental Health.   All of which is covered in his book in great detail.   Surprisingly,  he is pretty switched on.  And I say ‘surprisingly’ because the general public’s perception of Frank is that he is the arse end of the Pantomime horse.  That’s down to the garbage tabloid papers who dream up headlines and rubbish to sell papers.  Don’t believe he is a dummy.  He is a normal bloke and was pretty quick on his jokes.

After a drinks break – the Action started.  There were 5 pieces on offer.  All in nice display frames.

They probably wont even fit me.

Sugar Ray Leonard Shorts

Bruno signed glove.

Mike Tyson signed shorts

Glove signed by Mike Tyson & Anthony Joshua

Photo signed by some old footballers?

There is a reason the Auction is toward the end of the night – it’s so all the idiots get drunk on wine and go mad on the bidding.  Who on earth would want a pair of shorts which someone’s written their name on?   Fools.

The 1st item went for 30k…. the second for about 20k.    Then the Tyson shorts came up… 5…. 10…12…13.. then some idiot shouted out ’20 thousand’.    No more bids after that.

Then there was the Tyson & Joshua glove…  bidding kicked off at 5…7…9…12..15…20….25… then the fool who bought the shorts won the glove for 30 thousand.

Can’t remember what the Footy thing went for.  Can’t say I was interested.

Another session with Frank on the stage answering questions.   Everyone being respectful and paying attention – except for the table next to ours.  Some horrid ‘middle-eastern’ old bastard was talking to his missus.  And when I say ‘missus’.. I mean a pig ugly ladyboy who had a nose bigger than Brunos.  They were horrible and totally disrespectful.   I gave it a big ‘ssssshhhhhhhh’ and a death stare – and they finally shut their fat ugly faces.

Questions from the floor…   the usual questions came up… ‘who do you think the inspirations for kids is today’…..  ‘who was your toughest opponents’ etc…..   then it was my turn, wanting to make things a little lighter.   I asked ‘Frank, when you were in the hospital, your emotions running high and the doctors telling you to take their cocktail of drugs which you didn’t want…. Did you ever tell them ‘make me!’

Let’s face it… he’s a big fella.  I can’t see how anyone could make him do something he didn’t want to do.  But he’s not daft.  He said he had to tow the line and play their game or he’d be seen as uncooperative – which is true.   But he saw where I was coming from and did say ‘I did tell them doctors to fuck off a few times’!   – And that was the only time he swore last night.

That was the end of the night…   and he stayed around to sign the backs of the Auction items and pose for a few more photos.

Couldn’t stop him writing over everything…

It was a really good night and for a boxing fan – it was thoroughly enjoyable. 

The night started around 18:30 and we left around 22:30.

I was then left with the problem of what on earth am I going to do with the memorabilia I had just won at auction.

Only the one glove then?

This year so far….

So what’s pissing me off so far this year?

1 week in – and I am already in a fit of rage this week….

  1. Twat Thai fools on motorcycles with no lights (at night).
  2. Twat Thai fools in cars or on bikes who stop on roundabouts?!
  3. Waiters/Waitresses who take my plate away immediately after I have put my knife and fork down. (fine when if i am dining on my own)
  4. Having my Appetizer served 20 mins AFTER the main course.
  5. Getting told off by Miss Tim for complaining all the time…

Had to laugh this week… as I walked through Hua Hin high street the other night, some Indian Tailor called out to me… this is how the conversation went

Annoying Indian Tailor:   “Hey my Brother…  good suit, top quality…. how are you”?

Me: “Poke your crap clothes up your arse”

Miss Tim:  “Why do you have to be so nasty.  Just walk away and ignore them, no need to be nasty”

Me: (with an innocent look on my face) “Ignore him?  That would be rude to ignore him… after all, he is my Brother “.

“Why am I here”?  Is a question I get asked a fair bit.  It’s a good question and one I ask myself a lot.   Fact is,  I am too lazy to do anything about it right now – and to be honest, no matter where I go – I am sure it’ll have it’s fair share of assholes there too.

This week I am going to look at clearing out my wardrobes of all the clothes that I have never worn,  books that I have never read and DVD’s that I have never watched.  I seem to have accumulated a lot of crap over the last 15 years – so want to have a tidy up so I can just walk (run) away with just a couple of suitcases when I do bugger off.

Will need to figure out what to do with them bloody cats also.

Why should I care?

Meanwhile in Hua HIn.. weather has been crap.  I was heading to Pattaya but the weather there is crap too.

I’ll do Pattaya next week.  This week we’ll head to Bangkok. Wednesday to Saturday me thinks.   Hotels?  Looking online,  I see a list of hotels which can all be filtered/sorted by Price, Stars, Popularity etc… I can’t see any filters showing ‘number of Chinese and Indians’..   Now that WOULD be a useful tool.   Landmark Hotel it is then….

Carry on…..

 

 

Holiday over….back to work…

Hua Hin is currently packed.  I’ve never seen so many Scandos.  They are now outnumbering the Chinese.

The other night we avoided the town and headed to some bars which are off the beaten track – near Aums Restaurant.  (Aum used to work at the Mango with her pal Yo)

The little bars we  visted all seemed to be a shop unit with some chairs, tables, a bar and a fridge.   Sorry – but for me, they just don’t have the bar ‘feel’.  More like hanging out in someones garage.   All owned by an old expat and his young(ish) Thai wife – ‘living the dream’.

The customers I met were all of a similar type.  I got the feeling they were waiting on new faces to enter the bar – so they could tell their stories thinking I’d be impressed – thus giving them them the confirmation they were looking for, to convince themselves they are living the dream also.

Sorry,  but I am not one to play Top Trumps with.

The 1st couple I met were quick to tell me they had been living here a few years now.  They spend most of their time hanging out around the little bars on the outskirts of town (cheaper) and tell me how much they like the people and the food etc.

That’s when I tell them I have been here 15 years and am sick of all this shit.  The food isn’t that good, the Thai’s hate us and everything here is shit.

I do like to cheer people up!

One of my favorite example scenarios is asking them how many times they have seen an Ambulance – stuck in traffic?  No one giving a rats about the Ambulance with it’s lights on and going nowhere because no one lets them through.  Now imagine they are in the back of it suffering a heart attack.  Or worse – it’s on it’s way to you having suffered a heart attack.

Tourists only see the all the nice things Thailand has to offer.  Short-term expats ignore all the problems that come with living in Thailand and the long-term expats try and convince everyone they have adapted to Thai life and they embrace it.  They may even wear a little Buddha around their necks to convince you.

Let’s be honest – if you live here for more than 10 years and you accept the Thai way of life – then you’re an idiot.  You have sub-standards and hang around in crappy bars waiting for them to bring out the balloons so you can get a free feeding of deep fried shite.   Most probably the bar is called ‘Lek Bar’.

These are the people I am seeing a lot of.

One of the bar owners was trying to convince me that he was living the dream – running a bar – when in actual fact, all he had done was financed his wife’s little business and sits at a table each night drinking beer with other old cronies.

Trying to impress – the guy boasts how he came to Thailand a few years ago  to open a bar in his mid-60’s.    Yes pal, been there, done that.  Did that in Bangkok when I was 30.  What else you got?

So it’s safe to say I don’t mix well with others.    When you are a Tourist, you like mixing with residents – to gain a little of their knowledge.  I personally prefer to mix with tourists who have not yet realised that Thailand isn’t the best place on the planet and sure as shit isn’t the Land of Smiles they think it is.

Why am I being so grumpy today?  Well, apart from it pissing down with rain, last night we were at a restaurant where once again, as soon as I had put my knife and fork down, they tried to take away my plate – still with food on it.  It didn’t matter that Miss Tim was still half-way through her food.

The previous night our Appetisers arrived 30 minutes AFTER our main course?!  And just a (fake) smile and an apology.

On the way home – I had to stop on the main road as a sea of traffic was crossing.  It was my right of way and there was no traffic behind me.  The vehicles didn’t think to let the person who has right of way pass – as there was nothing behind me anyway, so they’d not have been slowed down.

And then there was the roundabout which people had stopped on to let traffic enter.  I found myself shouting at these idiots to keep moving and stop being fucking idiots.  Only to get a slap from Miss Tim for being so angry.   Does she not realise it’s twats like these who don’t know how to drive that cause accidents.   And as we know, the Ambulance will not be able to get to the scene of that accident as no drivers give way to them.

Miss Tim has a friend who saved up a bit of cash.  Not a lot… about 50k (bht).   As this is a good chunk of change to a Thai – they’d get the urge too gamble or drink it.  So she did what she thought was right and put a down payment on a car – with monthly payments for the rest of her life.

All well and good, but in the first 2 weeks of ownership she has crashed it twice.  Only minor – but still crashes.  Front a rear are dented and the car she hit was paid off with 10k.  The person she crashed into preferring to keep the money and the dents.

Why am I talking about this?  Well, her pal can’t drive.  She has never driven before.  She has no licence.  She has insurance – but I would question the validity of that – seeing as she can’t drive.   According to her, if you crash, you just give your friends name as the driver and everything is fine.   And this is how Thai’s think.

So if she runs some poor bastard (like me) over – with my spine wrapped around the rear axle, I am sure everything will be fine.  She’ll just phone a friend and her insurance will pay for my new wheelchair.

I am sure that insurance companies here could get out of 99% of their claims if they were to investigate.  Shit, in the UK, I pay 1000’s a year on vehicles which are kept in storage, have to have CCTV, fixed mileage, alarmed, tracked and big heavy chains securing them.  And have to prove all of this before they would even entertain paying out if one were stolen or exploded.

Here in Thailand.. you can walk into a showroom, put a 1000 bucks down on a new car and drive it off.  No license, no problem!

Of course, if you’re a Tourist, you’d never think about it.  If you’re a short-term expat, you’d pretend it doesn’t happen that often.  If you’re a long-term expat, you are probably paying the money for your girl to go and do the same.

I was supposed to be heading off to Pattaya this week – but it’s going to be pissing down until next week.  Which means the Ferry won’t be operating.  Of course, they’ll still take your money – but wont set sail.

No,  I’ll just sit here… and wish I was back at work with most other people.  Thailand right now, in the rain, people are assholes….  it’s shit.

Should have stayed a tourist.

 

 

 

 

Happy New Year!

Another year done…  looking forward to the next.. blah blah blah….  who gives a rats?

For me, every year is the same.  I’ve not had a bad year since 1991 when I crashed my moped.  Stupid diesel on the road.

The reason that springs to mind is because last night my year was almost ruined as I nearly crashed my little scooter.

Riding a long there was a bike in front.  Two people, no helmets and no lights.  As we approached an intersection there was a Police stop-check and this asshole on a bike infront slammed his brakes on and performed an immediate U-Turn right infront of me.  I managed to slam my brakes on in  time and avoided him – multi-tasking as I called him every name under the sun and blasted my horn at them. Assholes.  I would have love to have given chase and punched their fucking lights out.

A constant reminder of how dangerous the roads are here, and how much the people are fucking idiots.

So yeah,  2019 I will start my plan on heading back to the UK.  I’ve been stock-piling cars, motorbikes and big warm coats.  I live in a pretty cool place where I live in the City – so am looking forward to spending time in a place I bought 10 years ago – but have spent less than a year in.   Time to move.

For all you people looking to come to Thailand wanting to live the dream…  remember,  sooner or later you’ll wake up from your dream.

Hopefully tonight will be the last NYE I have in Thailand.  At least the last time I have a NYE here where I go home after and not back to a hotel.  I am sure I’ll come back for holidays. Maybe.

Hitting the town tonight.  Usual places.. usual people.   I’ve been home only a few days and am already struggling to think of things to keep myself entertained.

Bangkok and Pattaya next week me thinks….

Happy New Year!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Next year for me – I am thinking will be my last year in Thailand.  I am finding in increasingly more difficult to enjoy myself here these days.

 

 

 

 

Home again… Christmas is all over.

I have just left work for the next 4 weeks. Can’t say it was very ‘festive’ at work – but that was down to me being a miserable bastard. Our Iraqi colleagues made a great effort in making things festive for us.

All the expats brought in ‘stuff’ for Christmas and laid it out on the Conference room table for us all to gather round in the afternoon. Obviously there was no one coordinating this – as we ended up with about 30 blocks of cheese, 20 Chorizo sausages and some crackers. Still… it’s the thought that counts.

When you’re at home – tv or Christmas music on, a glass of sherry in hand, stupid hat on etc… it’s an easy time, standing around chatting to friends/family.. but when you’re at work, grabbing a chunk of cheese and a glob of chutney whilst talking about Technical Bid Evaluations is about as good as it’s going to get. Still, there is always next year.

But don’t go feeling sorry for me too much. It’s not like I do this for free. I may have missed Christmas – but will not miss buying myself a Christmas Present. I just need to figure out where I am going to park it.

The plane ride home was o.k.. via Doha this time. The airport lounge is pretty good and not busy. Just like every other airport lounge, the food is crap.

On board, there is no longer a 1st-Class. I guess they realized it’s a waste of cash as who in their right mind would pay for that? Most people in 1st are there because they have to use up some airmiles or they got a free upgrade as the cheap seats were full and people got bumped up to Business and Business got bumped upto First.

Flights at the moment are pretty expensive. Which is probably why the plane was empty? I am sure there were still the half million Chinese at the back of the plane – one of them carrying a flag.

Just how I like it….

When we landed – the airport was empty. From leaving the plane to being in the car driving home was no more than 15 mins! Amazing. I didn’t even bother with the Premium Immigration as the one person who works there was not going to get through as many as the 10 immigration officials in the normal line. – Which was empty.

Only took 2.5 hours to get from the Airport to Hua Hin this morning. Home by 06:30 – no traffic.

So far so good. A lazy day to relax – and then head out tonight on the lash with Miss Tim.

Of course… my trips always start off well. Then go down hill fast. So this might be the happiest post you see here for the next month.

Fingers crossed.